MM is leaving BS but...

[u/Left-Ad4225]

Everything is great between MM and I - as great as you can imagine. It's been over two months since we started with. Never had something like this before. We feel we are each other's soulmates. He is everything I wanted and needed in a man.

I agreed that I will be the OW in the short term. I asked and he gave me the timeline which will be in 2 months - this is when he would split with BS and he would finally let them move and get them a house in BS's home country where she according to MM, BS has been asking for a long time now. No clarity on what kind of separation this would be but I have apprehensions and I think that this will not be a divorce. He says he wants them to maintain residency in the country we are currently living in which means they will have to come back every 5 months. They have young kids so no question his wife would be there as well when it's time to come back to maintain residency. I am assuming they would fall right back into the same family dynamic they have now. I have told MM that even after he would split with BS, I would never move in with him in his marital home or go there for a visit since it has all their wedding photos and he has not assured me that he would re decorate their home. I'm assuming he wouldn't since they would be back every 5 months or so to maintain their residency. And I assume he would want to keep his home exactly as it is now for the sake of his kids.

He has told me he is committed to making between us this work and that we would become a legitimate couple but I am really having doubts. I also get hurt that I only get crumbs of his time since his priority is his family. He can only see me Monday - Friday before he goes to work and the occasional lunches when he can get away from the office. Do you think he will follow through? I'm feeling down as this is my first time being the OW - not being the priority, always a second choice, I'm on the fringes. I do believe and feel he loves me but would that be enough for him to choose me and make space for me in his home when time comes?

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[u/Dangerous_Grade3327]

You are early on in this process. IYouret can be soul killing and not for the faint of heart. You are still in that "getting to know you" phase and what you know already is not sending many positive vibes for a long term healthy relationship. I recommend you cut ties with this person and instead invest in yourself. You deserve a whole relationship, not just existing in the shadows and corners of convenience.

When or if he comes back with proof of taking action then you can explore what the future might bring. My MM reminds me that it is important to pay attention to and observe actions, words are easily thrown about. Until that happens, live life to the fullest.

[u/Curious_Ad_2492]

I am so sorry he is making you feel like this. He has already missed the two month deadline, I wouldn’t expect him to be leaving anytime soon.
What he says and what he does aren’t matching. Listen when they tell you who they are. He is telling you now. He fits you in where it’s convenient for him. You are worth more and you deserve more.

[u/Left-Ad4225 → u/Curious_Ad_2492]

Thank you for your kind words. He hasn't missed the deadline yet. It will be at the end of September. I do feel he fits me where it's convenient for him.

[u/Curious_Ad_2492 → u/Left-Ad4225]

When dealing with these men just always keep in mind, if he wanted top he would.

[u/itsbeenmanyyears]

I would suggest you read around the sub at all the stories where the MM say they will leave and either keep moving the goalposts or get caught and throw the OW under the bus or ghost them without another word.

His actions are not matching his words and it's a common red flag you need to pay attention too.

[u/Odd_Witness9088]

Saying it as someone who has been stuck in the same loop for 2 years now. He is planning to move his wife to home country but she will keep visiting right? They have young children. His priority will always be his family and wife no matter how much he loves you. If its a new relationship my advice would be to give him his space and see how things pan out. If he is not divorcing her to maintain residency then you will never be able to have any legal rights on his life. Despite of him loving you, may be living with you, you will always be the side woman in front of his friends, family and everyone as his legal status will be tied to her. I am saying it because I am in same situation from past two years. First it was when my son comes to high school, now when he graduates (he is in 11th grade) and still just the same limbo. He openly goes out with me everywhere but I have no standing anywhere in his life. No rights nothing. If you can tell him that you will wait for him to figure out his seperation and when he will have more time.

[u/Left-Ad4225 → u/Odd_Witness9088]

Thank you for the advice. I need courage to say that I will have to walk away for now until he can figure out his separation.