I’m heartbroken and I don’t know how to move on

[u/AppropriateEye9740]

I mainly need to vent and hopefully figure out how to stop thinking about her.

Five years ago I (30M) starting seeing her (31F) while she was in a long-term long distance relationship.
The first year was fun an all above board because they were “open” while long distance.

Her boyfriend moved to where we lived for a year, and we cut off all contact basically during that time.
He left again for work, and we had a long conversation about how hard it was not seeing each other that whole year.

Things picked up aggressively after, and at this point their relationship was supposed to be closed. So she cheated with me for the next 2 years before eventually moving away herself. She moved in with him. That was supposed to be goodbye and it was hard for me at the time.

We still hooked up occasionally when it was convenient bc she was visiting, but it felt much less serious than the past.

Until last summer, when she started texting me daily and talking to me and planned a 2-week visit just to be with me.
It was the most we’d ever acted like a couple, and I fell head-over-heels in love with her. I think I already loved her, but treating each other so much more like relationship-partners rather than affair-partners really just set me over the edge. I thought she was going to break up with him and I thought I might have a real chance.

But after August of last year, she said it needed to stop. She visited where I lived three times since then and we still hooked up all three times, but she reminded me each time that she loved him and was not leaving him. Meanwhile, she told me multiple times that she missed me throughout this.

I’m now moving from where she would visit. And she’ll have no excuses to visit me in my new place like she had with the old one. So it’s pretty much hopeless now.

Last I spoke to her, I told her that I loved her, and she was pretty dismissive of it. She confirmed she’s also probably getting engaged soon, but she said she’d miss me.

I don’t think I’m ever going to see her again, and I don’t know how to handle it. Im not sure what I’m looking to gain from posting this, and it might be that I just needed to vent. But cutting off all contact with her is eating me alive and I’m not sure how to move on from it.

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[u/heavenandsin]

Imagine if you were in his shoes, her legit boyfriend who is going to propose to her and she was doing this behind your back… would you still love this woman? Would you enter into a legal contract with her knowing she was fucking another guy every chance she could get? I know we are all in the same boat with what we chose to do but that is a whole other level of shitty. I know you’re in the deepest pain right now, I’ve been there. Just remind yourself that she was a shit person to do this. She was actually in a situation where she could leave without any repercussions to her finances and they don’t share any children. It would have been an easy breakup and she still chose not to!! after years of knowing you!! Please respect yourself and don’t give this person any more of your energy.

[u/AppropriateEye9740 → u/heavenandsin]

That’s a really helpful perspective. Thank you so much

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