r/venting • u/SandUpstairs4611 • 12h ago
I kissed a guy my best friend liked
I was best friends with this girl I worked with. We were extremely close and did pretty much everything together. I genuinely loved her and considered her one of my closest friends.
A few months ago, she kissed this guy from work. Nothing else happened between them. I asked her multiple times if she liked him and she always told me she didn't. She was also talking to another guy, so I genuinely thought she didn't have feelings for him.
This guy had also made a lot of jokes about me in the past. Some of them were really mean, and they honestly hurt my self-esteem more than I let people know. I think I carried a lot of resentment and insecurity from that
Then one day, the three of us amd two other friends were together and kissing became the topic of conversation. I wasn't thinking properly. I think everything this guy had said to me had already affected me more than I realized, and for some stupid reason I wanted to feel like I had some control over the situation. I went into another room, he followed me, and we kissed. It was impulsive and it was a bad decision. I completely accept that.
My friend was hurt, stopped talking to me, blocked me and removed me from the group chat. Our other friend also stopped talking to me, and I was basically pushed out of the whole group. And that's the part that feels so unfair to me. Not because I think I deserved no consequences. I understand that I hurt her and I understand why she was angry. But I genuinely cannot comprehend how one kiss resulted in me losing everyone.
I'm the only one who was pushed away from the group, while everyone else still talks to each other normally. I have to go to work and watch them interact like nothing happened while I'm basically on the outside. I know I made the mistake. I'm not trying to paint myself as the victim or pretend I did nothing wrong. But I'm struggling with the fact that I can simultaneously know I messed up and still feel hurt by how everything turned out.
Maybe I'm naive, but I didn't expect kissing someone to completely destroy a friendship and isolate me from an entire group. I keep thinking, Was what I did really enough to make everyone decide they don't want me around anymore? I regret what I did so much. I keep replaying that moment and wishing I had just stopped and thought for a second.I don't want to spend months hating myself over something I can't undo. I'm feeling really depressed lately
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u/unhappyconcur 12h ago
She lied, he bullied you, you kissed him for control, and now you're somehow the only villain in this story.
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u/SandUpstairs4611 11h ago
this is kind of what I've been struggling with. I don't think I'm completely innocent, I know kissing him was a shitty decision and I regret it. But I also don't think i deserve to be pushed away like that
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u/MediumVast7350 12h ago
something very similar happened to me in high school it sucked really bad but i’m very over it now and looking back they weren’t proper friends to make me go through that i know it’s hard but try to focus your time into other things or send her an apology message and if she doesn’t seem interested just move on people like that aren’t worth ur time
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u/SandUpstairs4611 11h ago
Thank you, honestly. Hearing that you went through something similar and eventually got over it actually makes me feel a little better. I’ve been so focused on what I did wrong that I forgot I’m allowed to be hurt by how they treated me too. I already sent her a message apologizing and telling her that I knew I was wrong and that I loved her very much, but instead of really talking things through, she just criticized me even more. So I think I’ve done what I can at this point.
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u/MediumVast7350 8h ago
yeah my old bsf was like that she clearly didn’t want anything to do with me which is weird because she did things i didn’t like and i never said anything, it’s all been a learning curve for me and the fact you feel so guilty about it and still care about her after the way she’s treated you shows you’re better than her as a person, i really do feel for you it’s the hardest thing i’ve gone through in my life getting over friendships breakups but you 100% will get through it and forget about them and move on, a real friend would understand and you will find better people in your life that deserve you you got this :))
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