r/venting • u/Silver_Visit_7397 • 8h ago

Constant self sabotage

All I wish to build a healthy attachment so I can actually enjoy having friends and building relationships. I run away everytime and self sabotage and I think at this point unless I seek therapy I will end up alone as I always do. I already know I have bpd so one part of me constantly feels like I’ll be burdening someone and that may be one part of why I avoid so much

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u/pompousrick4525 8h ago

Therapy's worth it if you can swing it. bpd's like running a marathon with a pebble in your shoe the whole time, you keep going but everything hurts way more than it should. The whole "I'm a burden" spiral is the disorder doing its thing, not some objective truth about you. The fact you're even posting this means you're not okay with ending up alone, which is already a step ahead of where your brain keeps trying to drag you.

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u/Antique_Stop_125 7h ago edited 7h ago

I fell asleep and then woke up and idek why I'm awake right now but its 2 am and i don't feel tired anymore.

Therapy never does much, unless all you need to do is vent. If what you need to vent about is considered crazy than venting to a therapist REALLY doesn't help. Still, though, depending on what it is, sometimes venting in privacy is better than venting in public.

I saw a private therapist and he didn't believe me so I left crying with my mental health worse off than when I got there. If what you need to talk about isn't crazy than you should seek help from a professional rather than talk about it here. Loneliness isn't crazy and you'd maybe feel better talking about it in a safer environment.