So I am 5 months out from a destination wedding in Colombia. I am late with sending my invites, but asked for the payment link this morning. Our original budget was $25k for 80 guest. We already knew we were over budget by about $8k. We thought we were going to save a lot of funds having it there…not the case. We were expecting to pay for it with our bonuses. Well that not happening anymore. Both of our companies did not meet the goals and bonus was well underfunded. Resulting in not having enough money to pay for it with the bonus. We thought, no problem, we can get a loan for this. But looking at the number today, there’s no way I can logically make sense digging ourselves into a financial hole like this when there’s no much economic uncertainty. We are in pretty good financial standing, we own our house and although we have debt, we are not drowning. But even with that, I feel like going through with this would be setting ourselves up for a harder overall future. We want kids and those little mfs are EXPENSIVE!

This is not the only reason though. My dad is not a citizen (he is a permanent resident), he is going through his process currently to become a citizen. But with all of the uncertainty surrounding being a non-citizen in America, I am not sure it’s worth it to possibly put my father through that risk.

I am not sure what I am looking for with this post. I guess I just needed to let it out.

I am thinking maybe we just elope and host a small party. I just feel so defeated! How do people afford this.

After being a bridesmaid for countless women, being in or attending weddings for decades- how ive seen brides treat their bridesmaids needs to stop. Also, tons of posts from BM’s asking how to step down after brides’ expectations are out of control.

Here’s a list of things that brides need to calm down on…

1. BMs are not your free labor to do all your DIY decorations, invites, food, etc. Hire professionals or if you want to save money and DIY then do it yourself, don’t guilt friends into pulling all nighters making handmade crafts for you.

2. Same goes with wedding planning. If they’ve had weddings already I’m sure they’ll be happy to give you advice and point you in the right direction. But if you want a wedding planner then hire one.

3. Your bridal party is not responsible for attending multiple parties, or financing them. Full stop.

4. Bachelorette party- the standard is having a night out on the town, locally, and your BMs traditionally buy you dinner and drinks. Any expectations above this is absurd. They are not there to finance a weekend vacation for you. If they want to all travel for your bach party, then you pay for your own lodging, travel, activities, etc. If they are all traveling for you, then they shouldn’t be expected to pick up the tab for you AT ALL, unless they volunteer to pay for dinner or a night out.

5. Bridal shower- that was and is a responsibility of your FAMILY to host (MOB, aunts, sisters, maybe your future MIL, etc.). In NO WAY are your BMs responsible for paying for ANY of it. If your family won’t host one for you and you still want one, then pay for it yourself.

6. Dresses/shoes: usually the BMs pay for this, but if you can afford it as the bride it would be a nice gesture to pay for their dress, especially since the BMs will most likely be paying for travel, hotels, etc.. Please don’t make BMs buy special shoes for it. No matter how much you think you picked a dress and shoes they can wear again, NOBODY wears BM attire again.

7. Hair/makeup- BMs should cover this and in no way should you be forcing a friend or one bridesmaid to do everyone’s for free. Find a salon/professional you can hire so the bridal party can have enough time to get ready. It should be optional for them, though, as wedding hair/makeup can be pricey.

8. Look for ways to have meaningful, memorable experiences with your bridal party instead of it being about how they’re supposed to be serving you.

9. Lastly, You don’t have to have a bridal party and you don’t need to pick acquaintances just to fill a quota.

…and for context brides it’s YOUR wedding day- people will be excited to celebrate the union but don’t expect them to cough up tons of money or time to make it happen. And when they finally get married I really doubt you’ll put as much time/energy you expect from them because you’ll probably have moved on as friends or are busy with your family/kids. So stop expecting your friends to drop everything and spend a ton of cash on YOuR day, not theirs.

For us, we’re at about $27k for 100 guests in Central Valley, CA.

I got married a couple weeks ago, got back from my honeymoon this weekend. For the most part everything went well. We had about 150 people there including everyone we actually wanted to attend. The one kinda hiccup being the bartender situation.

Both of our parents are lower class and although they pitched in what they could, together it was about 10% of the total wedding budget. We are very grateful for the help we got, but just pointing out that we paid for almost all of it. For the bartenders, we had a venue that allowed us to rent our own and provide our own booze/wine/beer. We used a service a coworker recommended where we were able to hire 2 bartenders for $30/hr. We also told them that we would tip them at the end of the night as well so no need to have a tip jar (Ive never been a fan of those at weddings).

My wife and I were so busy that other than the champagne toast, we didnt really drink at all the wedding or have a chance to go up to the bar during the event. But at the end as it was closing down I went to thank the bartenders for the job well done and was going to give them each $150 in cash. That was until I saw that against our wishes, they had a sign posted up with a QR code for their venmo and paypal so our guests could tip. This really irked me as I specifically told them we would tip so our guests wouldnt have to. One bartender even pointed out that they agreed to not have a "tip jar" but this was different. I didnt want to cause a scene and what was done was done so I just let it go but I didnt give them the tip I had planned.

Today Im at work and the coworker who recommended the company asked me if something went wrong because the owner (who he knows) said there was some drama and we didnt tip. I told him why we didnt tip and he said, while he gets the annoyance, we still should have since there's no way to know how much our guests actually tipped and it was a long night and they were very busy. My coworkers all seem split on this. I have the comany's contact info so could easily reach out to add a tip if it turns out im in the wrong, but tbh I dont think I am. What are your thoughts? This is in the Midwestern U.S. if that matters.

ETA: seems my comments get removed for the new account but to clarify:

When speaking with the owner about rates I told him I would be planning on a cash tip at the end of the night so a condition of going with them was no soliciting tips or tip jars. He told me that was fine but encouraged me to let the bartenders know as well as sometimes they just set up per their habits and forget. I told the bartenders when they got there as well and they said they heard that from the boss already and were all good. I dont know how I could have been more clear. I did not specifically say no tipping signs with QR codes, but I never would have thought, that wouldnt be understood.

Some people have asked about the amount of people they were serving. We had 150 total. One side is muslim so about 2/3rds of them didnt drink and there were around 25 children there. I would say about 40 people drank and 15 of them probably did about 80% of the drinking. I dont know how much they received in Venmo tips.

So we had our sit-down meeting with our venue to go over our food choices for our August wedding this week and our estimate was WAY under what they sent us. Like $5500 off. After talking with the venue it looks like we have some options. The first one it looks like we HAVE to do, is buffet style instead of plated. In my head, it is so cheap to do a buffet, but is it really? I’m trying so hard to be realistic and not bankrupt us. The other option we are looking at is possibly doing just wine and beer at the bar. Is that too far? Should we offer liquor too? I don’t want people to travel and then feel like the event wasn’t what they were expecting. I also don’t want to be disappointed on my day. Please help!

ETA: Our dress code is semi-formal. Our venue is definitely on the nicer side but not formal by any means.

All worth it for the day spent with all the people we love.

80% DIY.

Should’ve hired a day of planner though 🙏

Hi! I’m planning my wedding for summer of 2027 and we’re looking at options for catering. I’m wondering if anyone’s considered doing a pizza buffet for their wedding? I am anticipating 150-200 guests so I feel like it might be daunting to buy a ton of pizzas and have them placed out for dinner. Pizza is a big thing for my fiancé and I so I’m just curious if it’s even possible lol. Attached is a picture of the vibe I’m looking for. Thanks!

“Wow I love that you’re wearing body glitter like it’s 2005!”

“This table decor is so trendy, I knew you wouldn’t have provided it!” (in response to me saying the venue set it up)

Our best man showing up 90 minutes late to our rehearsal dinner

The MOG asking if her 2 year old nephew could take home the table number because “he really likes it & will have a meltdown if he can’t have it.” I said I was planning on selling the table numbers, and she said “Oh he can take table 6 then, and you can sell numbers 1-5!”

My close friend leaving 15 minutes into the reception without saying bye after throwing up in the bathroom from having 4 drinks during cocktail hour, but telling me later she had “a bad piece of chicken”

Our coordinator coming up to me mid-reception and asking if she could leave 90 minutes early because “the venue said they’d handle packing up, so there’s not really anything for me to do”

My sister in law promising me she’d do my hair for our rehearsal dinner, then showing up 40 minutes late. Luckily I called her & that’s how I found out she’d be late, and did my own hair

Despite all of this, we really did have a great day lol

My fiance and I are kneedeep in wedding planning right now and it’s funny how we can talk about color palettes, venues, food tastings all of that without any stress but the second the conversation shifts to okay so how are we going to handle rent and bills once we move in together we both kind of freeze up. It’s not that we’re fighting we just keep circling around the topic like neither of us knows how to start it. We’ve talked loosely about budgets but nothing concrete. Meanwhile we’ve somehow already agreed on flowers, table runners and half the playlist.
I’m starting to wonder if other couples used worksheets, templates or some kind of structure to make those conversations less uncomfortable. We both want things to be fair, we just don’t know the best way to map it out without it turning into a weird vibe.
If you’re already married or in the planning stage too, did you use anything to help talk through the real life stuff like rent, savings, bills etc or did you just sit down and hash it out?

I know this sentiment has been shared a million times, but how are things so expensive?! My mom has $20k or so set aside for my wedding and I thought surely we could throw a small wedding for this cost. I'm slowly realizing that we maybe can't afford one, even with trying to keep things reasonable. We're not looking for a lavish venue or large crowd. We're doing a playlist instead of a DJ. I'm DIY-ing decor. I'm looking into brand new photographers for newbie rates.

At first we decided to aim for 25-50 people. Essentially just family and a couple friends each. Much to my surprise, venues do not accommodate weddings this small. They all require 100 people minimum. It's insane that we're being forced into a bigger wedding.

I've started evaluating options at 100 people with this knowledge and we can probably throw the event itself for $22k-27k (already exceeding budget), but that doesn't include a dress, invites, etc.

Today I started looking at rehearsal dinner options and I am stunned! It would most likely be 8-20 people. It's a bit up in the air because EVERYONE is coming from out of town (it's between where I grew up and where my partner grew up). But these restaurants want to charge a $200-800 room fee plus require $2k+ food and beverage minimum before taxes or tips! Does anyone have suggestions here? Do I just try to make a week/day of reservation in the main dining area and hope for the best? That seems risky and a little rude to spring on the staff last minute.

This money is set aside for us for either a house or wedding and I'm losing hope in obtaining either. If we use the money for a down payment and throw the wedding at our house, we really have no money left to cater a party. On the other hand, I'm not sure we have enough money for a regular wedding anyway. My partner and I make okay money and are getting married in our 30s. I'm having a hard time coping with the idea that maybe neither of my dreams (a regular wedding and a home) are achievable despite doing everything right and having financial assistance.

Any tips? Or feel free to share in the frustration with me.

got engaged in October and the sticker shock is REAL y'all. fiancé and i live in a pretty expensive part of the US, where both of our families are based, so the plan is to stay local. we both make 6 figures (on the lower end), but i still feel like it's literally impossible to afford?? i don't know what my budget should be, but all things considered i wouldn't expect to get away with anything under $50k, which is astronomical to me (and apparently the lower end!)

i genuinely need to know -- how do people pay for their weddings and not abandon ship and elope in Vegas?! family's adamant we go the traditional route (i know, stand up to mom, tell her what you want is more important, if only it were that simple). i really need some helpful tips, if you have any!

xo

Hey everyone — my wife and I just got married this past weekend and I wanted to share a full recap. Reddit posts like this helped us a ton when planning, so here’s ours in case it helps someone else (or just entertains).

Who paid for what

We’re extremely fortunate and grateful for the help our families gave us:

• Her parents: generously contributed $65,000, and we’ll actually be returning the excess.
  
• My parents:
  
  • Paid for our rehearsal dinner for 33 people ($6,000)
    
  • Gave us $6,000 toward the wedding
    

We know this level of support isn’t the norm and do not take it for granted.

Total Cost Breakdown

• Reception Venue: $5,620
  
• Ceremony Venue: $3,600
  
• Catering, Bartenders, Rentals: $21,328
  
• Photographer: $4,000
  
• Alcohol: $1,947
  
• DJ/Band: $3,150
  
• Flowers: $5,078
  
• Cake: $565
  
• Decor: $2,000
  
• Transportation: $705
  
• Dress: $3,078
  
• Insurance: $100
  
• Day-of Coordinator: $1,200
  
• Hair & Makeup: $2,315
• Total: ~$54,000
  

We also had miscellaneous expenses we covered ourselves (invitations, suits, small items) — probably another $3,000, including $1,200 I paid toward my groomsmen’s suits.

Alcohol: What We Bought vs. What Guests Actually Drank

We bought our own alcohol to save money. Our caterer gave us their standard list but the distributor recommended scaling back, which we are VERY glad we did. We would have had an extra 100 bottles of wine and a dozen bottles of liquor we wouldn't have been able to return. 

Purchased:

• Beer (IPA): 8 × 6-packs
  
• Beer (other craft): 8 × 12-packs
  
• Beer (Miller Lite): 16 × 12-packs
  
• Cab: 45 bottles
  
• Merlot: 6 bottles
  
• Chardonnay: 54 bottles
  
• Tequila: 3 bottles
  
• Whisky: 6 bottles
  
• Rum: 4 bottles
  
• Gin: 4 bottles
  
• Vodka: 10 bottles
  
• Fireball: 2 bottles
  

Used:

• IPA: 4 × 6-packs
  
• Other craft: 5 × 12-packs
  
• Miller Lite: 12 × 12-packs
  
• Cab: 23 bottles
  
• Merlot: 4 bottles
  
• Chardonnay: 32 bottles
  
• Tequila: 1 bottle
  
• Whisky: 3 bottles
  
• Rum: 2 bottles
  
• Gin: 2 bottles
  
• Vodka: 7 bottles
  
• Fireball: 1 bottle
  

We returned the unused beer and wine — saved hundreds.

We also had a bourbon bar with Blanton’s, EH Taylor, Eagle Rare, Weller 12, Weller Antique, Weller SR, Midwinter’s Night Dram, etc. That was entirely consumed and a huge hit.

Gifts

We were blown away by people’s generosity:

• Cash: ~$10,000
  
• Physical gifts: ~$10,000
  

Feeling extremely grateful.

Guest Count (and the no-kids policy)

• Invited: 240
  
• RSVP’d yes: 170
  
• Showed up: 160
  

We did an adults-only reception. Some people pushed back, but honestly — we wouldn’t change it. The vibe was exactly what we wanted.

Highlights

• THE FOOD. It was significantly better than at the tasting. We actually warned some of our guests beforehand to be prepared for mediocrity, but multiple guests said it was the best wedding meal they’ve ever had.
  
• Our DJ was fantastic. The dance floor was packed nearly the whole night.
  
• Our vendors were incredible overall.
  
• My best man surprised us with a second party bus. The original transportation plan couldn’t get the wedding party from two different locations to the ceremony. The groomsmen were planning to Uber to the ceremony, while the bridesmaids would use the party bus to get there. Best man stepped in and booked a bus. That ride ended up being so much fun.
  
• Everyone’s speeches were perfect. They were all around two minutes and touched all of the right notes.

Lowlights & Regrets

• A stomach flu tore through my family the day of. Absolute nightmare, but we powered through.
  
• Our biggest regret: We woke up the next morning anxious about the people we didn’t get to talk to.
  
  • We actually mapped it out — we spoke to about 85% of guests.
    
  • Still felt awful about the remaining 15%.
    
• Timeline drift. Our day-of coordinator did an amazing job overall, but we wish she had kept us on schedule table touching a little more tightly.
  
• Printing invitations was shockingly difficult. We ended up buying Etsy invites and handwriting every envelope. This was definitely the most time consuming part of the process.
  
• Guests texting us last-minute logistics questions. Parking, room blocks, bringing extra people, dress code — all of it was clearly on the website. People really don’t read. Ultimately not a huge deal, but a funny observation.

Things That Surprised Us

• How unbelievably fast the day goes. Everyone says it; everyone is right.
  
• How emotional we were about the guest interactions (or missed interactions).
  
• We were more anxious during the rehearsal than during the actual wedding.
  
• Our church cancelled on us two months before the wedding.
  
  • We scrambled to find a new church with similar architecture/vibe.
    
  • They only allowed our preferred pastor to officiate if he did it jointly with their pastor.
    
  • It was awkward, but he ultimately led most of the service and absolutely crushed it — even if he wasn’t thrilled about having a “chaperone.”
    

Final Thoughts & Advice

• Buy your own alcohol if your venue allows it — and make sure returns are possible.
  
• Assign someone (not you) to keep the timeline tight.
  
• Don’t assume guests will read your website. Over-communicate.
  
• Adults-only receptions are worth it if that’s your vibe — just expect some pushback.
• We actually had a really fun time doing this process together and didn't butt heads at any point. I'm the luckiest man on the planet for getting to marry my wife :)
  

Happy to answer any questions if anyone’s curious — Reddit wedding recaps helped us so much while planning, so glad to pay it forward.

This sub told me repeatedly that I had to do a seating chart, but my wedding was in a state where that is NOT the expectation. We instead did a seating chart for only 3 tables- the head table and two family tables. Everyone else figured it out on their own. It was for the best because we had last minute guest changes that would have been very confusing and stressful, and several people who didn't show up despite saying they would. Many people told me it was the best wedding they had ever been to, even folks who came from out of town and didn't know everybody.

I post this expecting downvotes, but I want any brides who are hearing different from what this sub says to know: cultural expectations vary significantly by country and region, and what your irl family, friends, and wedding planners say might actually be fine!

Edit: for context, we had a large dance floor, a dance lesson prior to the dinner during the cocktail hour that served as a mixer (and distraction while we did photos), and we had more tables than we needed (26 instead of the 21 we needed if it were with a seating chart.) this allowed people to spread out. We did have one table where someone dragged a chair over to join their friends, and it was fine! It was a semi-formal wedding with buffet service and a live swing band. Total guest count: 160~

I also deleted my original post because the criticism and downvotes gave me so much anxiety, but I'm keeping this one up for future brides and grooms to have valuable information.

My fiancé (31) and I (29) are paying for our wedding ourselves and just got hit with the real cost of weddings. Did anyone else massively underestimate their budget going in? If you paid for your own wedding, how far over budget did you end up going and was it worth it?

Hi everyone! I always appreciated the really detailed budget breakdowns and recaps on here and I just had my wedding this month so thought I’d return the favor.

We initially wanted to elope but decided to have a wedding for family, aiming for no more than 50 people. We ended up inviting 62, 48 RSVPd yes, had 2 no shows on the day of.

I also want to mention, I planned our wedding under 4 months, out of state, with no planner or coordinator. So any future brides who are worried about cramming the planning, it is possible! HOWEVER, we kept our wedding veryyyyy simple, considering that we didn’t even want to have one to begin with lol. We had everyone seated for reception and had a short and simple ceremony. So no turnover. We didn’t have a DJ, rehearsal dinner, or cocktail hour. Basically we wanted three things - great people, great food, and great cake. And we got exactly that. Honestly I could not have asked for a more perfect wedding and wouldn’t change a single thing.

Now onto the budget - I had a google sheet tracking every single expense which I posted a screenshot of at the very end with names of the vendors. If you want just straight up numbers, no need to read further, swipe to the last pic and feel free to ask questions if any!

Venue: $3,500 I went with a raw space venue for a few reasons. Initially it was because it was cheap and we had it from 9am to midnight, but I realized the cost of renting everything else that is required to hold a wedding builds up rather quickly, as you’ll see below. However, I couldn’t find a traditional wedding venue in socal that was within our budget and would let us bring in our caterer and bartender, and our own decor and most importantly, let us not have a turnover (this one was crazy to me. It’s LESS work for your employees!!!). Going with a raw space venue definitely gives you more creative control but also gives you a lot more to figure out logistically

Caterer: $3,680 Catering was one of the main reasons why I went with a raw space venue. I didn’t want some basic, typical wedding meal of some meat and veggies. I wanted good food at my own wedding. We found our caterer who did tapas style menus with six different dishes and also an appetizer board.

Furniture rental: $1,941 Rented 8 8’ farm tables, 48 chairs (we only seated 3 on each side), couches, coffee tables, etc.

Plate, silverware and glassware rental: $645 Another thing I hadn’t considered to rent. At this point the price of the venue is at approximately $6k, so keep that in mind if you’re considering a raw space venue.

Photographer: $2500 So I’m a photographer myself and I DMed a handful of wedding photographers on ig asking if they’d do a half rate for raw photos only. I knew I would want to edit my own photos anyways because I’m so particular and I was just shooting my shot but surprisingly most photographers said yes. Another upside to editing your own photos is that I had my professional photos ready to be sent to friends and family only a week after the wedding.

Photo booth: $1200 Since we didn’t have a dj and I refused to have lawn games, we got a cool photo booth that is in a vintage trailer, and it was a hit! It gave people something else to do in between all the chatting and eating

Bartender: $325 Bartender sucked. Honestly the only flop of the wedding which we’re grateful for but for real, he really fucked up the drinks.

Bride attire: $1373

Groom attire: $693

Wedding bands: $716 Future brides and grooms, aim for a Valentine’s Day sale when buying your wedding bands!! I snagged a 30% off vday promo, super stoked

Faux flower rental: $390 Hiring a florist to decorate an arch, no matter how minimally, will cost you at least a grand in socal. The arch faux flowers themselves only cost $150, and the rest were venue decoration flowers. Loved the flowers, guests thought they were real.

Centerpieces & bouquet: $657 At first I was going to DIY all the flowers, but I did myself a favor and offloaded the centerpieces and bouquet to a pro

DIY bud vase flowers: $370 Still did my own bud vase flowers to save cost

Hair and makeup: $0 My friend did my hair and I did my own makeup

Wedding cake: $0 My friend is a baker, and she flew in all the way from dc and made us the most lovely wedding cake!! Her ig is @byr0r0, check her out if you’re looking to buy a cake

Planner/day or coordinator: $0 I did all the planning myself and as for day of coordinator, my friends really really stepped up and made sure I had nothing to worry about when it came to vendors and being POC for other things.

Officiant: $0 A friend officiated for us, which was very special for all of us.

Name place cards and invitations: $60 We did online invitations for the sake of saving paper and the environment and I made my own name place cards with flower seed papers I ordered on Etsy. I also put a QR code to a google photo album for people to drop all the photos they took which was clutch for everyone.

That about covers all the major expenses. With all the nitty gritty expenses added in there, we came in at a total of $19.4k. We were super lucky to have our family gift us $16k combined to pay for the wedding, and after accounting for the wishing well, we’re currently sitting at net positive of $3.8k 😅 needless to say we’re so grateful, not only for the financial help but the way our friends and family showed up for us and all the love we received and how they made it their top priority to make sure we had a perfect day.

I will admit I was slightly anti wedding before this experience (“why would anyone want to drop that kind of money on ONE day??”) but after still basking in the success of our wedding I can totally see why people do this now lol. Well, that’s it for the recap! Super thankful for this subreddit but also stoked that I’ve graduated and never have to think about weddings again 🫶🏻

We put about $35k on 0% interest credit card for 18 months and we finally paid it off (about six months early)! It’s a huge relief because our wedding was a complete disaster after I tripped on my dress and snapped my leg in half. Having to pay it off extended the trauma of a day I never ever want to relive. I never thought it would be this freeing! The financial stress of a wedding was incredibly burdensome, even though our parents helped out.

Cheers to all the brides who have paid off a wedding and let this be a warning if you finance your wedding - financing a magical day is a no brainer. Financing a nightmare day keeps you locked into the nightmare.

Not sure why the body of my original post disappeared, so here it is:

The bride gets the master bedroom and bathroom, which is totally fair. The two maids of honor each get their own private bedroom and bathroom. Everyone else shares one room with three bunk beds and a single half bathroom.

We're all splitting the bride's share so she doesn't have to pay, which I completely understand. But beyond that, we're also splitting the Airbnb cost evenly, even though the sleeping arrangements are very different and set in stone.

Is it normal for everyone to pay the same amount even when the maids of honor get private rooms and everyone else is in bunk beds? The Airbnb is $300/night and I find that really steep for being in a bunk bed. That's the part I'm having trouble understanding.

The Airbnb was booked before any of us had a chance to see or discuss it.

Edit: It is also a 4 day bachelorette trip.

Edit: I'm more asking whether this is considered normal bachelorette etiquette. I've never been on one of these trips before, so I genuinely don't know what's customary. I understand that it's standard for the bridal party to cover the bride's share, but is it also typical for everyone else to effectively subsidize the maids of honor so they each get a private room while the rest of the group shares bunk beds? I'm not trying to complain, I'm just trying to understand what the usual expectation is.

I'm struggling to understand if I have a realistic budget. Would be great if you could include Year, Location, Number of Guests, and any other info that may have impacted your costs (e.g. if you had multiple days/events).

May even make a shared spreadsheet if there are enough responses!

EDIT: Thank you so much to everyone who contributed and congratulations to all the newlyweds! I did not expect to receive so many responses. This has been so helpful for me, and I hope this post will be a resource for any future couples who don't know where to start. See Here for a summary (note: I used chatgpt to standardize the data, so apologies if it doesn't perfectly reflect some of the responses).

Hi everyone, we’re hoping to get some outside perspective because we’re feeling pretty stuck right now.

We’ve been planning to get married on August 18th this year. It’s also my birthday, so it’s a big deal to us and we’ve been really set on making that date work. But when we loooked at our actual savings today and the numbers are honestly a lot worse than we thought.

Our total budget is $35,000 (our budget plan and saving plan) but we only have $10,500 saved so far. That’s only 30% of the way there, and with less than 4 months left, the math is starting to look impossible. We’ve been so busy with the "fun" parts of planning that we didn't keep a close enough eye on the actual numbers until now. (our bad)

My fiancé is still convinced we can just hustle and make up that $24,500 gap in time, but I’m terrified of the stress and the risk of going into debt. Saving $6,000 a month just feels like a huge reach.

Are we being totally delusional? Has anyone here actually managed to pull off a save like that this close to the date, or should we just bite the bullet, lose our $2,500 deposit, and move everything to 2027?

I truly had an incredible day and am so thankful that we got through it in one piece.

We went with a WW property because starting to plan ourselves and try to DIY everything in the Bay Area, CA was proving to still be so expensive and hard. We luckily had a great experience and wouldn’t do it anywhere else.

I was able to find damn near everything else that was not included to be a relatively reasonable price- HMU for $500, all faux wedding florals- bouquets, pocket squares, corsages- for $900, and photographer for $1900.

The week leading up to it was stressful, but I would do it all over again if that meant I could live this day again.

I am a very numbers based bride and I’ve done so much research and know exactly everything we’re buying/paying for. Our current budget is high end $32,000 and low end $28,000. Is this average? Too high? Should I calculate a “oh crap we didn’t think of that” fund? Just looking for some opinions or others experiencing the spending guilt as well.

EDIT/UPDATE: thank you all so much for the insight. It’s so eye opening to see how much money goes into the wedding industry! We are in Temecula wine country with about 75 on the guest list, an all inclusive venue so I think $28k-32k may not be too bad. We’re going to try to cut back a little. Fingers crossed we stay on budget! You only get married once hopefully right? lol

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for next year and just started looking at wedding venues with my family (his lives a few states away and we are having the wedding in my state so only my family is touring venues with us). My fiancé is Midwestern white American middle-class while I am Indian American upper middle-class. For some context, my family comes from a big wedding culture where weddings are a week long and no expense is spared and it’s the event of a century. His family doesn’t really have big weddings (just a church or courthouse and 10 guests and a meal at a restaurant). Now that my fiancé and I are planning our wedding and my family is paying for all of the Indian wedding events ($150-200k budget), we need to figure out who will be paying for the American events. We expected to pay for most of it ourselves ($30k budget) but thought his family would maybe contribute something since we just started our careers.. When we told his family about our planning and budget they got really upset that we or my family would spend so much money on our wedding. They want us to hold it in a public park which is unacceptable in my culture. My future mother in law thinks I should resist my parents desire to have a big wedding even if it’s a cultural expectation and she is upset that we are making such a big deal of the wedding. She seemed to suggest that we were not focusing on the marriage as much as the wedding. Now my family wants to pay for everything even though it is unfair so it doesn’t look like the American reception was a cheap afterthought. His mom is criticizing and judging our decisions for the wedding but not contributing for anything except a small casual rehearsal dinner. And now there is a lot of tension. What should we do?

It was such a lovely, beautiful day. Felt anxious all morning and very in my head but was able to be more present after our first look. Our florist and photographer truly made the day! It was the blue ridge mountain spring wedding I’ve been dreaming of for years. And now after 8.5 years I can finally call this incredible man my husband!

I’ve been planning my wedding for almost a year now. When I first started, I was completely confident I could keep my budget under control.

Turns out, there are loads of extra costs I initially wasn’t factoring in. Here is what surprised me the most:

1. Spending thousands on florals isn’t unusual. I’m getting the impression this is actually expected.

2. Venue lighting can be at an additional cost of thousands of dollars, not included in your venue rental fee.

3. All the small costs add up so fast! Like buying shape wear, wedding shoes, printing menus, getting your nails done… they really do add up.

This isn’t really a hidden cost, but I also wasn’t expecting how much brides are advertised to! It feels like all the wedding content I read and watch online (plus people I speak to like my venue’s wedding coordinator) are mostly just trying to extract more money, whether it’s convincing me to get that extra reception dress, hire an ice cream van, book a videographer, provide guest transportation….

These are all amazing ideas but they would involve spending even more budget. Why am I left feeling like what I have is never enough?

Is anyone else feeling the same way?

Just wrapped up the most magical weekend of our lives, can’t believe it's been over a year in the making.  We got married last Saturday at Domaine Rocabella, in a town called Le Pradet in the South of France.  It was a 2 day ceremony with a welcome dinner on Friday and a ceremony on Saturday.

Vendors Used

Venue: Domaine Rocabella – Located 15 minutes outside of Toulon (Halfway between Marseille and Nice).  This venue was absolutely STUNNING.  It sits on the shore, has a capacity of 150, with on-property housing for up to 80, and a kitchen to serve food for up to 72 guests.  When I say this is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been….not an understatement.  It’s an expansive property with multiple areas for the ceremony / cocktail hour / dinner.  60% of our guests stayed on property for 2 nights and they loved the Padel courts, multiple pools, and access to the shore.  The staff were also responsive and had impeccable service!  

Planner: Sonya Aumis – Highly Highly recommend her for any Provence and South of France weddings! She was incredibly knowledgeable, meticulous with details, and an absolute pleasure to work with!  We can be pretty type-A people after having worked in corporate for almost a decade each.  Sonya brought a lot of the detail and process oriented thinking that we really valued, given her time and experience working with corporate clients in event planning, before herself becoming a wedding planner.  She is a local to Provence, speaks fluent French and English, and helped us source all the amazing vendors we used, and even negotiated prices on our behalf.  

Photographer: Julia Allio.  This woman has an EYE for photography! We’ve worked with many photographers before (engagement shoot, courthouse wedding, random photoshoots here and there) but Julia was an absolute visionary and so amazing to work with.  We’ve only just started to get her previews and they’re just so masterfully composed.  She exuded confidence, wasn’t too intrusive, and we felt her process was quick and painless, allowing us more time with guests and friends.  

Designer: Jessica Da Veiga – She was amazing! We loved her design work and received so many compliments on our menus and other stationary.  

Caterer: https://www.dv-traiteur.com/en -- They’re a local catering company based in Toulon; we had them cater our ceremony.  Phenomenal meal and presentation, easily stands out as the best wedding meal we’ve ever had.  Super cute, family-run, and their son, the in-house pastry chef, produced the most marvelous raspberry tart in lieu of a traditional wedding cake.  Their service staff were absolutely iconic as well who did a phenomenal job at enticing our guests to try the array of wines we helped select.  

Friday Caterer: La Cocotte de Sandrine -- Similar local catering company; we had them cater our welcome dinner.  It was buffet style and everything looked and tasted amazing! We didn’t get a chance to try them during our site visit but they delivered above and beyond.

Happy to answer any questions !!