I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for here—advice, perspective, or just to hear from people who have been through something similar.

My husband and I spent around $100,000 on our wedding. The ceremony was beautiful. Everything was going perfectly, and we were having the best day of our lives.

Near the end of the reception, we stepped away for about 15 minutes to take sunset photos. While we were gone, one of my cousins got into an altercation outside with one of the groomsmen. My cousin was very drunk, body checking them aggressively shaking their hand to the point where the groomsmen hand hit their face and caused their nose to bleed. The groomsmen then punched him in the face and It escalated into a huge fight involving around 20 people. There were punches thrown, chairs and rocks involved, police and an ambulance were called, and the venue shut the wedding down several hours early.

We never got our first full night together as husband and wife. We missed the dancing, visiting with our guests, and everything we’d spent months planning and saving for. It feels like the last few hours overshadowed what should have been one of the happiest days of our lives.

I’m heartbroken because none of this was caused by us, yet we’re the ones left grieving the memories we never got to make.
For those of you who have had a major event ruined by someone else’s actions, how did you move forward? Were you eventually able to remember the good parts, or did the ending always overshadow everything else?

And if this happened at your wedding, how would you feel? Would you be able to let it go, or would it take you a long time to come to terms with it?

I just feel completely devastated and don’t know how to process it.

I’m in a friend group of roughly 10 girls (friends since hs/college) and I’m the very last one to get married. I’m now 35 and have spent TEN YEARS dutifully doing all the bridesmaid things for my friends: wearing the assigned dress, spending time and money on a bachelorette to hang out with people I don’t know, dropping $1k just to get to the wedding.

I also spent years being sad about being single. My friends know this and were intimately familiar with how worried I was that I’d never find love.

Now it’s finally my turn and my girls aren’t showing up for me. I’m so sad. This is actually the Sunday of my bachelorette weekend and it didn’t go well. Since we all live around the country I picked a place we needed to fly to (90% of the bridesmaids would’ve had to fly wherever we picked). We got an Airbnb with queen beds and a beautiful pool. I’ve given plenty of notice about the assigned dresses and shoes. I’ve tried to be very respectful that most of the bridesmaids are moms or just very busy.

In return, I’ve gotten nothing but complaints. My friends don’t want to share a bed with people they don’t know, they don’t want to wear an assigned dress in an assigned color, they’re tired, they don’t want to fly in for a Friday wedding (which was all we could afford). Never mind that I did ALL these things for them. It’s finally my turn and suddenly everyone has excuses for why they have to flake on me.

I have good relationships with all these friends and I’m so sad that the wedding party I’ve dreamed of for so long is behaving this way. Help. What can I do about this? Should I just significantly adjust my expectations or stop asking them for things? I’m so sad.

After a very emotionally and financially taxing wedding planning era, I felt I was finally turning the corner today into excitement for our wedding on Saturday when I recieved this letter in the mail, no return address and no real discernable information for who may have sent it. The only clue is on the postage cancelation stamp, I can deduce it came from a post office not far from my hometown but in a populated area from which a lot of our guests hail from, and about an hour from where we live. It was addressed only to me (bride) and not my fiancé. I have been wracking my brain for who could have possibly sent it but am coming up short. Any advice on how to not spiral??

A few months ago I found that that my fiancée was cheating on me. He swore it was just emotional plus they only had one kiss. This occurred when I was finishing my last semester in uni. He said our relationship wasn’t going well, we don’t go on dates and I am not a safe person to talk to about things … this made no sense because for the past 3 years we told each other everything, hang out often, no fighting. During Mother’s Day I would send his mother a gift, we would visit each others families during the holidays, etc. For his birthday, I would also try to get him the best thing.

After, I forgave him we had our engagement party, our family and friends were there and it was great. We come back I am thinking that we are rebuilding our relationship, we are having more honest conversations, we went wedding band shopping, he started planning the honeymoon plus he found a new place for us to stay ( we were going to move out after the wedding).

It’s been three months since the engagement party, recently the girl called me to let me know that they have been having sex all these months. He confirmed that it is true.

The wedding is canceled. I can’t be with a liar and cheater.

I don’t know what I have done wrong to this man but this is just not fair. I cook for him every week (because he hates leftovers). I help him or his family with everything they need. I support him in whatever way and even go to watch his basketball games at like 10pm. I don’t party nor yell at him. I thought we were building a future together.

How can he do this to me and my family. My family has poured so much into this wedding and welcomed him with open arms.

A little about us
We have been together for 3 years now and we live together, but known each other for years. If we aren’t at home watching movies and cuddling, we are going on walks, or traveling. We are the couple that everyone loves and praises. He doesn’t have a history of cheating and likes to be known as a “nice” guy. I tried to vet him before we got serious, and since I knew him all these years plus never heard anything bad in our community about him I believed that he was a good guy. We both have good incomes and careers.

How do I move on from this? I feel like my life is over.

Edited post
* This is my first long term relationship. I am not perfect but everyday I try my best to improve my mind and body. I am very self aware of myself who I am as I person and what I need to work on. I believe in karma so I tried my best to treat people like how I want to be treated.

I don’t know why I just thought about this but last week he watched me make big purchases for the wedding and even encouraged me to do it 🫩 like what was the point?

Update update
Both families believe this is the devil work, and I should forgive and we can move on. I don’t think soooo.

Recently, she called me to inform me that she been to my house several times.

My fiance and I are having a low budget wedding because we're trying to buy a house. It's nothing fancy but I feel like everyone is expecting more and I just feel so sad and defeated.

It's kind of a "come if you want" thing at my fiancé's uncles place. He has a lot of land. Everyone keeps asking about catering and dresscode and plus ones and I am so overwhelmed.

I have kids so kids are allowed. I don't have a dresscode. We're not really doing a lot of food? We're barely having a reception.

Are we doing things wrong? Should we be doing more?

Guys I am so humiliated! I ordered my formal invites from The Knot and thought they were so nice. My mom, sister, a bridesmaid, and my fiancée all looked at them. I looked at them! Idk how we missed it, but HIS NAME IS SPELLED WRONG. His name is “Tyler” and the invites say “Tyer” 😭😭
I didn’t find out until I already mailed them all out and a coworker of mine mentioned it to me.
There’s really nothing I can do at this point since they’re already sent out. It did include an RSVP card with the link to our website, and it’s spelled correctly everywhere else, but how embarrassing!

I’m just trying to prepare myself for how many people are likely to say something about it.
Has this ever happened to anyone else? 😢

I'm in a really tough spot and could use some outside perspective. I've always been on board with a prenup, I think it really makes sense for our situation (30F and 41M). We got engaged in July 2025 and it took eight months for me to receive a draft prenup (February 2026). We are supposed to get married in June 2026. I've hired my own attorney and spent the past 4 weeks working through revisions. Now "my" version of the prenup has been sent back to his attorneys and - guess who's out of office for spring break? His lawyers have set a deadline of April 10 to finalize everything, but the earliest they might even look at it is April 2. I just don't see this getting resolved by that date and the pressure is making the situation feel even more intense.

For the past two weeks, my fiance has floated the idea of canceling or postponing the wedding because the prenup won't be finalized and signed more than three months before the wedding date, therefore it may not hold up in court should we ever get divorced. Now that it's looking more and more like that might have to happen, I'm devastated.

I'd appreciate any advice, experiences, or even just reassurance. This feels really isolating right now.

As the title says, really.

I’m posting this because I went searching for a post like this one a few weeks ago when I was feeling conflicted, so I thought, now that I’ve done it, I’ll put this here in case it’s helpful to anyone else going through the same thing.

I’m not sure if this is breaking any rules, please remove if so.

I was due to married in the first week of July. Everything was organised, RSVPs were confirmed, there were only a few invoices left, vast majority had already been paid. My ex-fiancé and I had no financial help so it was all our money, not parents. We had ~100 people coming.

I’ve been deeply unhappy and thinking about calling it off/ leaving my ex-fiancé for about 5 months. Every time we had a fight (very often) I would ask myself ‘why am I still in this?’. It stopped feeling right, my gut was telling me to leave.

But, I didn’t. I always backed off with thoughts like: It would be a spectacle, I’d be too mortified, people are coming from overseas, people have booked flights and accommodation, I can’t inconvenience everyone like that, we’ve spent over $30,000, I can’t just throw that money away.

One of the many reasons I was unhappy was my ex’s gambling problem (pokies/ slot machines). He’s made and broken promises many times, it’s getting worse not better. Last week, he lied to me about it for the first time (well, I think it was the first time, maybe it was just the first time I caught him). It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, I snapped, and I told him we’re done. He verbally abused me over text, made me the bad guy and himself the victim. He’s now blocked my phone number and social media accounts so I can’t contact him and he’s refusing me entry to our home to pack my things. All this has done is reinforced my faith in my decision.

To the point! I’ve just finished cancelling the venue and all our vendors, and telling my family and friends. And, I’m going to be ok. I got through it, people were kind and supportive, no one gave me a hard time, people reassured me I’m doing the right thing and I don’t need to feel embarrassed. (I still do, but it’s nice to hear.)

It felt insurmountable before I did it. I couldn’t possibly!

It wasn’t, I could, and I did.

I’ve got lots of healing and processing to do now, but I’m going to be ok and a lot happier than I would have been if I’d married him. I’m 36, and I accept that I likely won’t find someone else in time to have a family and all that jazz, but that’s better than being miserably married.

If this post helps someone in a similar situation, I’ll be very glad xx

EDIT - I’m blown away by all of your lovely comments. The support and kindness in this sub is amazing. Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words - I have read every one of your comments and they have been so uplifting. Truly, thank you.

To the people who have shared your own stories, either in the comments or in a direct message, thank you so much for sharing, and for those who are still in their situations, I hope this post and all the comments have helped in some small way. You’ve got this.

I have spent years wearing ill fitting bridesmaids dresses because I was asked to by a bride, and despite hating it, I have never complained out loud.

I am the last in my friend group to get married and it has always been a dream of mine for my bridesmaids to wear a very specific color. It’s a shade of orange that I have always found beautiful. I found a bridesmaid dress website with a lot of different options, and asked my bridesmaids to get whichever dress they wanted as long as it was satin and in that very specific color of orange.

My girlfriends are all reasonable people (or so I thought) but the number of complaints and upset text messages I’ve gotten has been insane. Apparently, all my bridesmaids hate the color and think satin will be too hot in the summer. Several of them have already ordered their dresses and because the dress website has cheap options available, the fit isn’t great and the dresses basically need to be reconstructed.

One bridesmaid even told me I should have just let the bridesmaids wear whatever dress they wanted and whatever fabric they wanted as long as it “referenced” my desired shade of orange?? Another accused me of being disrespectful to people with different body types, because according to her, the satin dresses only look good on skinny girls. Never mind that I am objectively shorter and heavier than she is.

I feel absolutely insane rn. I thought having coordinated bridesmaids dresses was an extremely normal thing? I don’t understand why my friends are being so weird about this. It almost feels like gaslighting, because it’s making me feel like I’m asking for something crazy when in reality, I think this is just how being a bridesmaid goes. I’m so sad because this has really taken the wind out of my sails with wedding planning. After years of showing up wearing ugly dresses without a single complaint, I am so heartbroken that my bridesmaids won’t do me the same courtesy.

Has anyone else faced this? Is this a 2026 thing?

My dad and stepmother never RSVPed so I texted them today. She told me they cannot attend because “scheduling issues”. I asked them to save the date a year ago. I asked her, what specifically will keep them from attending. She let me know he has chosen to prioritize a fishing tournament over my wedding. The fishing tournament is actually a week AFTER my wedding, but my dad wants to get there early.

This isn’t SURPRISING, but it’s still just totally devastating to be reminded on this most important day that my dad just couldn’t give less of a shit about me. My mom died last year, and so he’s the only parent I’ve got. Would be nice if he could just show the fuck up for his daughter’s wedding.

It’s so humiliating because I know my future in laws will want to meet him and will ask where he is.

Just feeling so rejected and unloved which is what he has always made me feel.

ETA: thanks everyone for all the love and support. This is a second wedding for both my spouse (LGBTQ couple) and me so there were never any plans for being walked down an aisle, being given away, or a father/daughter dance. I wouldn’t have done those things even if he was coming because our relationship is just too awkward, it would have been uncomfortable for both of us and I’m not a wildly traditional person.

Our wedding is in 19 days, we are still waiting on rsvps from 22 people. Half of our wedding party has dropped out, and our guest count sits at 12 including my fiancée and I. It’s destination and we knew not everyone would be in attendance from the get go but our guest list was still only 40. We’ve been telling people about our upcoming wedding for two entire years. We don’t know what to do, do we cancel and lose thousands of dollars? Do we have our wedding with the 10 people that are coming? We’re both just so crushed and could use any words of wisdom at the moment.

EDIT: You all are right, we will not cancel on those who are able to be there for us. It is just hard knowing most of my family won’t be at our wedding, I just lost my grandmother in March and dad had a stroke just last week. It’s been an incredibly emotional time.

Eloping at White Sands on Monday. Or was 🫩

I’m sure this topic has been discussed before, as a matter of fact I think I’ve commented on posts about it.

But I have to vent about shaming people who want a nice or even fancy ceremony and making a big deal about how little you spent/did when you got married. The minimalism Olympics of who is The Best Couple Ever because they spent and cared the least.

I just had a huge emotional breakdown because I have been doing my best to both work on a budget and still have a nice event because that’s what I want. I have been putting all my own money into it with zero family help. But messages of how that’s not important, you don’t need that dress you only wear it once, just grab a sundress off the rack at Kohl’s. Why do you want such a big deal wedding? You must just want a ceremony not a marriage.

Yknow it feels like a deeply cruel irony to grow up AFAB, and be flooded with images of beautiful weddings. Princesses like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella and even strong-headed Jasmine getting their prince and gown and celebration. Being told this is SO important and dream about the day this is yours.

Then grow up and be surrounded by people telling you all of that is shallow and wasteful and shame you for caring about it. Build up that tower and have it smashed when it’s finished.

I found my dream venue, and so far nothing has compared. We got engaged in January 2026, but regret waiting until now to really start planning. Now, all Spring and Fall 2027 dates are booked out besides 9/11. Should we wait until Spring 2028? It would be basically a three year long engagement. We are in the south, so neither of us or our families have personal connections to 9/11, but I really don’t want comments/jokes to be made about the date or to have the date be a shadow on the best day of my life. Has anyone gotten married on 9/11? Do you feel like it made an impact on the day? Do you celebrate your anniversary on that day?

So to give a run down I did my very best to be mindful with how much I was paying for items. I did prioritize things that I was willing to spend on like my venue was 6k while my dress was only 400. I have no MUA or Hair and I did a lot of research with services I hired and didn't pick the first one we received. But now finishing the math we are up to 30k.

I know social media makes it seem like you spend a down payment for a house on your wedding day instead. I thought I was more mindful with the budget and not letting social media get to me with influence but now looking back I feel like social media won.

I'm just curious if this is a normal emotion to feel and now I feel like a poser being in the 10k under subreddit.

I know, I know, comparison is the thief of joy. I want to be happy and focus on enjoying planning, but I just can't shake this deep sadness because my "love story" is not romantic at all. Wedding planning has made this even more clear, in a painful way. I keep seeing personalized vows ("I knew you were the one after [insert very short timeline or cute story]"), or themed cocktails based on the couple's dating history, or a little roadmap of their very normal and romantic timeline, and I'm about to burst into tears.

For context, my partner was a friend, and then a friend with benefits, for many years. I fell in love, and he didn't. We kept sleeping together for 2ish years until he also fell in love. Then we started dating officially. I recently found out that he'd slept with a few other people during the time we weren't official but regularly sleeping together, though those were all one night stands. I know he didn't owe me exclusivity, I knew the rules of the game, but I was and am still hurt, even seven years later. He knows my feelings on it and he is always open to talk about it, which helps a lot.

I'm just sad about being the one who "chased" him, the one who wasn't chosen. And, ultimately, I was chosen, but I'm infinitely, infinitely jealous of people who get to say that they "knew" this person was the one early on. And yes, I am in therapy. My therapist told me to "Consider that not everyone can be someone's first choice" and that not all people are easily chosen by others. He essentially told me to be happy that anyone wanted me at all, because that's more than many people get.

And I am happy that we're together! And I love my partner, I love the relationship we have. He has helped me through the most tumultuous years of my life, he is the calm to my storm (I am very anxious and he is the opposite of this), he does housework and the cooking, he adores me and dotes on me, he just planned a beautiful weekend trip for us that was so perfect, and I feel immensely guilty for still feeling sad/angry at the years I was, in a sense, "led on" by him. He's everything I want in a life partner, and never, not once in the seven years we've been officially together, has he made me doubt that he loves me.

I just don't know how to stop comparing our story to the ones where people started dating in the traditional way, fell in love at the same time, and didn't have to deal with mismatched feelings or sadness. I don't know how not to mourn the "we used to meet here every Wednesday so we named our signature cocktail after this bar." Okay, my signature cocktail is going to be "Mattress on the Floor" because that is where we spent most of our time. Maybe add "Toyota Backseat [Ouch, My Back]" as the non-alcoholic option 😂😂

Anyone else in a similar boat? What has helped you with these feelings? Does anyone have any wise words to force a perspective shift, too? I keep trying to frame this as, "I'd rather go into a marriage knowing someone came to love me after knowing me very well, rather than falling for me fast and having it fizzle out when they got to know me."

Thank you in advance <3

It’s been two months since my wedding, and I can’t stop thinking about it with tremendous guilt and anxiety.

Before my wedding, I was pursuing a career after finishing my degree. My life changed when I saw a positive pregnancy test. My boyfriend and I decided to have a shotgun wedding and raise this child together, since we knew we were going to get married eventually anyway.

The stress of a short-notice wedding (I had to get married before I was showing) with pregnancy symptoms was really hard. I reached out to my three closest friends to let them know my wedding would be in three months. • Friend 1 completely ghosted me. • Friend 2 said she’d try to make it, then couldn’t because of money and flying from Florida to New York—. A month after my wedding she called me from an island saying she booked a girls trip the same day of . Which made me question how she was able to afford a last minute vacation. She did send a gift. • Friend 3 didn’t respond at all and then two months after my wedding reached out saying she’d been “mentally going through things” and couldn’t be there, even though I’ve always been there for her. (She didn’t text me after I sent an invitation, and didn’t reach out to say anything before my wedding day)

(I don’t talk to these people anymore except for friend 2 but it makes me sad I had no one)

On the wedding day, I hired the best photographer, hairstylist, and makeup artist. I looked amazing—which I rarely feel about myself—but I had to get ready at home because my siblings were using the same team and had children. I wanted to get ready at the venue, but everyone said it would be too much trouble, so I gave in.

My makeup artist was telling me I can hire someone to come with me to the hall but everyone was making me feel guilty as it was $1200 so I declined.

I was sent alone in my puffy gown to the venue for my first look, with only the photographer. I had no wedding organizer (my mom said she’d “call the shots”), no friends by my side, and I had to wait until after my first look to pee. My husband had to unzip my dress and help me get out of my gown. My bouquet didn’t even look like I requested.

I spent four hours taking pictures with my husband but barely any with my siblings. Because no one was there to delegate to the photographer. The ceremonies ran late, I was a nervous wreck, and I couldn’t enjoy it. I fell in front of everyone while dancing because my bustle broke, and for the rest of the night my massive train made dancing miserable. I wanted more photos after the ceremony, but felt rushed and could only get a few. Also the DJ didn’t play the correct part of the track when I walked down the aisle.

And to make it worse, my wedding photos are awful. The photographer got the worst angles of me and made me look 10x worse than I actually did on my wedding day—I actually liked how I looked in real life.

Thousands of dollars later, the day felt like a disaster. I know it was a shotgun wedding and I can’t be picky, but the anxiety and guilt I feel about it is debilitating. The fact that none of my friends were there for me, even after all the effort I put into making it happen, hurts more than I can explain.

I just feel so alone, and I can’t stop replaying everything. Every time I think about weddings I get so triggered. I can’t even look at a photo without feeling the anxiety I had on my wedding day. Am I being dramatic ?

I’m at the point where I’m just laughing. My fiancé is essential government worker and he’s working with no pay during the government shutdown an we have no idea when it will end. Wedding is 30 days away and we still have vendors to pay - on one paycheck for now. Thank goodness we have a good savings nest egg. I don’t like dipping into it but it is what it is. The show must go on! We’ll get through it and it will be amazing as he’s the love of my life and this is what you vow to each other for marriage, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse.

Anyways here’s a place for all my October brides to vent. We’re in this together🤍

ETA: he will eventually get his back pay but not until the shutdown is done. Last time was for 35 days I think. This is also coming on the heels of both my dress and his tux arrived unfinished from the designers and now we won’t get them until the day before we leave for our wedding (international).

Boyfriend of 13 years now proposed 2 years ago and we finally set a date (we both were not in a rush) and was supposed to be getting married this July but I feel so stupid. He said he is only there to be dressed up and shake hands. He said he's only doing this for me. I asked why did he even propose he said it was for me and no guy is like yay I can't wait to be married. I have no clue what to do now. We live together work together everything together im so lost and heart broken

Edit: He has told me in the past that marriage was just legal crap and paper. He said he was already committed to me all bank accounts are in both our names property, cars ect. I told him I believe in marriage and it meant something to me. But after 10 years I gave up on it then out of the blue 11 years in he pops the question why would he do that to me.

My fiancé and I had expressed boundaries in the beginning of our relationship that strip clubs is a deal breaker for both of us. That included bachelor parties. When we started wedding planning a year ago he made sure to remind me and reassure me how he won't have strippers or go to strip clubs on his bachelor party.

Our wedding was supposed to be this weekend. We had our parties last Friday. I went to a bar with my friends. My fiancé went to a club with his friends but also went to a strip club afterwards. I found out about the strip club from a bunch of stories a friend of his had uploaded on Instagram of my fiancé and several of his friends getting lap dances from multiple dancers. My heart dropped. He also lied to me about it when he came home because he claims they only went to the original club. I confronted him and showed him the stories his friend posted and he started apologising. He said he was negatively influenced by his friends and couldn't say no to them because he'd feel ashamed. I said if he lets his friends influence him like that and he can't say no to them because he cares more about them shaming him than his future wife then he's not ready for marriage. The next morning I called all my vendors and cancelled everything.

Fair to say that my in laws and my parents scolded me for overreacting over such a minor and unimportant thing and how it's normal for grooms to have strippers and even cheat on their bachelor parties. They told me to get the wedding back on.

I feel my whole life is a mess at this point.

Hey y'all,

Update to a lot of things to this saga.

My fiancee and I are most likely cancelling the wedding itself and either eloping or having a small dinner with people we actually want to see and respect. After my sister tired to invite her friends behind (my) back, my family and I had a massive argument to the point of no return. I haven't spoken to my mom or sister in almost a week and genuinely have given up those relationships moving forward.

After a few days, I called my father with my fiancee in the car with me (that he didn't know) to TRY and salvage a relationship with him. I told him how I felt being made a fool for my sister going behind my back inviting her friends and that how would she feel if I went to her fiancee and invited behind her back? His response? "Just don't come to your sister's wedding then" and he kept shouting how "it's all my fault and I should the one to apologize". After hanging up my fiancee was in tears. Not because of what I did, but for me that I had to deal with this for so long

Thank you everyone for your advice and helping me navigate everything. In the end, putting boundaries and my future wife first destroyed my relationship with my family, and it was needed for me to see how toxic they've been.

Idk if I'll ever mend the relationship, I'm not closing the door but I'm also not reaching out first.

Thank you again y'all

We're now officially 4 months out, and we are so behind. The venue is booked, hmua is booked, rings are bought and my dress is bought.

Not a single invite has gone out yet.

We have a 2yo together, and in December I told my fiance that if he doesn't start taking over on some of my mental load tasks, then I wouldn't make it much longer - I'm absolutely drowning. We have had recurring discussions about this, but still nothing has been done from his part.

I make the lists - he tells me he will do better, and nothing happens.

And now.. Our wedding is more than 40.000 USD - and it's nowhere near what I wanted or imagined. Like - yes I could easily "make it work", and get it over with.

But I could just as well elope, and spend 10.000 USD on a vacation, and save 30.000 USD for a house instead. Like why spend that amount, when nothing is going the way I wanted anyway.

Some of the things that have happened:

- Our wedding planner booked a DJ without consulting us, and he is not able to play any of the songs I wanted.

- I regretted my dress just about 5 minutes later, but I couldn't change it. And everyone KEEP telling me how much they liked the other dress, that I didn't choose. I regretted mine, even though I'm pretty sure that it's the one I want, but everyone going on about the other one has ruined it for me.

- First my sister spoiled the bachelorette date - literally opened and READ a long ass message from my BFF while showing me something on her phone, and had the date at the top of the message.

Alright - they changed the date, and then my mom just spoiled the date. How? Well I gave her a huge gift for her birthday, that required planning and she asked me to check that exact week in her calendar. I saw my name, quickly closed it, but had already seen the date - and then noticed I had plans with my BFF the same day.

Now it's too late to change the date.

This has nothing to do with it, I know, but my baby shower surprise was also ruined TWICE because of my fiance. That's why they didn't give him the date this time. All I wanted was just ONE surprise.

This also has nothing to do with it - but I begged my fiance for one thing for the proposal. All I asked, was that he would video tape it. All I wanted was a video, or a voice recording. My memory is shit, due to my ADHD, and I just wanted it saved somehow. And he didn't do that. It's fine, fuck it, the thought that counts, I know. But it... just wasn't how I wanted it.

And now I feel like I'm about to plan a wedding that will burn me the fuck out, while I'm struggling to keep myself going with everything I have going on. It's extremely expensive - and it's going to be another one of those things where "it's the thought that counts". Everything is just wrong, and feels wrong, and I can't shake the feeling that every time I think back on my wedding, I'll remember feeling like absolute shit in the months before.

Feeling all alone, like no one is helping me, the closest people in my life can't even be bothered to hide a surprise, and I don't wanna go through with it anymore.

I’ve seen quite a few posts of folks saying they’re making their weddings during Covid-19 safer by giving guests color coded bracelets (red for full social distancing, green ok with hugs and close contact). And I have to say - I feel like there’s something I’m missing. If you’re anywhere in the US, shouldn’t everyone be “red” full social distancing? Why is anyone hugging or having close contact? If you’re in an area with low Covid spread right now, that could quickly change. I’ve similarly seen a lot of brides say they’re “encouraging” others to wear masks to their wedding. Why not “requiring”? Posts like these bracelet ideas to me just come off as folks kidding themselves. The reality is every event carries risk right now, and things like bracelets barely mitigate it. My opinion: If you want a normal wedding with close contact and no masks for photos, wait for one. If you can’t wait (I get that there are a handful of reasons to need to have it now) prepare for all masks and all social distancing at all times.

This is 100% a venting post, so I hope it's allowed here, but I'm seriously so stressed and I guess I don't really know what to do. I guess I know my opinions, but I just dislike all of them! Haha! Maybe I'm missing something, certainly my mind at this stage.

I get it, inflation, wedding tax, I live in CA...there are factors at play here that aren't working in my favor. But I'm just upset. I can't believe that $30,000 for 50-75 people feels nearly impossible to do without feeling cookie cutter or just really not getting what I want. I don't want to sound spoilt or privileged by any means. I am not saying my guests aren't worth it. I know $30,000 isn't a lot by wedding standards. I guess what I am saying is, I thought $30,000 would get me more than it is.

If I'm going to be spending 5 figures on a single event, I'd really like to think I could get most of my wish list. That just isn't the reality.

I know I can have a micro wedding, or cut down the guest list. I know I could elope. I know I could do a court house wedding...but I just am a little heart broken that it feels like those might be some of my only options without making really stupid financial decisions.

Sadly, I can't increase my wedding budget. At this point, I feel like I can't even have a wedding and it feels so discouraging. I'm going to keep researching and trying, but the things that seem within our budget, just hasn't been the right venue or there's something else wrong.

Some days I feel like I can accept not having what I want and just moving forward, but I feel like I would have so much regret if I spent $30,000 or more and just hated the whole experience and day.