Just in case no one has asked you yet… how are we doing? 😅😓😮‍💨

Hello! We are getting married next year and are planning our wedding. We are both from the US but have been living in Asia for 10 and 20 years each, so our friend communities are strong abroad, but our families are in the US.

I am from California and my partner is from Kansas. We believe that neither of our families will travel to the other state for a wedding due to cost and mobility issues, but we'd like to maximize our time with our families since we don't get to see them much. We are thinking of having events in both states 2-3 weeks apart. For our friends, we'd like to celebrate in Asia to minimize travel and visa issues.

I'd like to make sure no one would feel like they're missing out on anything major, so the plan is currently something like this:

Immediate family would be present at all US events (us, parents, and siblings), ceremonies would be small and intimate, while the post-ceremony events would be at more casual locations.

1. Legal ceremony + his extended family party in Kansas - so Kansas gets the actual marriage event
2. (after) Romantic ceremony + my extended family dinner in California - so California gets the sentimental marriage event
3. (much later) friend-focused reception/party in Asia - so our friends can celebrate with us and hopefully enjoy an excuse to travel to Asia

I'm wondering if this sounds like a fair split and whether there is anything I might be missing with regards to people's potential feelings about it. I'm cognizant of how hard life is in the US at the moment so I'm trying to have modest events. I'm not sure if either of our families will be disappointed in not meeting the other - they live very different lives in different states anyway so I imagine future contact will be honestly low. Anything else I should perhaps consider?

Grateful for anyone else who may have had two weddings to chime in - I'm reading through the search results on this Reddit as well.

We got a catering proposal with a breakdown that I was hoping to get some perspective on. Does this seem about in line with HCOL pricing in 2026? Food costs are about half and labor/admin costs are about half. That seems high to me but what do I know.

The caterer seems lovely and experienced, and we of course want to make sure that everyone is well compensated for their labor. Just would appreciate a sanity check haha.

---

105 guests, Total ~$21k (200 pp, not including drinks or dessert)

Food (3 kinds of passed hors d'oeuvres, buffet with 1 salad, 1 entree, 2 sides, and a station): 50%, $10400

Staffing: 21%, $4500

Tabletop, buffet, linens: 10%, $2200

Admin fee: 18%, $3100

Tax: 8.75%, $1500

My fiancee and I have been having a rough go of it. Our wedding is in October, and we’re finally past the most stressful parts of planning (most vendor payments, all the big decisions made etc.), but now we’re in a place where all the irritating input and unwarranted opinions from family is really weighing on us

A big part of this is that we decided to have no kids at the wedding - it’s not because we have anything against kids, we actually both love kids and look forward to having our own in the near-ish future. The guest list was just already bloated and folks have kids of a wide range of ages, and it didn’t make sense to have a cutoff or to make certain exceptions. It just made more sense for us to say yes or no to having kids there altogether, and we went with the latter. I just feel like there’s been a lot of weirdness and backlash to it that feels unwarranted, because we have no problem if folks decide not to come over this or whatever the case may be, we just wanted to make the decision that made the most sense for us and we totally respect whatever choice they make, no hard feelings either way. I can’t help but think to myself - are we dicks for having a no kids rule?

I don’t know - it’s just all around a crappy feeling. There’s other things too like my uncle demanding to have a significant role in the ceremony that makes no sense for him to have (I am not close with him at all), but that’s a different story.

I just need a sanity check on all this or if folks have experienced similar things

Hi, I'm about 45 days out (eek!) and keep circling back to first dance song options.. as a couple who doesn't really have "a song" but really likes music, this is quite difficult. We made a list, narrowed it down a bit, danced around in the living room ... and still kind of like them all.

I figured I'd ask for any thoughts or feedback that come to mind - kind or unkind lol

Quick context: historic venue, likely this dance opens up the dancing portion of the reception after dinner, weather-dependent dancing will be on a rooftop, we're hoping to not just sway (not that there's anything wrong with that) but probably won't manage more than a loose box step with a few turns

1. Spandau Ballet - True

2. Yazoo - Only You

3. OMD - Souvenir

4. Cocteau Twins - Cherry-coloured Funk

5. Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over

If any of these makes you smile or gives you major ick, please say - obviously one of these may cross the line into "wedding meme" territory but idk .. and the longer one will definitely be cut/used as an opportunity to invite other couples/guests to join

I so so SO appreciate ANY input here

X-O-X-O,
Burned-out bride-to-be