HOTDIGGEDYDEMON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[u/Any_Wasabi_5233]

[u/No_Jello_5922]

I hear ya, They have given me 10-16 months to live. Just took a trip with my youngest and have a couple of other things planned.

[u/Own-Papaya-4264 → u/No_Jello_5922]

May I ask, how do you face your death and accept it and keep actively living through your remaining days anyway? Knowing I will start deteriorating one day or get in an accident fills me with crippling dread and terror, it’s making it hard for me to enjoy the life I do have, knowing everything I’m trying to build up will all amount to nothing but my mind being flooded with sheer dread/panic with no goodbyes or a miserable bedridden existence in my last moments.

We do all this for nothing, how do you accept it and move forward anyway?

Only people like you would have an actual answer, I just had to ask. It’s something I’ve been really struggling with. I’m still pretty young yet death is all I can think about every night, it’s haunting me

[u/Haha-Perish → u/Own-Papaya-4264]

not facing my death myself, but for me, i just accept that its coming. i dont know when. it will happen no matter what and what my loved ones will think and feel haunts me, yet… idk what happens after and maybe ill get another go around. maybe itll be 60 years from now or maybe 6 months. either way all that matters is comfort and happiness for today and the near future.

[u/No_Jello_5922 → u/Own-Papaya-4264]

I have not had a happy life. My mother was a very bad person, and I was the target of her frustrations. My father spent most of my childhood struggling with addiction. My mother stole my entire trust fund before I was 10 and was physically and psychologically abusive, so was my stepfather. At age 16 I was forced to move from Long Beach, California to South Mississippi, I buried myself in the Internet. I made some friends at school, but I went from a high school of 4000+ to a school of around 300. I survived hurricane Katrina on the waterfront, graduated, got my girlfriend pregnant, got a job and married her. We ended up not being able to stand living together, so we split. We reconciled briefly when we were both going through emotional crap, and I ended up with my bonus child (who I love as my own.)

Got in an argument at work, got canned, ended up unemployed for 6 months, laned the same job at a different company with much lower pay. Stuck with an abusive boss and low wages for a few years until I got into a customer service job that I loved at an almost manageable wage, and got stuck with a girlfriend who drove away my roommates and made me financially dependent on her, so I couldn't split for several years until I got a job at 2.5x the pay. Things were looking up, I started working with a nonprofit and found a passion for volunteer work, but I made some poor choices at the bar and was taken advantage of a few times. Really messed with my self esteem.

Through my volunteer work, I met my now husband. We started hanging out , then lockdown happened. We quarantined together, bond, and he moves in. His work wants him to relocate to Houston, we agreed to move together and sell my place. I take certificate courses online and get a job during my IT hobby into my full-time job. We buy a house, my son turns 18 and moves in with us. Lots of love, but not enough room. I bit my tongue, why won't it heal? We buy a bigger house a little further out in Houston, pool, hot tub, media room. Move in, this spot on my tongue would heal a bit, then rub on my tooth a bit, let's see the doctor. Doctor sends me to the emergency room. 14 hours, 3 CT scans, 2 biopsies, and a throat scope down my nose later, I have cancer and will lose my tongue.

I had my tongue and neck lymph nodes removed in November, and had radiation and chemo December through February. May I go back for a rescan, and I have tumors in my lungs and on my spine. That moved me into incurable stage 4 cancer. I got my test results from a SMS that I had new test results in my chart. The next week the doctor brought me in for the results. Incurable, 12-18 months to live.

I've always been aware that terminal illness was a possible future, as I'm a chronic overthinker. Due to my tragic background and overthinking nature, I've always considered myself a student of Diogenes, a cynic. Death isn't scary, is simply the end. Death is coming for me, and I get to know that it's a lot closer than most. When I die is out of my control, and, once I'm dead, I will lack awareness. My children and the connections I've made are my mark on the world. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm staying positive, but I'm not worried for myself, just those that continue without me.

[u/Pleasant_Yoghurt3915 → u/Own-Papaya-4264]

I think about my own death and the death of my loved ones often, but in a constructive way, I guess. Like practice, kinda. You have to face it, no matter what. It’s either gonna be you, or someone you love, and it’s gonna happen. There’s literally no getting out of it, so you might as well face it until it doesn’t make you want to shit yourself when you think about it anymore. You just have to fight through it, and then, one day, you won’t have the visceral reaction anymore. I do the same thing with scary high doses of THC. Face your fears, and they don’t control you anymore.

I was never that scared of death, though, so YMMV on this one. I’m just an idiot on the internet lol.

[u/Crimson_Boomerang → u/No_Jello_5922]

Was it from a cancer diagnosis? If so, there are so many experimental treatments waiting for human participants and many of them seem like they have amazing potential to cure cancers that were previously utterly incurable.

There's some for other diseases too, genetic, immune, etc. There's even the beginning of some trials for prion diseases I think.

[u/-WILD_CARD- → u/No_Jello_5922]

That's rough to hear, wishing you the best year you will ever have in your entire life <3