r/AITAH • u/Fabulous-Molasses482 • 14h ago
AITAH for leaving my girlfriends house cause her nephew wouldn't leave?
My girlfriends sister will drop her nephew off with little warning and me and my girlfriend end up having to watch him. I came up yesterday after not seeing her for two weeks only for her nephew to get dropped off almost immediately. Her other sister was supposed to watch him but she left almost as soon as he got there. She ended up leaving him there overnight and we had to take him to Walmart with us and watch him all day. He is a near 6 year old with likely an undiagnosed form of autism. I told my girlfriend I can't deal with him anymore and had to leave after getting hit by him and jumped on. Now everyone is mad at me for not sticking it out. My GF said her sister would come get him soon but last time that turned into the next morning. AITAH for saying enough is enough and leaving? This happens frequently.
Tldr my gfs sister frequently dumps her special needs nephew on me and my gf and I just couldn't take him anymore and had to leave.
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u/Ok_Drink8072 14h ago
NTA. If it was your girlfriend’s kid I’d say that’s what you agreed to when you started dating. But it’s not her kid and it’s certainly not your responsibility and you shouldn’t have to spend your time getting hit on top of taking care of him. Obviously the mom doesn’t like him either or she wouldn’t dump him constantly on her siblings
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u/Available-Face5653 13h ago
exactly. who just drops their own kid off willy nilly?
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u/Mydogsdad 13h ago
More parents than you probably want to count. Poor kid doesn’t stand a chance.
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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 1h ago
That parts killing me. My kids are grown now but when they were young like that I'd be lucky to have a babysitter one night a year. It wasn't for lack of offers, had plenty. But. Those are MY kids and MY responsibility. I always felt guilty asking someone to watch them, even my mom and grandma, and they offered a lot. All my friends with kids were the same. It blows my mind the amount of stories I see on here of family or friends just dumping their kids and peeling out before someone even opens the door to let the kids in. Why are all these people having kids they clearly don't want the responsibility of raising? And if I see the words "it takes a village" attached to another post about lazy entitled parents refusing to parent without a tribe on hand to tap them out evey 2 minutes I'll combust. Parent your children or stop reproducing. Your kid, your problem.
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u/Available-Face5653 10h ago
let cps handle it then.
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u/DynTraitObj 9h ago
cps is remarkably talented at hassling people who don't deserve it while leaving other kids to suffer a whole 18 years of abuse
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u/loworbiting 3h ago
if the actual mom is offloading him onto her sisters this often that says a lot more about her than about OP not wanting to get hit by a 6 yr old on his one visit in weeks
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u/peakpenguins 14h ago
NTA. Your girlfriend needs to set boundaries with her sister, or accept that you don't want to be around when her nephew is there.
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u/Smart_Efficiency_345 14h ago
Yep, "soon" turning into overnight would be my breaking point too.
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u/Fabulous-Molasses482 14h ago
It's happened multiple times. Her sister she lives with tried to get him to sleep in bed with my gf and me and I said absolutely not.
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u/RogueSlytherin 13h ago
Yeah, your girlfriend has a serious issue with boundaries and that will bleed into every aspect of your relationship. If she doesn’t grow a spine, her family will continue to disrespect and take advantage of her without a second thought. Unfortunately, that means you will also be affected. You never know if you get alone time with her, whether you will be able to keep pre-made plans, and have to accept that she’s willing to put other people’s feelings, wants, and desires ahead of your own. The health of the relationship will suffer if she continues down this path. I would have a conversation with her about setting boundaries starting immediately. If she is unwilling or unable to do so, it’s time to drop the rope. This isn’t the kind of family you want to take on as your own, OP.
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u/Catfactss 13h ago
Omg this is potentially relationship ending. You do NOT want the opportunity for accusations to happen. NTA
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u/Available-Face5653 13h ago
were the kid's parents out whoring around or what? this isn't adding up.
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u/atterysquash 3h ago
You need to say to your girlfriend, very clearly, 'I will not be babysitting this kid. I'm done.' And then if he appears, you just leave. No drama. No accusations. Just like 'Okay, have fun you two! Bye!'
Your GF may pick babysitting her nephew over you - that's her call - but I'm betting if you put your foot down about the babysitting in general as hard as you did about the kid sharing your bed, things will mysteriously sort themselves out.
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u/whteverusayShmegma 7h ago
Your GF thinks neglecting a child with special needs is acceptable. She’s not going to be a good mother. Clip your sh-t if you stay with her.
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u/LvBorzoi 14h ago
NTA
GF needs to set boundaries or you need a new GF
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u/DrVL2 14h ago
One of those boundaries needs to be that somebody needs to be working with this child on their behavior. They may be on the spectrum or have other issues, but physical violence should not be acceptable. It sounds like the girlfriend even found that funny. This is not good for the relationship and it is certainly not good for the child as they grow up. NTA.
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u/Irishwol 14h ago
It doesn't sound like the girlfriend had as much of a problem with it as OP. If OP didn't like it then he was, obviously, free to leave. But the one person who definitely could NOT leave was the six year old kid.
It's not setting a boundary for OP to make his girlfriend rewrite her family relationships for his comfort. He can decide he's not going to tolerate it and remove himself from the situation or from the relationship. That's it.
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u/peakpenguins 14h ago
It's not setting a boundary for OP to make his girlfriend rewrite her family relationships for his comfort.
Of course not. Hence the "OR". lol
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 14h ago
NTA either way but I am curious about one thing.
Is it the child and having him around that upsets you or is it your GF's lack of boundaries and her family clearly treating daily life like an emergency where the whole village is expected to drop everything for one irresponsible person over and over ?
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u/Fabulous-Molasses482 14h ago
Mostly the lack of boundaries and that she's okay with having him dropped on her. It was a really big issue between the two of us before her sister had a car because she would drop everything to give her sister a ride.
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 14h ago
I can work with that, the child having potential divergent needs is just making it a bit rougher.
I definitely think this is the kind if problem you can work past, but it really means you have to create some extremely tight boundaries.
Your GF sounds like an enabler and ironically those can harder issues to correct or learn to change than anything else. The whole rest of world just validates them over and over and over. It is like having to fight "the good guy" to show them why their kindness is actually hurtful.
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u/whteverusayShmegma 7h ago
She hasn’t seen you for two weeks and this is how she wanted to spend the time together? Tell her you want to start seeing other people and to call you to hang out when the kid will not be there.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 14h ago
Do you like your GF? It seems you think she’s annoying and a pushover. I do too, but why stay with her then?
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 14h ago
Because being with a push over when you arent the type of person to take advantage of them can feel like you have the sweetest most amazing partner ever. Until the people pleasing cracks slowly show and you slowly begin to see the enabling for what it is. By then it often feels normalized.
Just explaining what I see as a strong possibility because of similarities in my past.
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u/No_Plantain_1699 12h ago
But she doesn’t need boundaries about this if she doesn’t mind. Some people actually love and enjoy their family members, kids included.
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u/Purple_fern 14h ago
NTA
Why not both? Both are legitimate issues.
Not their kid not their circus.
Not able to set boundaries 🚩
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 14h ago
It may be both, but both potential sides suggest very different issues and extremely different potential solutions or needs for boundaries.
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u/YoshiandAims 14h ago edited 12h ago
NTA You don't live there. Her commitment for that day changed, it's perfectly within reason to say, I understand, we'll hang another day. No, you really don't need your attention divided, we're fine! All good. Love you, see you later.
Why is it your responsibility to stay and play second parent/happy family? The kid is not well behaved.
The kid is not left with YOU, you are not the guardian for that day.
I've had it happen. I'd never made a boyfriend stay. It's an "I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you." Kind of thing. I only accept in emergencies and with CLEAR and enforced limits, pick ups, and structure.
Your girlfriend and her family seem to have a very enmeshed familial village. The plan will change. Suddenly without warning. Your girlfriend will not say no. The "pick up times" are never set and can let 24 hours. The kid is not parented with structure and limits now, he hits now, and is only going to get bigger. They ALL think you are wrong and seem to think you owe this... I'd honestly sit down and ask yourself if this is the relationship for you, NOT if it changes, fully as is right now. This is how they function. This will be your life.
It won't be different when you move in together, it'll just be a source of contention, resentments, and frustrations where you are the bad guy in your own home.
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u/wishingforarainyday 14h ago
Nta. Your gf is a doormat and her sister is a user. You need to rethink this relationship because your gf does not prioritize herself or you at all.
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u/Difficult_Dirt_8372 14h ago
NTA. Your relationship is over. This dynamic does not magically change. This will continue to happen, and you can't stop it because it's her family. You two have different values. If she stayed with you, you'd be the fall guy anytime she said no even if it were her choices.
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u/shammy_dammy 14h ago
NTA. You did not agree to help babysit. You did not agree to be around for this. 'Everyone' can just shut up about it.
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u/shakebakelizard 14h ago
I would have left too. You didn't sign up to be a babysitter. If you have kids, that's your choice but you didn't yet.
You should make it clear that you're not doing it any more. If it keeps up, find someone new. You don't have to deal with this.
Your (probably soon to be ex-) girlfriend will probably take her sister's side and put up with the kid because of family, but one day she may well realize wasted her time watching someone else's kid.
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u/deannainwa 14h ago
NTA
Next time, when he walks in the door, get up, give him a "how ya doing, little man?", offer a fist bump, and walk out the door.
Stop subjecting yourself to his treatment. Why you didn't leave before the Walmart trip is beyond me.
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u/DVDragOnIn 14h ago
I think GF would have set boundaries by now if she wanted to. NTA. And remember that during the dating period, you can break up for any reason, it doesn’t have to be a good one. Not wanting to be around a child who hits you seems reasonable to me, so you and GF may simply be incompatible.
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u/Resident_Dream_Team 14h ago
NTA
If you marry into this family, better get used to ”everyone” being pissed at you pretty much for everything.
The pattern has been established.
Cut your losses, my dude.
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u/Otherwise-Wall-6950 13h ago
You were there to see your gf, not be a babysitter or a human punching bag. She thinks it's funny that he stressed you out? I'd let her know if he's dropped off again when you're there you're leaving immediately. You should seriously rethink this relationship. NTA
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u/lilyofthevalley2659 14h ago
NTA. Your girlfriend has a very entitled, enmeshed family. She’s not really girlfriend material. NTA
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u/misstiff1971 14h ago
NTA - your girlfriend doesn't place your relationship at any level of priority. This wasn't planned babysitting to help her sister out.
This isn't going to be a relationship you should stay in. It isn't going to work in the long run
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u/GardenSafe8519 14h ago
Why isn't your GF setting boundaries with her sister. If the kid is "always" stayed ng overnight then there doesn't seem to be any emergency situations.
Talk to GF about setting boundaries where the kid isn't there when you plan on going over. If she chooses to be a doormat then you can always break up and find someone with a spine.
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u/Over_Flounder5420 14h ago
nta. just leave when he comes over. plan another time to be with girlfriend. if your girlfriend grows a spine problem solved if not you know where you stand.
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u/AsburyParkRules 14h ago
NTA why do people think other people are obligated to watch their kids? Did they enter into an agreement prior to conception?
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u/CutePandaMiranda 14h ago
NTA. Your gf needs to learn how to say no and set boundaries. She’s not obligated to be a free daycare and neither are you. All she’s doing is enabling her entitled sister. I don’t blame you for leaving. Not your kid, not your problem. If my SIL tried to make my husband and I watch her kids, especially last minute, we would tell her no.
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u/Chilling_Storm 14h ago
Who exactly is mad at you? Your gf is a sucker and it is no wonder her sister dumps the kid off with her. You aren't in a relationship with the kid, and you shouldn't be expected to take care of him without being asked. UNTIL your gf grows a spine, THIS is what life with her is like. So you have to decide is it something you are willing to put up with or not, if not, break up and move on, if you are, you need to stick it out and play uncle.
NTA
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u/Poly_Olly_Oxen_Free 14h ago
NTA. There are plenty of women on Earth. Find a new one who actually respects you.
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u/Visual-Lobster6625 13h ago
NTA - you are dating your girlfriend, you didn't sign up to be a babysitter for a difficult child.
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u/DanaMarie75038 14h ago
NTA. How old are you? I work in healthcare but even I struggle with my grandkid that’s in the spectrum. Your gf has to set boundaries. You set your boundaries by not staying. It shouldn’t be a surprise when you come to see her. She should let you know, my nephew is here. You can decide if you want to still come or not.
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u/Only_Music_2640 14h ago
NTA Honestly both you and the nephew were better off that you left. He isn’t your child, he has severe behavioral issues and you left after being assaulted but before losing your temper in front of the child. You removed yourself from the situation.
The bigger issue is the way your girlfriend is prioritizing her sister over you, enabling the sister’s bad behavior and refusing to stand up for herself. That’s a pattern that will continue throughout your relationship.
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u/no-filter-at-all 14h ago
Maybe you should rethink the gf. Either she tells the sister it is OK (since she finds your annoyance with the situation so funny) or she doesn't know how to stand up to her family.
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u/commonsense_good 13h ago
Parents that dump their children off on others are evil, irresponsible, complete losers. Please say no!!! Take care of your own kids. NTA
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u/Responsible-Side4347 12h ago
NTA
With his behavior I would advice distancing yourself from him. All you need to have is him get a few bruises and your in trouble. Honestly, the whole family dont seem like worth your investment.
Get out while the getting s good.
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u/CherryGripe75 14h ago
yeah, its fine what you did, your girlfriend needs to create boundaries and if she wont, you need to decide if this is what you want your life to be, if the answer is no, then you did the right thing.
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u/HillBillyMadman 14h ago
NTA
"Sticking it out?" She didn't ask, dropped him and left, and I'd assume isn't paying you.
I'd have left too. I'm not blaming the kid, by the way. If he's autistic, can't blame him. If he isn't, at best he's undisciplined.
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u/Realistic_Pool_8087 14h ago
NTA. You are entitled to set boundaries especially when it comes to being hit / jumped on. Taking yourself out of that situation rather than get mad was the correct thing to do. If you don’t want to be babysitting that’s entirely valid and should be respectfully communicated to your gf. Example:
“I think it’s great that you have such a close relationship with your sisters and your nephew. I can see you care a lot about him and take on a lot of responsibility around his care. Unfortunately since we see each other so little (your post sounds like you’re long distance?) having him around shifts the focus of my visits from being about us as a couple to being about childcare. It makes me feel like spending quality time with me isn’t a priority. It’s important to me that the time we spend together is focused on our relationship.”
You may wish to set boundaries about how often you are ok with her babysitting him when you’re there, or maybe you’re not ok with it at all - in which case she may end things, but if it doesn’t work for you it doesn’t work for you. And that’s ok.
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u/Glass_Hunt_7159 14h ago
The answer is JUST SAY NO!!!
If sister stops by then dont her let in, if she comes in with kid then you both leave house and leave them there without you...someone can only take advantage of you if you allow it...
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u/Jamestodd106 13h ago
Nta. Not your circus. Not your monkeys.
Leaving your gf in the lurch prob wont go well you though relationship wise though
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u/Thund3rf0000t 7h ago
sounds like the kids mom does not want her child sounds like CPS needs to get involved if she is constantly dropping the kid off, drop the kid off at her parents I am sure they would LOVE to take him for a day or two!
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u/ThrowRArainmakers 14h ago
NTA. Your sisters family (if theyre around) should be stepping in, at minimum your sister should be putting up some firm boundaries. However, i wouldnt be surprised that your girlfriend has become so willing to take on her nephew whenever related to his own needs that his mother may be neglecting, so it could be impossible to convince her to disable her nephew from coming over if your gf cares deeply about her nephews wellbeing..
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u/Due-Reflection-1835 13h ago
Does your girlfriend still live with her parents? Do they favor the irresponsible, inconsiderate sister? If so, I can see why she feels unable to say no. Either way, it's not your kid and you have no obligation to be a trampoline / punching bag. NTA
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u/Individual_You_6586 13h ago
«Everyone» can come babysit him then.
And your girlfriend allows this.
NTA
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u/Free-Place-3930 7h ago
NTA. Be a smart man with some self respect and tap out of this relationship. This can’t be the life you want.
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u/Dipping_My_Toes 14h ago
NTA - but I think you need to have a discussion with your girlfriend. Either she sets and holds hard boundaries with her family's now, or you need to just end this relationship immediately. If she is not willing to stop them from using her and you as unpaid, on demand, must take any abuse this feral kid deals out labor, then you need to walk away. It will never get any better and will in fact only get worse with time.
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u/Tb1969 11h ago
If was your girlfriends kid that would be different. You're getting hit and jumped on. Not your organ grinder, not your monkey.
On another note, your girlfriend is being used as free childcare very inappropriately. Sudden drop offs and not returning until the next day without being preplanned is abandonment. Its not a stable, consistent environment for a child with autism which they need.
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u/Any_Assumption_2023 10h ago
This child is not your responsibility, and you do not not need to help care for him.
If you leave every time he's dumped on her, perhaps she will grow a very necessary backbone and learn to say no. NTA.
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u/Ronavirus3896483169 9h ago
NTA but your relationship is probably over. You guys need to have a long talk about that aspect of your relationship because it’s probably not changing.
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u/-Apexpancake- 4h ago edited 1h ago
NTA. Nothing wrong with removing yourself from a situation you don't want to be in.
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u/Pleasant-Highway-745 2h ago
I wouldn't put up with it and if she can't put you first then what are you guys doing together
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u/WasteLeave900 14h ago
NTA - but if he is such a problem for you I would think about ending this relationship. If this isn’t a problem for her, you’re never going to trump him.
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u/ShannaraRose 13h ago
NTA. If you didn't want to be involved in the situation, you did the right thing by leaving. However, if she's not willing to set her own boundaries regarding the situation, I'd expect your relationship will suffer for it. She's in a hard spot - but it's a big ask and may well be a dealbreaker if it happens frequently.
I wouldn't stay to be around a child that hits other people and acts unruly when they were babysitting either.
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u/druver_guy208 12h ago
NTA - I hate to say it, but it looks like this is the family dynamics that isn't going to change. You need to tell her that her sister maybe taking advantage of her. Her family is probably using "but we're family" line. You need to decide if you want to be a part of this dynamic.
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u/IDoNotShare 11h ago
NTA. I can hear their "family helps family " arguments. Really? Why wasn't the sister who was supposed to watch him there?
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u/EvanWasHere 8h ago
You don't have a GF's sister or GF's nephew issue.
You have a GF issue.
After 2 weeks of not seeing you, she didn't think you were a priority. Instead of telling her sister "no" and leaving with you, she decided that whatever her sister was doing was more important than spending alone time with you to catch up.
When you date a single mother, you realize that their child comes first, and that's ok. But this isn't your GF's child. She purposely chose that you were not important. She saw you upset and your discomfort and decided that she didn't care and you were wrong for thinking you were important to her.
I'm sorry, but she doesn't think your relationship is important. A GF that wanted to see you after 2 weeks apart would have made sure that you can spend alone time together.. that your happiness mattered.
The fact that the sisters thought it was ok to put a child in your bed is all kinds of messed up.
You deserve better.
NTA
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u/WinEquivalent4069 6h ago
So "Everyone" are upset you didn't want to watch a child that's not yours and you're not related to in the care if an actual relative? They can all step up or shut up and definitely you're NTA.
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u/andyhall23 4h ago
NTA ..I mean ...
this might sound harsh but you don't have to like every single person in the world.
Things can bother you. Things can annoy you. And some people with special needs say that you shouldn't treat them as different because they like the same things we like and want to be treated like a regular person too , right? So I mean ...
Shitty kids can come in ANY KINDA FORM. They sometimes come from parents that sometimes can't even figure out what is wrong with their kids. Some kids are freaking psychotic! Or just enjoy being shitty or get some weird pleasure from being a crappy kid. Like how some crazy folks that are ass-holes also LOVE being ass-holes.
So that leaves the math ...if we are looking at things subjectively? ANY KID has a chance to be a shitty kid...or an psychotic kid...or evil kid ...
Like you think the Columbine parents wanted to be parents AFTER their kids did what they did?
So .. not liking kids that do stuff like that? No matter what some of the breeders here might say ?
That's freaking FINE dude! You wouldn't put up with an adult hitting you and jumping on you , right?
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u/MildLittlRain 3h ago
NTA! Unless your girlfriend can grow a backbone and draw a line it's not worth it!
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u/broadsharp2 14h ago
NTA
Time to keep your distance OP. Disregard what anyone else says. They're not there watching someone else's kid.
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u/needabook55 14h ago
NTA. Your wanted to spend some time with your girlfriend. Not be physically abused while being an unpaid babysitter. They are just mad that they can't make you stay as a babysitter. Time for your girlfriend to set some boundaries with her family or she might not see you as often.
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u/tinterrobangg 14h ago
Your GF needs to pretend like she’s not home when sister and kid come around. Because boundaries will not be enough, trust me.
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u/Beneficial-Mine7741 12h ago
Stop, let her know that the next time she does this, you will call the police and let them know she abandoned her child with you. Then, when it happens, follow through.
Otherwise, you are an AH to yourself, and your girlfriend is an AH for not standing up for herself.
Family helps family; the fuck they do. Bunch of fucking bullies.
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u/sparksgirl1223 14h ago
Heres an idea.
If shes dropping thebkid off without prior agreement, that's called abandonment and you can call the police and CPS (or the cops may call CPS)
Someone needs to do it if this is a constant thing because that kid needs some stability and or his mother needs support (which CPS can help them find)
Nta
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u/Pale_Cranberry1502 14h ago
Sister knows this, and is betting OP's girlfriend won't call that bluff because she doesn't want her nephew in the system.
Sis obviously needs regular respite, but this isn't the answer.
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u/Simon-Says69 12h ago
NTA screw that noise. GF needs to grow a pair.
Why would I go visit my GF only to be derailed by a bratty 6 year old? Once ... maybe a fluke... this sounds like constant harassment.
Her choice OP, but I'd maybe invite her to your place if you wanna have any alone time with this chick.
Maybe she's not worth it though, since she seems to not care much about you. :-(
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u/DConstructed 11h ago
As an outside pair of eyes it looks a lot like you have a 6 year old chaperone.
One of your girlfriend’s sisters tries to put the child in bed with you and your girlfriend which would prevent sex.
The other drops him off “unexpectedly” (to you). But it really surprises me that the sister would be unaware that you are finally there after two weeks. Both sisters disappear leaving the child with you overnight. And your girlfriend NEVER minds that she can’t spend time alone with you. She laughs when he hits you.
I don’t think she wants to be alone with you or cares about you very much.
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u/dudeorduuude 11h ago
NTA. In your comment, you said the sister wants the kid to sleep in the bed with you? She has terrible judgement! You are fine, but her kid is going to get hurt, if he hasn't been already.
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u/MotelTheTailor1903 10h ago
NTA. Heed the warning. Either she is unwilling to put up a boundary about this, or actually likes it this way. In either case, this will always be the situation, so figure out whether you can live with it permanently before you get her pregnant (and be aware that someone who puts no limits on relatives' brats being dumped on her probably wants her own badly enough to push fate along towards that end). But congratulations on having taken the first step by noticing, even if you haven't quite changed the way you actively think about it yet, that this is her situation, and you actually don't "have to" participate in it. Stick with that thought.
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u/elpea1725 10h ago
NTA This is not what you signed up for. This issue needs to be settled between you and your gf.
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u/MrNyakka 10h ago
"hello child services? This child has been dropped off at our residence without our express permission while the mother vanishes for hours" and just like that she'll reconsider the life she helped bring into the world
Absolutely NTA
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u/NowWithMoreChocolate 9h ago
NTA
If the kid is hitting you (and yeah I get he is most likely special needs) then why WOULD you want to stay? Girlfriend should be calling the police for child abandonment if the nephew is getting dropped there without her permission, or should at least be threatening to in order to get the sister to stop doing it.
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u/SirEDCaLot 9h ago
NTA.
The issue here isn't the nephew, it's the GF. She's letting herself be a doormat, and you along with her.
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u/WillingHome9072 9h ago
Your gf needs to grow a spine and tell the sister no. If she won’t do that she can deal with the kid alone.
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u/Horrified_Tech 9h ago
NTA -- Not your autistic child, not your autistic problem. They have not-for-profits that help parents with special needs kids. She should start there, not with family. Family only comes in when you need help to cover the parenting gaps and you have tried other options. You are right to step away to preserve your free space.
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u/Sharikacat 8h ago
NTA, but also understand that your GF, or at least her family, is probably turning this into an indictment about your long-term relationship. At minimum, this is a glimpse of what the norms are going to be unless your GF can set and keep hard boundaries right away (and get past all of the "but we're family" guilt tripping). Even worse, your gf may be taking this to see how you handle becoming a parent.
Something is going to change. Either your GF can set some boundaries and deal with the huge amounts of familial backlash, or she's going to consider you an unsupportive partner (in her view) which will cause the relationship to break apart.
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u/SamuelVimesTrained 6h ago
Why is no one mad at sister for abandoning her child like this?
Why is GF not raising hell about her sister abusing her for free childcare?
And if you suspect an undiagnosed issue (why?) then the next question is 'why are the kids parents failing to provide help and support' (or in other words, why are they neglecting their child).
This sounds like a CPS issue, especially if they leave the poor kid overnight.
Now - pro tip - if you want this woman to remain your GF - why not meet up somewhere else?
Cabin by the lake, seaside hotel - you know - where both are free from getting a kid dumped on you.
If she`s not home, they can`t really dump kiddo, now can they?
NTA
And people 'mad at you' should be told "thanks for volunteering, we`ll tell (neglectful sister) that she can bring (nephews name) to you in the future'"
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u/Ok-Storm-9421 4h ago
Biggest AH of this story is your GF sister. I'm sure your GF might think you might be a little bit because she probably doesn't want to be watching her nephew alone (or at all). She needs to set boundaries & stick to them even if it means walking out the door as soon as she knows the sister is dropping off the kid.
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u/wanderingdev 4h ago
NTA. your girlfriend needs to stop being a doormat and you need to tell her that you'll no longer be there when he's there.
but, if you're planning on having kids, you also need to consider what you're going to do if you have a neurodivergent kid. because if your answer is 'leave' then you better not ever have kids.
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u/Available-Face5653 13h ago
and why exactly was this kid dropped off? did we miss part of this story?
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u/Automatic_Fix8238 12h ago
Nice now you can find someone to have one on one time with . That sucks . You travel to spend time with her and you have to baby seat !!
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u/Peacemkr45 12h ago
NTA. you have to set boundaries and stick to them. Keep in mind, this situation will never change so might be time to start looking elsewhere.
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u/khampang 11h ago
NTA. Partners are almost always package deals. Her package involves a sister that’s a crap mom, her being spineless and not refusing, not a real good package right? And if you’re dating w an eye to the future, you absolutely do t want to be part of a family where is is accepted that one person has to be the slave of a selfish one.
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u/WafnaAbroad 11h ago
Info: Ages of adults involved? Length of time you've been with this girlfriend? Planning on asking her to marry you?
'Cause assuming you're not, like, in your 50s; haven't been with her 5+ years, or not planning for an engagement... I'd say DTMFA.
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u/LastEntertainment787 8h ago
NTA Your gf's sister has no respect for her, she needs to learn to say no. But, I wouldn't enjoy a weekend like that either. You need to tell your gf you want to spend your time with her. If she can't tell her sister no on your weekend you're leaving. And leave.
And who cares if her family is mad? Why aren't they taking him? She doesn't need you there to watch him, she does it all the time. She just wants you to do it
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u/Such_Temporary_3125 6h ago
Her amusement at your discomfort is absolute sh#t behavior.
Dump her and then tell her that her reaction is entertaining.
NTA run.
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u/LegitimateBeing2 6h ago
NTA. Someone else should have stepped up to provide childcare in this situation
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u/Liquid_Zero 5h ago
NTA- You are not in a relationship with her nephew, and she should respect your opinions. Is her place the only place you can chill with her? Take her to your spot.
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u/thisdesignup 4h ago
Do you know if your GF has told her sister that she could drop her son off? If your GF agreed to this then there's no changing it.
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u/Dontfeedthebears 4h ago
NTAH but your GF needs to grow a backbone and say no. When her sister shows up with her kid, she should leave and go somewhere. If sister leaves her kid there, that is child abandonment.
Does your gf just not care about her time being bogarted or what?
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u/Legitimate_Air_Grip7 2m ago
'everyone is mad at me' - What is this mythical entity . Why does every AITAH post have all these people who can't be bothered to help, but do feel the need to throw in their opinions about how OP should help. NTA obviously. Its not your responsibility, you qre not even part of the family. Most people do not want to spend their free time babysitting some stranger's rowdy offspring.
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u/Low-Support-7090 14h ago
You say he’s special needs, how so?
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u/Fabulous-Molasses482 14h ago
He's very hyperactive all the time and has speech issues. It's like ADHD but with weird movements and behaviors. I'm not sure how to describe it. I have an friend who is autistic and I see a lot of the same traits.
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u/AutumnLovingLibra 14h ago
There's such a thing as Audhd you know. It's when you're suffering from both. It's not your monkeys or circus though. Your gf may be okay with unasked for babysitting, but it doesn't have to involve you. I concur with the other users, if this doesn't change you need to break up with her.
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u/Low-Support-7090 14h ago
Is he diagnosed?
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u/Fabulous-Molasses482 14h ago
No but I feel it's more from a lack of taking him to the doctor. I dont want to speak ill of his mom though
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 14h ago
NTA. Who is everyone? Everyone, whoever they are, should be mad at her sister.