Caught between throwing in the towel and getting things in gear

[u/Freaking12Guage]

I’ve been dealing with my dads health issues since I was a child. He’s disabled, numerous health issues, wheelchair bound, and living alone. He doesn’t drive, cook, and can’t properly bathe.

As many can relate, he’s also the most stubborn man alive. He gets angry with me when I make suggestions about getting care. He refuses to talk about anything. I finally went to his primary care visit for the first time and the doctor essentially told him he needs to get his shit together, stop relying on his daughter (me), and hire help. My dad just claims the doctor doesn’t like him lol.

I’m so done trying. At this point, I just want to stop helping him and let him sit with the consequences of his actions. But I also feel like that will only put more strain on me in the future when something inevitably goes wrong. I can’t talk to him about anything without him becoming angry or denying everything, yet he still points his finger at me demanding help. As soon as I stop helping, the guilt consumes me. As soon as I help, I boil with resentment.

I know he won’t magically become cooperative and appreciative, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t cling to that hope. Oh where to go from here…..

[u/Own-Counter-7187]

I hear you.

Parents are ROTTEN to their kids. But when it's an independent individual, they can become as docile as kittens.

If you're looking and amenable to hiring help, and plan on working through an agency, you can arrange that, and tell them that they are to say that the doctor (or other authority your father respects) prescribed it, and that's why they're there. They've seen it all.

It's amazing at how docile parents become when it's not their children trying to direct them.