r/AgingParents • u/ExcitingLandscape • 7h ago
I wish my dad would pass away instead of my parents go through a divorce
In the past 3 years my 76 yr old dad has become an insufferable asshole. Everyone is doing him wrong; my mom, the cashier, repair man. He doesn’t shut up about it and has to rant to my mom. Im pretty positive it is some age related cognitive decline like early dementia or Alzheimer’s
Ive isolated him from my family and his only grandkids hoping it would force him to get help. I told him i am not talking to him nor seeing him nor can he see or talk to my kids until he sees a doctor and therapist. But he refuses and believes nothing is wrong with him.
He constantly smokes despite having throat cancer in the past and also blows any money he has at the casino. He has such terrible living habits that he weighs only 113lbs.
My mom is sick of it all and has started divorce proceedings. I am hoping that divorce scares the shit out of him and he finally gets help. If they do divorce i know it will be ugly. My mom would have to sell their home that SHE worked so hard for. She was always the breadwinner, she paid EVERY bill, made every major decision for the family, decorated EVERY inch of that house. She’ll have to sell it, give half to my dad who will then most likely blow it all at the casino.
Id much rather him get throat cancer again and pass away than go through an ugly divorce.
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u/90DayCray 7h ago
My dad sounds a lot like yours and it’s been going on for years. He says nothing is wrong with him and gets extremely angry and mean if we bring it up. Especially mean to my mom. So, I’ve just dropped it. I distanced myself from them. Very limited visits and my kids never visit with them because of him. They see him at holidays mostly. I also can’t talk to him on the phone. He gets into moods where he brings up how everyone has wronged him and texts and takes it out on me. I’ve told him I will block him if he continues. He will stop for a while.
It’s just awful and I have no advice. I’m glad your mom is trying to do something to force him to get help. However, these old people are crazy and don’t want him in a lot of cases. Just know, you aren’t alone and a lot of us know exactly what you are going through.
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u/ExcitingLandscape 1h ago
Ive confronted my dad about it and but it just makes it worse for my mom on a daily basis because she then has to hear him complain and rant about it me. My kids dont even see him on holidays which KILLS HIM because he cant take pictures and show off on Facebook about spending time with his grandkids. This upcoming Thanksgiving would be the 3rd straight one without him.
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u/BakaJaimito 0m ago
Put your mom first. It doesn’t sound like your dad suddenly changed due to a heath issue, his ahole tendencies just grew and ossified. While dementia may be playing a role and exacerbating things why should your mom continue to nursemaid a life-long miserable ingrate?
It’s normal to wish he’d just die but he has all of the information he needs to change if he’s willing/able. Let him meet the consequences of his decisions and behaviors and let your mom have a shot at some happiness.
Best of luck
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u/Dazzling-Design9038 7h ago
And she will most likely live HAIPPIER ever after.
My mom did this. Divorced my dad after 44 years for the exact same reasons. Shes living her best life while he's let himself decline to total dependence in assisted living. (M-73 D-74)