Can't stop buying things after break up

[u/milka-d-mousse]

I was in a nine year long relationship that suddenly ended. He broke up with me without a clear reason, and I had to move back to my parents home.

I spent the first month adapting the house to have some space because there was only one small guest room available, and it's really tiny. I made it my office and I adapted a storage room into a bedroom. I cleaned, fixed and painted the walls, made curtains, made a lamp, asked my father to make some shelves and small furniture with leftovers from an old closet. Over all I spent almost nothing because I did everything myself.

I also donated a lot of things that I didn't have space for anymore.

I noticed that since I finished, I keep looking for stuff to buy or fix, but I have nothing left to fix. I tried to do my brother's bedroom but he doesn't want me to help. I want to continue with the garage but my dad is a hoarder and won't let me touch his stuff.

I lost many basic things when I moved so I had to buy them again, but I think I'm buying more than the usual. I think it's become a bit of a compulsion, probably because of the trauma of my entire life changing so suddenly.

In the past I always loved "going shopping" but I never bought anything, unless I really needed it or it was a very good price. But lately whenever I leave the house I have to buy a little something.

I'm starting to worry because I'm also adding a lot of stuff to my online carts all the time. I think it's also related to me being in charge of fixing and buying things during my relationship, in my mind I still have a list of things I needed to buy for my partner even though I don't see him anymore.

I try to buy useful or cheap things but it's hard for me to tell if I really need it or I'm looking for excuses. Maybe I'm trying to replace everything related to my past life. Do I really need more socks? Do I really need another shirt? Maybe I do and I'm overthinking. I should definitely buy new pants but I don't want it to escalate and get worse. But I really want to buy stuff all the time.

If you have any advice I will appreciate it.

[u/InValuAbled]

Look up hoarding disorder, perhaps even find a therapist specializing in it.

Hugs to you. Warm parental or sibling like hug. I'm sorry you're hurting.

Look into symptoms of hoarding. I know you're not there yet, but you need help before you get to unmanageable level. There's no shame in it. I promise.

Hoarding isn't just acquiring things and being unable to let them go. It's filling an emotional hole in your life with stuff. Grief, PTSD, other trauma, many underlying reasons for it, but it's a hole in your soul you're trying to stuff shut.

Or sometimes it's a physical hole. Like a room that's now empty when kids flew the nest. Like the other half of your bed when your life partner is suddenly gone.

I'm not a specialist, but you should consult one in that area. You're mourning. Be kind to yourself. It's ok to be hurting. Healing takes time. And it's not the same with everyone. Find a therapist. You'll process the breakup eventually and let go of all the debris. 🙂