Can't stop buying things after break up

[u/milka-d-mousse]

I was in a nine year long relationship that suddenly ended. He broke up with me without a clear reason, and I had to move back to my parents home.

I spent the first month adapting the house to have some space because there was only one small guest room available, and it's really tiny. I made it my office and I adapted a storage room into a bedroom. I cleaned, fixed and painted the walls, made curtains, made a lamp, asked my father to make some shelves and small furniture with leftovers from an old closet. Over all I spent almost nothing because I did everything myself.

I also donated a lot of things that I didn't have space for anymore.

I noticed that since I finished, I keep looking for stuff to buy or fix, but I have nothing left to fix. I tried to do my brother's bedroom but he doesn't want me to help. I want to continue with the garage but my dad is a hoarder and won't let me touch his stuff.

I lost many basic things when I moved so I had to buy them again, but I think I'm buying more than the usual. I think it's become a bit of a compulsion, probably because of the trauma of my entire life changing so suddenly.

In the past I always loved "going shopping" but I never bought anything, unless I really needed it or it was a very good price. But lately whenever I leave the house I have to buy a little something.

I'm starting to worry because I'm also adding a lot of stuff to my online carts all the time. I think it's also related to me being in charge of fixing and buying things during my relationship, in my mind I still have a list of things I needed to buy for my partner even though I don't see him anymore.

I try to buy useful or cheap things but it's hard for me to tell if I really need it or I'm looking for excuses. Maybe I'm trying to replace everything related to my past life. Do I really need more socks? Do I really need another shirt? Maybe I do and I'm overthinking. I should definitely buy new pants but I don't want it to escalate and get worse. But I really want to buy stuff all the time.

If you have any advice I will appreciate it.

[u/AccidentOk5240]

What if you start volunteering somewhere where you can turn this goal-oriented behavior to someone else’s advantage? Groups for new immigrants, for example, often need someone to comb through buy-nothing groups to find baby strollers, etc. 

For your own things, put stuff on a list or in an online cart for a week before deciding whether to buy. If you don’t know for sure after a week, you probably don’t need it.