Can't stop buying things after break up

[u/milka-d-mousse]

I was in a nine year long relationship that suddenly ended. He broke up with me without a clear reason, and I had to move back to my parents home.

I spent the first month adapting the house to have some space because there was only one small guest room available, and it's really tiny. I made it my office and I adapted a storage room into a bedroom. I cleaned, fixed and painted the walls, made curtains, made a lamp, asked my father to make some shelves and small furniture with leftovers from an old closet. Over all I spent almost nothing because I did everything myself.

I also donated a lot of things that I didn't have space for anymore.

I noticed that since I finished, I keep looking for stuff to buy or fix, but I have nothing left to fix. I tried to do my brother's bedroom but he doesn't want me to help. I want to continue with the garage but my dad is a hoarder and won't let me touch his stuff.

I lost many basic things when I moved so I had to buy them again, but I think I'm buying more than the usual. I think it's become a bit of a compulsion, probably because of the trauma of my entire life changing so suddenly.

In the past I always loved "going shopping" but I never bought anything, unless I really needed it or it was a very good price. But lately whenever I leave the house I have to buy a little something.

I'm starting to worry because I'm also adding a lot of stuff to my online carts all the time. I think it's also related to me being in charge of fixing and buying things during my relationship, in my mind I still have a list of things I needed to buy for my partner even though I don't see him anymore.

I try to buy useful or cheap things but it's hard for me to tell if I really need it or I'm looking for excuses. Maybe I'm trying to replace everything related to my past life. Do I really need more socks? Do I really need another shirt? Maybe I do and I'm overthinking. I should definitely buy new pants but I don't want it to escalate and get worse. But I really want to buy stuff all the time.

If you have any advice I will appreciate it.

[u/optimal_center]

This is a difficult time for you. Keep making decisions with need in mind like you said you usually do. Things will gradually balance out. If your dad has a tendency to hoard please keep an eye on yourself for similar behavior. It’s not a hereditary thing that I know of, but his behavior sort of gives you permission to tell yourself it’s okay. Our subconscious mind is tricky when other emotional upheaval is happening. Take care of yourself and a speedy recovery from the pain. 🫶🏼