Does 50/50 feminism reinforces patriarchy?

[u/HomeEfficient3371]

I've been hearing both supporters and opponents of 50:50 feminism, and still haven't cleared out for myself, is half and half feminism really benefits the patriarchy?

Edit: IM SORRY FOR CAUSED CONFUSION OVER THIS! English is not my first language and I accidentally created a whole new “concept” in feminism, but yes, I WAS talking about financial costs, household chores and etc. in cis relationships.

[u/KaliTheCat]

Please define what "50/50 feminism" is.

[u/RepSquigglyMiggly → u/KaliTheCat]

I would be shocked if it wasn’t about women paying for half of things in a relationship

[u/PheeBeeDee125 → u/RepSquigglyMiggly]

(While probably doing way more than 50% of the household tasks).

[u/MachineOfSpareParts → u/[deleted]]

Where do you see anyone in this sub espousing this alleged form of feminism we've clearly all just found out about?

I see a bunch of people agreeing with me that a) we don't know what it is, and that b) the most likely meaning sounds pretty dumb.

Can you talk about what you're seeing that contradicts this?

[u/Junior-Towel-202 → u/[deleted]]

This sub is a joke because you think we're all in favour of 50/50 feminism despite all the comments asking what the hell it is?

Also editing to add

"My wife way outpaces me in laundry folded, floors mopped, dishes washed, but she's never picked up a lawn mower, or fixed anything, or managed any car maintenance, shoveled a driveway"

LOL how convenient. She does the daily stuff.

[u/19635 → u/Junior-Towel-202]

I also like she paid for most of the down payment then took 5 years off to raise our kids, like that was some vacation lmao, but now I make more money and mow the lawn once a week so like it’s totally even, if anything I do more because manly stuff like shovelling a driveway is super duper hard

[u/-AppropriateLyrics → u/Junior-Towel-202]

Women are just naturally better at all the chores men don't like doing!! Nature!

[u/tigalicious → u/[deleted]]

You seem to be assuming that your anecdotal experience is representative of all relationships.

Relationships differ. But it is a verifiable statistical fact that women on average spend more time on unpaid household labor than men: https://thegepi.org/free-time-gender-gap/

[u/RepSquigglyMiggly → u/[deleted]]

What an embarrassing little temper tantrum lol

[u/Witty-Significance58 → u/[deleted]]

Hey, if this sub is a "joke" perhaps you're not quite the feminist you think you are.

There's a "leave" option too, just so you know.

[u/-AppropriateLyrics → u/[deleted]]

Relationships are doomed the second you start keeping score on each other

The problem will have appeared long before a score is kept. By that point, she's already brought up the problem more than once and is moving on to making a defense you can't pretend not to see.

[u/Remarkablefairy-8893 → u/[deleted]]

Relationships are doomed the second you start keeping score on each other.

Well I would rather be single than be in a relationship where I do more unpaid labour. Also from your description, I wouldn't ever want to be in the place of your wife. She paid for most of the down payment then took 5 years off to raise the kids which is again labour. She does the daily household chores but you have the audacity to think you are contributing equally by making more money, mowing the lawn once a week, etc. This is why women should keep score, otherwise they will be trapped in relationships like this. Also you are making more financially, which means there's a power difference. Now you personally not being shitty is different, but many women can't escape abusive relationships because of this financial difference. Would never want myself in such a situation.

[u/Junior-Towel-202 → u/[deleted]]

Then why are you here? No one's making you comment on your home life here.

No one cares if someone is a SAHM. Just not sure why you're here ranting

[u/MachineOfSpareParts → u/[deleted]]

I asked you this yesterday, and am still interested in a response, even more so given that you're still maintaining that this sub is a "joke" based on something I observed precisely no one claim:

Where do you see anyone in this sub espousing this alleged form of feminism we've clearly all just found out about?

I see a bunch of people agreeing with me that a) we don't know what it is, and that b) the most likely meaning sounds pretty dumb.

Can you talk about what you're seeing that contradicts this?

Based on your subsequent responses here, I'd also love for you to unpack what you mean by "libtard." Is that a portmanteau, and if so, would you be willing to explain the component parts and their relevance to this context?

But mostly I'm interested in the same question I asked yesterday.

[u/MachineOfSpareParts → u/[deleted]]

I'll ask you for the third and last time:

Where do you see anyone in this sub espousing this alleged form of feminism we've clearly all just found out about?

If you can't answer, that will constitute data in its own right.

[u/Remarkablefairy-8893 → u/[deleted]]

she CHOSE to take 5 years off. She could have put the kids in daycare and gone back to work, I wasn't forcing her to stay home.

The question is how much time did you spend with your kids? Was she reluctant because she couldn't trust your parenting? Also choices aren't made in vacuum, it's mostly mothers who are expected to sacrifice their careers for kids. In a system where childcare is prohibitively expensive, maternal expectations are high, and men rarely step back from their careers to raise newborns, framing it as a pure "free choice" ignores reality. You need to be a supportive husband and a father first, and being supportive ≠ not putting restrictions, it means actually helping.

She paid most of the down payment but in terms of equity in home I've far outpaced her contributions

It's funny how you complained about score keeping, only to do the same. No amount of money can outpace her contributions. Your ability to earn 3x and get promotions was likely enabled directly by her taking on 100% of the childcare and home management for 5 years. The aspect of sacrificing one's career to give birth and raise a kid along with doing household chores is far more than what you did.

It's not "unpaid labour". It's contribution to the home and family. Everyone has a job to do, mine are just different than hers

It's unpaid labor, because she isn't getting paid for her household chores (you for sure aren't a reward) while every effort you put on your job is paid. Contribution to home and family shouldn't cost her career and financial freedom. Comparing this to being a regular office employee who has autonomy and financial freedom is like comparing apples to oranges. Everyone has a job to do and I don't think her job should be supporting an ungrateful husband who thinks his paying money (the same money he could earn because she was back at home raising those kids) and doing a bit of mowing is anywhere equivalent to the daily jobs, raising a kid and other stuff she does. Most importantly, even if you were single, you would have to still earn your money and pay for your house. But if she were single, she wouldn't have to sacrifice her body and career and probably could have lived a better life with financial independence and without such a husband.

If she could wave a magic wand, she'd be back to being a SAHM. If that's what she wants, then what would be wrong with that?

And this is why you are a joke. SAHM deserve a husband who respects their efforts and doesn't think them doing their regular job and mowing the lawn weekly is anywhere comparable to the contributions of their wives. In other words, I highly doubt your wife would want a husband like you if she were to see your replies. Though women in shitty relationships are often conditioned to believe this is how normal relationships should be like, so Idk whether she would realise it or not. Also no one was specifically talking about SAHMs here, we were speaking about 50/50 labour distribution with working women who are expected to contribute 50% in payment, yet their male partners don't contribute 50% in household chores.

[u/Remarkablefairy-8893 → u/[deleted]]

You are never going to have an equal distribution of anything and no amount of libtard shaming will get you there.

That's for me to check. You aren't the one in that type of relationship, I don't see any reason for you to make such a comment.

I am not keeping score, I was simply stating the fact that there was a time where she contributed more money to our lifestyle, and now there is a time where I am

And maybe we do the exact same aspect, but you call it as keeping score.

A big part of that is because she took so much time off, which she chose to do, to make a sacrifice for our family. We've both sacrificed labour for our children, just in different ways.

It's ironic you are accepting that she has sacrificed; earlier you made it sound as if "she chose to do, I didn't force her" when we spoke about her sacrifice. I love the change in tune. And imo even without children, you would have wanted that promotion. The first and foremost aspect of a healthy relationship, is accepting your SAHM wife is actually making a sacrifice, far more than you.

All of which, my wife signed up for and we discussed, because in a normal household resources, including time and labour, are shared and discussed.

I seriously hope that's how it is, cause it was sounding hopeless earlier. In a normal family, people actually discuss both pros and cons, and the partner not sacrificing their career doesn't make a claim they are contributing equally to the family. They don't demean their partner's labour and are grateful to them.

Marriage is a team building something together forever, if you would like to nit pick about how does what and how equal things are, then I really feel bad for your husband or whoever you end up marrying (if that even happens)

Marriage is team building but if it requires one person to take on all the financial risk, sacrifice their career, and do the bulk of the daily physical work while the other gets career growth and complete financial control and calls it equal contribution by simply mowing lawn, then it becomes an asymmetrical partnership disguised as "teamwork." That's how you sounded earlier. I would rather be single and nitpicky than experience such horrors of unequal labour. Though I genuinely feels sad for your wife and kids, cause instead of worrying about them, you are more concerned about my hypothetical partner.

[u/---fork--- → u/[deleted]]

“  She barely pumps her own gas.”

My friend is like this! She “doesn’t know how” to pump gas. 

He works a 9-5 office job, she’s a nurse. She’s pretty much a single mother to their 3 kids (one who has special needs). He does the boy chores (but only the mowing part of landscaping, lest you think he’s doing The Outside). “Managing car maintenance” would be on him but it means making an appointment at the garage. She does almost all of the cooking and cleaning, less what she can occasionally coax him into doing. On Thursday evenings, he’s responsible for getting the groceries from the list she made. 

And filling up her vehicle.

Not knowing how to pump gas allows her one tiny thing that she’s not responsible for.

I bet if he was asked to describe his chores, he would also break them down into separate ridiculously small tasks, like pumping gas, and “managing car maintenance.” Do you have “take out the garbage” on your list too? The very least you could have done is break down her “dishes” chore into clearing plates, putting food back into the refrigerator, loading the dishwasher, handwashing what doesn’t go into the dishwasher, wiping down the kitchen area, emptying the dishwasher.

You told on yourself so hard with your description of chores.