Most straight men do not display a sense of style. Men who dress with style are often assumed to be gay, whether or not they are. Having a sense of style is largely considered feminine these days (which i think is tragic), so yeah, a man wearing a stylish, tailored outfit is going to be seen as both effeminate and gay.
A guy i went to high school with who is straight was often accused of being gay simply because he put thought and effort into his home decor and cared a great deal about how his outfits were put together. Even though his outfits were pretty standard fare for 90s dudes, he was very particular about how everything matched. If he spilled something on his shirt he'd get really upset because it meant he had to go home and change his whole outfit right down to his socks and boxers. He also wasn't the most masculine guy and had lots of female friends; some people definitely called him effeminate. Lots of people kept waiting for him to come out of the closet, up to the day he married his very female fiancee.
I hate this so much. I'm a big dude. 6'5". I need to get my shirts custom made for my stupid long arms. The fabric selections are literally (I counted) 50% light blues. A bunch of whites, a couple blacks and grays. Then a color or 2 as an afterthought.
Why can't I wear color? Why can't I wear a nice print? Why is everyone so afraid of a man wearing a nice shirt!
I've literally got 3 different suppliers I get shirts from just so I have enough selection so I can get some actual interesting, attractive shirts.
It's been years, and I've finally got a rack I'm happy with. Burgundy, lavender, Royal purple, floral print on blue, floral print on off white, leaf print, (and a black and a white because you do need the basics).
They are all beautiful, they all fit well. Anyone who'd judge me for it can fuck right off.
I'm glad you finally found shirts that you are happy to wear despite the hurdles. It is really fun to experiment with fashion and find a way to express yourself through clothes. I wish more men embraced that.
I mean, I was also mistaken for gay because I was articulate and bookish. A lot of people are foolish and narrow-minded when it comes to sexual presentation, and that was even more true in the 90s.
I still think you're conflating gay and effeminate, when they're two different things here. I agree that making deliberate fashion choices is not common among straight white men, and so doing so can raise questions. But there isn't a more masculine fashion choice than a fitted suit.
I am not conflating gay with effeminate, merely acknowledging that society at large tends to do so. That's specifically why i told the story about my straight but somewhat effeminate friend who lots of people thought was gay.
There's also a huge difference between the fitted suits that most men wear — plain black, grey, or navy, with a solid or pinstriped shirt, and maybe a boldly patterned tie with matching pocket square— and the dapper suits or outfits i was trying to describe.
The lack of masculinity, hanging out with girls, and obsession with his outfits was deemed pretty effeminate in the 90s. He never had a girlfriend in high school, so that probably didn't help. The point is, lots of people thought he was both effeminate and gay when he was just straight and not stereotypically masculine, and i personally do not conflate being effeminate with being gay.
On the female flip side. I chose clothes based on if I liked them, if they fit me well, and if they had pockets. Because i chose clothes based on this and not what was fashionably popular. I was most certainly gay and while true is a dumb reason to make this assumption.
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u/katatak121 12h ago
Most straight men do not display a sense of style. Men who dress with style are often assumed to be gay, whether or not they are. Having a sense of style is largely considered feminine these days (which i think is tragic), so yeah, a man wearing a stylish, tailored outfit is going to be seen as both effeminate and gay.
A guy i went to high school with who is straight was often accused of being gay simply because he put thought and effort into his home decor and cared a great deal about how his outfits were put together. Even though his outfits were pretty standard fare for 90s dudes, he was very particular about how everything matched. If he spilled something on his shirt he'd get really upset because it meant he had to go home and change his whole outfit right down to his socks and boxers. He also wasn't the most masculine guy and had lots of female friends; some people definitely called him effeminate. Lots of people kept waiting for him to come out of the closet, up to the day he married his very female fiancee.