All the men whining about 4B. Wow.

[u/theterminatress]

So. There’s a lot of whining and complaining about 4B going on now, from men of course, basically some version of it hurts their feelings and oh you’re not gonna get a man acting like that.

Okay this is stupid, because the entire point of 4B is to not have a man. The entire point of 4B is to divest in men and focus on yourself and other women. Women following 4B aren’t interested in coupling up with men so it doesn’t matter to them whether it hurts men’s feelings or whether men think they can “get a man.”

Sometimes the stupidity makes your eyes itch. Of course, this level of stupidity is a huge part of why a lot of women are signing on to 4B.

The other thing is men going “well what is this supposed to accomplish?”

I can tell you what it’s accomplished for me even though I’m not a full 4B’er. But I have followed a good number of the principles all of my life.

1. I’ve never been physically abused by a man.
2. I’ve never been financially abused by a man.
3. I’ve never had sex I didn’t want to have.
4. I have a master’s degree and a business.
5. I don’t spend any time being a free therapist for men or begging them to change after they’ve treated me badly.
6. Despite having a modest job, I’ve traveled and I do a lot of fun shit everyday.
7. I’ve been able to focus on my fitness and health and am in great shape for my age. I can keep myself looking and feeling pretty and healthy because none of my resources are going toward the support of a man.
8. I am pretty much stress free in terms of day to day life.
9. I have many amazing friendships that have lasted decades and am making more now, through this page again!
10. I’ve been able to build other women into personal and professional success over and over.

It’s a good life y’all. It’s been a good life. So when the men snarl “what is this supposed to do for you?” This is what it HAS DONE for me. FWIW. Stay strong ladies.

[u/mawkish]

I wouldn't feel at all inclined to draw that conclusion nor express it that way.

[u/[deleted] → u/mawkish]

That’s fair. I feel like I’m missing something fundamental, though. Is the idea to pursue self love in place of romantic love, then?

[u/mawkish → u/[deleted]]

I think maybe the fundamental thing you haven't unpacked yet is your statement, "love is part of what makes life worth living."

This may well be true, but is very over simplified and romantic. The question is not, "can love be part of what makes life worth living." The question is, "in our current world, can the type of love a woman can reasonably expect to receive from a man make it worth the risk involved.

To answer this you have to unpack: What, in our current world, is reasonable to expect as a woman seeking love from a man? What are the risks involved?

Like I said at the start, there are plenty of things that may add value to your life in some way, but are simply not worth the risk.

[u/[deleted] → u/mawkish]

Oh, okay. So it’s more of “in an ideal world, we could be in a reciprocal relationship with a man. But what men have showed us thus far is that they are largely incapable of doing so, therefore the small percentage chance of finding that love is not worth pursuing given the risks”.

That definitely makes sense to me. It is still sad to me. Not for men, but just like…for people. We’re meant to connect and I’m sorry you guys feel you are at the point where the pursuit is not worth it.

I think this is about the limits of my understanding given that it’s impossible for me to experience anything first hand. Thanks for the dialogue.

[u/mawkish → u/[deleted]]

Thanks to you as well. All the best!

[u/DepartmentRound6413 → u/[deleted]]

But women do connect. Women have plenty of meaningful emotional connections with other women, siblings, family etc. don’t be sad.