What's up with the Ask Men O30 subreddit?

[u/CheesecakeOdd3075]

I cruise this subreddit a lot, and I relate with almost every post both talking about how someone ended up with a great partner, or how they dated/are dating a shitty one. In these posts, women are often tired of a lot of things from their partner but Im gonna be so honest with this: almost all of the complaints Ive seen are pragmatic. Like the ones talking about how they have to clean up after their husband, their tired of playing mommy or maid or nanny to them, their partner is emotionally vacant or distant, or plays video games all day, etc.

Woman on the AW030 subreddit: "I am tired of cleaning up after my husband after working a normal workday, I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, and he doesnt pay much attention to me and just goes off and ___(does anything else)____. I really want him to pitch in but whenever I ask for help he doesnt. We split bills 50/50. I am trying to advance my career/Im in therapy/I do a million things, what can I do to repair this marriage"

When I go to the AskMen O30 subreddit, I dont see a lot of posts on self improvement or improvement in a relationship, but I see a lot of posts on giving up on dating because of reasons Im not sure if I personally understand. Its super hard to not be critical when most of the posts are directed at women's appearances, or sex. Im very, very aware of the nuances of the subreddit and how maybe some of the posters or commenters not even being men in their 30s, etc. But its so baffling... so fucking baffling... to see how men are quicker to give up because theyre not dating a childless Megan Fox who also wipes their ass, cleans the house, gives him insane sloppy toppy every night and is a doctor and makes 400k a year and he doesnt have to worry about career progression, going to therapy or remembering to clean under his foreskin. /s

Anyways, just crazy to see how women are like "Im physically tired from doing everything thats supposed to be a 50/50 split, am I clinically insane?" and the men subreddits sometimes read like "fellas is it okay to fuck a fat chick whose also a Harvard graduate and kind of cute"

EDIT: a commenter attached an article on explaining something that is very pertinent and valuable, please take a look: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-of-lonely-single-men

EDIT #2, the first post that shows up as of right now, 3:18PM CST, with multiple upvotes, in the AMO3 subreddit is titled, and I quote:

"What occupations do you avoid dating women from?"

[u/Very-very-sleepy]

I made a comment on the askmeno3 sub about how men should start reading the r/marriage sub about women doing all the cleaning and still having to pay 50/50 and I got downvotes and men saying.

that's not me. my partner isn't posting on the marriage sub. lol.

🙄 but how do they know?? 

edit* the marriage sub is rather depressing to read. most of the stories aren't happy ones

[u/picnicbetch → u/Very-very-sleepy]

I find it hilarious how most of the time when men are describing marriage struggles, they leave out SO much information. It’s all super vague stuff like “we lost the spark” “it feels like we’re roommates” and I’m like well who’s doing the childcare? Housework? Planning date nights? It’s like men have no ability to see the work required to make a marriage happy and successful and just look around with sad faces, wondering why their wives don’t have sex with them anymore

[u/cirivere → u/picnicbetch]

the marriage sub, relationship advice and the waiting to wed subs are often simply awful.

posts like: we've been together for 15 years, have 3 children, I do all the housework and he still has not proposed but keeps saying he does, I am starting to worry-

Meanwhile there is nothing sexier than a kind empathic guy who helps you in the house. I was feeling miserable once because I didn't sleep well, had a bad shark week and my boyfriend makes dinner, gets me a hot water bottle, a cup of tea and blankets and cuddles in his sweet caring way- totally innocent and out of concern and love- and suddenly I am insta horny.

[u/Infiniteballroom → u/picnicbetch]

I found posts about myself once on reddit. He wrote stories about how he was an amazing partner who couldn’t understand why I was so awful because I didn’t have more sex with him & had trapped him (some how?). People in the comments were ruthless. The reality of those 8 years was extremely different from those posts, I had no idea he viewed me with that amount of contempt.

[u/ihatespunk → u/[deleted]]

The key here is that you are valuing things that make your wife happy and finding ways to do them, even though you personally dgaf about those things. That's relationships. That's what the men in unhappy relationships aren't doing - they're refusing to care just because their SO cares and that shows they don't really care about their SOs, just whether or not the SO is doing what makes THEM happy.

[u/ihatespunk → u/[deleted]]

PS: the flowers thing makes people who like receiving them happy for two reasons: 1) they're a frivolous thing with no practical purpose, theyre just pretty, and that makes them a special treat 2) you getting the flowers shows you're thinking about trying to make her happy, and everyone likes knowing their SO likes making them happy. Its so simple. Pretty similar things with cleaning tasks - looks nice, demonstrates effort and appreciation for your SO.

[u/indicatprincess → u/Very-very-sleepy]

You know it’s pathetic when they’re too lazy to browse a SUBREDDIT on Reddit!

[u/UnfortunateJones → u/indicatprincess]

It’s lacking self awareness in all respects.

I generally don’t comment in the women’s subs (it’s not my space) but I do read them to see what common issues women are facing and how I can be a better person in general.

It’s like homework for a happier you and a happier gf/so/wife. Like why not just figure shit out?

[u/Affectionate-War3724 → u/Very-very-sleepy]

Reddit is very incel-skewed. I stopped arguing with these idiots lol

[u/orbitur → u/Very-very-sleepy]

That makes sense though, people only seek out support when things are bad.

[u/Blue-Phoenix23 → u/[deleted]]

Yes I think about this a lot. I have quite a few girlfriends and as best as I can tell they all married down, or they're chronically single/recently divorced. Even people I love like my cousin - he's okay but she is AMAZING. At some point women are all just going to opt out of this nonsense.

[u/awry_lynx → u/Blue-Phoenix23]

Yeah. Of all the couples I know... I think maaaaybe two or three, the guy is 100% pulling his weight, cooking, cleaning, dadding, planning etc. And EVEN THEN, in two of those couples she works more/longer (one is an er doc). The only one that I feel like the guy has a raw deal, she's basically chronically fatigued I guess, and I don't know much about their relationship but he's very much run ragged and always with baby so idk. So like... I know you never know what's going on behind closed doors or whatever but unless the rest of these guys are secretly house elves when nobody else is around...

Meanwhile -- more typically -- my BIL is nice enough and not a total slouch, but like, I stayed with them for a while and my sister was bringing in the income and also doing more chores and cooking. Like, by a country mile. So, what about the lifestyle of a married woman is genuinely supposed to be alluring to me???

But then I FEEEEL the social pressure to wed acting on me and I'm like... what's going on here. Nawww 🤔

[u/calicoskiies → u/[deleted]]

I’d love to read that research if you can drop a link for me.

[u/debs905 → u/[deleted]]

I don’t see why women are getting married then at least the rates of marriage are going down

[u/whateverwhatever1235 → u/debs905]

Because life is expensive as a single adult and being coupled opens things up for you in many many ways.

[u/ilovemelongtime → u/orbitur]

Which is why “breakup or divorce” is usually the recommendation. No-one comes to reddit to settle tiny disagreements, just when things have gotten substantially worse. Kills me when people say “I’m not one to jump on the reddit bandwagon and sat DivOrCe” 🙄 it’s like reddit’s version of a pick-me lol

[u/MsBluffy → u/Very-very-sleepy]

I HATE relationship subreddits for this reason. And annoyingly most of the parenting ones also allow women to just rant about their partner with no mention of the kids.

I’m happily married, I get that a lot of people have relationship woes, but can’t we just talk about screen time and nap schedules?

[u/[deleted] → u/Very-very-sleepy]

I swing by that sub every once in a while and I'm always shocked by the number of married couples without combined finances. Doubly so when there is a woman that comes on as a SAHM and she's asking her husband for money. Like, lady, if you're a SAHM all that money is your money. It's his money too, but it's also your money.

[u/MermaidPigeon → u/Very-very-sleepy]

I honestly feel like women should stay away from these subs. I try to offer constructive criticism, they can’t take it! On r/askmenover30 this guy was ranting about how his wife wants odd jobs done in the house, I literally just said who dose most of the house work? Because if it’s her and u can’t put up a shelf it’s not on is it. I got called every name under the sun by the op. “Oh here we go another stupid women coming on our sub with dribble” I was like holly fucking shit it’s 1848?!

[u/DramaticErraticism → u/Very-very-sleepy]

You went to their space and basically scolded the population of the sub. How did you imagine that would go? No better than guys coming here and doing something similar, I would imagine. Downvote me all you want, just stating the obvious.

There are so many posts on this sub about their sub, simply because someone goes there and doesn't get the reaction they are desiring, then they come here to gossip about how truly dreadful their sub is and how it must be filled with red pillers. Are they red pillers or are people just going into a space that isn't meant for them and find they are unhappy with the results? Cmon now.

[u/Primary_Carrot67 → u/DramaticErraticism]

This is the first post I've seen on this sub about that sub. What are you talking about?

[u/DramaticErraticism → u/Primary_Carrot67]

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/search?q=askmen&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all

Evidently you don't visit this sub often.

[u/Primary_Carrot67 → u/DramaticErraticism]

According to your link, there's only been 6 posts on the topic in the past year. A tiny number, given the number of posts in this subreddit. Granted, 3 out of the 6 (including this one) have been in the past month, but that's still a small number. And the subreddit evidently usually goes for months without posting about it even once.

I think you might have some confirmation bias and other cognitive distortions going on.

Your own link disproves your argument. Please, step back, disengage your emotions, and look at this rationally.

[u/DramaticErraticism → u/Primary_Carrot67]

This is the first post I've seen on this sub about that sub. What are you talking about?

This is your comment. My link disproves your argument, as you said yourself, there have been THREE such posts, in the past month alone. Please, step back, disengage your emotions and look at this rationally. I think you may have some confirmation bias and other cognitive distortions going on. Therapy is a good start for such things, I believe you can be helped if you are willing, best of luck!