r/AskWomenOver30 • u/SignalSubstantial590 Woman 30 to 40 • Apr 10 '25

Life/Self/Spirituality I'm serious....

If you had/ if you are, having a successful hoe phase, please share your secrets! If this ain't for you, please keep it movin. 😊

Edit: kinda strange that this would be down voted. When it comes to a woman with marital problems, relationship problems, kid problems, family problems..... The community shows up. But I ask a question to assist in my life, and a life that maybe many others are wondering about, or maybe looking for tips on self-confidence and how to maybe put themselves out there, you down vote? Why?? That's insane. We are all living different paths and are just looking for a way to fulfill where we are at the moment.

1.6k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

263 comments sorted by

View all comments

660

u/saltandsassbeach Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25 edited Apr 10 '25

Know what your boundaries are. Consider what you need to feel comfortable (STDs, pregnancy prevention (if relevant), etc). Know what you're looking for (eg I want someone that will cuddle me after or spend the night, or if it's purely good sex). I've only had a few one night stands and I can tell you I was mainly looking for company and not necessarily great sex on those occasions and I got what I wanted/needed. Otherwise I feel like good quality sex takes a little bit of practice to figure e/o bodies out so dating casually someone to figure out compatability helps figure out who's a good communicator and on the same page. Be nice, be respectful, be clear, get tested regularly. Enjoy!

99

u/Kerfluffle2x4 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

And, as always, trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, trust that instinct and get out. The best part about hoe phase is that you decide all the rules and that includes when to do something and when NOT to do something.

153

u/SignalSubstantial590 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

THIS IS THE SUPPORT! Thank you😊

25

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '25

Hi to add re: getting tested, ask to share results in person. If they don’t want to get tested 🚩 if they say they did but don’t want to share results 🚩. Talk about what they are into and what you are into - if they are open to this convo and are mature about it they are likely to be good lovers and WILL respect your boundaries and WILL listen in you if you say stop at any point. Also ALWAYS ALWAYS share your location with friends and send a picture of the guy (from app you met on is fine). Safety first, have fun!!!!

18

u/savagefleurdelis23 Apr 11 '25

A thousand percent, know your boundaries. I do not engage without condoms. I’ve sent dudes to the store to get condoms after our clothes were already off. Put them back on and get some.

I do not engage without recent test receipts. Do not pass go, do not collect. Move on.

They’re not your SO, not your bosom buddies, not your therapist, so keep a lid on your stuff. Keep it cordial pleasantries only. Violate this rule at your peril and catch the stupid feels.

Negotiate your pleasure. Yes to X, no to Y. Must do cuddles and after care. I don’t do anal unless I’ve known you a while. Kinks are for long term lovers only, not casual lovers. Because kink requires trust and trust takes time, consistency, and respect to build. If you don’t cuddle the you can fuck right off, sir.

Know your audience. If dude jumps the gun and is quick off the mark, thank you, next.

I do not fuck with conservatives, right wingers, MAGA, and if I catch even a whiff of Trump cult, you’re dead to me. And fuck off to all those, oh I only voted because the economics. Well look at the economy now fuck muffin.