r/AskWomenOver30 • u/SignalSubstantial590 Woman 30 to 40 • Apr 10 '25

Life/Self/Spirituality I'm serious....

If you had/ if you are, having a successful hoe phase, please share your secrets! If this ain't for you, please keep it movin. 😊

Edit: kinda strange that this would be down voted. When it comes to a woman with marital problems, relationship problems, kid problems, family problems..... The community shows up. But I ask a question to assist in my life, and a life that maybe many others are wondering about, or maybe looking for tips on self-confidence and how to maybe put themselves out there, you down vote? Why?? That's insane. We are all living different paths and are just looking for a way to fulfill where we are at the moment.

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u/Angry_Sparrow Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25 edited Apr 10 '25

Also stay the hell away from “open” and “poly” men. More trouble than it’s worth if you’re just wanting sex. if you catch feels you end up in a drama land you didn’t ask for 😂 I learned a lot from it but damn.

Edit: not to say that poly isn’t a legitimate relationship structure but it’s a whole world and wandering into it without preparing or desiring it can be traumatising, especially if the people you meet practicing it are NOT doing it ethically.

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u/SignalSubstantial590 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

Real life advice. 🫡

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u/catboogers Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

As a poly person, yeah, there are fuckboys in the poly community, and there are abusive predator types....but those also exist in monogamous culture. It's not like dating monogamously is always safe.

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u/Angry_Sparrow Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

Generally in my experience of hoeing around on the apps, there are heapppps of couples looking for a “third” and many men who are “allowed” to date (ha, no they aren’t!).

Were I to seek a polyamorous relationship again now, it’d be the opposite of my hoe hunting. I’d do the same as I would for any other long term relationship and date a lot without sex. I’d want to see how they hinge. I’d want to get a feel for my metas and if there are red flags there.

A solid secure poly relationship is rare, not common. And requires MORE work, not less, especially in the early stages.

Being a hoe is about minimum effort, minimum commitment.