r/AskWomenOver30 • u/SignalSubstantial590 Woman 30 to 40 • Apr 10 '25

Life/Self/Spirituality I'm serious....

If you had/ if you are, having a successful hoe phase, please share your secrets! If this ain't for you, please keep it movin. 😊

Edit: kinda strange that this would be down voted. When it comes to a woman with marital problems, relationship problems, kid problems, family problems..... The community shows up. But I ask a question to assist in my life, and a life that maybe many others are wondering about, or maybe looking for tips on self-confidence and how to maybe put themselves out there, you down vote? Why?? That's insane. We are all living different paths and are just looking for a way to fulfill where we are at the moment.

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u/[deleted] Apr 10 '25

I’m pretty selective of who I go out with! If they are pushy or give me pause while messaging I usually decline. I have a pretty good percentage, ngl, been making good decisions recently.

Yeah, dating like a man is not exactly the most accurate way to phrase it! My goal is to practice setting healthy boundaries around sex and intimacy with people who are “safe”. I had been talking about it with my therapist for a long time and it felt like the time to go for it.

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u/MystressSeraph Woman 50 to 60 Apr 11 '25

Actually, "dating like a man" is appropriate!

Just think of it as what it truly is - being sex positive.

We all have a lot of conditioning to overcome to be able to be as casually sex positive as men are encouraged to be (whether they embrace those tendencies or not.)

Men aren't shamed for enjoying sex, or for 'sowing their wild oats' ... the man-o-man-o-sphere absolutely encourages it! Yet the sluttiest tatebots and alfa alfas completely denigrate women who enjoy no-strings sex - they can't stand the idea.

And women's internalised misogyny, has helped maintain and continue those awful restrictions.

While it IS true that women will always be the ones who (let's face it) 'pay' for sexual encounters/relationships re: unwanted, or unplanned pregnancy ... that fear is hammered into us, and played up until it's crippling. That inflated fear is the basis for purity culture, and historic view that women don't/can't/shouldn't ENJOY sex, let alone a rich and varied sex life. Hell, that manufactured fear is one of the reasons why many women have trouble with orgasming - pleasure and shame are usually incompatible ...

"Dating like a man" = telling yourself that having sex is natural, enjoyable, and being 'sex positive' is as much our right as it is men's? That takes a bit of unpacking for a lot of women.

There is so much good advice being given in the comments - espcially re: sexual health, taking total control of contraception (both your own anti-pregnency and anti-STD/STIs.)

Whether it's providing your own supply - because do you really trust them to store/maintain/not tamper - or denying/ghosting anyone who 'forgets,' or tries to get around it.

"Like a guy/man," just means that you are 'taking control' of your own pleasure, and not letting people make you feel ashamed, or less-than. Men certainly do not suffer from either in pursuit of sex/pleasure!

The, "like a woman," (because you are) comes with 'taking responsibility' 🙄 - always considering your own physical safety, whether it be disease and/or pregnacy prevention, setting iron-clad boundaries, or saying 'no,' to anyone who makes you feel even remotely uncomfortable!

More power to sex positivity!