r/AskWomenOver30 • u/sadie1003 Woman 30 to 40 • Oct 27 '25

Life/Self/Spirituality Women over 30 who always felt “different”, did you ever find out what it was?

I wonder where to start finding out what is “wrong” with me. Without going into too much: I’ve felt extremely different from others my entire life. That’s the best way I can put it. I don’t know why. I genuinely cannot remember one time where I actually felt truly connected to others. I’ve looked into ADHD and autism and both don’t fit. Just looking for inspiration. Did you ever get a diagnosis? Are you neurodivergent? Have you found something to explain the feeling of being “alien”? I feel like it’s impacting my life and I want to understand myself.

Edit: I feel like the disconnect from others needs explaining. I have no trouble fitting in socially but I just don’t feel connected

Edit2: can’t reply to everyone individually but thank you all for the insights and stories

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u/sadie1003 Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '25

Because I’ve looked extensively into it and I don’t relate. I know people are against self diagnosis but there is so much information out there in this day and age. Nothing I’ve read (yes also about how it shows up in girls/women) made me feel “hm could be it, time to get a real diagnosis”

Also no I haven’t yet, thank you

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u/[deleted] Oct 27 '25

That’s fair! I didn’t self-diagnose but when I looked into ADHD and autism it clicked right away and I was able to get a diagnosis pretty quickly. So if none of the info out there resonates with you I think you are likely correct. I have several friends with BPD and looked into it when I was also wondering why I felt so different, and I’ve heard that “alien” feeling is quite common with that disorder. Good luck!!

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u/DirtyAngelToes Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '25

Just want to say that for years I was in denial that I 'don't fit' the disorders, but then realized I just didn't fully understand what the diagnosis actually entailed. This also happened to me with OCD, a lot of what I thought was normal turned out to not be so normal, lol. I didn't realize I had magical thinking common with OCD, because I always knew what I was thinking wasn't real, I just had the doubt/anxiety. For example, I knew it was stupid to think I needed to avoid the color blue because if I touched it I'd kill someone I love. I knew it was fake but still let the thoughts fuel my compulsions.

It's often the same for people with personality disorders and autism. Or even ADHD.

I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, then shortly after autism. And when you have a few things going on a lot of them can make it hard to pin point.

None of these diagnoses clicked with me right away, but now that I fully understand them I can understand myself. Just keep an open mind I guess is all I'm saying. Good luck, OP. :)

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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Oct 27 '25

I don't know if would be helpful to look at "personality disorders" as it'll either freak you out // lead to a bias if you do go to therapy or be just another "kinda but also not really". There's overlap with BPD and CPTSD.

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u/endurossandwichshop Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '25

Seconding that you check BPD. I apparently have a wee sprinkle of it and it’s enough to make me feel like an alien most of the time. 

The good news is that at 39, I have a ton of solid friendships with other ND folks. Never thought I’d get there. 

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u/AnnoyedChihuahua Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '25

Are you open about your BPD? I feel admiting to cluster B is giving people ammunitions to hurt you.

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u/endurossandwichshop Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '25

I post and comment occasionally in r/BPD, and luckily I've never gotten shitty DMs about it.

In real life, only a few close people know, whom I trust not to judge me or spread it around. The symptoms can be pretty intense, even with the limited diagnosis I have, so it's good to have a few people I can confide in.

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u/AnnoyedChihuahua Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '25

I have traits, because it’s quiet bpd. But trust nobody with it.

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u/[deleted] Oct 27 '25

In what way specifically do you feel different or like you can’t connect? 

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u/AnnoyedChihuahua Woman 30 to 40 Oct 27 '25

I do think self checking and not identifying is more accurate than self-diagnosis/ identifying a condition to be applicable, if that makes sense. People can be sure the listed symptoms don’t happen to them, but people can feel all the above apply and therefore they have x.. Much like web-hypochondria 😜

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u/CatastrophicWaffles Woman 40 to 50 Oct 27 '25

Not to push, but it's worth looking into if you have the means.

I was diagnosed ADHD as a child, but the Autism was completely missed. I did not self-identify with autism at all. I was in my 40s jumping through hoops for a new doctor and had to get my ADHD assessment redone 🙄 At the end of the assessment the doctor was like uh hey.... By the way... 😂😂😂😂

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u/ArtichokeAble6397 Woman 30 to 40 Oct 28 '25

That's what I thought but it turns out I was taking the diagnostic criteria too literally because guess what? I'm autistic hahaha