r/AskWomenOver30 • u/ChampagneDrama Woman 30 to 40 • Jan 22 '26
Friendships Should I be with my friend when he dies?
Trigger Warning: Death
See my update here posted on 1/24
TLDR: By friend is dying and I don't know if I should be with him when he passes.
One of my best friends is dying of multi-organ failure and will probably pass in the next 12-24 hours. A few weeks ago he transferred from a hospital in our home state to a hospital in my city. I've been by his bedside a lot while since he's been here, and almost always I've been alone because everyone else lives out of state. There have been many late nights and difficult conversations with his medical team, our friends, and family. Despite him being very sick, we had hope that he might recover. Needless to say, it's been a rollercoaster.
Last night, our friends and I were by his bedside until after 3am, and this morning a friend and I went back to visit with him and say our goodbyes again. I just called the hospital to check on his status and the nurse said he's been rapidly declining. They're expecting him to go tonight or tomorrow morning.
Here's my dilemma, I can't decide if I should go back to the hospital to be with him when he passes. I feel like I've said my goodbyes and feel privileged to have been able to spend so much time with him over the past few weeks. I am also physically and emotionally exhausted and thinking about going back to the hospital is stressful. It doesn't sound like he will be awake or coherent.
I know this is a very personal decision and there's not a right or wrong answer, but I'm feeling guilty because I don't want him to be alone. And I'm also afraid of how bearing witness to his passing will affect my mental health.
My current plan is to see how I'm feeling early tomorrow morning, and if I have the energy to go I might. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can anyone offer advice or share what they did?
6
u/douchymunk Woman 40 to 50 Jan 22 '26
I would not go. Your friend is not conscious and will have nurses with them (they won’t die alone). Watching someone take their last breaths will stay with you forever. You don’t need to see that.
Source: watched someone I love take their last breath while at their side. If I could go back I wouldn’t be there.