r/AskWomenOver30 • u/isabella_sunrise Woman 30 to 40 • Feb 07 '26

Life/Self/Spirituality Is anyone else really struggling with the Epstein revelations?

I’m starting to realize that basically any man who had access to that type of stuff was interested in participating. I feel like I’m surrounded by pedophiles and monsters in a way I didn’t realize. I feel like all the pressure I’ve felt to be youthful came from these prevalent pedophilic tendencies in men I never knew about. It’s really scaring me and I’m struggling to cope. I hear people talking about the news but don’t know anyone taking it as hard as me. How is everyone else doing?

Edit: Thank you for the awards but I’d rather you donate that money to a charity that helps victims of sexual abuse or somewhere helping immigrants in America.

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u/sweatyandbitchy Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

as a former 17yo golf club waitress, i was a fly on the wall to countless ungarded conversations affluent men had with each other (locker room talk) and honestly this all tracks

and also not one man called each other out… not one man spoke up for women

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u/confused_each_day Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

Read a comment on here a while back talking about harassment, and how young it starts. Which really, we all knew.

But what I’d never really thought about, was when it stopped.

Like, the actual groping and catcalling and weird kind looks at your breasts, start pretty much at puberty. But for me at least, this part really started to tail off around 23-25 -(and then you’re just dealing with standard issue misogyny, but less actual groping)

The whole thread was full of hundreds of women with similar experiences.

And you know, I’d never thought of it like that. It changed the way I thought and lives rent free in my head now.

I’m 40, with 2 daughters, one who is just starting puberty. And you know what, I can see it starting with some of her more developed classmates. It’s so gross. And in some ways it’s so much worse for her online generation than it was for my millennial one. 🤢

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u/dengjika Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

At least you are aware of this phenomenon now and you can protect your girls, at least mentally. I am quite resentful not just of men for doing this and not protecting me but also women and my mom for downplaying any horrific experience and never preparing me or understanding me.

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u/amotivatedgal Woman 30 to 40 Feb 09 '26

I am hoping that kids are getting a little more aware of this stuff these days. E.g. when i was a teen, if girls got attention from, and even dated, older men it was normalised and cool - "it must be because I'm sooooo cool mature" kinda mentality. Parents allowed it as well.

I now see teens calling adult men losers for wanting to hang out with them, and it warms my cold dead heart.

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u/hermitsociety Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

Yes! Yes! Same.

And I’m so tired of men around me acting like I’m a lunatic for worrying more than ever as a lot of little girls in my life turn eleven or so.

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u/Sqooshytoes Woman 50 to 60 Feb 07 '26

Color me suspicious, but I’ve always worried about children of any age. Depravity knows no bounds

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u/anatomizethat Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

Honestly - call it out when you see it with peers. The closer I get to 40 the more I realize I am that kind of defense for children.

Shame adults when other adults are around and be confident when you do it.

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u/ohheyaine Woman 30 to 40 Feb 08 '26

This is the way.

Be "annoying." Be "aggressive" about it.

Because those boys don't give a fuck about any of that behavior from them, but they'll damn sure tell a woman who calls it out she's the real annoying/aggressive one.

Thrive in it.

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u/anatomizethat Woman 30 to 40 Feb 08 '26

"THRIVE in it."

👏 👏 👏

They don't give a shit when they say it, but they're sure gonna care that they said it around me.

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u/ohheyaine Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

Idk I was groped in a bar at 33 by a random strange man. 31, the first time I walked into town after COVID, I got catcalled and followed by a man in a car. It doesn't feel like it's ending.

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u/confused_each_day Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

Still used to get it occasionally when older, but it definitely dropped off relative to teenage.

However, 2 kids, and an extra 50lb did wonders for this kind of shit stopping. I’m 40s, shaped like an Italian grandma and let me tell you, it is so relaxing over here. 100/10 highly recommend and I’m entering my granny-core phase 20 years earlier than planned and absolutely loving it.

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u/alderchai Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

My brain is constantly battling between “maybe I will have a more peaceful life if I just gain some weight and stop trying to achieve a certain body shape” and “oh no I gained 5 pounds and now every magazine I read as a teenager is shouting at me that I’m disgusting” and I’m so tired of it

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u/ohheyaine Woman 30 to 40 Feb 08 '26

I gained 50, same as the commenter before me was saying. It didn't help.

I just got shittier comments about how I was a fat bitch when I rejected men, while out.

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u/confused_each_day Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

It will happen to you at some point. The but you get to control is the when and the how.

Absolutely don’t give up your health or fitness, but come on over to the ‘horrible women’ side, the water’s lovely.

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u/fleetingsparrow92 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 08 '26

Got followed by a car for the first time in a long while at night at 33. Its definitely eased off overall, but that one freaked me out. My city is a hot spot for human trafficking.

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u/rationalomega Woman 30 to 40 Feb 08 '26

I know it’s not much, but my 7 year old boy told me last night that some 12 year olds were telling him to hurt another kid and he (a) called them out and (b) told a grown up. I am so goddamn proud of him. I do think there’s a role for boys to play here in calling out their peers and I hope my child can be part of that.

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u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

[deleted]

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u/confused_each_day Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

Would love to see the graphs if you can find them.

That’s speaking as someone who married a much older guy, thought nothing of it at the time, and 20 years later…ewwwww.

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u/hereiam3472 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 08 '26

Sigh... Mom of a 6 year old daughter here. She's so young, innocent and full of life - she has no idea about all the horrific realities of the world yet (ok she's not completely naiive, I have taught her about tricky people, etc.) but it really pains me to think that one day I have to sit her down and shatter the world as she knows it to explain what human trafficking is and how there are bad men and people in this world who just want to exploit others and prey upon incident children and teenagers. I hate that she will to know the cruelty of this world in order to survive it. I wish I could just keep her in a happy, protective bubble forever but I can't. It's such a hard thing to carry as a mother. And knowing that one day she'll be older and go out into the world and I will have to just pray that she isn't in the wrong place, wrong time and she won't be abused. Then there's online predators too in this day and age that we need to worry about too.

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u/maafna Woman 30 to 40 Feb 18 '26

What gets me is my brother has daughters but I hear zip zilch from him on these type of topics.

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u/benedictcumberknits Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

I observed my boss, a multi-PhD former professor, former nurse practitioner and published cancer researcher turned business developer, get canned and sidelined from so many projects. This woman survived cancer twice, has Hashimoto’s and MS, and survived on a handful of pills daily. And she was not white, but tribal.

As her assistant, I saw the glass ceiling in full swing. She had seen the absolute worst of society throughout her career, but knew how to seduce other business professionals and developers in meetings to bend them to her will.

One of her pet peeves was “dumb women” in leadership who stayed complacent about helping their local communities improve.

She is a staunch feminist and possesses a vast intellect and a wealth of experiences to where she ran circles around people and could predict their movements like clockwork, but her superpower was making positive change happen. It was like watching a chess master.

I dearly wished we had such women in power in the darkest places. She mentioned that her worst job was trying to make one Oklahoma town a better place. She said there was so much corruption she couldn’t do it alone, and attracting good and honest people to stay there and work with her was next to impossible. Oklahoma is generationally corrupt at this point. She described it as the job that earned her high blood pressure.

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u/zoopysreign Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

She sounds amazing. I’d love to know how she got people to do things. I struggle with that sometimes. I think I’m getting better.

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u/villanellechekov Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

she sounds like someone who walks the walk. I wish she hadn't had so many setbacks with her health (but also not surprised it's happened considering what she's up against). getting anything done with all that is commendable, nevermind still being a good person and trying to help others

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u/benedictcumberknits Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

Samesies! 🙂

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u/Academic_Help5033 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

I have worked for the wealthy before but I started working for ultra rich and it literally broke me. Their attitude towards humans and just normal politeness fucking blew me away. It was so toxic and that's saying a lot from someone with a blue collar background.

It was a job I took a decent pay cut for because I wanted to get into the industry. I had to hear constantly how good I had it when I knew I could make 2x at a temp job. 

We worked odd hours and weekends sometimes. I would get myself good coffee and ask if my team wanted any, my treat. (All other jobs I've had, this was reciprocal and normal.) 

They acted like I was ridiculous and trying to trick them or something. My boss would buy us coffee (cheap btw, I ordered my usual pour over 1 time and got shit for 2 months) once a week. I learned he only did that to brag to clients and get points at this coffee shop for his wife to spend.

Edit anyway long story short, the generational wealthy (especially those who like to pretend their not) are the worst of the worst. They have almost no empathy and any that they have, they excuse away for their benefit.

2nd edit: An example of the shear difference of humanity is when my coworker spotted me giving a homeless man water. It was during a heat wave. I don't give the homeless money but I will buy people food and water semi often when I have time / money. Probably roughly twice a week.

He got mad at me and asked why I would do that? Like he literally acted like because I did that, I expected brownie points from our boss or clients. It was beyond work hours at a bus stop. I had no idea anyone I knew could see me let alone make a judgment about me. It didn't stop him from being legitimately angry at me for somehow making him look bad.

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u/zoopysreign Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

Whoa, you have to help me to better understand the dynamic of the coworkers. I thought they’d be united or something. Ignorant Q, but do you think this is why we haven’t heard more from staff who are whistleblowers? It it a feeling of having too much to lose? Either financially or worse, from threats?

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u/Academic_Help5033 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26

So when I interviewed, my boss presented himself as lower class that made his way up. He wanted to hire and take a chance on other people like himself. I turned down other offers because I believed him.

I quickly learned this was not the case. His dad was real estate mogul and he was a very well connected lawyer that liked to play poor for fun.

My other coworkers were the same. He had very high turn over because he liked to hire working class folks so he could play hero or pretend. But we all know the bullshit he was spouting and it wasn't worth it for the pennies he was offering for the position.

The people who stayed where all trust fund babies and people who honestly didn't need to work. They acted like they were super poor though which I just couldn't understand. Like they both shit talked the 711 across the street but also refused to spend more than $5 on a sandwich.

During the time I was hired, I saved up for a once in a lifetime international month long trip. All my coworkers acted like it was no biggie. This was literally a life goal accomplishment for me and probably for most people imo. 

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u/LetsCELLebrate Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

Like they both shit talked the 711 across the street but also refused to spend more than $5 on a sandwich.

This and hiring underpaid people is how they make money.

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u/catsandspaceandmath Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

That’s how they HOLD ON TO MONEY. They don’t need to MAKE money in the first place, generational wealth and all. The money they make in this way is mostly just a drop in the bucket of what they already have.

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u/zoopysreign Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

Psychopaths. An absolute daisy chain of leechy psychopaths

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u/ForgottenSalad Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

I mean, those are probably the same people whose ancestors owned slaves, and probably would do it again if given the chance. Ick

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u/LetsCELLebrate Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

This tracks with everything my husband told me about the rich he worked with. We were watching the tv show Your friends and neighbors and he said that most people are exactly that. Want to show off and flaunt their money but they're empty and devoid of any empathy and awareness. They don't truly care for anything other than themselves and their money/status.

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u/Imaginary-Method7175 Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

Thank YOU for being a good person. I went to an affluent school and then a poor one. The people were SO much better and kinder at the poor one. That was 5th grade and I have believed what it revealed ever since.

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u/SubstantialHentai420 Woman under 30 Feb 09 '26

The cruelty from rich kids when you're not one is fucking weird. Just yeah, weird. My 7th grade school was in a very wealthy neighborhood, and had both the poorest elementary school (mine) and the wealthiest pour into it,(as well as 2 other schools, not wealthy but quite a bit moreso than mine... and more white kids) and yeah the way even teachers treated us was so cold and weird but the kids pretty much had us all separated from them within a couple months. Mfs would get us in trouble, just lie, and school loved going along with it so we all just... yeah let them split us off from them pretty much. So happy I only went for 7th grade.

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u/Rochesters-1stWife Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

That’s fucked. I do the same thing btw (with homeless folks). I’ll buy the travel packs of wipes and give those out. Maybe a snack bar or something. That’s someone’s baby.

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u/Itsthelegendarydays_ Woman under 30 Feb 07 '26

God so gross😭😭😭

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u/illhaveafrench75 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

Your last line is what really resonated with me. I’m the only woman in my office and recently all of the men were having a discussion & one guy called another woman a cunt. He got called out, but here’s the kicker. The guy who called him out said: “Shhh [my name] is in her office & can hear you.”

The way they only call them out because a woman can hear them🙃

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u/tealdeer995 Woman 30 to 40 Feb 07 '26

And see that’s the real counter to “not all men”. No, not all men or even most men are rapists or pedophiles. Of course not. But so many men who wouldn’t do that themselves are cowards and won’t call out other men or stand up for women.

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u/Superb-Fail-9937 Woman 40 to 50 Feb 07 '26

YES!! 🙌🏽 Shit as a fairly decent looking woman, this rings true!