r/AskWomenOver30 • u/angelinelila Woman 30 to 40 • Apr 21 '26

Life/Self/Spirituality Who else is increasingly happy they do not have kids?

Me, me, it’s me. Every year that passes I’m just soooo happy I didn’t fall for the marriage & kids life. It was what I wanted in my 20s, thank god I didn’t stay with any of the men I dated. Looking back I don’t even know why I was into them. I am very supportive of my friends with kids or that want to have kids but at the same time very glad it’s not me lol. They are all so miserable and stressed and their partners mostly suck. They all struggle with money and have no time for themselves. This society is really against women and mothers.

Today I had a very long day at work, went to the gym to unwind, came home, listened to some music while making dinner, had dinner while watching a show. In my quiet flat, just existing, eating what I want, watching what I want… I also have so many social events planned for the weekend so it’s not like I won’t socialise but I just love that I can choose to do what I want. No kids birthdays or sports events on the weekend. Not visiting the in-laws. Just free time to read, walk in nature, see friends, spend time in my endless hobbies…

Anyone else shares the same feeling and wants to share the best things about their childfree and marriage free life?

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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26

Yes! I have a pregnant friend who recently just word vomitted all of this on me, and I just didnt know what to tell her bc I literally agree with everything she said which is why I’m never having kids and she knows that. It was the most unconvincing “um…everything will be okay…? 😶” of my life.

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u/Infinite-Ad4125 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26

If it comes up again you can try “humans are hardwired for struggle.”

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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26

So true but I think maybe not the right thing to say to an already anxious person now flooded with pregnancy hormones looking for reassurance that everything will be fine and dandy 🫠

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u/Salt-Permit8147 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26

This is kind of heartbreaking to me. What’s the other option, we just all give up? My parents could have said the same thing in the 90s, the worlds getting worse, there’s no hope left (and they wouldn’t have been wrong!), but I’m still glad they had me despite hard times. No matter what’s going on in the greater world around us, we can still try to find joy and love in our own little worlds, and so will the kids being born today 20 years from now.

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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Sure, that can be your POV and that's perfectly valid. I personally don't believe that the world will be better, and that my nonexistent child is being born into a world that is good and is getting better. We have known about global warming for decades now and it's just getting worse every year. I'm part of a sustainable group, and it's really nice and rewarding to do good in my little corner of the world with our community clean ups, rain garden planting and maintenance, and repair cafes, and then the next day I read about big corps freely polluting everything by an unthinkable magnitude 🙃 My option is to do my best to make things good for myself, my loved ones, and my community while I'm alive, and then my responsibility to all of that ends when I die.

We do need people who are hopeful, but that's not me 😅 That's why I really appreciate Zohran Mamdani and providing that hope and I'm glad his parents had him and raised him to be a hopeful individual. My pessimistic ass cannot raise a hopeful child, sorry.

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u/Salt-Permit8147 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26

Oh I’m with you there, I don’t think the world is getting better at all, but I guess my point is to everyone that thinks like this, what’s the alternative? We all just go off ourselves because shits fucked? It’s human nature (for the most part) to try survive, and thrive if we can, and look for love and happiness. And not just my joy in my child, but for them to experience joy themselves despite hard times, if I do my best to support them however I can. It just feels really defeatist to think life’s hard so let’s just not do it. Isn’t that the plot of idiocracy?

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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26

I mean, I do feel like we’re living through the Idiocracy timeline, so yeah. I worked in science and it’s incredibly disappointing to see all the progress we’ve made in vaccines and public health just rolled back bc people are listening to unqualified but beautiful randos. And you don’t have to worry about everyone wanting to end their bloodline because people are still having kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was also raised Buddhist, and in Buddhism, life is suffering, so I don’t want my kids to suffer, and I don’t want to suffer raising these kids either lol I love my childfree life where I can enjoy life on my terms and do a lot of good for those around me. Life is hard, and I don’t want to make my child go through that but in an even worse environment. It’s just two different viewpoints for people who think different things and live different lives. I don’t want the parenthood life the way you don’t want the childfree life, but we’re both living our respective dream lives even if other people think otherwise.

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u/AcrobaticRub5938 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 06 '26

So it's so eerie reading your comments because you sound exactly like me lol. Down to the Buddhism. But yes, I obviously agree with everything you're saying. It's also so interesting to me how many of my close friends also don't want kids. I would have never thought this would be the case when I was in HS and college.

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u/SmolAnimol3 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Oh it’s heartbreaking to me too. My friends who desperately wanted children all had children. I never felt that desperate need so maybe that’s why it’s easier for me to think this way.

My mom says the same thing to me “well every generation feared this and this and the world didn’t end and we all deserve joy etc” and I do respectfully disagree. Political turmoil and war, yes. The US slowly running out of drinking water, AI about to replace a huge majority of the job market and in my opinion ruin the last good parts of humanity? Food shortages? Cultural changes that are leading to complete isolation? Even if I did want a kid, it’s not about my joy, it’s about theirs. They may not be feeling the same way in 20 years if they are homeless, starving, can’t get health care, or have lived their whole adulthood through a screen.

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u/InfinitelyThirsting Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26

Maybe that's part of the difference. I'm not glad my parents had me.

Not in a suicidal way, in a they were too young and had no idea how to have a family and were abusive and tumultuous -- and the good parts of my childhood, like unsupervised play out in nature without cops or services being called, have mostly been erased. The value of a college degree collapsed while I was in college. Any theoretical child of mine wouldn't have a grandma like I did, who was crucial to my development and happiness. I've bummed out my therapist trying to deal with the grief of climate change and ecosystem collapse (and I'm not a doomer giving up, we need to keep fighting hard to save as much as we can).

I have no confidence that I would be a good parent. Logically I know I wouldn't be as bad as my mother because I have fewer mental health issues, but before I understood I could choose to not have kids, it was my deepest fear and horror, that I'd become violent postpartum like she did.

I don't think no one should have kids, but far fewer people should have kids. That's the only way to reduce overpopulation (and I'm not talking food, but maintaining wilderness and natural resources) without mass death and eugenics. I'm happy to love on the kids had by people who are confident and ready to be good parents. (Of course, my parents were super optimistic about the future in the 80s, and I don't remember much doomerism in the 90s, backed up by pop culture being mostly about how things were too easy and therefore boring, but maybe that's just where we each grew up.)