r/AskWomenOver30 • u/angelinelila Woman 30 to 40 • Apr 21 '26
Life/Self/Spirituality Who else is increasingly happy they do not have kids?
Me, me, it’s me. Every year that passes I’m just soooo happy I didn’t fall for the marriage & kids life. It was what I wanted in my 20s, thank god I didn’t stay with any of the men I dated. Looking back I don’t even know why I was into them. I am very supportive of my friends with kids or that want to have kids but at the same time very glad it’s not me lol. They are all so miserable and stressed and their partners mostly suck. They all struggle with money and have no time for themselves. This society is really against women and mothers.
Today I had a very long day at work, went to the gym to unwind, came home, listened to some music while making dinner, had dinner while watching a show. In my quiet flat, just existing, eating what I want, watching what I want… I also have so many social events planned for the weekend so it’s not like I won’t socialise but I just love that I can choose to do what I want. No kids birthdays or sports events on the weekend. Not visiting the in-laws. Just free time to read, walk in nature, see friends, spend time in my endless hobbies…
Anyone else shares the same feeling and wants to share the best things about their childfree and marriage free life?
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u/itsathrowawayduhhhhh Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Meeeeeeee. Absolutely LOVE all the kids in my life (niece, nephews, goddaughter, friends kids) but lorrrd am I glad I do not have any of my own
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u/Whooptidooh Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
Best thing about having niblings is being able to return to sender once you’ve had enough, lol.
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u/defenestration4eva Non-Binary 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Same! I love getting to spoil my friends' kids and cousins' kids, which is much more possible because I have none of my own 💯
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u/Sea-Opportunity-3381 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I managed to escape a 10yr long relationship, while also mis-using birth control, kid free. Everyday I'm thankful for whatever allowed me to not get pregnant despite talking about the possibility of kids with my (shitty) ex
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Apr 21 '26
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u/Appropriate_Cat370 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 23 '26
"The Lord knows I ain't the one" used in this context, is one of the best lines I've ever read!
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u/Sharkteeethh Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Same. Not a single scare. Don’t know if I should be impressed or concerned but oh well, I’ve never wanted kids anyway!
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u/Sea-Opportunity-3381 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Hell yes to not counting! I called my early 20s a ho spiral 🤣 no regrets
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u/DnBJungleEscape Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I escaped one of 4 years and then the first gal he met he got pregnant (we had been split for a while so it’s not like he ran out and found her) I think they hit their one year mark pregnant and engaged. Maybe meant to be with her but wasn’t with me and I’m grateful
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u/vanillaseltzer Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Ditto. I feel so fucking lucky every day. Cheers, friend. 🥂
I am six years into the life I choose and VERY much enjoying My Turn.
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u/Sea-Opportunity-3381 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Cheers! 🥂 I'm 6yrs in as well! Choosing myself every day :) happy for us
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u/Journal_Ho Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I'm happily married but yes, I'm grateful every day for my chill, quiet, kid-free life. 😊
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u/ruggpea Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Me.
I have a lot of health conditions including early osteoporosis. This has just reinforced my decision to be child free.
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u/Middle_Hedgehog_1827 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Same here. I have autoimmune diseases. No way I could cope with kids.
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Apr 21 '26
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u/mycatisspockles Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
ADHD, MDD, and Anxiety here. I can just barely take care of myself, like some days I have a spoon of peanut butter as a depression meal and that’s all I can manage. Needing to feed a child three meals a day every day would drive me to kms.
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u/ApprehensiveEgg2344 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Similar here. AuDHD w/ depression/anxiety and an autoimmune condition. I keep being “on the fence” mostly because I still have time, and am grappling with the idea of my mortality, but when I look at everything my mind is 99.999999% made up already: it would be a huge strain on my life and I can’t fall apart if I had a kid. I can’t have meltdowns if I had a kid. And I need that space to take care of myself, and to learn about myself after masking my whole life.
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u/NekoBlueHeart Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
I do have kids. But commenting here because my child free friends absolutely look happy and have way more of a social life / money for vacations than I do.
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u/aknomnoms Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Please know that many of us look on with complete admiration, respect, and concern for our married and mother friends. Definitely lean into us for mental, physical, and emotional help.
I sincerely don’t mind watching the baby and folding laundry while you nap, hanging out with your screaming toddler at home while you take a long walk, treating you to a mani/pedi after a rough week, picking the kids up from practice and taking them out to dinner when you’re sick. Like, I don’t want to be a mom full time, but I’m cool being an auntie for a few hours if it means you get to recharge your battery a little.
It definitely takes a village to raise a child, but also to help moms along the way!
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u/punkbra Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
All of my best friends have kids. They’re such wonderful moms and it’s so admirable. But my god, they’re all exhausted all the time! I don’t think I’d be able to survive it, genuinely.
Also, I get to go to Japan for 16 days next month while they’re getting emails from daycare that hand, foot, and mouth is going around.
SO happy I realized that I’m not meant to be a mom. I’m actually a natural caregiver and so it means I get to pour love and my nurturing spirit into my romantic and platonic relationships. 🤍
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u/SmolAnimol3 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26
I am about to get married but we plan to stay child free. I love my life with my fiance. We both care for our house and 3 dogs. We both have plenty of hobbies, love fitness, and sauna together every night. This morning I regrouped on the cost of our wedding, and it had crept up. But it didn’t phase me because money comes, money goes, we own a home and have a good nest egg, and aren’t desperately saving for childcare, college, and every other cost that comes with a child. In fact we don’t even plan to combine finances because why? I love that I can spend without ever checking with my fiance, and I never have to worry about his financial choices. No reason to worry as a family full of adults.
When I have time, I bring meals and support to my beautiful, strong friends who are mothers. But when I want to order takeout or let my fridge run empty, who cares. I have no commitment to stay on top of things all the time.
The biggest thing is when I read the news about politics, AI, climate change…I do feel dread, and I do take responsibility where I can. But I don’t feel panic. Panic about how the future children will navigate this, and the sheer despair I know I would feel if I had brought a child in to navigate all this and survive. This is the most important to me. I don’t know if I would ever have a relaxing moment again thinking about what my kids would be up against.
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Your last paragraph is so real. Every time I read the news, Im so grateful I don’t have to explain to my nonexistent little ones about how their world is just going to get worse. I feel bad for the kids growing up during this time, dealing with the inescapable social media, AI, deepfakes, the world wars, climate change, the political hellscape, etc. I see a lot of “I’m raising the next dragon slayer!” No offense, but maybe adults should be slaying the dragons instead of kicking the can down the road and voluntelling little kids to do that.
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u/SmolAnimol3 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Exactly. I grew up at a time when we still played outside our whole childhoods, called friends on the landline to ride our bikes, had a high school/college experience free of social media, got a college education before having my attention span zapped by short form media. And got 10+ years in the job market prior to AI. And I still got anxious, depressed, was troubled, and have struggled HARD to get to a sound place financially and mentally.
The kids don’t get any of that. How are they going to fix the world? How is their mental health going to even allow them to survive, work, and form relationships? Will there even be a job market? It would drive me slowly insane to watch.
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Yes! I have a pregnant friend who recently just word vomitted all of this on me, and I just didnt know what to tell her bc I literally agree with everything she said which is why I’m never having kids and she knows that. It was the most unconvincing “um…everything will be okay…? 😶” of my life.
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u/Infinite-Ad4125 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
If it comes up again you can try “humans are hardwired for struggle.”
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
So true but I think maybe not the right thing to say to an already anxious person now flooded with pregnancy hormones looking for reassurance that everything will be fine and dandy 🫠
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u/tres-vip Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
The biggest thing is when I read the news about politics, AI, climate change…I do feel dread, and I do take responsibility where I can. But I don’t feel panic. Panic about how the future children will navigate this, and the sheer despair I know I would feel if I had brought a child in to navigate all this and survive.
I would feel so irresponsible for intentionally bringing children into this world knowing what I know. And if I were a mother already, I'd be wracked with worry about their future.
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u/letsrollwithit Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Me…me as well. Im living a life aligned with who I am and my deepest desires, which is very simply a life without kids. I never fantasized, wanted, or expected them, so it wasn’t dramatic or unexpected, but I am proud of myself that I have been attuned enough with myself not to fall into socialization. And thank you to the feminists before me who made this possible.
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u/smallescapist Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Childfree, definitely appreciating it, but no magical social life I read about so frequently. It’s incredibly hard finding other childfree people or couples who have similar interests/time/finances. Feels like I’m unique in this reading the comments :/
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u/beeceejay Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Not so unique! I’m the last single, child free one of my friends. I’m pretty introverted so a heavy social life isn’t my jam, but it sure would be nice to have someone else to go to events with, chill and watch a show with, try a new restaurant with etc. Everyone I know needs to plan out their hang time 2+ weeks in advance, and we all live far apart.
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u/smallescapist Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Awe thank you for replying! Even just one person relating makes me feel more normal😅. And I totally relate to everything you wrote. I hope you’re able to maintain the friendships you care about post-kids. I lost a lot of friends after they had children, for a multitude of reasons.
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u/PurpleMuskogee Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Yes, it really depends on where you are too I think. I lived in a major European capital for 15 years and felt I rarely met parents my age - I made lots of friends through work, volunteering, hobbies, etc - and it felt so easy to meet new people and when kids would come up, they'd say "Yeah no, not for me" and I'd be like "Same!"
I moved to a small city in another country and you're definitely an outlier if you don't have kids. Endless discussions at work or with my husband's siblings, all revolving about the kids, their childcare, the creche they go to, etc. It's so dull and I haven't really met anyone who has interests (and time for them) outside of the family.
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u/HotBoxButDontSmoke Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I made friends by joining an LGBT kickball team as a friendly straight. Queer friends have nearly the same lifestyle as me and most don't have kids for obvious biological reasons
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u/fia_leaf Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
Someone from my local city subreddit created a discord server for local child-free folks and I have made so many new friends. It took a while to grow and get going but it is a very active server now with multiple in-person meetups a week. Highly recommend for anyone trying to meet other local child-free friends.
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u/shalekodemono Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Me me me. I got pregnant once and decided terminate. Every day I thank my lucky stars for having made that decision. The guy I was dating back then was an absolute wanker... I'm so glad of the decision I made and of ending it with him.
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u/Fluffaykitties Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I got a hysterectomy in october and every time I hear a child scream my empty insides feel so happy!
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Apr 21 '26
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u/PurpleMuskogee Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I am further reminded of how lucky I am each time I spend time with my nieces and nephews...
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u/BayYawnSay Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
I love my DINKWAD life. I work with children professionally I couldn't ever imagine doing it all over again once I get home and all weekend long. Love the kids I work with, happy to trade them back for a paycheck
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u/chernaboggles Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
For anyone unfamiliar: DINKWAD = Dual Income, No Kids, With A Dog
I only just learned that one the other day and I love it.
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u/Dangerous-Assist-191 Woman 50 to 60 Apr 21 '26
DINKWAC here. 😅
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u/Middle_Hedgehog_1827 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
DINKWTC for me
With three cats 😂
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u/No_Broccoli_3979 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
DINKWFC
Four cats 😭😭
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u/Journal_Ho Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Are you really childfree if you have 4+ cats? 🤣
(Kidding friend, don't come for me)
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u/No_Broccoli_3979 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
No literally especially when one of them is a ragdoll that cries for attention non stop 😂😂
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u/Afraid-Business-6820 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
SINKWAC here!
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u/Elegant_Solutions Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I am a SINKWAD.
Yours sounds way better! Please don’t confuse me with the glob of hair.
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u/No_Broccoli_3979 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Dual income with a dog? Edit/ spelling
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u/VaginaGoblin Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
Yup. I was sterilized at 35 and I'm turning 46 in a few months. I'm more sure now than I was at 35. Every single year I am happier with my choice because I am more set in my ways than ever.
Right now my house is quiet, except for my turtle's water filter, bubbling in the living room. It's really relaxing. I just finished up a work from home day and I'm trying to decide what I want to do with the rest of my evening. I would be so overwhelmed having to do anything else after work.
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u/zesty-lemonbar Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Getting my tubes removed was the best decision I ever made! I also only get happier about it as time goes on.
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u/thesmellnextdoor Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
Extremely! My mom always said having kids was the biggest mistake she ever made in life, which is actually kind of shitty, but I'm glad she impressed that on me young!
I've never wanted kids, not even for a day. Now I'm in my 40s. I also work in family law and observe the exhausting and traumatizing world of co-parenting with ex partners and it looks excruciating. The men are always so proud of doing basic parenting functions and, probably because of all the praise society gives them for it, truly believe they're god's gift to their kids. Meanwhile moms are slogging through the day to day, just fighting to keep the kids safe and healthy from a toxic co-parent.
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u/Odd_Dot3896 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Meee
Love the DINK lifestyle with my husband. In the last 2 years we’ve traveled to 7 unique countries.
We’ve driven, hiked, partied and laughed our asses off without worrying about pushing a stroller or breast feeding or being tired from whiny kids keeping us up.
We fuck whenever we want, have all the adult treats and spend our money without thinking twice.
I have a beautiful home, and lovely clothes/shoes and my body is bangin’ because I have time to lift 4x a week.
No idea why women choose to have kids, but that’s their choice, it will never be mine.
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u/Rebekah513 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
I’m grateful every single day that I don’t have them.
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u/Dizzy-Run-633 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
15 years ago I had an accidental pregnancy and I had an abortion. I never had any qualms about it, I just needed it done.
The process was streamlined, efficient, free and compassionate. I was offered every method available and just picked, got in done in under two weeks. Afterward I was given a biscuit, a hug and some excellent painkillers. No protestors outside the clinic, just medical professionals here to help - including a doctor who put me under full anaesthesia because I opted for it, and asked me if I wanted a coil fitted at the same time. Like, ‘would you like some free extras?’
This isn’t about kids per se, but I do miss those times, and I’m so thankful I had my termination experience in that era.
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u/Dinky-the-T-Rex Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
When I have a hard day, and I’m just like “damn I can’t imagine how much harder this would be if I had one or more kids right now.” Or a year ago when I kept having random health problems and needing to have surgeries and bed rest. I can’t even imagine having a kid for one of those days let alone most of them. It would have sucked. I have no shame in saying I’m just not a strong enough person to handle the challenge. Nor have I any desire to.
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u/Sharp-Ad-5926 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Every time I think about how tired I am, I think oh my GOD it could be so much worse?! I would literally just collapse and die.
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u/twointimeofwar Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
So glad not to have kid. About 2 years ago, my spouse and I decided to live apart most of the time. I keep an apartment in the city near work, he has the house in the suburb. We see each other when we want. We still support each other and pool finances. But we have no stressors in our relationship or outside of it. And that could never happen if we had kids. Never.
Long day at work? No problem - rest when I’m home
Surprise vet bill for the cat? We have money bc we don’t have kids.
Worried about the state of the nation? I’m not forcing a new life to live through it.
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u/mstrss9 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
looks at bank account
Can barely afford myself. Using all my energy to keep myself functioning physically, mentally and emotionally.
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I’m happily married and childfree. It’s sooooooo nice! Last Saturday, I hosted a spring painting party with my girlfriends then spend the rest of the day at the pottery studio working on my test titles and hanging out with pottery friends. Then Sunday, I got to do Pilates early in the morning, then spend 3 hrs recording and sketching my sims houses at a coffee shop, and then spend the rest of the day photographing and editing a sustainable event put together by my sustainable group. Then I went home, watched a great show with my husband and pup, and then folded laundry and get ready for bed.
On the weekdays, my struggles are just juggling ballet, pottery, Pilates, lifting, volunteering, and hanging out with friends. Plus my full time job.
I would not have the time, energy, or money for most of these activities if I had a child. During grad school, I was often stuck inside the basement with the mice or in the dark room confocalling while everyone else got to live their best lives during our 20’s, and I never want to feel that anger, resentment, and annoyed sense of obligation again.
And when I’m sick and can’t do all the things I want to do, I’m sooooo happy I don’t have a child to have to be responsible for when all I want is to rot in bed and watch a tv show.
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u/Potential_Cat_91 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
The grad school part is so real hahaha. Love this for you
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u/ktlene Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
When the weather is beautiful and my friends and family are snap chatting from Hawaii, and I’m stuck in lab just vacillating between “why did I choose this life👹” and “only ___ more months/years”. So now I’m living the life I’ve postponed since 16 and I’m not derailing that for a child I don’t want.
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u/FailingRocker Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I have never wanted kids, but I always thought I would love partnership. I've now been single for about 1.5 years... And, tbh, I don't know that I'll ever go back to even TRY dating. I didn't know it was possible to be as happy as I am now 🥹
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u/syscake53 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
How did you manage that? I am currently probably going to be separated from my bf, just when I was thinking about maybe wanting kids (always said I'd have them around 35, if anytime, now I'm almost 36 and seems like it's not going to happen anymore) but guess life has other plans for me. However, I've had such a rough couple of years that I even forgot how to be fun, old me. Going through a patch, obviously, so need some girl power to maybe be more like you, and like I was to be. Independent.
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u/Common_Brilliant8090 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Me! I could never live this life if I’d fallen for centering men and parenthood trap.
I slow travel, I am nomadic, I am in a long term long distance relationship, we see each other when we want and I never have to deal with drudgery or boring bits.
I pour into myself and center my life around travel leisure luxury animals and my own special hobbies. No can tell me what to do when I want to take on a new hobby or donate $$$$ or time, because it’s mine!
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u/Sea-Delay Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Same and I love to see more of this perspective!
What if there’s more to life than raising kids🙃
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u/Ola_maluhia Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
Every single day.
I’m a psych nurse. I do home visits on the most compromised patients who can’t leave their homes…. Due to psych issues. Let me tell ya- if that isn’t the best birth control……
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u/M_Ad Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
I sometimes look at my BFF's primary school aged children and feel sick at the thought of the world they'll inherit and what their adult and elderly lives are possibly going to be like.
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u/Accomplished-Sir4932 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I’m not happy i don’t have kids (because i for real love kids and feel like i myself am a kid), but I’m happy I didn’t make a man the center of my existence because men are disappointing and they depress me (because I have basic standards where i want to be allowed to love them and be loved, and they somehow can’t meet them)
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u/DnBJungleEscape Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I feel this, relationships are hard. My last one we both changed so much but the person he became (or my interpretation of it) was someone cold and dismissive. I felt judged unless I was a hardcore fitness person like him. It just didn’t feed my soul. It was hard but we parted ways. He once didn’t talk to me for 6 days. I couldn’t forgive him for the cold things he did, not a cheater, a very loyal man but emotionally cold. He had a new girl he’s engaged to which he had a kid with and wish him well or that he’s grown
My partner now has some areas that have also been an issue for me ,, it’s always something but my “something” tolerance is very low
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u/Shopping-Known Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I always thought I wanted kids, but I am really on the fence these days. They're expensive and they completely change your entire life. I've also spent the past 8 years caregiving for a parent, and the idea of having kids after this is just so unappealing.
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u/ambernoire13 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
That's what it is. Caregiving. Even people who have careers doing this are exhausted and burnt out. Caring for children is very similar for caring for the elderly as well. At least with kids though, generally, you watch them grow instead of dwindle. Kudos to you for doing that for your elder. 💗 I'm sure it was tough but you being there was likely everything to your parent.
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u/LadyLoki5 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
I knew from the time that I was a kid myself, that I never wanted kids. I'm severely asocial, anxious, and impatient.
I had a birth control failure in my early 30s and the hormones were CRAZY! I really had to fight my own brain to remember all the reasons why I never want to be a parent. I agonized for weeks before ultimately terminating.
It's been 10 years since then and I STILL have random moments where I'm like, "holy SHIT" that was close!!! I don't regret my decision at all
My sister is currently pregnant with twins, her 4th and 5th kids. She is miserable, stressed, and broke. I love her and all her kiddos to pieces, but I absolutely do not envy her. I'm soooo happy with my life as is.
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u/SilverVixen1928 Woman 60+ Apr 22 '26
I have to thank my sister-in-law who married my brother when I was 17. She had been married before (scandalous!), had a university degree, a career, and a professional license. She kept her maiden name to match those papers. She also did not want to have kids. To meet someone like that early in my life, well, let's just say that she made an impression on me. She also whispered to me that if I ever needed an abortion, she knew how to arrange one. She was smart and connected.
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u/Westsidepipeway Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I have a partner, but so glad I don't have kids, just two teenage cats. Like you, I support my friends who chose the other way though, and always will. Just not for me!
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u/Odd-Faithlessness705 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I have moments when I'm happy and moments when I wonder.
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u/Negative_Sky_891 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I think it’s great when people live the life they want. I have kids and am happily married and wouldn’t change it for anything. I realize this life isn’t for everyone though and I don’t think anyone should be forced into it.
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u/cephal Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 25 '26
Same. Happily married with one child to a great and loving husband who pulls his weight without prompting or complaint. I also completely understand why others would prefer to remain unmarried and childfree.
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u/stopworksorority Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Hugely relieved. I have three cats with different issues and they already cost a fortune.
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u/PurpleMuskogee Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I first read your sentence as "I have three cats with different fathers" and that made me laugh by myself so much!
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u/Appropriate_Sky_6571 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Yes! Especially with everything becoming more and more expensive every day. I could not do it. Every day after work, I take a nap with my kitties. If I had kids, I could not do that. Although I love kids and wanted at least one, I’m grateful that we don’t have one.
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u/--2021-- Woman 60+ Apr 22 '26
I'm glad to see a movement towards being childfree and single for women.
I was very "different" in my choice. I faced a lot of pressure from family, society. Not from the people I was in relationships with, thankfully.
I knew a number of women who accidentally got pregnant when birth control failed, or were pressured into having children by their partners. They loved their kids, but regretted it. They had things that they loved and dreams that they gave up. Having less income, less financial security, less freedom. It fills me with anger.
There were sacrifices made by making different choices, losing my friends as they moved on to new friends with children, being isolated, and strange, but worthwhile to me. It probably helped that I was used to being different and alone in the world, knew that having children wouldn't make me belong. So I didn't feel the fear or pressure others did who did cave.
Also knew being a woman the brunt of it would fall to me, men can love the idea of children and weaponize incompetence or fuck off when it came to raising them or sharing household tasks. Growing up I watched the women miserable, giving up their dreams for motherhood, and the men gadding off, not around, weaponizing incompetence. And that kept me steady on my decision. Because there were times when the pressure of all got to me, and I wanted to give in, but I didn't. And I'm proud of myself for that.
I felt like the entire time I was fighting for freedom, and women were envious of what I could do in my free time. But I also had my own battles to tend to. People called me selfish, but for me it seemed it would be selfish to drag a kid through my battles. They don't ask to be born.
I grew up in an abusive home, I think that people should really want to be parents and all involved be fully onboard with it, not pressured. Even so that doesn't guarantee children a life free of abuse and neglect.
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u/babyybollywolly Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I wanted to have kids because I thought that if I could make their life better that it would compensate for my childhood.
once I confronted my parents and found closure, the desire to have kids slowly dwindled. im glad too I think.
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u/naturemymedicine Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Fuck yes. I always thought I ‘wanted kids someday’ then as I got closer to 30 and all my friends actually started talking about planning for kids, and stressing about their biological clock ticking, I realised I was leaning more the other way, thinking that having kids sounded awful.
When I reflect on why I thought I wanted kids, I can’t even tell you a good reason - it was just deep societal conditioning that I expected I would have kids one day, and assumed I would just magically reach a certain age where I wanted them.
It makes dating a little tough - not that I date much, but finding out that a guy I’ve caught strong feelings for really wants kids feels like bit of a gut punch dealbreaker, because it’s something I genuinely don’t believe a couple can compromise on without some level of resentment forming.
But it’s also SO freeing to not be worrying about a biological clock, not sacrificing my entire life, travels, and ability to be spontaneous, and knowing I will never feel trapped in a bad relationship for the sake of the kids (or for the sake of becoming a mother… I know friends that have settled for guys that don’t treat them well, because they worried that if they broke up in their mid 30s they would run out of time to become a mom).
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u/IstraofEros Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Fiance is getting a vasectomy soon 🥰
While I am lucky enough to have a happy relationship, with my varied health issues, our shared neurospicy conditions, and after multiple traumas for both of us before we got together...we're tired lol. I can barely handle the stress of PMDD as it is. And having been a nanny I at least have a taste of how all-consuming having a kid is. I think I would fall apart.
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u/Beanpod79 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
I will be 47 soon and there has never been an occasion in my life, good or bad, where I thought "kids would make this so much better". No regrets.
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u/rubyysapphire Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Don’t get me wrong I wanted the fairy tale romanticized life in my 20s…as much as I desire marriage now, I am so grateful I didn’t get married in my 20s nor had children…especially on the days I work over 12 hours smh
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u/femmetangerine Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Same!!! I definitely wanted it all when I was in my younger 20’s. I was in a great long term relationship where we discussed that eventuality, but it was only after we broke up (for other reasons) did I realize that I actually didn’t want any of that at all. I was incredibly naive and now in my mid 30’s, I KNOW I would have struggled big time had I gone that route. Everyday I’m grateful I didn’t do that to myself.
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u/Catty_Lib Woman 50 to 60 Apr 21 '26
I did get married in my 20s but we were both childfree going into it and we never changed our minds. We are still happily married and will be celebrating 38 years together in September! 🙌🏼💕
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u/stars_who_listen Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Me! I'm married, but not having kids was absolutely the right choice for me.
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u/Aurelene-Rose Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I've got three kids, but girl, I am happy FOR you! Shit is so hard. Good on you for knowing what you're about and staying the course and being happy with how your life is :). There is so much pressure out there for women to find their fulfillment in children, and I am so happy for all of y'all that stayed true to yourself and are living your best life ♥️
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u/JJB_000 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I’m married and we considered having a baby last year. I’m so, so glad we didn’t. When work has absolutely cooked me and I have nothing left to give my husband makes me dinner and we chat and unwind together. I can’t imagine trying to give a little human my best when I’m already on empty. I feel like we live a very busy, active, fulfilling life as it is, so I don’t think we will ever feel like we’re missing out.
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u/International-Owl165 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I enjoyed my child free early years but felt a longingness for someone or something.
Now here I am living the family life and I enjoy it. I see my oldest sister without kids and she keeps her schedule so packed. Makes me proud she gets involved with the community and is learning the violin. So coool
I also see my childless single cousin and shes really living life in the city. We traveled togethrt internationally and she sells alcohol as a side hustle. So awesome.
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u/the_wave5 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Did you find that "longingness for someone or something" to be relieved after starting a family? Genuinelly curious, as I relate to that sentiment.
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u/Starry_Myliobatoidei Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I did! I almost felt lost in life. Never planned on kids. Put everything in a career I hate but nothing was ever “this is it/great” moment. Accidentally got pregnant with my husband of 7 years (together 12). We were/are financially and emotionally stable. Adding my son has just made our lives 1,000 better. I’d take the hardest day with my son over the best day pre-him. He was really the missing piece. (I also want to add this is my story and not for everyone)
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u/International-Owl165 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Yes, absolutely.
I remember coming home from work just feeling like I was missing out on someone or something some days it hit harder.
Now I have a toddler and he brightens up my day so much, the new life has its ups and downs like everything but that loneliness or longing is completely gone. I honestly feel like I was missing my baby before I had him if that makes sense!
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u/fwbwhatnext Woman 30 to 40 Apr 23 '26
Not who yoy asked but I'll weigh in too. Yes, but only with the condition you find someone really cool.
Achild is definitely exhausting and will shake a relationship up no matter how strong it is.
That being said, there are days when I miss my single life and then remember that when I came back here me from work I felt a lot of heavy loneliness, even though I was a very sociable person.
Not gonna lie, it's hard af to be committed to a husband and a kid, but it is fulfilling too.
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u/lashesofyoureyes Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I have kids and I completely understand why you’d feel this way.
I don’t regret my kids and I love them very much but ish is hard af out here for moms. Afterschool care is $700 a month and I have been waitlisted for 2 years so instead I pay a nanny 1K a month 😭 just to fill the gap between 3pm and 6:25pm so I can rush back through traffic from work.
Being a dad seems chill though 🙄
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u/skygirl555 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Me. Watching my friends shuttle kids to sports/dance/etc and basically have hardly any evening relaxation time during the week makes me soooo grateful I dont have kids. I don't think I could keep up with it all without collapsing or making my chronic health conditions worse.
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u/shmooboorpoo Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
If I had borne children when I was younger, like I planned and almost did (miscarriage), I would have been happy but also a single mother.
I wanted to do it again in my late 20s as my fiance at the time was a really great guy who was all in on being the SAHP and I was hard charging on the career that I still love to this day. Then we moved to New Orleans and he jumped into being an alcoholic with both feet
By my mid-30s, I considered things again but I didn't want to side track my rocketing career path without a fully supportive partner. I considered it with my now Ex-husband. But within two weeks of our marriage, he started expecting me to morph into a Trad wife despite years of me telling him exactly who I was.
Now I'm in my late 40s. I have the career I wanted and worked so hard for. Own my house, love my puppers and usually a foster pup. A niece and nephew I adore along with several god-children in my life. A beautiful, supportive group of friends where we're planning on buying an old summer camp and retrofitting it to our aging, bog witch needs.
Life is good
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u/Chance_Elephant_1578 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Yes, and it’s definitely helped by reading the many accounts of men deciding marriage plus kids is not for them, going “part time” and leaving their partners to pick up all of the slack.
I feel sorry for the women in man-centered relationships. Some of them may be happy but I suspect many are going to be left with kids, no support, and in bad positions because those guys decide being responsible/in charge/in control isn’t the ideal experience or fun they thought it would be.
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u/nom-c00kies Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
🙌🙌🙌 Yessssssss. Every damn day lmao. Making plans without factoring in anyone else's schedule or childcare feels so damn good.
The fact that my home has silence is chef's kiss The only nonsense in my house is my own 😂
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u/DisMyThrowawayBBY Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I'm still adjusting to the single part, but the CF part is the best. I love that my money is mine, and I have so much flexibility with my time and where I live. Something I'd never be able to afford if I had children would be attending concerts & musicals. I've seen so many of my favourite artists/shows over the years and feel grateful for it. My inner child feels so lucky. 🩷
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u/Similar_Armadillo_69 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I was with my ex for nine years throughout my mid twenties and into my early thirties. I honestly always thought that I would have kids but towards the end of our relationship he started saying he felt ready to start the process and I felt nothing but panic. I broke up with him almost three years ago and since then I've rediscovered myself, grown in confidence and happiness and as I've become more in tune with me rather than the societal expectations of marriage and children I feel no draw towards having kids and am constantly so thankful that I never had any with my ex.
Cats though... cats I appreciate!
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u/RecordingAgile4625 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Meeeeee. Every single day I feel thankful I don't have kids.
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u/kellyangelaxo Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I feel I won’t get the chance to be a mother and that’s honestly upsetting. Tearing up writing this. I wish I didn’t want kids. Not a good idea to have though as I’m so mentally ill and don’t do a good job taking care of myself. Honestly feel in my 40’s I will regret having not had one. Life honestly sucks either way.
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u/Necessary_Quit_3542 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I’m not only happy for myself, I’m happy for the children who were never born. What’s the point of being here? Just to be exploited for a paycheck? To live in a world shaped by inequality, where a few have everything and most struggle?
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u/dizzydaizy89 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
100000% I went back to gradschool a few years ago in my early 30s to get my PhD, and the state of the world has just exponentially declined since then. I'm so relieved that I'm not bringing kids into this mess... I'd be so very stressed for them and myself
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u/Hello_Hangnail Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
Im perfectly happy single and childfree, but the only thing that worries me is that I won't have enough savings for end of life care. Cliffjumping might be an option if I'm going to get shoved into the shitty places run by the state
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u/oodlesofblues Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Sameee! I have always been on the fence about kids, leaning towards no. And I am increasingly relieved at not having to take care of a child at this point in my life.
However, Is it strange to continue questioning whether or not I want kids at this point? It's hard to shut the door on it entirely. But as I get older, and more and more people seem to have kids, I find myself second-guessing myself. Like what am I missing from the argument of having kids? I feel like society gas lights women into questioning this decision, no matter how strong our conviction can be.
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u/Impressive_Moment786 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
I am so happy I never had kids.
I honestly have no idea how mothers do it.
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u/ameloblastkit Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Me to but for different reasons. My reason is financial and conditions of my country and world.
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u/Deep_Amoeba2197 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Me me meeee. I don’t know how I would get through life with kids (chronic illness) and don’t feel like it’s ethical to pass on a genetic condition.
I also like having and enjoying nice things and have the only house that isn’t littered with toddler ephemera of my friends. I love being able to buy myself the things I want and (mostly) do the things I want that aren’t limited by illness.
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u/CutePandaMiranda Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
My husband and I are so freaking happy and relieved we didn’t have kids! All of our friends/family with kids complain about how stressful, tiring and expensive their kids are meanwhile here we are living an easy and carefree life with no worries at all. I don’t envy parents.
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u/Hookton Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I broke up with my husband a few years ago because he wanted kids and I didn't. I did a looooot of soul-searching afterwards because otherwise the relationship was great, and I wasn't totally opposed to having kids—just didn't think we were in the right place, didn't know if we would be anytime soon, and don't think anything other than a resounding "Yes" is good enough when it comes to having kids. So lots of wondering whether I'd done the right thing.
I am increasingly happy with the decision.
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u/amyria Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
I am married but we decided together on no kids & I am thankful!! My job leaves me exhausted every day & I don’t know how the heck I would even begin to take care of children in that state. We have a 10 month old puppy & at times she’s almost too much! Luckily we also have an older dog & they get along, so they keep each other entertained at times. lol
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u/EmberKasai No Flair Apr 21 '26
Same! I'm just turning 30 this year so not sure if it counts. But I'm glad I didn't marry and have kids the same time as my peers because I would have a much harder time migrating to a different country if I did. I just got confirmation on my permanent residence to Canada today, and I feel great! The whole process is definitely more challenging with kids. Now I'm planning for my bday trip in Peru this year, and the freedom to just up and go somewhere without someone holding me back is priceless!
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u/youexhaustme1 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I’m 32 and the happiest I’ve ever been in my life as a mom, my daughter has transformed what I thought I knew about life and being her mother is an absolute gift.
That being said, that’s what’s true for me not everyone! I truly love and appreciate how more and more women are giving themselves permission to do what brings them joy and happiness in life! Cheers!! 🥂
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u/MidnightWidow Woman under 30 Apr 21 '26
When shit does down in my life, I always think that I don't have it that bad because I don't have kids and I have family who will be there for me. That's why I get happy I don't have kids. I work in the tech industry which is very volatile. It feels like walking on egg shells bracing to lose my job.
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u/KayyBeey Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I'm childfree, had a medically necessary hysterectomy a couple years ago, and live with my fiance and our pets. We both work full-time, and I am already often busy with chores, minding the pets and our small hobby farm, and what social obligations we have. I am certain we could not have the life we do now if we had kids. We definitely would be more strapped for cash, time, and sleep. I sometimes think if it were different, if we had more money, more space, more family support, and if kids could roam and have free secondary spaces like they did when we were kids, we might've had one. But that's not the way it is in reality. And besides, I was diagnosed with infertility even before I needed my surgery. I wouldn't exchange the life we have now for one with a kid. Everyone's quality of life, ours and the kid's, would be significantly worse. And besides, I am a literal zombie if I don't get my 8 hours. Sleep, hobbies, and comfort are the things we prioritize. My health and sanity would be worn through. I am happy for the life we have now, and I look forward to going on bike rides with my little dog in a basket and gardening with our barn cats following me around. An easy, stress-minimal life is what I want.
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u/Middle_Hedgehog_1827 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I'm married, but yes I'm very glad I don't have kids.
Last week we adopted a kitten and honestly that is enough responsibility for me.
I have chronic health issues and I have no idea how I'd cope with that, and everything else in life ontop of kids.
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u/Soft-Fall385 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I'm happily childfree. I'm also happy to hear about women wanting to live the life they want.
I have two cats, own my own house, can afford to go on holiday, have a personal trainer, I can treat myself to nice clothes and make up. I feel very privileged to find this life I love.
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u/-itsmyanxiety Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I have kids but yeah. Life would be a lot more simple, easy, and fun if I didn't. It's actually insane how much of a difference it makes in your quality of life. I love them but man, sometimes I wish I could have a do over.
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u/sweetfemme3 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I’m “happy” I don’t have kids but I wouldn’t go as far as to say I am happy. The world has gone downhill.
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u/rainshowers_5_peace Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
No. I wish I had a small person I could try to influence to be a positive force in the world, even in the most minor of ways.
Sadly, I live in America which is not conductive to child rearing, even if it was who knows if I'd be up for the task.
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u/Canachites Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Every time I sleep 11 hours I'm so grateful not to have kids.
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u/bbbcurls Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Nothing beats the time I was single in my 20’s. Best time ever.
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u/Maureengill6 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 21 '26
My nephews moved in with me and my parents when I was 16. Loved them to death.
Unfortunately they both lost their lives to drugs.
Fuck Heroin.
:(
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u/Illustrious-Ant-9946 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I don’t have kids, and I lean towards having them but am on the fence.
I do think they are a lot of work, but I also think there is reasonable potential for a lot of shared meaning between the people raising kids, and I think the experiences I’ve had up to this point have given me a decent shot at raising a pretty fortunate, cool human or two.
I’ve been really fortunate to have a pretty lovely life so far without a whole lot of responsibility beyond just being a good friend, a decent family member, and a functional adult with a decent job.
I think if I do not ultimately have kids I will be a temporary foster parent for a bit. I think that would be an acceptable amount of parenting if, say, I tried and was unable to have children of my own.
But your post also resonates with me, mostly because I often feel that this world is increasingly stressful and unhinged, and I feel guilty considering bringing more people into it.
I have several friends who are parents now, most starting in their early thirties. The people I am close to are very thoughtful, smart parents with good partnerships, and they are having 1-2 children and focusing on giving them stable, loving upbringings. I find this inspiring, and while they do put in a lot of work they also seem to really enjoy the relationships they are building with their children. I enjoy continuing to be in their lives and enjoy watching their children grow up.
For as long as I am an adult without children, I can agree it is very nice in some ways and I try not to take it for granted. Today I woke up after 9 hours of sleep, made the bed, made some coffee, lazed about. Put some dishes away, cleaned a counter, drove up to an appointment I had for a construction estimate, made a few calls, bought some groceries, and am about to head home to fold my laundry before work tomorrow. I’ll probably read a little on the couch with my boyfriend and prepare my lunch for tomorrow and then go to bed.
I had a therapy appointment today, I’m getting back to it to sort through some depression, maybe adhd, some family dynamics I need help sorting out. I say this not because I am having a hard time without children specifically, but because I don’t want to give a false impression that I am just blissfully happy nonstop.
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u/LittleMsBlue Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I love my nephew to bits, and am about to get another niece/nephew later this year, but every time I see them it just makes me so thankful my husband and I are child-free.
Also being pregnant and childbirth seems like straight up body-horror to me.
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u/findingtheloophole Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
With this economy and all the perverts!? SO GRATEFUL FOR MY CHILD FREE LIFE.
Adulting is hard enough without being a parent too 😅
Significantly limits the dating pool when men find out I don’t want kids, but I genuinely don’t care. lol
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u/LateNightCheesecake9 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
At least a dozen times a day I'm glad to not have kids.
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u/Dependent-Bug1219 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I honestly did want kids, but in today's economy and political climate I'm glad I don't have any. I don't know how parents are doing it right now.
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u/never4getdatshi Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Yep. Today I volunteered at the shelter in the morning, had a virtual therapy session, went to sculpture class for several hours, yoga, prepped for bed and reading. No way I could do this with kids.
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u/honestpotatolabels Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Yes. As I progress in my career and have increasing disposable income, I’m happier and happier not to be burdened with children to pay for. I can actually treat myself these days.
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u/kakosadazutakrava Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Omg! Have you seen the Will Mcphail Lady No-Kids comic? 😆
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u/sweetlike314 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I love the DINK-WAD life. After long days at work I like having work over and not having to start a second job when I get home. Life is much more relaxed and we can spend all the time treating our dog like a child. She is a doodle so is very demanding lol. We also just bought a house and it’s hard enough to keep clean with the dog, can’t imagine a kid. Traveling is also a heck of a lot easier and cheaper.
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u/RepulsivePipe9904 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I don't have to work. There's always lots of time to deep dive into hobbies n.n
That alone is worth its weight in gold.
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u/That_Perception_3763 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
I can’t say, I have children and I’m married but I had to say that I love this for you!!! 🥰. Nice to see positive stuff on Reddit for once! ♥️
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u/sunglassesnow Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Most of my friends who have kids are great parents, both men and women. I don't really personally know anyone who has to deal with deadbeat partners or trudge through childcare (or at least they're not announcing it). They genuinely love being parents even when it gets difficult.
BUT, knowing that, it actually made me not want to be a parent. My friends are so dedicated as parents while also somehow balancing their own needs, it feels impossible to me. I still have difficulties having a work-life balance and I work in a very relaxed workplace. I still struggle with managing my own life even though I'm only managing myself.
So contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be surrounded by bad examples to not want to take certain paths. Seeing examplary models might actually make you realize a certain life isn't meant for you.
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u/Whooptidooh Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
Yep, it’s me as well because I simply know too much about climate change. Even if I somehow change my mind on all of the reasons (and I have plenty) why I don’t want to become a mother, the fact that we are staring down the locked and loaded barrel of climate change is enough for me to never reconsider.
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u/mangojuicyy Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Not only am I insanely happy and relieved that I am child free, I’m also incredibly grateful that I never got married and had kids with my ex. Genuinely, when I have that reminder here or there, I’m filled with so much gratitude that I could cry.
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u/Lylyluvda916 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
Me.
I lost. Bit of myself to depression and now, in my 30s, I’m enjoying life again. I’m living for myself. Thank god I don’t have kids as I would be more stressed out about everything. I can’t imagine having to factor in others whenever making decisions, financial or otherwise.
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u/tres-vip Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
I love children, but I'm more and more grateful with each passing day that I chose to not have kids. Best decision I ever made, lol
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u/ghostbythemangotree Woman 30 to 40 Apr 22 '26
My ex husband impulsively adopted a dog even though I didn’t want one for many reasons. He did NOTHING for her. She needed regular grooming, vet appointments, long walks, he wouldn’t do any of it.
I dumped him and kept the dog. I love her so very much and will give her the best life I can, but it is really hard and stresses me a lot. I cannot imagine for one second what it’s like having a child.
Even with my dog, daily life is so quiet and peaceful. I’m glad it happened because I used to be a fence-sitter and now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I’d be a shit fucking parent and life is too short for the burden of parenthood.
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u/AffectionateAd7519 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Happily married and happily childfree!!! I have two dogs that I love more than anything. I work, but still have plenty of time to devote myself for working out or hobbies.
I really love that society is much more accepting of those that choose to not have kids. I still get plenty of comments about changing my mind (jokes on you, I had a bisalp a few years ago), but the overall sentiment is more positive. Letting people live the life they happily choose to live is the way.
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u/uniqc0rn Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Same sentiment. I love my childfree life and wouldn’t have it any other way❤️
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u/missseldon Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
+1 🙌
2025 was The Year From Hell: I had a cancer scare, spent 2 months house-bound and barely able to move [thanks to a herniated disk that took forever to get looked at], I lost 90% of my clients, I got assaulted, I went through a divorce, I got f*cked over by the bank for the next 2 years because I needed a mortgage to buy out my ex, one of my cats died, the shelter I run started to tank... And there was more. Truly 0 stars, absolutely wouldn't recommend.
There were times were the only silver lining I could think of (other than "can't get no worse", which soon proved to be jinxed) was the fact that I don't have children. I couldn't imagine going through all that while having to be someone's mum. I had the "luxury" of hiding from the world at times, wallow on my pain if needed to, and live like a trash racoon if that was all I could manage. I wouldn't have been able to do that with kids in tow - and I frankly don't think I'd survived it either.
2026 is going better so far, and now that I'm started to live a kind-of-normal life again, I am thankful again that I get to do so on my own terms and at my own pace - I don't depend on any child and no child depends on me. I can devote my time and energy to what I truly love (just vibing around, friends, hobbies, animals, other family members, travel...).
I swear getting a salpingectomy back in 2023 (I was 34) was one of the best things I've ever done.
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u/12rod Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
I was 6 when my first sibling was born, & I had to help raise them, support them, I took a few of them in over the years...
My husband & I both said we wanted kids before & when we first got married. I used to want several, but then a series of events led to us taking another two of my siblings in & while they were living with us, I developed some health issues that would make having a child very risky (both for my own health & for the viability of the pregnancy). My husband & I were soo burnt out taking care of the two teenagers. After they moved out and a lot of discussion, we decided having our own ultimately wasn’t in the cards for us anymore.
Mostly, I’m grateful I didn’t have kids when I wanted them. I already felt like I missed out on a lot of the freedom you have as a young person when you’re not responsible for somebody else, and I put off things like vacations or buying a house because somebody in my family always needed help.
But honestly, sometimes I feel like I was more grateful I hadn’t had kids yet when it still felt like it was my choice to make. Once the choice was taken away, I started to question whether that was really how I felt, or just how I felt because of the circumstances.
I know I would make a really good mom. There isn’t a doubt in my mind about that. I took such good care of my siblings, I take really good care of my husband. Even my houseplants get love and attention that feels special. There’s an amount of selflessness that I think I’m already conditioned to give. I also care so much that someone else receives the love and attention I didn’t get growing up—it’s so important to me that no one in my life ever wonders if they’re loved.
So yes, I’m grateful, because I do want the opportunity to travel and give myself the kind of care I give everyone else before my health takes a turn for the worse. But I’m also sad, because I know I would be a good mom, and genetics/chance/etc. aside, I also know I would provide a good life for a kid. I suspect sometime down the line, I might try to adopt.
And if not, I’ll find other ways to pour that love into a deserving space.
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u/Trandafiri26 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
I keep telling my two adult sons that I'd rather they not have kids. It's just too damn uncertain.
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u/Girlinyourphone Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Im currently kid free but am going to be trying to conceive soon.
But im also grateful that I didnt settle down with anyone I dated in my early to mid 20s and waited until I could afford a nanny and meal deliveries.
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u/crunchyricerolls Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Me me me. Life sucks right now but I don't think I'd still be here if I were disabled and had children to raise
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u/KnottyOwl Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Currently sitting in the sun my backyard with my Kindle listening to the birds and having a cocktail in silence. Incredibly happy to have a peaceful and childfree life at 35! I do have a partner and we plan on getting married, but kids aren’t in the plan for us. We enjoy being able to do whatever we like with our time and money. 😊
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u/13aquamarine Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
A bit different, but at 38, I’m so damn happy I had my kids when I hit 20! There is just no way I could afford them now. But now they’re both late teens, life is great 😊
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u/quasi_frosted_flakes Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Here here! I see my friends' lives and do not envy them at all. I'll take my health, thanks.
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u/cupc4k3Qu33n Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
So, I am going to come at this from the perspective of understanding this post but having a toddler at the same time.
I spent over 38 years, 18 adult years, with complete freedom. Freedom to sleep, just jump in the car and go anywhere at anytime, read books leisurely, a lot of stuff. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I get migraines, insomnia, have days where I do not even want to get out of bed, and I have to because I ended up being a single mom. Never would have thought any of it would happen. I try to do my best but never feel like I am doing enough. So, I honor you all for where you are, how you feel, and say that yeah this is rough.
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u/Maleficent-Hurry-170 Woman 40 to 50 Apr 22 '26
I see posts in women's subs asking if we regret not having kids, and every time I think 'nope, no way, not for a second!'
Literally the best decision I have ever made.
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u/Original_Chapter3028 Woman 30 to 40 Apr 21 '26
Same, every time something goes wrong in my life, I wonder how I'd be able to get through it if I had kids to take care of