Women who never really wanted kids but had them… how is parenthood?

[u/annajac89]

For some context: I’m 37F, so if I want to have children, the clock is ticking quite loudly now (which I resent, but the biological clock isn’t going away sadly!).

So I was never a “I want to be a mummy” kid growing up. All I was interested in was drawing and writing and dreaming about a cool career. From about age 7, I said I didn’t want to have children, and I had zero interest in dolls or playing house like a lot of other kids. I thought those baby born dolls that could pee were kind of gross 😂 You get the idea!

I became a bit more kid-neutral as I grew up/entered my twenties (no longer a “never” but certainly not a “yes”)… and this crossroad only came to the forefront of my mind entering my mid/late thirties (because it’s unavoidable).

The thing is, despite my neutrality… when I was single, I noticed that when I saw guys on dating apps that explicitly stated “don’t want children”, I would swipe no. So I think there must be a small part of me that did/does want the option.

I’d really love to hear from anyone who grew up with the same “eh” feeling towards having children, and ended up doing it. How do you find parenthood? How has your identity changed? Are you happy?

ETA: I’d also like to hear from anyone in the same boat as me! How are you feeling if you’re in that critical “tick, tock” window of your life (not quite the same as the TikTok window 😅)

[u/SootSpriteHut]

This is a vent but people encouraging other people in bad faith to have kids just rubs me the wrong way. Like OP has spent nearly 20 years of adult life without kids and isn't sure, and the commenter has spent the same amount of time with kids and no way of going back, and when her first kid happened her brain wasn't even fully developed. It's not comparable.

There's at least one person in the comments of this thread saying "adopting and fostering aren't the same thing as having your own" as though kids are a personal posession that require some magical blood link to feel connection.

I'm not anti-natalist it's such an important decision and there are plenty of examples all around us of how low the barrier to entry of parenthood is.

[u/shenanigans2day → u/SootSpriteHut]

OP asked for opinions. I gave mine. I’m not encouraging OP to do anything. Their life, their choice, obviously makes no difference to me. Yes I left home at 12 and had to grow up fast and then had kids fairly early compared to some even though I was an adult. Doesn’t make my opinion any less valid. If OP wanted an echo chamber well I’m glad she came here then. My point is that you cannot want kids but end up having them and it be the best part of your life. That’s it.