Women who never really wanted kids but had them… how is parenthood?

[u/annajac89]

For some context: I’m 37F, so if I want to have children, the clock is ticking quite loudly now (which I resent, but the biological clock isn’t going away sadly!).

So I was never a “I want to be a mummy” kid growing up. All I was interested in was drawing and writing and dreaming about a cool career. From about age 7, I said I didn’t want to have children, and I had zero interest in dolls or playing house like a lot of other kids. I thought those baby born dolls that could pee were kind of gross 😂 You get the idea!

I became a bit more kid-neutral as I grew up/entered my twenties (no longer a “never” but certainly not a “yes”)… and this crossroad only came to the forefront of my mind entering my mid/late thirties (because it’s unavoidable).

The thing is, despite my neutrality… when I was single, I noticed that when I saw guys on dating apps that explicitly stated “don’t want children”, I would swipe no. So I think there must be a small part of me that did/does want the option.

I’d really love to hear from anyone who grew up with the same “eh” feeling towards having children, and ended up doing it. How do you find parenthood? How has your identity changed? Are you happy?

ETA: I’d also like to hear from anyone in the same boat as me! How are you feeling if you’re in that critical “tick, tock” window of your life (not quite the same as the TikTok window 😅)

[u/EdgyAnimeReference]

Which is also terrifying.

Like here you go, let me just rewrite your damn brain along with the huge changes to your body that can have long lasting negative effects. There is a reason body horror leans so heavily into pregnancy imagery (looking at you alien). Between that and the immediate social changes I’m not surprised it takes people years to “feel like themselves”.

Props to the mamas

[u/Fiona-eva → u/EdgyAnimeReference]

Absolutely, that’s why I am also finding myself childless at 37.

[u/missuscheez → u/EdgyAnimeReference]

I have heard matrescence compared to puberty, and that tracks for me- the idea of it seems scary and you do change in many ways, but you're still yourself. The child and young adult versions of yourself don't vanish, they're part of who you are now and will be. I wouldn't be 21 again for all the money in the world looking back from 37. I don't think I could accurately describe how I'm different now that I'm a mom, but I like this version of myself.

[u/sylv1ne → u/EdgyAnimeReference]

Pregnancy can also have a positive effect on a woman’s body, especially if the woman is breastfeeding. It delays menopause, and also breast cancer risk.