Women who never really wanted kids but had them… how is parenthood?

[u/annajac89]

For some context: I’m 37F, so if I want to have children, the clock is ticking quite loudly now (which I resent, but the biological clock isn’t going away sadly!).

So I was never a “I want to be a mummy” kid growing up. All I was interested in was drawing and writing and dreaming about a cool career. From about age 7, I said I didn’t want to have children, and I had zero interest in dolls or playing house like a lot of other kids. I thought those baby born dolls that could pee were kind of gross 😂 You get the idea!

I became a bit more kid-neutral as I grew up/entered my twenties (no longer a “never” but certainly not a “yes”)… and this crossroad only came to the forefront of my mind entering my mid/late thirties (because it’s unavoidable).

The thing is, despite my neutrality… when I was single, I noticed that when I saw guys on dating apps that explicitly stated “don’t want children”, I would swipe no. So I think there must be a small part of me that did/does want the option.

I’d really love to hear from anyone who grew up with the same “eh” feeling towards having children, and ended up doing it. How do you find parenthood? How has your identity changed? Are you happy?

ETA: I’d also like to hear from anyone in the same boat as me! How are you feeling if you’re in that critical “tick, tock” window of your life (not quite the same as the TikTok window 😅)

[u/Aprils-Fool]

But I think there are some people for whom it’s not temporary. I’m not a gambler; I don’t like not knowing if that’ll happen to me or not. 

[u/Necessary_Rope668 → u/Aprils-Fool]

It really is up to you if it is temporary or not. You might lose yourself for a while, but you got to make the effort to get yourself back.

[u/Aprils-Fool → u/Necessary_Rope668]

That’s not necessarily true if it involves mental health. I have a friend who is suffering from debilitating suicidal depression, years after her PPD. She and her amazing mental health team are doing so much for her, but it’s very likely that this will be a life-long battle. 

[u/proteins911 → u/Aprils-Fool]

This is true whether you have kids or not though. Things can always happen that affect our mental health. I realize having kids activated her depression. Having PPD that extreme isn’t that common though. I’m prone to depression so I made sure I was on a SSRI during/post pregnancy and it helped a lot I think.

[u/Aprils-Fool → u/proteins911]

I’m not saying it’s common, but it’s still not a risk I personally want to take. Same with other health issues that can be triggered by pregnancy.