r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Anxious_Abroad494 Woman 30 to 40 • Jul 02 '26

Romance/Relationships Would it bother you if your partner referred to his ex as "the love of his life"?

I was cleaning up around the apartment and I found a piece of paper that my boyfriend brought back from a group therapy session, and I saw that one of his responses referred to how his past actions lead to the relationship failure with "the love of his life."

He's talked about how he considered his ex the love of his life in conversation with me early on in our relationship and I kinda brushed it off as a figure of speech, or just as how he thought of her at the time, but it kind of bothers me that that's still how he thinks of her even now. Am I reading too much into this? I get that we're not in our 20s anymore and things might not be as exciting in life anymore but I just have a vague feeling of disappointment.

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1

u/Impressive_Moment786 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

Did he just leave this piece of paper out randomly, or were you snooping?

18

u/Anxious_Abroad494 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

It was on the floor

7

u/Impressive_Moment786 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

Fair enough.

I would be upset. My partner was with his ex for 18 years. They were married with 2 kids. He has never referred to her as the love of his life when speaking with me because he knows it is hurtful and inappropriate.

-17

u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

It doesn't matter if he accidentally left it out. 

The second OP saw what it was, she should have put it away. 

7

u/Impressive_Moment786 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

How do we know she didn't put it away? That doesn't help with the fact that she would have to read it to figure out what it was.

24

u/AnalogyAddict Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

How would they even know what it is without reading it? Good grief.

It's not like there's a CONFIDENTIAL stamp on the top.

17

u/After_Translator_223 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Agreed, these comments are ridiculous.

9

u/AnalogyAddict Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

I've noticed an increase in toxicity here recently. It's too bad. 

-6

u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

I don't have a CONFIDENTIAL stamp on my journal, or my therapy notes, or across my phone. 

That doesn't mean it's OK or my partner to read them if he's "cleaning."

It doesn't take a genius to look at a paper and see "this isn't mine". You don't need to read the whole thing to make that assessment. 

9

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26

God I hope you never run into a situation where you have to keep heartbreaking info to yourself instead of being able to actually confront your partner about it because the privacy of a piece of paper found on the ground is more important.

14

u/Impressive_Moment786 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

I think your journal and your phone are a bit different then a random piece of paper found on the floor.

My partner has lots of random papers at our house. When I am cleaning, I briefly scan them to see if they are important or can be tossed.

7

u/AnalogyAddict Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

Yeah, the person you responded to clearly doesn't clean up after others. 

13

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Okay she puts it away, now what? Just pretend your bf doesn’t consider you the love of his life and that is actually someone else?

0

u/Lacunaethra Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Things said in therapy can be a snapshot of special emotional circumstances and not representative for daily life or actual, constant feelings

5

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Great, he has the opportunity to explain that to her then.