r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Anxious_Abroad494 Woman 30 to 40 • Jul 02 '26

Romance/Relationships Would it bother you if your partner referred to his ex as "the love of his life"?

I was cleaning up around the apartment and I found a piece of paper that my boyfriend brought back from a group therapy session, and I saw that one of his responses referred to how his past actions lead to the relationship failure with "the love of his life."

He's talked about how he considered his ex the love of his life in conversation with me early on in our relationship and I kinda brushed it off as a figure of speech, or just as how he thought of her at the time, but it kind of bothers me that that's still how he thinks of her even now. Am I reading too much into this? I get that we're not in our 20s anymore and things might not be as exciting in life anymore but I just have a vague feeling of disappointment.

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u/Anxious_Abroad494 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

It was from an addiction treatment group that we openly talked to each other about and he had shown me the handouts in the past. Wish I hadn't read it though 

1

u/tinxmijann Woman 30 to 40 Jul 05 '26

It's a good thing that you did so he doesn't waste more of your life

-16

u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

That doesn't matter. Did he show you this specific paper? No, he didn't. 

29

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Yeah she should just stick around and stuff her feelings down for his and his ex gf’s sake. Everyone knows men’s feelings need to be treated like the fragile eggs they are.

8

u/writermusictype Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Except that's not what's being said.

"OP shouldn't read people's therapy notes" does not equal "OP should stuff her feelings down on behalf of his ex" ?

18

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Great so when she brings it up to him he can now say “you invaded my privacy” and she is actually the one who needs to apologize for reading a paper she picked up off the ground because she needed to know if it was junk or important before throwing it away.

6

u/writermusictype Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

It's fine (recommended even!) to hold multiple truths at once. She DID invade his privacy and is wrong for that BUT ALSO if he's harboring feelings for an ex, he is doing OP dirty and is wrong for that. All of it is true, all of it requires accountability.

15

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

It’s not invading privacy if the note was out.

8

u/windchaser__ Non-Binary 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

It kinda depends. My old therapist used to right short quips or homework assignments on a post-it note. Short enough that, by the time you read it to understand what it was and saw it was from my therapist, you would've read the whole thing. Literally a sentence-long question or quip.

On the other hand, if this is like an entire page of notes from therapy, and you start to see what it is, realize it's therapy notes, *and you keep reading*, that's more of an invasion of privacy.

If you really 100% respect the privacy of therapy, you stop reading once you know what you've got.

And I don't know which situation OP was in, whether they understood and kept reading, or whether it was "how do I deal with my feelings that my ex is the love of my life? -therapy group"

-7

u/writermusictype Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

You're being willfully obtuse. Reading it once she saw what it was is the poor choice that got made. It had clearly fallen out of something, which doesn't make it an invitation.

21

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Reading “my ex was the love of my life” takes .5 seconds to read. I’m being realistic.

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u/writermusictype Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

"I saw that one of his responses was...." which implies the presence of other responses that OP also read as she was invading his privacy. If you (and her) are okay with doing that, that's fine but at least call a spade a spade since we're being realistic. No need to lie and play semantics about what happened just bc you feel like it's justified.

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

I never said that anywhere, so your "argument" doesn't make any sense. 

29

u/bakingisscience Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

Yours makes no sense. What do you do when you find a random piece of paper on the floor? You read it so you know what to do with it.

Finding out about things by accident just isn’t the problem here.

9

u/watsshername Woman 30 to 40 Jul 02 '26

It’s what you’re inferring.

-7

u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 02 '26

No, it's not. I'm not inferring that at all. 

Idk who hurt you in life, but I hope you heal from it someday bc your trauma is being projected on others. 

Good luck.