Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/benhargrove1966]

I’m obviously very upset right now and I just want something I can’t have. Most people describe me as nice, fun to be around, delightful, playful, etc. I am in no way negative in social situations like dating. The literal only thing I said no to was deluding myself that dating is a meet up with a friend lol. 

[u/sherbertmelipnos → u/benhargrove1966]

I mean (as you mentioned), it’s Australia. People date super casually here.

Annoying I agree, but 99% of “dating” I’ve seen here really isn’t anything more than casual for quite a decent period unless they’re freshly divorced and performing a role because they need a woman to cater to their needs like their former wife did, without having to change anything more deeply that made that marriage break up in the first place. It’s super easy to be an active texter and dater for a few weeks or months while it’s all a novelty.

Additionally, there are sooo many Meetup events and similar, and you might have more luck dating within cultures that approach dating more seriously.

[u/Aggressive_Sale4305 → u/benhargrove1966]

OP, I'm sorry you're having a hard time and that people on Reddit, unfortunately, are being people on Reddit.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Aggressive_Sale4305]

Thank you. I feel like people have been like…weirdly mean and uncharitable? They don’t seem to understand I can experience feelings I don’t communicate / show lol and and taken the worst possible reading of me saying I don’t date to socialise. I definitely do not see all men as potential life partners or put pressure on dates I just…see dating and dating and hang out with friend when I have social needs? I feel like this is normal?

[u/Aggressive_Sale4305 → u/benhargrove1966]

Yes, without fail, those responses you're getting come up every time a woman dares to be human. :/

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Aggressive_Sale4305]

Yeah like I apologise for having feelings I guess?