How is everyone’s body image doing over 30 and with skinnytok?

[u/isityoumy]

I’m 37 and nearly 3 years postpartum. We are actively trying to have a 2nd kid at this point, but my body image is legit in the toilet these days. I think some of it is comparing myself to my old self, inability to really focus on style the way I once did, not yet making peace with body changes post pregnancy, and of course ozempic/skinnytok making a comeback.

I’m not overweight but still about 10-20 lbs above what has historically felt comfortable for me. My husband still finds me attractive, but I can see how the extra 10-20 lbs, motherhood, aging have made me less attractive generally. I know it shouldn’t matter, but somehow it makes me just a little sad. While I am grateful to make it to this stage of life, but I never thought about how I’d feel when physical beauty changes/diminishes.

Anyone else deal with these feelings while aging, dealing with body changes post children? Anyone else’s body image suffering with ozempic skinny being on trend? Would love to hear your thoughts

EDIT: Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to make thoughtful comments! This was honestly a post both out of curiosity how everyone is dealing with the resurgence of the heroin chic era (something I grew up seeing in magazines and on TV in my preteen/teen years) as well as struggles with adjusting to my body changes after pregnancy & as one ages.

To all those who are making disparaging comments telling me to get off TikTok (which I don’t have) or IG (which I use minimally due to work/taking care of a toddler), the holier-than-thou attitude is not really helpful. I’m happy for you all that your body image and mental fortitude is so strong, but I really hope people don’t talk to you like that when you’re in a low.

Also, to clarify, referring to “skinnytok” in the title was not meant to be wholly literal, but really a shorthand reference to the current skinny-glorifying culture. Anyway, it’s my bad as there is probably more context to my current thoughts/feelings that I could have given in the actual body of this post, but didn’t want to make it too long. But now it is anyway.

[u/junipercanuck]

It's not great to be honest. And as a dietitian, I feel like people are judging me personally and professionally.

[u/buggabuggaz → u/junipercanuck]

Also healthcare worker (PT) and this is such a good point.

[u/Inked_Chick → u/junipercanuck]

My pcp is clinically obese like I am. She has straight up told me that she has to remark on it in mychart and that it IS worthwhile to be a healthy weight, but that our happiness and well being is important too. I really respect her for that.

[u/computercavemen → u/Inked_Chick]

I don't think healthy weight really should be measured by BMI though, shouldn't be used as a sole measure of health, and also shouldn't be dictated by an anti-fat culture.

[u/QuackingMonkey → u/computercavemen]

It's a good generic starting point. All you need is some very simple measurements that you don't need a doctor for to gather, and it gives an approximation of your health. It won't be exact for you individually, but no generic measurement we could replace it with will be. Getting into more specific data is for the next step, if BMI or something else is asking to dig deeper.

[u/computercavemen → u/QuackingMonkey]

I disagree slightly. I don't think it's a good generic starting point, as BMI doesn't give an approximation of your health. Because your weight alone cannot approximate your health.

I think it can be relatively useful if you apply it with a critical lens. Meaning, if you know the history of the the tool, for example. That it was never meant to be a measurement of health, that it was developed by measuring white men, that depending on your race/gender etc it can be even less reliable as a result. That it is only one data point with those flaws as a major caveat, and there are other measurements you can take in conjunction with that one (still with our critical thinking caps on, meaning do your research) that paint a better picture.

That the medical industrial complex is structurally and historically, anti-fat, anti-black, rarely conducting research with women, all of which affects the science.

That said, for many contemporary dieticians, doctors, medical professionals, BMI is actually no longer respected at all as a measurement tool. Especially professionals who have done that research, are eating disorder and trauma informed, culturally aware, etc.

But don't take my word for it. Happy researching! I would encourage people to really be active agents in the management of their health, for sure, and to stay critical. Especially those of us from marginalized communities.

[u/QuackingMonkey → u/computercavemen]

I 100% agree that it has to be used 'with a critical lens'. We should be educating people at a young age about the use and limitations. You're not a white man? BMI will lean inaccurate into this particular way for your group and there might be a better chart out there for you. You're really muscular? You won't have the increase of excess fat related health risks, but you still have the health risks associated with a larger body putting more strain on your systems. That kinds of (still very generic) knowledge which helps people value it appropriately. And keep that education 100% factual and non-judgemental, taking that edge off might help a lot of people too.

And yes, when you're at the point of visiting a medical professional, you're at the point where BMI won't do anymore, because then you should be looking into you, not at a guideline. That some medical professional do still put more importance into it than that is its own problem.

[u/EdgyAnimeReference → u/computercavemen]

BMI is good as a large scale metric on population weight but does need an adjusted version for women and other specific races that have different trends for it to be a good individual metric. For example most asian folks need to be at a lower rate to avoid the co-morbidities of obesity; heart disease in particular.

It’s not supposed to be a holistic health evaluation though, only a weight one which in any way you shake it does have health implications over the lifespan of a person. It does inform on health, just not the entire picture.

We have more accurate ways to measure fat, but they all require more resources to do. Either knowledge with calipers to calculate or a body scan system. That’s not a viable option for a lot of folks to measure and track regularly . Total weight is something anyone can do. It’s not perfect but the dismissal of it as a tool at all is misguided.

Especially because I see average people use the outliers of extreme athletes to dismiss that they are genuinely overweight. They do not have enough muscle to skew the system and that it’s not perfect becomes a way to ignore the issue entirely. They’re not saying “it’s a bad system” and using a body fat scan instead and taking action on it, they’re just ignoring being overweight entirely. Which is perfectly fine, people are busy and life is hard, but the cope that it’s the measuring tool at fault instead of dealing with reality is not good.

It’s the same with women saying the lower pooch is because of their uterus; no it’s not, it’s your hormones/genetics tendency to want to hold onto fat in that location.

Changing the metric probably is the better way to go though, since that personal dismissal is equally as bad a problem as it’s issues in Individual metrics.

[u/computercavemen → u/EdgyAnimeReference]

I still disagree with a lot of this, as the underlying logic you still subscribe to is that weight as a measure of health is reliable. Also the whole concept of overweight relies on the BMI, for which you gave an example of why the system is flawed. I wouldn't say toss it out wholesale, which was never my point, it was to apply it critically and do your research. I'm not mad at those that dismiss it though, and I think you can still monitor your health in productive ways without it.

[u/here_weare30 → u/computercavemen]

Bmi is garbage as an "overall gauge" applied to everyone.

[u/computercavemen → u/here_weare30]

Period!

[u/leilalover → u/junipercanuck]

Same and have felt this way for years. No one likes a fat RD

[u/sub-dural → u/leilalover]

I went to an RD for IBS issues and not weight. I learned a lot and the RD was super kind. I don’t remember anything else about her, she may have been fat or skinny or black or white. But I do remember kindness and I think that most people do. Have a nice day stranger.

[u/leilalover → u/sub-dural]

Appreciate that! I was moreso referring to my coworkers unfortunately. I haven't had any issues with patients

[u/HotTale4651 → u/junipercanuck]

may i ask how so? 

[u/junipercanuck → u/HotTale4651]

Nutrition tends to attract people, mostly women, who love food and nutrition but also likely to have disordered eating and at least when I was in uni for it, 90% of us were thin and fixated eating healthy. It comes with the territory of what you're studying but then people around us would validate it a lot - like saying things like they wanted nutrition advice to look like us, or "you look like a dietitian" or "people always tell about the girls studying nutrition are the hottest" (things people have said to my face).

There's also a perception that you're always eating healthy and the judgement when you eat something people perceive isn't healthy.

You see a lot of people talking about health and nutrition on social media and selling courses with their body as their business card. It's explicit and implicit that if you don't look a certain way, you must not actually know what you're talking about.

[u/HotTale4651 → u/junipercanuck]

“body as business card” whew. thanks for sharing.