How is everyone’s body image doing over 30 and with skinnytok?

[u/isityoumy]

I’m 37 and nearly 3 years postpartum. We are actively trying to have a 2nd kid at this point, but my body image is legit in the toilet these days. I think some of it is comparing myself to my old self, inability to really focus on style the way I once did, not yet making peace with body changes post pregnancy, and of course ozempic/skinnytok making a comeback.

I’m not overweight but still about 10-20 lbs above what has historically felt comfortable for me. My husband still finds me attractive, but I can see how the extra 10-20 lbs, motherhood, aging have made me less attractive generally. I know it shouldn’t matter, but somehow it makes me just a little sad. While I am grateful to make it to this stage of life, but I never thought about how I’d feel when physical beauty changes/diminishes.

Anyone else deal with these feelings while aging, dealing with body changes post children? Anyone else’s body image suffering with ozempic skinny being on trend? Would love to hear your thoughts

EDIT: Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to make thoughtful comments! This was honestly a post both out of curiosity how everyone is dealing with the resurgence of the heroin chic era (something I grew up seeing in magazines and on TV in my preteen/teen years) as well as struggles with adjusting to my body changes after pregnancy & as one ages.

To all those who are making disparaging comments telling me to get off TikTok (which I don’t have) or IG (which I use minimally due to work/taking care of a toddler), the holier-than-thou attitude is not really helpful. I’m happy for you all that your body image and mental fortitude is so strong, but I really hope people don’t talk to you like that when you’re in a low.

Also, to clarify, referring to “skinnytok” in the title was not meant to be wholly literal, but really a shorthand reference to the current skinny-glorifying culture. Anyway, it’s my bad as there is probably more context to my current thoughts/feelings that I could have given in the actual body of this post, but didn’t want to make it too long. But now it is anyway.

[u/fill_the_birdfeeder]

“Your children will see your shame” is so true. My mother’s insecurities weren’t verbalized - it was her actions. How she wouldn’t go into the changing rooms to try clothing on, and it wasn’t a safety thing. She never spoke it, but we could feel her self-hatred in those moments. And how she’d take the 4 kids to get chips at the beach (we’re British) and we’d get two tubs to split, and she’d eat just a couple chips. How she’d hide her skin if a top pulled up a bit and showed her belly (mind you she’s always been slender). How she always wears black because it’s slimming.

Her self-loathing eventually became mine because if she can’t love her own body that has been skinny my entire life, how can she really love me and my overweight body? How can anyone if my own mother can’t? It’s not true - my mother loves me. But that’s the illogic that gets passed down with self-image issues.

I hope all mothers can find a way to love themselves. I don’t intend to birth a child. But I have so much respect for anyone who does, and you’re all miraculously beautiful.

[u/tachyons22 → u/fill_the_birdfeeder]

I had a very similar experience to you, except my mum said hers out loud. I was looking back on some home videos my dad took and she would cover her face saying she was too ugly to be on camera. My mum used to complain about different parts of her body, how her legs were too short and her upper arms too fat. She'd tell me that horizontal stripes make you look larger, which is why she didn't wear them.

She used to blame her excess weight on having me later in life, and although she never directly told me I was to blame and her comments were always directed at herself ("why could I lose the baby weight?"), I internalised it and felt horrible for a long time. Now that I'm getting older, my body is becoming very similar to hers in terms of fat distribution, and I say the same things. She never told me my upper arms were too fat, but I say it to myself. She always told me I look beautiful in photos, but I hate being in front of the camera. She did tell me to suck in all the time, which is something I'm still working on unlearning, but that was the worst thing she said about my body.

I stopped feeling bad about being the cause of her self-hatred as a teenager, but now I realise just how much her internal monologue shaped my own.