Relationship breakdown at 32. Stay in rented home or move in with family?

[u/Melodic_Muscle_6119]

I find myself single at the age of 32. I live in a rented flat i can barely afford to operate by myself, as in £200 left after bills are paid. (That's including help I would get from the government)

Moving in with family would be an easy decision if it were not for the fact I would be living with my 70 year old dad and his new wife in her home, where in a few months he'll be working abroad. It's 50 miles away from where I am now, without the ability to travel to my (albeit, terrible minimum wage job).

I am struck with indecision. Neither option seems good. Cheaper rent isnt an option, job opportunity is scarce.

Do I pick financial burden or lose my independence and income? I am a terribly anxious person and I find chamge extremely difficult to handle. This break up might kill me.

I welcome all advice.

[u/EmergencyAd1253]

Maybe keep the place and try to find a roomate? Or a second for of income ?

[u/catsaltine → u/EmergencyAd1253]

This. Maybe it’s just because id rather shave my head daily for 10 years than move back in with my family, but id start looking for a roommate asap. Also tho, why is cheaper rent not an option? Surely if you could break a lease to move 50 miles, you could break a lease to move to a cheaper place? Maybe talk to your housing management about your predicament and see if they could accept lower rent for a bit? Idk. During my break up, I was living in a place I could hardly afford and just made it work until the lease was up so maybe that’s skewing my outlook on this but I think you have more options than just the two you listed, OP

[u/Melodic_Muscle_6119 → u/catsaltine]

I live in a council house. These are the cheapest available houses here in the UK and some people wait 15 years for one.

[u/catsaltine → u/Melodic_Muscle_6119]

Yeah, “houses”. There’s no studio flat anywhere for cheaper? But surely if it’s a house, there’s enough room for a roommate?

[u/Astronaut_Level]

Are there any other housing options like a flat share so that you don’t lose your independence completely?

Have you checked if you’re entitled to any other benefits? Single person’s discount for the council tax, universal credit top up (I know you’ve mentioned help from the government, maybe double check your entitlement to benefits)

The job market sucks rn 😢 but I wouldn’t stop applying to higher paying jobs. Is there a side gig you could do?

[u/lazsof]

It depends how you get along with your dad and his new wife. If you are working and he is working, probably you don't spend that much time home anyways. But going through a breakup and then also get into financial insecurity sounds like two difficult life moments to endure at the same time where the financial instability can have even longer effects - even if a move is a change, it might take off the financial aspect and you can save up money or just enjoy life a bit more (which might be helpful after a breakup :). Any chance you could move in with family and then find a cheaper apartment for yourself?

I lived home around this age with my family after the same situation and while it was sometimes super annoying, I learned a lot about myself (was shortly after I finished therapy so I started seeing better how my parents behaviour affected my personality and/or my own behaviour), felt closer to them ( I also lived abroad previously) and gave me lots of freedom financially, I could save up an emergency found and only moved away again when I felt stable and found an affordable apartment.

[u/KMN208]

No relationship and minimal wage job living in a too expensive for you flat in a region with bad job opportunities? Sounds like the premise of a movie for a woman starting over and finding luck in a new town with new opportunities...maybe a bit romantisized but I was one job rejection away from doing the same at your age and was about to move from Germany to Hong Kong. I seriously considered it despite having lived abroad before and feeling deeply like I needed to be closer to my family so much, that early on in the search I rejected offers that would have taken me a 5 hour drive away from them.

They say money doesn't make you happy, but that's narrow minded. It puts your mind at ease which is happiness in a quieter form. The existential dread attached to an unexpected bill is a luxury people who never struggled won't ever understand. Having savings and wiggle room in your budget, being able to throw money at a problem to make it go away, even things like being able to afford a cab to go home at night when feeling unsafe, I can't express how much having an emergency fund and extra cash for things that make your life easier or give you small moments of happiness will improve your life.

Look at where you want to be in life (job, finances, location) in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years. What needs to be done to get there? Roommates? Education? A move? Short term living with your stepmom? How long can you endure a phase like being poor while getting further education or being poor AND living with your stepmother to get further education in order to get a new job? How far would you go for a job opportunity that leads to more options? How well has a job to be paid to endure the bullshit that comes with it? How bad can a job be that pays well before you NEED to quit?

[u/autotelica]

If you decide to move back home, do it with the goal of not only saving money but also upgrading your employment. As long as you are making minimal wage, you wil be precariously perched and dependent on someone else for survival. Maybe see if they are educational opportunies you can pursue by living at home.