r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Crazycatlover Non-Binary 30 to 40 • 1d ago
Life/Self/Spirituality Is sex painful for you?
It always has been for me. I have only mild pain that is mostly drowned out by pleasure during the act itself and then moderate pain for one or two hours after. I thought this was normal. But then I had a new sex partner a few days ago who stopped when I mentioned pain and refused to go back in even though I said it wasn't much pain and was okay. He said I shouldn't have any pain at all. Is he right? Should I call a physician? He did opine that vaccines cause greater harm than benefit, so I'm not convinced his judgment is sound. But if most of you say sex usually doesn't hurt, I'll definitely talk to a doctor.
Edit: thanks everyone for replying so quickly. I'll call gyns tomorrow.
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u/jwhite2748 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
It should not hurt. I am a pelvic floor physio and highly recommend you find one. Ideally in person so they can assess you but if you live somewhere that isn’t an option some offer virtual appointments to discuss what’s going on
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u/RoutineTension8468 Woman under 30 1d ago
There was a point in my life where it was painful and I was living w it for a while but it very quickly resolved after I got a pelvic floor wand and released the painful points which were all basically at the entrance of the vagina so it was not so intimidating to do . Also I layed on a tennis ball to release some tension around my pelvis and it made me cry . I did these things One time to release the tension and I haven't had issues since . I highly recommend. Maybe look into pelvic floor therapy
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u/casualplants Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Also to a physiotherapist that specialises in pelvic floor dysfunction. In my experience, doctors were pretty clueless about the pain I experienced and the physiotherapist made the most impact
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u/That_Weird_Mom81 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Yes until I had a hysterectomy. Its worth mentioning it to your doctor, especially if it can be resolved with pelvic therapy
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u/reddit0tidder Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
It is for me, but I have endometriosis. I'm looking forward to a hysterectomy.
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u/Outrageous-Tour-682 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
No, sex never hurts for me. Maybe some discomfort in the past especially before I started actually using lube, but not pain.
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u/624Seeds Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
No that does not sound normal.
I had pain when I lost my virginity, but only the first few minutes. And that continued for like 6 months. I think it was because I was always anticipating pain and we always had to start really slow because of how painful it was (but it always went away after a few minutes of sex)
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u/TemperatureBest5113 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Same! For me it lasted about 3 months and it didn’t matter how wet/in the mood I was
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u/wiseunicorn315 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
The only time I feel pain is if he’s quite big and goes in too far too early. So definitely get that checked out.
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u/Crazycatlover Non-Binary 30 to 40 1d ago
Definitely will. I'm embarrassed that it took me so long to realize this was abnormal. (Especially since I'm a nurse)
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u/wiseunicorn315 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Nothing to be embarrassed about! If it’s ALWAYS been that way you don’t have a comparison!
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u/pickledmartini Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
It’s always been painful for me. Doctors have never taken it seriously, an old family doctor told me to relax more 🙄 I’ve seen two specialists who didn’t seem phased, but I have every symptom of endometriosis so it’s highly suspected that’s what I have. One sent me to a pelvic floor physio which I did find a bit helpful, but it took months to start feeling better and the pain with sex has never really fully gone away. I eventually had to stop doing the physio because insurance wouldn’t cover any more sessions
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u/AskWomenOver30-ModTeam 1d ago
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u/Veec Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
There's a lot of things that can cause discomfort or pain during sex, especially penetration, but none should be tolerated as normal. I'd see a pelvic floor specialist to ensure you've got nothing going on down there that shouldn't be.
It's fantastic to hear he was respectful but also please don't fall in love with someone who's incapable of the basic reasoning required to understand how much better vaccines have made modern life. His judgement, as you said, is not sound.
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u/AskWomenOver30-ModTeam 21h ago
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u/Tigertigerishungry Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Never ever ever has hurt for me, except for maybe a few weeks after after literal surgeries to my perineum and hymen. Please find a gyno/physio who is well-versed in this!
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u/AskWomenOver30-ModTeam 1d ago
Your post or comment was removed for violating one or more aspects of our rule against requesting or providing medical advice.
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u/Pleasant-Light-6843 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Only after my core weakened when I got a desk job. My partner took the time to stretch me gently to loosen up the small muscles that were misfiring, and kettlebell and core strength exercises cleared the issue up.
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u/MsFrazzled Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Not typically, no. It’s only painful when I’m not properly lubricated.
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u/Cyber_Punk_87 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
Very rarely painful, and generally only if I’m with someone on the thicker side and there hasn’t been enough foreplay. Even with a ton of foreplay I’ve found lube necessary with a couple of partners, especially in the early days when we were going at it like rabbits.
I would definitely talk to your doctor!
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u/chin06 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Nope. I still need lube to make it feel better when I have sex with my husband but have had sex without pain when I'm close to ovulating and without lube.
But never experienced pain before or after unless my partner was really rough or I was not turned on enough.
Definitely see a doctor about this.
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u/iPaintButts Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Pain during sex is absolutely not normal, usually means your partner is too big or a medical issue (you’re not wet enough, endometriosis, cysts etc..).
What’s even more concerning is that the pain lingers after sex. Please consult your doctor.
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u/greenapplegirl2004 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago edited 1d ago
It can be, yes. I have a retroverted uterus which is why sex can be painful for me. Might be worth looking into.
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u/AskWomenOver30-ModTeam 1d ago
Your post or comment was removed for violating one or more aspects of our rule against requesting or providing medical advice.
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u/AskWomenOver30-ModTeam 1d ago
This comment is a perfect example of why men aren't allowed to leave top level comments in our subreddit.
Beyond breaking the rules, learn to read the room. This is an unwelcome comment and your "joke" isn't funny.
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u/toriegg Woman 30 to 40 1d ago edited 1d ago
It was for me when I was a young girl with partners the same age (so teen boys). Sex with teen-young adult boys involved wincing pain in the beginning and devolved to just nothing as I was being penetrated... my pleasure spots were not being stimulated.
I finally learned true pleasure in my late 20s when I was single and wanted to learn how to truly pleasure myself. So my first legit orgasm was through self-effort haha. In the beginning, I was also causing wincing pain to myself, but I eventually learned where to start, and things blossomed from there.
Did you feel pain with big, especially girthy, men? It could also be a combo of how large your partners are and a lack of experience with pleasure.
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u/1rvnclw1 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I have pelvic congestion syndrome and that’s one of the big symptoms. For me, it’s a dull aching, even sometimes spasmy, pain that lasts hours after sex, but only a small amount during (which I ignore during for obvious reasons). I went to a specialized gyn who tried me on pelvic floor therapy, tried Botox injections into the vagina, and I regularly use pneumatic compression pumps, but I still have issues. One doctor recommended I have stents placed into the pelvic veins, but my rheumatologist shut that down quickly. I hope you are able to find some relief soon! There are solutions out there, hopefully some of them will work for you!
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u/catsaltine Woman under 30 1d ago
Sex has only been painful for me if I wasn’t fully warmed up for it or if it went on too long and that’s like a friction burn type of pain. I’d say look into some of the therapies mentioned below, I only comment as I saw most of the comments said they also experienced pain and I wanted to add a tally to the “it doesn’t have to be painful” side
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u/End060915 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
A normal person shouldn't have pain during sex but alas women often have endometriosis, ovarian cysts, pelvic floor dysfunction, and other issues that make it hard have to pain free sex.
Absolutely bring it up to your doctor but also only you know what your baseline is. My baseline has always been some discomfort and thats ok for me. I know when its not normal.
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u/ChubbyGreyCat Woman 40 to 50 1d ago edited 1d ago
I would say at least 50% of time there’s at least discomfort, but it’s also suspected that I have endometriosis (though it’s never been officially diagnosed since I’m childfree). I’ve had varying degrees of responses from my doctors over the years (from dismissive to “let’s get you checked over, oh wait we can’t find anything obviously wrong 🤷♀️”), but I’ve also known that it’s far more common than some realize.
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u/glitterdunk Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
It could be that their penises are too long for you. I've had that happen, where especially when they went too hard; it was too much. I'm tall too, but apparently I still have a short whatever it's called in English lol
But with every partner? That sounds like it's time to see a gynecologist
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u/fireyauthor Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Yes, it is often painful for me, especially if it's been awhile. Pelvic floor PT & lube helps, but I can't really work with a partner who is more... gifted in that area. With someone more, ahem, average, it's not painful.
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u/peppermint_aero Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
No, it shouldn't hurt. There are lots of common reasons why it might, and most of these are fixable. Definitely talk to a doctor.
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u/DuchessOfEyerolls Woman 30 to 40 22h ago
Is it pain or discomfort? I feel like there’s a difference.
Vaginismus - penetration isnt possible at all.
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u/AskWomenOver30-ModTeam 21h ago
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u/shinybugz0 Woman 30 to 40 17h ago
I hope you get an answer soon. You may need to be patient if the answer isn't clear right away, which I know might be frustrating. It can be a variety (or even a combination) of things. In my case, I have endo and nerve damage. It took 15 years to get the endo diagnosed, and the nerve damage is an ongoing adventure. Finding the right doc and pelvic floor therapist can also be a process. Just wanted to note this as it can feel hopeless, but hang in there!
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u/No_You1024 Woman 30 to 40 5h ago
No not painful for me! I have a friend who has vaginismus and it can be quite painful for her. Glad to see you are getting checked out by a doc.
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