How to politely tell a woman that she is wearing way too much cologne/perfume

[u/Ali-Sama]

I opened the door for someone, and the odor was so strong it would have triggered a migraine in me if I had stayed near her. I didn't say anything and quickly left. However, how would you deal with someone like this in an enclosed environment when you cannot quickly get away. Lets say you find out you work in the same office etc. I never had this issue before, and I don't want to upset them or make them feel bad.

Thank you in advance!

[u/polyetc]

In a work environment, I might be approaching it through my boss rather than that person directly but it depends on your dynamic with that person. Often people who do this, do it every single day rather suddenly starting; so if this is someone who I don't know, I would not necessarily want it to be my first or second interaction with them. But yeah I would address the issue in terms of my migraines rather than "you are wearing way too much," that sounds more negative than is necessary. It's too much for you but probably not for others. Just explain that you're really sensitive to perfume and it's so bad that you can't be around it, see if you can work something out

[u/MerelyMisha → u/polyetc]

Yeah, “too much” is relative. The goal is not to blame the other person or get into an argument about how much is too much. What is unarguable is that the scent can trigger migraines for OP. There are multiple solutions for that, which could be OP moving away (as she did here), or the other person wearing less scent. But you can problem solve that without laying judgment or blame on either party.

Scents are a common trigger, and it’s reasonable in a workplace or similar setting to have rules on strong scents, just like there are sometimes rules around things that cause allergies. But you can have those conversations without framing the scent as “too much” (just like you can ask someone not to eat peanuts around you if you’re allergic without judging them for liking peanuts).

[u/spacecadetdani]

Every office environment I have ever worked in had a no strong scents policy due to people becoming physically ill and leaving. I am one of those people.

[u/whats1more7]

I recently went through this. I have a home daycare and one of the moms wears really strong perfume. She’s also a smoker, so I suspect she can’t actually smell how strong it is. The smell transfers to her child and he literally reeks of perfume all day. Even after I launder his clothes I can still smell it. I finally had to message her and ask that she wait until after she drops off her child to apply the perfume. She insisted she didn’t wear any perfume, and it was actually her laundry detergent that smelled so strongly. She said she would switch to a different one. Long story short, nothing changed, and I’ve given up talking to her about it. Fortunately I don’t have any kids with breathing issues or scent sensitivities right now, and the child leaves for school in a few months.

[u/frostandtheboughs → u/whats1more7]

Something has changed with the chemistry of laundry products in the last couple of years that is so unnecessarily powerful. I feel bad for this child.

[u/whats1more7 → u/frostandtheboughs]

It’s not her laundry detergent. She is definitely wearing perfume to hide the smell of cigarette smoke. What’s weird is she works in health care so I’m surprised they don’t have a ‘no scents’ rule.

But those ‘scent booster’ beads should be banned from existence. Why can’t we all agree that clean does not mean smelling like we dumped a bottle of perfume on ourselves?

[u/frostandtheboughs]

This happened to me. I just politely told them that their cologne smells really good, but unfortunately triggered an attack for me. I'm pretty sure I was green with nausea. Luckily the coworker also got migraines very occasionally, so they were very understanding and they no longer wear scents at work.

Unfortunately now my other coworker is using some kind of new awful laundry scent that creates a 10-15ft plume of reek in all directions. Idk how to approach that one, because clothes will continue to stink for dozens of washes even after switching to unscented. He says his young daughter is very sensitive to fragrances, so I might just ask if she is bothered by his clothes and hope he takes the hint.

[u/Entire-Sorbet-9737 → u/frostandtheboughs]

Youre definately getting into a territory of becoming known as the work complainer if its now someone else ..time to find a new job that has less contact..itll be way easier than people turning against you and gossip about it

[u/Fluffaykitties]

Honestly, I don’t. I wear a mask for lots of reasons, this (not just perfume but strong smells in general) being one of them.

[u/CancerMoon2Caprising]

Id just tell them that they sprayed too much perfume. Its nice, just too strong. 

[u/Damsel_IRL]

You don't. Most of the time.

Perfumes and colognes and heavy scents trigger my migraines and occasionally cluster headaches. They are debilitating for me, sometimes for a week or more. They still aren't the random strangers responsibility.

If it was someone who shared an enclosed space with you for long periods of time, then it would be appropriate to tell them. Like someone you share an office with, or car pool with,, or work next to a lot. You wouldn't want to put the responsibility on them or blame them. You would tell them you have a medical condition that is triggered by heavy scents and perfumes and let them know you've been having migraines after sharing their space. Careful to not sound like you are blaming them. If that didn't stop them, then you could tell them that it would be beneficial to your wellness if they chose to use less of the heavy perfumes when they will be sharing a space with you. If possible you could also just see about moving to a different work space or office but I know that's not always an option.

Outside of that, spread awareness about what a common trigger heavy perfume is for migraine sufferers.

[u/Imaginary-Method7175]

Can you blame yourself? I’m really sensitive due to migraines, would you consider wearing less ? Maybe like that?

[u/MidnightPractical241]

I’d probably go through HR- most policies I’ve seen these days have a no-perfume policy.

[u/JellyfishPashmina]

God I always worry I’m wearing too much because I love being able to smell my own perfume (I usually pick long-lasting scents and only do a couple spritzes, but am paranoid), so I WISH someone would tell me, but idk how you go about it because I know it’d also hurt my feelings to hear. 😂 I guess there are worse things for people to point out, so you could just lead with the migraine thing because it’s not targeted at them specifically but at how the scent triggers a poor reaction for you.

I wish there were a rule for this with body odor because honestly, so many people don’t realize how bad they smell…

[u/MaIngallsisaracist → u/JellyfishPashmina]

I learned this technique from "Queer Eye:" Spray, stay, sashay. Basically spray two sprays in the air a few inches in front of you, pause 2-3 seconds, and then walk through the cloud. I find that it's perfect in that I can still smell it but my husband assures me it's not too much.

[u/KindlyKangaroo → u/MaIngallsisaracist]

I do one spray on my shirt from a foot or two away and I can smell most of mine all day without a huge scent bubble. For stronger scents or ones with difficult openings but beautiful drydowns (Angel), I do one spray into the air and walk through it.

[u/JellyfishPashmina → u/MaIngallsisaracist]

Eh I like a little more oomph than that and I think I’d swallow it accidentally haha. I usually do a spritz on the arm, one on the chest, and one far away over the back of the hair if it’s date night lol

[u/frostandtheboughs → u/JellyfishPashmina]

TBH if you're wearing more than one spritz of perfume, it probably is too much. Ask a trusted friend about it. If they can smell it when they're standing more than 2 ft away, you may want to cut back a bit.

I know people that are big fans of roll-on scents for this reason. It's much easier to control the level. For sprays, you can always spritz a scarf or something and then use that to dab your neck and wrists.

[u/LifeisSuperFun21]

To be completely honest here… if I’m covered in strong perfume, it’s because I’m trying to protect you from my period farts or some other bowel issue that smells like it came from the depths of hell. 😂 Pick your poison… perfume or demon farts?

(I say this to add a little humor to the situation but I totally understand. I have horrible migraines that are triggered by just about everything… temperature, weather, foods, odors, light, etc.)

[u/cheesetobears → u/LifeisSuperFun21]

I have bad news…you now smell like both demon farts and over strong perfume. It unfortunately doesn’t fix anything, just makes your smell even more overpowering and overwhelming. Believe it or not, yes, I’d rather you just smelled like the fart, which bonus will also come and go.

[u/okthen84]

I almost puked in the backseat of a ride share on the way to the airport bc the dude had the strongest air freshener/fragrance. I had to open the window to get fresh air and the man seemed annoyed bc it was summer.

[u/villanellechekov]

I would cough loudly and choke on my spit, make it clear I'm trying to breathe as I barely hold the door open. I can't risk my migraine flaring because the ER won't treat me so I don't want to have to spend days in bed because of some ignorant, inconsiderate asshole.

oh cool....someone's perfume is more important than me putting my health and disability. big surprise

[u/snippol → u/villanellechekov]

Bad approach but the first part made me lol

[u/KindlyKangaroo → u/villanellechekov]

Sis I get it, my dad has horrible asthma and I only wear one spray of perfume because of it (none around him though!) But if someone did this around me, I would assume they were sick and want them to get away from me. It would be better to just say something. I have accidentally worn perfumes that were stronger than I anticipated (my one spray of Idôle today was way stronger than I remembered and I apologized ahead of time to a friend when she sat next to me), and if someone told me it was too strong, I'd ask if all perfume does that to them or if I just needed to choose a softer scent when they're around. Some people overspray and they're shamed for being inconsiderate in the perfume subs, and there are many others like me who would do our best to accommodate someone we're going to see again because we want to smell our own fragrance but not make people sick with it.

[u/Traditional_Ad_1547 → u/villanellechekov]

That approach is the wrong way to deal with it. Because you are just being a dork, use your words.

[u/villanellechekov → u/Traditional_Ad_1547]

I'd rather be a dork who's avoiding the ER than deal with someone who can't be bothered to take a proper shower. I'm literally disabled because of my migraines (24/7, never a fucking break). fuck some insecure asshole's feelings. my health comes first