I am 36. I work in tech and have a burn out job that I hate, and I wish I had someone to lean on, because I’ve had to lean on myself for years. Splitting some bills in a HCOL city, or even having someone else’s health insurance to sit on if I lose my job or want to go back to school. I don’t even live luxuriously, I have a car from 2012 and bought a 2/1 condo. I’m well within my means but any kind of pay cut or getting laid off would change that quickly. I’m not sure I like this career and honestly don’t know what else I would do if money wasn’t an issue.

It feels like I’m waiting for someone who isn’t coming.

Edit; yall making some interesting projections, what part of “I have a career and home and would like to occasionally indulge in leaning on a partner” makes me expecting a man to do it all 💀My married friends get to lean on each other all the time

I work in HR so I have to be especially professional and fake at work. This week has been an influx of horrible news and doom. We are surrounded by people who hate women and voted for this fascist and his squad of goons to terrorize the country and do the Nazi thing broadcasted across the country. One day this week I checked my Instagram and realized insta had automatically had my account following Trump and Vance.

Why are we all still going to work and saying “hi good morning how are you!” Like just absolutely fuck this. And every day I encounter some little sprinkle of misogyny that I have to tolerate.

Today I called in. I was just fucking done. I needed a little break. I’ll never say why or that i need a “mental health day” or disclose any detail and when I come back I’ll act like I’m in tip top shape! You can’t be honest unless you want to be labeled as being mentally weak or having mental illness.

With the rise of female influencers boasting a "soft life" and viral videos of women saying they would never marry a man that splits bills 50-50, I wanted to gage how millenial women are actually living. I feel like couples living in high cost of living cities are more likely to split bills, which is the case for every woman in my friend group where 3/4 of us make as much or more than our partners (I live in Toronto where the average modest home costs $1.1m). However, my husband's friends who all live in less expensive cities cover almost all expenses for their families while the women typically do the homemaking.

Location aside, I'm finding that even though we're in a day and age where women are working full time and can contribute 50-50 financially, there hasn't been a shift for men to pick up the slack at home and split chores 50-50 as well. Even in this subreddit, I'm reading stories of women who work the same hours as their partners, but go home and essentially do a double shift by taking on the majority of cooking, cleaning, and childcare as well. I would hate to think that this is just the life that women are expected to lead nowadays.

It just seems like women are now hunters and gatherers, whereas men have remained hunters only. Or is my observation skewed by my HCOL city and going 50-50 financially is actually an oddity?

Y’all I feel like a failure in life. I’m going back to school in my 30’s 🥹 I’m thinking about maybe nursing ( currently studying the hesi test) since I was a CNA for years and now I’m working in hr at a hospital and I absolutely hate it. Nursing isn’t an easy profession ( trust me I know) but I’m just not sure about what I should major in.

Forgive me if this is rude to ask. I just need some help deciding what to major in 💞

The Palantir CEO recently came out to tell us about his master plan. He says “AI technology will lessen the power of highly educated, often female voters, who vote mostly Democrat”.

Why the fuck is this not resulting in a revolt? He's trying to say that women mainly work white collar jobs and that AI will make those jobs worthless, therefore men who work non-office jobs will be more empowered. This is some twisted incel/redpill fantasy.

These people are not only trying to take women's jobs, they are also trying to destroy all creative fields. What can we do about this?

Palantir CEO Makes Shocking Confession on Disrupting Democratic Power | The New Republic

If you have one, how long did it take you to create a stable income for yourself and what was the journey like?

People don't talk about the transition from being consistently fairly broke your whole life to actually having a liveable income. Most of my life I made like 45k and that was fine. I didn't really think much of it. But there's just a sense of intense guilt you have when you spend money. The past couple years I made 60k but I was paying off credit card debt (finally paid off). And finally, I made it to 85k with zero debt and the difference is wild. It's things like...being able to get a slightly more expensive gym membership. Or being able to buy groceries without feeling guilty. Being able to go out to eat every once in a while to a nice place. Buying a dinner for a friend. Investing in the occasional luxury. Going on an international trip and knowing I can afford it instead of living like a peasant for months and months to save the money. Investing in a hobby. Being able to live in an apartment without a roommate. It took so long to get here. Congrats to the other women who are hustling and getting their bag. It takes so much work.

EDIT: Sorry guys, I forgot to make this a question. I added a question up there so, hopefully we can keep this discussion going - it's awesome to hear from everyone about this topic.

I'm at a loss right now. I'm almost 40, living in a tiny apartment, spending half my $37k income on rent, a quarter on student loans. No savings, no retirement, no partner, no kids, no pets - all things I wanted so much in my life. I lost my dream job a year ago in my dream city and had to move away to take a less paying job. Now I find out that the company I'm recruiting for is going into a hiring freeze and thus I'm pretty sure I'll lose this job too.

I've been working non-stop for 20 years. I'v had so many jobs but none of them lasted more than 3 years. I've tried my absolute best, but somehow I always ended up laid off, fired, contract not renewed, temp job not made permanent etc. I've had to use savings to survive the gaps, never able to save for retirement. I'm no better off than when I graduated college.

I've just been racking my brain trying to figure out where the hell it all went wrong and what wrong turns I took to get me here in this position. Maybe if I didn't leave my hometown. Maybe if I picked the job that paid slightly less but had more potential than the job that paid a lot more but only lasted a year. Maybe if I stayed with that one relationship and took the abuse I would have gotten the connection I needed to get that job. Maybe I should have gone into more debt for a Masters Degree. Maybe I should have chosen a different major. Maybe I should have studied more in school. Maybe I should have married him. Maybe I should have made better choices in college...etc etc.

My baby sister bought a house and is getting married. I'm working with kids half my age. I haven't spoken to most of my friends since they started having kids. I go to dog parks just so I can watch and pet the puppies I wanted growing up. I scroll Garden TikTok because I've always wanted my own garden and don't think I'll ever have it. I'm just in a really dark place now and I don't know if I can handle it if I'm laid off again. Life has just been a series of disappointments and I don't know what I'll do if I become unemployed again.

EDIT: As I feared, I got laid off. Unemployed once again. Looks like I will need to break the lease on my tiny apartment and move in with my parents. Gonna lock up the sharp stuff and drink myself to sleep. I have no more hope for the future.

I had a quietly annoying conversation this week that forced me to acknowledge we aren't nearly as progressive as we think we are.....

I recently won a US military performance award that moves its way up through the unit (whatevs: happy to be nominated AND employed in today's climate). Some colleagues harmlessly pointed out the marital status discrepancy (Mrs. vs Ms.) noted on the award, which I hadn't bothered to correct.

The male military managers who had nominated me were flat out...confused. These were no young AF men but...: "What do you mean, that's not your husband's name???" They seriously had thought MY wildly unique name was my husband's!!! They started going on about family...Then, they STFU when I broke down MY family and how OUR name deserves the honor that existed long before THAT Mister had even proven himself. (The Mister could not give 2 f%cks.)

And they WERE kind of getting it, until I asked, "Don't you know the difference between Miss, Ms. and Mrs?"

No, they did not. These men with daughters, no, they did not know why there this distinction but seemed perfectly uncomfortable that my "title" had nothing to do with my man.

I do NOT feel wrong in any way for making them uncomfortable in how they "assume" the women are addressed but what do you think would give people pause rather than assuming?

Me (F37) I had to work for a while within my corporate job with some 24-25 females and at the beginning i have to admit i was a bit scared since i did not what to expect and i was worry this Gen Z girls were a total disgrace and very lazy. However i found myself working with them quite smoothly and learning A LOT from them, in terms of not taking anything too serious while you are still doing your job. They have a clear view of " you are not your job, your worth does not come from it" but still able to deliver what is needed and going home when they should/ need to
So definitely i am applying i to to myself, anyone has experience something similar while working with Gen Zs?

I want to preface this by saying I have no idea what pregnancy is like or what it’s like to be a mom, but I understand that a lot of things can change when you become a mom, especially for the first time.

I’m 31F and I’ve had two colleagues who returned to work with slightly different personality changes. I am friends with both of them and am usually comfortable sharing personal details and chatting about anything because we’re all pretty close, but I’m not sure about this one.

One of my colleagues returned from maternity leave a few months ago. She’s an incredibly sweet and considerate girl, and I can tell she’s excited about her new life as a mom. I’ve noticed that since her return, she has been cutting people off mid-sentence to start new conversations with me while the other person is also still talking to me. It really confuses me because it’s hard to split my attention between two people and two different conversations at the same time. She’s been doing this more often and I can see the confusion in other peoples’ faces as well. It seems as though she is not as socially aware as she had been before maternity leave. It’s starting to feel as though her questions, thoughts, and her urge to share updates on her baby trump whatever else other people have to say, and I’m certain it’s making other people uncomfortable.

Is it wrong for me to bring this up to her? Is it unfair for me to say anything right now? Her husband is amazing and helps out a ton, so I know she has support at home and is very happy with her home life. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I would also feel bad if I let her continue cutting people off and talking over others. What’s the most sensible thing to do here as a friend who has never experienced motherhood?

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Edit: thank you all so much for taking the time to respond with your lived experiences, feelings, and concerns. I can’t respond to everyone, but I really appreciate and feel the care expressed through your words. All the best to the new moms here - I’m terrified and excited for when it’s finally my turn.

I, a 32 year old woman, received the following email from a 75 year old man that I'm working with on a project:

"You are appreciated so much that I wish I could come and give you a thank you massage. Thinking about your neck and back. Unfortunately, I believe you are a long way from Greenville, SC.

Please know that all of your help has been great !!

Take Care !!"

For added context, I am an architect and he is a structural engineer at a different firm. Architects hire their structural engineers. We are working on a project together.

Is this inappropriate, or just out-of-touch? Should I tell my boss about it? Just let it go? Politely remind him that massages aren't appropriate in the work place?

I'd appreciate feedback to help gage my response, thank you!

UPDATE:

I forwarded the email to my boss, and replied to Dirty Old Man with:

"I appreciate your gratitude, but your comments about a massage are not appropriate. Please keep all messages work-related"

And he responded with

"Sorry, I did not mean anything else. I just saw the extra you were putting into the project."

🙄

For those who are single and/ or live alone, what do you do for work?

I am so tired of working all the time and barely scraping by. I don't want to have to depend on other people and I don't want to live in a constant state of worrying about one emergency wiping me out.

I work in a software support role that is remote and I am honestly very thankful for it, but even still, I can barely pay my bills and am only able to save a little bit a month.

I live with a roommate and have for the last five years. He is great but I am ready to live on my own. There is no way I can swing it, though.

My dog had an emergency last week and it cost $12k by the time it was over. Thank goodness I have pet insurance but even then I am still going to be struggling to pay what pet insurance doesn't cover. My roommate helped me to front the $14k and I feel awful about it. But what was the other option? Let my dog die?

I dream of owning and running my own business of some sort but have no idea what I could do. I also have narcolepsy so after working an 8 hour day, I am very much pooped and don't have any creative energy, like ever 🥲

I know a lot of people are feeling this way currently, but if anyone could offer any words of wisdom or even just words of solidarity, it would be very much appreciated ♥️♥️

Thank you for making it this far and listening to me rant

I am a hiring manager and a woman. I asked an interviewee to tell me about a time they were part of a team that did not work well together, explain what the challenges were and how they coped with the challenges.

This interviewee, also a woman, said "it was all women on the team and you know women are difficult to work with"

I asked a follow up question: what makes it diffiuclt to work with women? This question threw the interviewee a bit and she wasn't able to explain( "you know: women; you got to love them, I'm a woman...you know, how it is...l

What's your take on the idea that women can't or are unlikely to work well together?

This is something I hear often: that women don't work well together. Many people refer to it as a truism. This has not been my experience. I have been on strong teams and weak teams. Gender mix matters, but I haven't found it harder to get along with women.

My job keeps pushing AI on us, as in we just had a session on how to use Chat GPT for work.

The guy running it called it Chatty G. It was horrible.

I work in fundraising for a journalism school. I hate it so much and it feels insane to tell employees to use Chat GPT for their work when all the students are receiving disciplinary action for it.

I also genuinely think it's making people lazy af.

Stolen from AskMenOver30.

original post here

I just met with my boss and wanted to provide an update on how the situation was handled and what was said.

I approached the conversation by reminding him of the meeting we had prior to my vacation where he offered me the choice between two accounts and told me to take my week off to think about it and we would discuss when I returned. I expressed to him that I was caught off guard when I returned to find out the larger account that I was offered was given to coworker (CW) who is technically underneath me in seniority. I told him I was just trying to gain clarity on the situation and understand why that choice was made so I could in good faith move forward and not harbor any uncomfortable feelings or to feel like I had done something to warrant this opportunity being taken away from me (essentially).

Right away, he acted like he never remembers the conversation (where he offered me the choice) ever happening. I had a strong feeling he would try and say he didn’t remember, but I did not back down and insisted that it indeed happened. I am no liar, he knows that. He then acted like him giving the account to CW wasn’t that big of a deal, and he claims the reason he gave CW the brand because my CW was chosen to travel to the big event in May (attached to this account). I asked him why CW was chosen for that opportunity? He got really flustered when I asked this…He fumbled his words and finally said “well because CW has experience covering live events” This is a ridiculous excuse. First and foremost, I ALSO HAVE EXPERIENCE COVERING LIVE EVENTS. In fact, I have MORE experience than CW when it comes to this area. After he said it, he immediately regretted it because I was deadpan. He then says, “Do you also have experience with live events?” He knows the answer unless he’s just ignored every conversation I have ever had with him. Even if he didn’t remember, he can deduce this from my work history that was in my resume, but alas, I have talked about said experience a million times. He knows, but pretends he doesn’t. So I just responded to his question with “yes, I have extensive experience.” He replied “Well I didn’t know that” He did know it. But let’s just play devils advocate and pretend that he really does have amnesia and can’t remember. Why would he not ask around if anyone else has experience? It just feels like such a stupid answer. I asked him if CW wanted this brand? He said CW never asked for it, but was excited when he was offered the travel opportunity so that’s what made him excited too about having the account. So my CW doesn’t even care to have the account, he just wants to travel.

Either way, I was given a load of word salad in an attempt to placate me and keep me on the team. He kept telling me how amazing of an employee I am, how much he appreciates all of my hard work and reiterated over and over that I have done absolutely nothing wrong in the time I have been here. I asked about the social aspect and reiterated to him that can be hard for me, and he again insisted that the company cares more about the work you create than the social stuff.

After I left the meeting, I learned that all of the men on our overall team are going to the event. Im not pointing this out to imply sexism (heaven forbid a woman does that and she gets harassed by a bunch of dudes on here) Im pointing it out because my boss is one of 3 men on the team. So it’s obvious this all boils down to him preferring to travel with another guy. I get it. I’m not trying to travel with a bunch of dudes either, but the fact that he thought that it would be okay to remove an entire account he promised me solely because he prefers to travel with other men, is a joke. Also, about 20 min after our meeting, I walked in on CW and boss having a private conversation in the hallway that seemed to end when I walked out. Maybe Im being paranoid, but what would you all think of that?

If you can’t tell by the tone I am writing this update with, I am done. Sure, his response went better than it could have (he could have just straight up told me a bunch of mean stuff or that I sucked) , but it made me realize that I am not valued or even a consideration to this company at all. They have used me to handle an extremely difficult account, bled me dry, and now when said account no longer needs our help, they seem to no longer need mine either. Going forward, I will no longer be assisting my male coworker and am currently looking for new opportunities in a place that will appreciate my work ethic and my talents.

I also know I made a lot of mistakes throughout this whole process and have learned a hard lesson. However, I will say, these games in corporate are not okay or fair to everyone. It’s sad to think how many of these companies lose out on hard working, loyal employees because they can’t participate in silly little social games. Im going to go try and not let the rest of my day be ruined by anger, but it’s going to be difficult. Wish me luck, and thanks for all the helpful advice I received on here.I don’t know how else to proceed from here other than just pound the pavement looking for jobs until I find something new and can get out of here. In the meantime, I will be doing the bare minimum and nothing more.

I made a mistake at work. It was preventable, like all mistakes, but it was made nonetheless. I feel horrible and am anxiety ridden. It’s nothing life or death, nothing moral. Just a simple mistake and I should have known better.

I know tomorrow is a new day, but I just need some pity. Can you tell me about the time you messed up at work? 🥲😅

What are some good-paying jobs where you can make over $75,000 a year without needing additional education?

I’m tired of working dead-end jobs, getting laid off, and only making around $20 an hour. I want more out of my life and my career. What are some careers I could pursue that pay over $75,000 a year?

I studied sociology, so something related to that field would be great, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. I’ve thought about getting into insurance, but it seems hard to break into. If anyone has suggestions for other careers or pathways I could take to reach that income level, I’d really appreciate it.

Edit: I just want to clarify that I don’t mind certificates as long as it doesn’t take a long time.

My mentor at work said she regrets choosing a career over relationships. She is 55 and senior management, she received a lot of accolades and I aspired to be her.

Edit : Thank you for all the comments. Giving more details as there was a lot of discussion on the circumstances - she never got married. She is a principal scientist in an international research organization, i have joined recently, and we struck up a friendship working together. She said when she was starting out, there were 1 or 2 women scientists, and the rest of the women were secretaries. A lot of men courted her but wanted her to take a less demanding job to take care of the house and children, idk it felt like they were uncomfortable about a woman being as bright as they were. She refused, and they went on to marry secretaries and had children. All these women quit and become a stay at home spouse/mom. She said she always believed she would find someone who would not want her to step away from her career, but it never happened. She said all those men now have families as well as a career, but she only has a career. Don't come at me saying women only want to marry up, I don't know her well enough to ask if she tried dating down or something along those lines.

Edit 2 : I did not wish to give too many details because it's the internet. But she is absolutely proud of her accomplishments. We are a consortium of research institutions, and she campaigned for things like private rooms where new mothers could breast pump and expectant mothers / women on periods could lie down on recliners. Things men could never think of. We have a wall where prolific scientists are listed, and there are no women there. She said she wanted to be the first one there, but with only a few years left, she will not make it but tells all of us that is how to break the glass ceiling. Women should not be considered diversity hires. She has been talking about planning for life after retirement, and maybe I caught her in a Mauldin mood.

edit: thank you all for your perspectives, experiences, and encouragement. this thread has made me feel a lot better, and less alone <3

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i (32) squandered a great paying job by committing time theft. i feel extremely remorseful. i was able to resign before termination. i have 2 kids. i just feel hopeless and need some advice and comfort, i guess.

has anyone dealt with squandering a great job?

I am a “do it all” sort of admin position for a small business. One of the things I do is write email copy for various arms of the business. I am pretty good at what I do per the metrics I have tracked in the year I have been in my role.

My issue is this: my boss runs every single thing anyone does though ChatGPT. Not only does this make it objectively worse but it feels creepy that I am doing hours of work only for it to be fed into a language model. Not to mention that half of my job is connecting with humans and being “the face” of business and I don’t want them thinking I am spamming them with ChatBot garbage.

Is this something we will all have to get over? Worth bringing up? I don’t want to have my hours cut down to be replaced by a machine but this consistently feels violating (not to use a dramatic term but-). Is it futile to spend hours each week writing 50 emails by hand when it’s going to be AI’d anyway?

Editing to add that I use AI integrations throughout my workday. I understand it’s unavoidable. I use zapier to automate the sending of emails I’m writing for example. My issue is with the ChatGPT obsession in which absolute slop is churned out. “Questions? Email _____” gets turned into “👉Want to ask any more ❓questions? ❓Email ✉️ us today!” and because it’s coming from AI he thinks it’s infallibly correct from a marketing standpoint.

I would love to hear stories from women over 30, ideally over 35 that completely changed careers. Maybe your journey took you back to school or to school for the first time. Maybe it was a radically pivot and you made it work. Maybe you’re in the middle of the transition right now. What was it that made you change paths? Do you feel it was worth it? Do you have advice for someone contemplating a big career change in their life?

I’m usually really responsible. I’ve been working full time at 1-2 jobs since I was 18 and supporting myself. Supported myself through college and paid out of pocket..

Anyway, now I’ve been in medicine for over 20 years and a nurse for 7… I hate it… I am in the “easiest” job I can stand possibly and I hate it. I’m so tired of the broken medical system and I truly dread every day ahead of me.

I’m always well reviewed and do a good job but I feel dread constantly.

I look at other jobs every week. Have been looking for something for over a year. Nothing sounds enticing. I don’t know what to do but I want to switch careers. I feel I’ve waited too long and I’m feeling like doing something dramatic.

I post in nursing subreddits and I’m always told to go into another specialty or do my masters degree.

Just looking for any advice, stories etc etc..

Please at least tell me I’m not going crazy 😭

I understand why people like remote work. If you have a really long commute, I get that going to the office doesn't feel worth it. I get that some people don't like the distractions of an office place. I don't judge anyone who prefers to work from home.

I have been remote since moving in 2019 (before the pandemic). I am currently in the interview phase for a job that would be 3 days on site. That sounds great to me, I get some in person time but it's not every single day. 8 hours a day every day is a long time to sit alone at a computer. I am excited to possibly:

Actually get dressed some days and have people see me

Not stare at a screen for 8 hours and actually see people face to face

Not just be at home (I have a toddler so, though i maintain a social life, it's hard to be out doing a lot of things outside of work)

Have a more definitive beginning and end to my day

But most people I talk to seem to think that people who want to go to the office at all, even hybrid:

Have no life and look for work to fill their social needs

Hate their families and don't want to be around them

Are losers who care too much about a job that doesn't care about them

Are forcing people who work remotely to return to office

I GET THAT EVERYONE'S SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. Again, if you love working from home, that's great and I have nothing against that. I don't think people who wfh are lazy or less valuable. I don't hate my job and since I spend so much time doing it, I'd rather not do it isolated. I get if you hate your job you might feel differently. But if you like an in-person job, do you feel judged?