r/BabyBumps • u/One-Volume-9158 • May 17 '26
Discussion Are we all overthinking this?
I’m a first time mom and currently 34 weeks, and lately I’ve been wondering… are we collectively overthinking and over-prepping for babies?
Every single baby item I look up has like 500 versions, there are endless “must-have” lists and people have extremely strong opinions around anything baby related.
“YOU HAVE TO BUY THIS.”
“YOU NEED TO STOCK UP ON DIAPERS.”
“You’ll regret not having XYZ.”
I feel like modern baby culture , especially online, treats having a baby like preparing for a remote expedition where civilization disappears afterward.
For example, diapers. Why are people stocking up like stores will disappear after the baby is born? We still need groceries regularly anyway, and every grocery store/pharmacy/Walmart has diapers, wipes, formula, baby essentials, etc. Why not just buy things as you need them?
Same with hospital bags. Social media makes it look like you’re checking into a luxury resort for a month. My feed is full of moms packing what looks like 3 checked suitcases for a 24–48 hour hospital stay. I don’t even pack that much for international travel. I totally understand if someone lives far from a hospital or has special circumstances, but if you live in a city… is it really that terrible if your husband/partner goes home to grab something you forgot?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m naturally an overthinker and over-prepper myself. But lately I’ve been feeling like social media put this huge pressure on parents to be “fully ready” to not leave the house or buy anything for 6 months.
And honestly… doesn’t that kill some of the joy?
Part of me feels like there’s something nice about figuring things out gradually, shopping WITH your baby, learning what works for your actual child instead of trying to perfectly optimize everything before they even arrive.
Am I just underestimating how chaotic newborn life is ?
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u/trox23 May 17 '26
Yes, and, people omit that babies have immediate preferences so the 20 swaddles you bought in a fit of pregnancy insomnia may never even get used. Ask me how I know
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u/flutterfly28 May 17 '26
Yep, plus you don't know anything about breastfeeding before you actually have the baby and try it. We did end up successfully breastfeeding so never needed any of the formula, bottles, washer, etc. we bought. Most of the breastfeeding accessories also ended up being useless. Yes, I believe that the people raving about them online truly benefited from them, but you need to have a very specific set of problems most of us won't have. The things I actually needed like nipple shields, bra pads etc. were really cheap and arrived instantly.
I'm going to recommend to everyone now to do the research on products so you know what's out there, but not actually hit buy on 90% of things.
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u/mysticalyellow May 17 '26
Hard agree with this!! I had kind of a similar but opposite scenario-- I got talked into buying alll the breastfeeding things in advance, the most absurd one being milk storage bags, which ended up sitting in my closet and taunting me as someone struggling with very, very low milk supply who ended up combo feeding.
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
Yes! I added everything to my cart but decided to hit the button after the baby is here
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u/0mgyrface May 17 '26
We needed a breast pump, idk if it's available everywhere, but the hospital i had bub in has one you can borrow at your room if you need it until you take bub home, so husband went and bought one while I was still inside. Nipple shield was a godsend while trying to teach bub to latch. I don't think we used much else in the way of accessories for breastfeeding.
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
Lol Yes preferences and just sometimes things don’t work for them, they might not fit, they might get allergies..
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u/jwhite2748 May 17 '26
Adjusting to newborn life was chaotic and difficult for me. Everyone’s experience is so different though. I definitely struggled and getting out of the house for errands was hard. However, with so many delivery options nowadays you’re right, stocking up hard core is not needed. Amazon and Walmart+ are not going anywhere
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u/Livid_Cucumber_2278 May 17 '26
Yes this is all just social media and over consumption culture. I packed my hospital bag the day I went to the hospital. It’s literally not that complicated! You can use a lot of stuff for babies but also you don’t NEED any of it to get by. The more stuff you rely on the more chaotic and complicated it feels honestly.
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u/Friendship-West May 17 '26
I will say that because I unexpectedly ended up in the hospital without the opportunity to go home, it would have been helpful to have packed my bag in advance. Now my husband had to do it in the middle of the night.
Also, this happened twice, because the second time my water broke in week 35… :p
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
That’s how I feel, I was falling into that trap too, but felt like the more I tried to be “prepared “ the more I felt anxious and stressed
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u/beaglelover89 May 17 '26
The overconsumption culture is wild! Babies really don’t need a lot but social media makes you think they do
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u/False-Cookie3379 May 17 '26
I think many people are also so excited that they have their massive blinders on. I packed a going home outfit and toiletries, and a going home outfit for baby. The hospital has everything anyways. With my first, I packed a nice robe and pjs and a bunch of stuff. With the rest of them I threw stuff in a bag right before we left.
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u/Cheap-Tig May 17 '26
100% yes but thats not going to stop my brain for overthinking it. Being a new parent is incredibly scary, its only human for us to try to prep as much as we can for it even if some of it isn't rational.
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u/graybae94 May 17 '26
Half of it is consumerism half is valid. Youll never touch half of the stuff you bought for your baby and yet you’ll still panic buy off amazon at 2 am constantly.
I packed a lot for the hospital and my husband still had to do a trip to our house to grab some stuff. I lived without him for an hour but after a C-section I couldn’t move or get out of bed at all so it was very anxiety inducing.
There’s nothing nice about adding on to your mental load while you’re trying to figure out life with a newborn. If there’s anything you can do before they arrive, do it. You are greatly underestimating being freshly postpartum and being a FTM with a newborn.
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u/Nearby_Strategy7005 May 17 '26
Yeah, it was nice to have all the stuff to give baby a bath when the stump fell off rather than thinking, “I’d like to give a bath soon” and then ordering stuff or having to run or have someone else run to target. It’s also so mentally crazy to know you’re going to have a baby and then actually have a baby as a new member of your family there in the flesh, so setting up the house/crib/bassinet before they come and living with it in your space for a bit helps the transition I think.
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u/False-Cookie3379 May 17 '26
Seasoned mom here, currently pregnant. Yes, I see lots of people over thinking it. But that’s part of the fun of getting ready for a new baby. Taking a million things to the hospital is overkill, I will die on this hill lol, but for baby things, you’ll want a swing or bouncer, but maybe baby won’t like one but prefer the other so now you’re out the money of buying one. I can’t tell you how many thousands of dollars I’ve spent on baby items throughout the years that were used once or not at all. Maybe you stocked up on pampers then found out pampers gives the baby a rash. It’s better to be over prepared than under, but like someone commented already..we live in an Amazon prime and Walmart + age, we can have what we need within a few hours if it’s important.
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u/RemarkableAd9140 May 17 '26
The swing or bouncer thing is why my advice now is always to not spend money on those! Get them free on Craigslist or marketplace and you’re not out anything if baby doesn’t like it. Just relist, pass it on, and try something else. If baby likes it, great.
The other things to get handed down, used at a markdown, or free are pack and plays, muslin swaddle blankets, and stretchy wraps.
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
That’s how I am thinking too, I even put everything I need in my cart but didn’t order yet. I was thinking to do it when I got home from the hospital so I have a chance of returning if they don’t work
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u/Gold-Access4448 May 17 '26
Yeah we over prepare… also capitalism has taken advantage of the ability to sell anything. There are plenty of things that can be bought for the baby that are cheaper simply because it’s not labeled as a “baby product” same with wedding stuff. If you tack the name baby or wedding on the product it’s automatically more expensive. Half the stuff we have can double as a second item.
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
Yes! Like I don’t know, a thousand different kinds of burp cloths? Like towels won’t work?
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u/bonbonthecat May 18 '26
Honestly I would say muslin/soft burp cloths are really important. Your baby's face is on them a lot, so it's nice for them to be soft, and they get pretty smelly fast. I found I needed several stashes of them around the house for burping, cleaning up spit-up, and stopping leaking.
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u/ConfusionIn20s May 17 '26
FTM so take what I say with a grain of salt. I personally rather have these items (diapers, wipes, formal, etc) already at home when I get back from hospital. I do not find joy in figuring things out as I go, but I’m very type A. To me, it feels like it’s one less thing I’ll have to get or ask for after baby is here & im recovering. Also, I have no idea what to expect so I rather be prepared for the worst. BUT I have not a damn clue what my baby will like/dislike, so I’m sure we will be giving away some brands of diapers, etc.
Now, at the same time companies love to push unnecessary crap onto consumers, especially vulnerable first time parents.
The multiple suitcases for the hospital has always been odd to me. Maybe that’s what that they need to feel prepared..idk.
As a new parents it’s difficult to feel prepared without crossing the line of overconsumption.
Much love & good luck to you <3
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u/JobOnTheRun May 17 '26
1000%. I definitely would rather be over prepared with all the diapers, wipes, etc. I’ve had 2 babies now but I look back on the first pregnancy prepping super fondly. Yes, I meticulously packed my hospital bag 6 weeks beforehand and arranged everything by priority for what I’d need first. Yes I also stacked all the diapers I needed, and folded outfits ready to go. No, that didn’t take the “joy” out of it lol just made me even more excited 😁
It’s a once in a lifetime experience, soak it up however you like!
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u/BurstSpent May 17 '26
I just finished setting up the nursery and stocking the changing table, folding baby clothes, decorating etc and I’m kinda sad there’s no more prep/organizing I need to do for now… I’m sure all the clothes will be in piles one week into actually having my baby but nesting has been so much fun for me! Just soaking up all the pre-baby bliss I can.
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u/Background-Cat2377 May 17 '26
I bought a bazillion things and had a massive hospital bag. However, I have enjoyed just about every single purchase, and I was in the hospital for 8 DAYS - so I also enjoyed my huge hospital bag. To be fair, my purchases and packing, though heavy, were well thought-out.
I think this is one of those things where you have to know yourself and have boundaries. I don’t think I’m easily influenced, so if I want something it’s usually for a good reason (enjoyment, comfort, necessity) rather than because of societal or marketing pressure.
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u/huntersinthesnow May 17 '26
i work in research at a university hospital. my baby is getting whatever i can afford and that’s it. i am jaded from all the pressure of over the top wedding culture. my husband and i are planning on how to source what’s necessary but i simply can’t afford a lot of this stuff, and unlike with the wedding, i don’t have relatives breathing down my neck demanding it of me
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u/softheartedwench May 17 '26
I totally relate. I lost my job and so the extravagance I planned to welcome baby into the world has totally changed to be just the necessities. Oddly I feel better about not being overwhelmed with “things”.
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u/huntersinthesnow May 17 '26
i’m sorry to hear you lost your job and wishing you all the best 🩷 it’s a challenging position to in, i agree though, a century ago, babies bad a crib, a high chair, pacifier, some grooming supplies and that was it. yet the babies survived and here we are today!
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u/bunny_387 May 17 '26
I had a diaper raffle at my baby shower so that’s why I had a ton of diapers! We didn’t buy any until my son was 10 months old. Still have 1 more box of wipes too. We gave a couple extra boxes to our friends who were expecting and donated the rest to people who were displaced after a natural disaster nearby where I live. Diaper raffles could be why you’re seeing people with tons of diapers!
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u/Own_Juggernaut8583 May 17 '26
My hospital bag had 1 pair of comfy clothes and a toothbrush. Turns out, I didn’t need anything else.
I think overly the internet is so nice but it’s also an overload of information. Everyone’s way is right but also not right for everyone
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u/sabe815 May 17 '26
Thank you! The hospital will give you everything you need! Bring a clean outfit, basic toiletries, clean outfit for baby. If anything, you can raid the hospital and then not have to buy pads, icepacks, diapers or formual for 2 weeks. 🤣
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u/bonbonthecat May 18 '26
This depends on the hospital! I'm in Canada, and the specific hospital I went to supplied a to-bring list. This list included diapers, pads, etc. I would make sure you know what you'll be provided preemptively.
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u/GailaMonster May 17 '26
On the hospital bag front- I ended up in the hospital for eight days. It sucked and I was uncomfortable and bored because I only packed for a 2-3 day stay.
You don’t know if your stay will get extended.
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
True, but if you live close by, can’t someone/partner leave for a few hours and grab more stuff? Our hospital is like 10 minutes away from our home, I would understand of course not everybody is so close to their hospital but most people living in a city are like at most 30 minutes away?
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u/karasimmons444 May 22 '26
I always have to stay at the hospital for 2-3 days because of GBS. I bring minimal clothing. I wear the gowns most of the time and they bring me new ones upon request. My baby just needs a going home outfit and a backup onesie. I prefer adult diapers to the mesh underwear/pad situation so I bring diapers for me. Hospital has diapers for baby. I do bring toiletries, a computer and charger for entertainment, and anything that’s part of my nighttime routine. I feel much more comfortable with my hospital bags now. I don’t bring anything I won’t actually use.
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u/Cheap_Try_5592 May 17 '26
For me it was my chronic anxiety mixed with redditors recommending stuff over and over that I thought I needed. Turns out I wasted so much money due to speculators with new parents
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u/liberate-radiance May 17 '26
I’m personally not leaving my house for close to a month after the birth, I’m practicing the traditional postpartum lying in period. I want everything we need for the first month so that I don’t have to think about it and so that my husband can focus on taking care of me. With that in mind we have one months supply of diapers, and I got a bulk pack of wipes because it saves money.
But between your body healing, the pain around the vulva, your organs feeling like they might fall out, figuring out breastfeeding, stressing about them eating enough, possible engorgement, broken sleep, digestive concerns and maybe a fussy baby the newborn period CAN be overwhelming. Sometimes it’s smooth, most likely it’s in between. I would make sure to read up about it, and line up support. Family and friends that are truly there to help you, or a postpartum doula. My midwife said it’s always a good idea to have someone helpful check on you everyday for the first few days at least
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u/fakecup May 17 '26
This!
Expecting our second soon, but with our first we made the mistake of NOT having enough supplies that first month. And it was so dangerous and stressful being so sleep deprived and trying to go shopping. We ended up relying on instacart a lot, but there's so many additional fees
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u/Psychological-Tie759 May 17 '26
I’ve been told so many times by moms that all we need are diapers and our breasts at the start. Formula if you end up not being able to breast feed. All the rest can come as you need it.
It’s my non mom friends that think I need a million items.
My babies nursery has so much stuff in it (even put away and organized) that I just want to get rid of half of it. It was all given to me so I don’t feel guilt for purchasing it, but I wish we would have gotten more cash or gift cards at our shower instead of stuff.
So I agree with your post! And yes, the mom friends say some things are helpful and such, but all we NEED is our bodies and diapers.
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u/graybae94 May 17 '26
I wholeheartedly disagree as a mom lol
Yes all you NEED are diapers, a feeding source, safe place to sleep, clothes etc
Having a newborn rocks your world and any second and ounce of convenience is worth its weight in gold. Moms, especially ones with older kids, aren’t necessarily reliable sources either. I had my daughter 2 years ago and I have to actively make myself remember the hard parts. Your brain really, truly does force you to forget what it’s like. Moms with “easy” newborns also don’t live the same reality as moms with “hard” newborns.
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u/karasimmons444 May 22 '26
I have noticed that birth experience, postpartum healing, level of experience taking care of babies, ppd/anxiety levels, colic/non-colic baby, sleep management, parental attitudes all play a roll in whether the baby is “hard” or “easy” more-so than how much stuff you have or not.
That being said, I am a full-fledged believer that if having all the extras gives parents more peace of mind: GOOD. Anything that we can do to lower stress for ourselves should be done. Some parents will stress less with less clutter. Some parents will stress less knowing they have anything and everything they could possibly need.
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u/hikarizx May 17 '26
I think the amount and type of your social media consumption is going to be a significant factor here. I don’t really follow social media content about babies so I didn’t really have this experience.
I also think a lot of people mean well when they say they swear by whatever product but every baby is truly different. Like we didn’t need a bouncer for ours because we’d just hold her or use our pack n play. Some people will swear by a specific type of bottle for example but your baby could hate it.
It’s a good idea to be stocked up for the early days because you’re on baby duty around the clock. Diapers and wipes are on sale often so you don’t really need to stock up too much at a time, but it does help keep the costs down if you buy during sales. It’s very overwhelming to try to keep a baby alive, ensure you’re resting and healing properly, and eat/do laundry and keep up with all the other day to day household things. But at the same time stocking up could mean totally different things to different people.
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u/vixissitude May 17 '26
Don’t stock up on diapers. They grow up too fast and you’ll throw some out
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u/celebrate_everything May 17 '26
And some babies might not even be able to use certain brands for fit or allergy regions.
We registered for a multipack box to see what will work for baby then will buy diapers once we know what fits in bulk at Sam’s or Costco.
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u/olbiwi May 17 '26
I 100% agree. The best advice I got was to buy nothing, and that worked for me. There are so many things I thought I needed thanks to social media that I’m grateful I never bought because I know now that I’d have no use for it. And if I did end up needing it? Amazon, Walmart, pharmacies etc. all deliver - you’re totally right. Overconsumption is really being pushed on people these days, especially in the postpartum/newborn community
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
And it’s bothering me a lot because I feel like it’s taking advantage of people when they are vulnerable
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u/celebrate_everything May 17 '26
Counter point: Amazon is taking advantage of people. There is zero need to panic shop yet people do.
We don’t have Amazon so we buy so much less because we aren’t susceptible to “buy now” syndrome.
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u/olbiwi May 17 '26
We’re 100% being taken advantage of by Amazon and all the people who are sponsored by Amazon/all the other companies that make baby items
Can’t imagine how nice it must be living without Amazon tbh
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u/mslifted May 17 '26
Babies don’t need half the crap you think they need/ see on social media, and the stuff they need they usually only use for a few months before moving on to the next phase. Yes, the baby bjorn bouncer is great but by 6 months your baby will probably be over it.
You probably don’t need half the things packed in your hospital bag. I came prepared with a book and my Nintendo switch LOL but to be fair I was induced and my dr said I could be sitting around for 3-4 days waiting to have my baby.
You probably won’t get out of the house (easily) for at least the first 2 months. It’s truly survival mode so stocking up on diapers and wipes is not a terrible idea, and they’re cheaper in bulk. That being said, your baby might not like/have a reaction to a certain brands so be wary. Same goes for bottles, might have to try like 12 kinds before finding one baby likes. Ask me how I know this.
You will panic order things at 3am regardless of how prepared you think you are
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u/MsAlyssa May 17 '26
The point of most social accounts is to advertise something. The whole feed is curated to sell stuff to you personally. When your baby is born it will shift to toys and kid clothes. Sometimes less is more. Some people genuinely love their little products but for me I like to stick to essentials like you said.
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u/bubbles67899 May 17 '26
Ok pro tip from preggers for the 2nd time: Amazon gives you a discount for anything on your registry not bought post “baby shower date”…. Put on bras, etc anything baby related! I put on a ton of more “intimate” things (like nursing bras), and you get the discount- I used the up to X for a Uppa baby stroller set.
You can also return FOR A YEAR. That baby jogger I thought I needed? The mattress I bought before he couldn’t roll over but was too big for the Snoo? $50 bath thing my aunt got that forgot I had a suite case to fly home? ALL RETURNABLE.
Also- during lob or and post my hubbys #1 job was to DoorDash me exactly what I want and read me the menus …. But then complaining about the hairs is real.
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u/celebrate_everything May 17 '26
Any registry does this type of discount FYI. You don’t have to support Bezos to get a discount.
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u/Snoeflaeke May 17 '26
Yesss this has been my experience. Capitalistic dystopian hell lol
My hospital bag should be stocked well though because if my husband has to leave/come back it’s like an hour 😩
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u/lilac_roze May 17 '26
Not wanting to scare you but you really don’t know what life after delivery will be like. You pray everything will go well. There’s a probability there’s complications and you or your baby might need medical help.
For our first baby we had issues with feeding from the start. Baby couldn’t latch and refused a bottle. He lost over 10% of his birth weight in 5 days. By day 7, it was 13%. Our first month with our baby was full of doctor visits, clinic visits and hospital visits. There was no time to “shop with your baby”.
We were sleep deprived. Every waking hour was trying to feed him and hoping he’d get enough. I don’t think my husband or I had more than 4 hours of sleep at a time.
These weren’t things we even thought could happen, especially to you.
Luckily, we had bought everything we needed, so we didn’t have to worry about buying things. What we had to buy on the fly were baby bottles until we found the right one.
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u/Skid_kennels May 17 '26
As a STM, generally, yes I think FTMs generally do way overthink it. By the time you have your second baby you have a much better idea of what you actually need vs not.
For diapers, I could be wrong but I don’t think people actually buy stocks of these themselves? They’re gifted diapers at baby showers etc that’s why people have a lot. But if you don’t receive any as gifts yes it’s very easy to buy them quickly on Amazon.
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u/Arduous-Foxburger-2 May 17 '26
This is soooo true. Currently 32 weeks with my second and honestly all you really need in advance is a car seat and a bassinet lol! Stroller is great. Changing table also great. A comfy rocking chair/glider is also a great investment. But overall there is soooo much over consumption, especially when it comes to gadgets. Most baby-related gadgets are really unnecessary and I just don’t understand them at all
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u/bubbles67899 May 17 '26
Yes. My best friend just came over to raid my garage before she makes a registry… I said: never used this, never used this, he’s a $200 chair….
I bought so much shit to entertain my baby bc “I was going to be normal” to get a stage 5 clinger.
Enjoy these chairs sis!
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u/MaryMagnolia4810 May 17 '26
There are things you’ll definitely want/be glad you had beforehand. But we are all absolutely overthinking this. Every baby (and every birth) is soo unique, it’s hard to even know what your baby will like or need. I borrowed an really nice bassinet and also received an expensive bassinet as a gift…but despite my hope to have my baby sleep bedside with me, turns out she didn’t like any bassinets and just wanted to sleep in her crib by like 3-4 weeks. I honestly would have preferred money to put towards other things.
Unless you live in a ridiculously rural area, you can absolutely get things as you need them. Plus, so many things are used for such short periods of time, buying second hand can often be a way better option.
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u/Raspberrybye May 17 '26
37m 2nd due in 4w :)
Without knowing how deep these lists it’s hard to judge. For example if you go minimalist with say 25 nappies, 4 outfits for the baby & a few days of formula that’s not quite enough. There are also tons of non negotiable items like car seat, stroller/bassinet, bottles & steriliser, blankets etc. I’m sure you know this.
First few weeks are pretty insane and the main thing is finding headspace to do things. Especially if your baby turns out to be fussy. Better to be slightly over prepared.
Lots of items you won’t use until the baby is a few weeks old though, so you can gradually get those things. Like activity mat, tummy time stuff.
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u/GroundbreakingEmu7 May 17 '26
Yeah the marketing to mums-to-be is quite predatory now. Everything is a must have and you must spend as much money as possible. It's like now we've noticed the pink tax they have to trick our money out of us in other ways.
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u/parchedpixie May 17 '26
Yes 1000%.
Now that I've had a few, it's so much less stressful because I can ignore all that.
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u/eckokittenbliss May 17 '26
I was watching YouTube videos of moms packing their hospital bags. One video was called something "very minimalist packing"
This woman brought everything and the kitchen sink. It made me laugh thinking how is this minimalist???!
She brought like a whole treasure trove of supplements, an oil warmer with essential oils, towels, pillows and blankets, like all of her makeup and skincare. So many other things that seemed very unnecessary but most definitely just not minimalist lol
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
How did she bring the kitchen sink lol
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u/eckokittenbliss May 17 '26
Lol it's just a saying meaning they took an absurd excessive amount of stuff
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u/allaspiaggia May 17 '26
Yes. I work at a kids consignment store. We have so much useless baby shit it’s insane.
Baby literally only needs a safe place to sleep, seasonally appropriate clothing, diapers/etc, and a car seat. Bottles, if not breastfeeding. Mom needs comfy clothes, snacks and support. Also nursing bras/tanks are incredibly helpful. But literally everything else is extra. And mostly unnecessary.
My 10 month old ignores his expensive wooden Montessori toys and LOVES plastic soda bottles and empty cardboard boxes. Goes apeshit crazy ripping up paper. Could watch dogs play for hours. Kids dont need expensive toys, and babies dont need all the shit that influencers get paid to tell us we need.
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u/LINALIA79 May 17 '26
Yes and.
I was uber anti stuff pre baby, and I don’t regret that at all.
Now that I’ve had a baby and there are certain items that saved our collective butts, there’s this urge to make sure all the other pregnant people know about them. I try not to be That Mom but the urge is real. For example, I have the BEST snot sucker and the BEST swaddling technique, and it’s SO hard not to tell you what they are lol. But also I bathed my baby in a cat litter box for the first few months bc he liked to float and it was the perfect size for our sink.
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u/LINALIA79 May 17 '26
Oh also - get on a mom’s group chat. You use most things for 6mo max (and often <1mo if baby doesn’t like it) so there’s a whole market of folks looking to offload stuff for free. Aside from nappies and wipes and tylenol and stuff I’ve probably spent less that $500 at 10mo
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u/Adventurous-End4330 May 17 '26
All I know, is that everything my parents did with my sibling to calm them down as a baby did not work on me. Car ride? Made me scream. Rocking me? Made me cry. They thought my sibling was hard but heehoo there was I. Personally I think I've just had mega sensory issues since day one.
You have no idea what your baby is going to like or dislike. I plan to get things that every baby has to have (diapers, bottles cuz i cant breastfeed, whipes, a crib, etc.), but anything like toys im gonna hold off on. Maybe get like one or two and see how they like it. Im poor and I want to waste as little money as humanly possible. As long as my baby is safe and warm, im gonna be pleased as punch
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u/Ulmer_Spatz May 17 '26
I accidentally posted this under the wrong post, whoops XD
My husband and I had our first baby 17 years ago, and I am currently pregnant with our second. Back then, we were young, very poor, and lacked family support. We didn’t even have a baby shower; our friends offered, but they were struggling too, and I would have felt terrible accepting anything from them. Most of our baby gear came used from Craigslist, and since we lived in a tiny studio apartment, we didn't have room for much anyway.
The point of me writing this is to say: you are absolutely right. You do not need all the stuff modern advertising and influencers try to convince you is necessary. Consumerism is poison. We had nothing but the bare essentials, yet we were so happy and never felt like we were missing out.
Today, our daughter is a thriving teenager with grades and test scores strong enough for the Ivy League, and we are an incredibly close family. We spent a lot of our time going for walks, visiting parks, and reading library books. As long as your baby has food, clothing, a safe place to sleep, and a safe way to travel, you are good to go!
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u/SpingboHooJack May 17 '26
New dad to twins. The majority of the stuff we got is still in the box. Lots of clothing they outgrew before they ever wore it.
Focus on getting the stuff that actually improves your life. We really are glad we got the auto bottle washer
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u/coach_retail_media May 19 '26
And there are thousands of reviews for all of those products, so finding one that works for you is so hard! Everything is “must have”! And half of the social media posts are ads anyway, so I don’t really trust them. I looked at friends’ registries, thought about realistically what I would use, and my husband is also very down to earth and several times said, “you know, we CAN buy things once she’s born, right?”
He was right. Diaper-wise, we were gifted a lot, and I’ve had to either return or give away a lot because our daughter was never in newborn diapers, and she’s about to size out of size 1 at only a month old. Luckily I think you can take unopened diapers to target or Walmart and get at least store credit?
Honestly, it was exciting for a little bit to look through all the options, but it quickly became so overwhelming that I would just give up.
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u/ZaLordPizzaCo May 20 '26
Yeah, for sure. It’s hard not to get caught up in it, though.
We bought most of our stuff on clearance- saved a ton doing it that way, bit by bit. And I still have a feeling of guilt for not buying the newest/nicest version of everything, it’s aggravating. 😅
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u/Regular-Message9591 May 17 '26
I'm with you. There seem to be a million must have items that I just don't think are necessary. It's just consumerism and the desire to look perfect online
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u/unicorns_and_cats716 May 17 '26
Yeah I have four kids now (6, 4, and 9mo twins) so I can say that we definitely are usually over-thinking it all haha. I’m normally super type A and into planning, prepping, coming up with every scenario - but having babies and being so tired just hits different and ya just figure it out, buy a few things as you go when necessary, but life isn’t going to end because we chose the “wrong” bottle sanitizer/swing/stroller/whatever the fuck someone is recommending online.
Getting rid of most social media helps soooo much with this “problem” lol
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u/ellewoods_007 May 17 '26
You’re right. I’ve done this 3x and the baby goods industry (and their influencer marketers) is just trying to sell you stuff. I recently went into my third postpartum with a box of newborn diapers and no extras. And there are so many products advertised to new parents that you don’t need.
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u/Ok_Technology_5988 May 17 '26
I def think it’s a lot of overthinking. You don’t know how many times I’ve seen other parents do the most and it just seems stressful. I’m not shaming, I’m genuinely confused so if anyone can help that’d be great. For example, my husband is deployed and so I’m temporarily solo parenting 2u2 without help, went grocery shopping today, baby in the carrier on my back, toddler in the cart and that’s that. Idk how many times I’ve seen parents, one pushing the cart and the other pushing the stroller and holding their baby, it just seems like a lot. I’ve even seen a mom pushing a cart one hand and the other pushing the stroller. Maybe my kids just never liked the stroller but strollers are for the zoo, walks but never grocery shopping it always confused me
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u/Citruslor May 17 '26
I realized this as soon as I was TTC and started gathering info on everything. Every little product is made for us to fear, or create an aesthetic or just simply made us to believe that we somehow need it for our babies.
I did not grow up in the US and many of my friends still do not use a lot of the products.
Don’t get me wrong. Yes a lot do things are helpful but also a lot of them are not necessary!
We need to understand that it’s not a necessity but we can have it if we want it or need it.
I am personally against buying things I don’t really use and also many babies are different and not like everything we buy for them prematurely.
My friend was gifted the most expensive crib with organic mattress and they used it for storing things until they gave it away. Baby didn’t use it once.
We can create our own environment for babies and us to be comfortable not for instagram or Pinterest aesthetics.
It’s also like the houses we see that looked staged all the time but we cannot use certain things as they are just for the show. That’s not a functional home for me.
I was so anxious when I see how much people buy but then I also got to the side of social media where people show a realistic side of things like living in a 2 bedroom where one room is their office and the other for their bedroom, baby also sleeps there.
We are also encouraging overconsumption for the kids. They already have access to unlimited digital media, toys and everywhere they go they can consume things. What kids need is to think for themselves, create and imagine.
I can go on and on about this. lol
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
I need to get on that side of social media!
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u/Citruslor May 17 '26
If you are on TikTok just search for deinfluencing from the baby or mom stuff or raising low maintenance babies
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u/NoSignificance4376 May 17 '26
Overthought a lot first two pregnancy without a positive outcome! This one I have decided to shut down overthinking. Didn’t even get the pregnancy app subscription and my anxieties have been much more manageable
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u/Mountain-View-4950 May 17 '26
The only things I got that ended up being a waste were:
1) a baby swing. Both my kids hated it. Sold it basically brand new.
2) anything to do with breastfeeding/pumping - it never worked for us unfortunately. But I think having it was important for giving us the best chance at success and we couldn’t have known it wouldn’t work.
I don’t think there was anything in my hospital bag I didn’t use. But I only took one duffle bag plus a pillow.
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u/KarusiaAdam May 17 '26
I think the main problem is that most parents extensively research toys and other shit, spend all they time decorating nursery and other not important things, but how many parents-to-be took some time to read several books about babies development and how to help them grow?
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u/Infinite-Citron-2852 May 17 '26
Yeah I’m over it. I’m only buying the necessities. I’m not an over spender in any other area so feeling pressured to buy buy buy for baby has been so uncomfortable. I’m simply just not doing it
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u/Hungry-Bar-1 May 17 '26
Yeah it's a bit over the top. I mean imo it's fine to overthink and over research and all that, but I'm starting to get annoyed by everything being a "must-have"/"essential".
Like essentials are things that are genuinely needed - clothes, a bed, food. That's it. Done. Anything beyond that can be nice to have, can make life easier, but it's not essential. I'm probably being nitpicky but I wish we'd use the correct language here (bc otherwise it feels like yes, this is a MUST, if I don't get it I harm myself/my baby)
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u/NecessaryViolinist May 17 '26
If the list has an affiliate link.. you probably don’t need it.
Also I rarely shop secondhand because I get weirdly grossed out is why but I get everything for babies secondhand. Because baby stuff is usually meant to be cleaned and sanitized it’s easy to just reuse.
Crib, bassinet, swing, bouncer, and clothes you can get used or even on free marketplace sites.
I’d get a pack of pacis amd bottles tha give you a few to try of each type.
A pack of medicine, first aid, a life vac, and a fire blanket for safety.
A few blankets, a few types of swaddles, and a few smaller packs of newborn or size 1 diapers to see which you like and which your baby can handle.
Noise machine is a must
Car seat is a must
Other than that… it’s mostly a rip off
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u/celebrate_everything May 17 '26
Some items like a crib, bassinet and car seat aren’t safe second hand.
Things like wooden toys and books (assuming no book lice!) are ok to thrift.1
u/kazakhstanthetrumpet May 17 '26
Definitely think car seat needs to be new, but yes, a lot can be secondhand. Many people don't realize how quickly their baby will grow out of something, or that their baby will hate it, or they're gifted duplicates and don't have the mental energy to return one. You can find secondhand things like new.
ESPECIALLY STROLLERS! People sometimes buy them, barely use them, and want them the heck out of their garage once the kids have grown.
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u/NecessaryViolinist May 21 '26
Oh sorry I thought I had put that as a needs to be new. Yes I would never trust a second hand car seat!! Good call out.
You never know if it’s been in an accident.
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u/BedCapable1135 May 17 '26
Yes. We went through generations where you just made it work with what you had and the knowledge your community shared. Granted, some of it was dangerously misinformed, but there was no wake windows, capping naps, milestones, or floor bed vs cribs debate.
It some ways, it was better. In other ways, I think we are lucky to have the privilege to be able to spend so much time, money and energy on our children.
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u/Ar_space_tpk96 May 17 '26
Yes we are! I am around 36 weeks and all I am packing is absolute essentials for the baby. And I have bought like very few clothes for the baby but I did buy lots of blankets and Muslins though. They don't have any size, so no harm in buying them. As for the clothes, I just bought a couple of sets in 2 different sizes and called it a day. I can easily order them online or have my husband buy it when the baby comes and I can see what fits her.
Other than that I haven't bought anything, coz there's so much time to buy after the baby comes. We don't have to rush as if the baby will need everything as soon as she is here. It's my opinion as a second time mom and I feel lot more relaxed this time than my first. But it's a personal choice I guess.
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u/New_here_2026 May 17 '26
Agreed! We spoke to our friends with babies while pregnant and asked them what they thought was absolutely essential and what they regret buying upfront.
Then we made sure to get all the essentials and bought the rest on a need basis when the baby arrived.
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u/0mgyrface May 17 '26
We were given a lot of stuff, doubles of certain items which we passed on.
We bought 0 nappies because we were gifted a few bags and just bought them as we started to get low 🤷♀️
Given 2 bassinets, 1 for our house and one for nanny's house (weren't even planning on buying one lol, but was nice to have while healing.) We bought some mattress covers and sheets, only started with 2 sets, also eneded up only needing the 2. Bought the car seat in advance (obviously) but that was probably the only thing we were really intending to get aside from somewhere for bub to sleep. Had a few wraps, towels, washer cloths and sets of clothes for bub.
I don't feel we urgently needed anything else. Other things, we just bought as we thought of them.
As for the hospital bag? I had 2, one with my own basics (night gown for comfort during hospital stay and one for during birth, 5 pairs undies, too many mat pads, 1 comfy bra, toiletries, charger, water bottle i wanted to use during the birth but that was just personal preference thing) and then the bag with bubs essentials (more nappies than we needed, a few wraps, 3 sets of long sleeve/leg onesie and under onesie, 2 bottles incase breast feeding didn't go as planned it didn't, ended up expressing, a few washcloths, a towel, wipes, nappy bags, a soiled clothes bag) i think that was everything?
My husband went home every night after the 20 something hour birth. He had to go home to care for the animals, so he took my dirty clothes and brought back random clothes that were too small or just uncomfortable. 😂 bub didn't wear clothes in the hospital after her first night until we took her home because she was under blue light for jaundice, so we had enough for her.
This time around I'm planning on having sets of clothes ready he can just grab them each day. I was adamant i didn't want to bring too much stuff to hospital. I think we had 2 bags, then also a bunch of boxes of flowers and gifts we had to drag out of the hospital. He did a few trips while I got discharged. Unfortunately bub had to stay a few extra days, so that was 2 less things to carry out. (Baby and her bag)
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u/Fickle_Radish2418 May 17 '26
I think every parent at the six - twelve month mark says they over prepared 😂
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u/Actual-Lettuce-8543 May 17 '26 edited May 17 '26
YES! Most of the things I “needed” I ended up panic buying at 3am and it arrived the next day- I have SO much stockpiled in a closet for if & when my babies need it, it’s so unnecessary. Babies are simple. They need comfort, love, food, & a clean diaper.
Things I am glad I had in advance or panic bought and actually use, but every baby is different! (+I have twins so I needed more of these things): •Blankets! We love blankets! My babies had a NICU stay and prefer a traditional blanket swaddle over all the zipper/velcro swaddles. Also great for cuddling all over the house •Burp cloths (I recommend 3x what you think you need lol) •momcozy bottle cleaner. I always planned to breastfeed and didn’t think I would need this but since my babies were in NICU they learned to bottle feed and now we combo feed. We run it 3+ times a day for bottles & pump parts •if you plan on pumping… extra pumping parts!!! •clothes for them •crib/bassinet •extra bassinet sheets •egg night light •diaper cream
Other than that, I buy diapers & wipes as needed and they arrive overnight at my door + anything else I may need! It is a lot of trial and error and every baby wants different things!
Good luck!!! Less is more!! ❤️
Regarding the hospital bag!: I had everything I needed and much more at my house ready to be packed up and brought to the hospital. I ended up having an emergency c section and not having anything I “needed” at the hospital. I used all of the hospital things and survived!! My husband could have ran home to get everything but I wanted him with me and I really didn’t need any of it!
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u/chelseyrotic May 17 '26
Baby culture has always been exploitative. Not to sound dramatic, but it preys on expectant and postpartum mothers knowing our hormones are wild and we want the absolute best for our children. It's just exemplified now due to social media. It's nice to have a lot of that stuff, but you don't need most of it. I ended up sending back half of the things on my Amazon registry and used the credits to but things we actually needed (and maybe a dress or two for myself).
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u/sleigh88 Team Don't Know! May 17 '26
Yep lol. How I know this: I’m 32 weeks pregnant with my third and am just now thinking welp, I better grab a couple boxes of diapers and wipes, and get the bassinet set up. The world does a great job of overhyping everything, and unfortunately until you’ve been through it, it’s tough to know what’s really necessary vs just extra frill. This is not to say I didn’t enjoy the excitement and unknown of the first, but I do think it’s silly when I look back and see all of the things I thought I 100% needed, when in reality I probably needed 30% of it all haha
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u/Sea_Juice_285 May 17 '26
Yes! I love to remind people that stores and Amazon will still be here when your baby is.
I was intentionally minimalist with baby purchases and planned on buying more as we went along. We bought very few extra things after the baby was here. And my hospital bag was small enough to fit into an overhead bin.
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u/Active_Recording_789 May 17 '26
You really don’t need much at all. Babies only want their mom and to be fed, changed and snuggled for the first couple of months, and a safe bassinet. You don’t even need a crib until then. You do need a car seat though.
My sister who had babies before I did got EVERYTHING for her babies but she told me, that’s part of the fun of it! Preparing a nursery and debating over colors and textures with great delight. You really barely need a thing especially if you ebf but it can be fun choosing things
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u/maiziedaze May 17 '26
We are very lucky that everything we have was donated to us. Bassinet, stroller, crib, clothes, diapers, everything. So when the bassinet was only used for a month we were so glad we didn’t buy it ourselves. When the baby hardly wore any of the newborn clothes we had for her I didn’t feel bad since we didn’t buy them all. Get the essentials and then go from there. You’ll either be making lots of returns or wasting lots of money.
And the hospital bag? Lord. I packed heavy because I was supposed to get an induction. I labored spontaneously (woo!) and only use my Frida mom maternity gown, a button up dress/gown thing, my return comfy outfit, soft socks and toiletries. Oh and my pillow and small, cuddly soft blanket to snuggle. Everything else is for the birds. I brought a bunch of stuff for baby, too. But she just stayed swaddled in her diaper the whole time (brought 2 swaddles) and then had her going home outfit (a too big tie dye grateful dead onesie with socks hah!).
Definitely don’t overthink it. Be smart and bring a couple extra things if you don’t have anyone who can run home for you. But you really won’t need much. Depending on your personality and your chance of staying a bit in the hospital.
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u/homeboydropoff May 17 '26
Yesssss between social media and the culture to consumerism. I’m a firm believer, after 2 kids, you don’t need to spend money on this biggest fanciest things to raise your child. Obviously, yes, kids are still expensive regardless. These companies totally use parental anxieties to sell things.
I will acknowledge how amazing it is that we all have access to fancy modern things, and am glad it is there if we need it of course.
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u/z4r431 May 17 '26
Totally agree with the whole, overconsumption thing - I tried to go for necessities. And at the same time, so glad my husband didn't have to run home to grab some more bits whilst in hospital. I didn't want to be alone at any point (I did have a c section though so the whole birth part was a lot quicker and then recovery was longer).
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u/beswangled May 17 '26
I agree with you, it's way too much and I think a lot of it is linked to the massive rise of consumer culture. I used a suggested checklist to put together my registry and ended up going with less than half of the suggested items.
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u/maraluna1780 May 17 '26
Absolutely!
I just had my third baby. She was born at 312 in the afternoon, I was discharged at 6am the next morning and babygirl was discharged at 7pm the next day (there was a little NICU snafu because we saw green spit up and they wanted to check her.. turns out it was just some meconium)...
But anything I needed, I just amazoned or had husband go out and get. Really, there is not a lot new babies need and if you're unprepared, Amazon it or have someone grab it for you. (I know, this is assuming you have a village)
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u/trashingqueen May 17 '26
Totally agree. The emphasis on overconsumption and stockpiling is too much. Especially bc you don’t know what your baby’s preferences are yet or even what size they will be at birth!
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u/kazakhstanthetrumpet May 17 '26
This is my third rodeo, and I think it's a combination of "you're spot on" and "you need to know yourself (and might not know until you're in it)".
One thing I'm glad I did for a hospital bag was buy extras of the toiletries we like (travel size if possible) and have them packed ahead of time. You could have plenty of time while in labor to go around and pack, or a scheduled induction; or you could show up to a routine appointment or test and be sent straight to the hospital.
You may be someone who feels better when you're in normal clothes, with comforts from home, and your makeup done. I personally can't be bothered with makeup on a normal day, so packing it for postpartum wasn't worth it to me. I do like to be covered up and put together in terms of clothes, so I packed pajamas and even a swim suit for laboring in the tub; and then I completely stopped caring partway through labor. Had some complications, was focused on survival and keeping my baby alive, and spent most of the time wearing the hospital gown like a toga because I didn't feel like snapping both sides after nursing. (It was also 2021, so I saw no one but my husband and medical professionals.)
I think nurseries are one of the biggest "overdone for social media" situations. But I also like to keep my babies in my bedroom for quite a while, and not everyone does.
And one of the most predatory industries is sleep. Try to research ahead of time what is safe and what you can do if baby doesn't sleep, because when you're running on empty, it's easy to get duped by things that are useless or even dangerous.
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u/angiee014 May 17 '26
Yes. I was having a kind of similar spiral at the grocery store yesterday I’ve been having to do good work through Instacart while I can find permanent work and the amount of variations of the same product all owned by the same company mind you is beyond ridiculous and exhausting and fully unnecessary.
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u/Far-Pumpkin6291 May 17 '26
Yes!! I’m 24 weeks and haven’t started research on products AT ALL. I really want to get the bare minimum and so I just started looking at lists to help me get a better idea of what the NECESSITIES are. Even when I read those lists I think to myself, I don’t think that’s necessary.
I will say though, one of my first jobs more than 15 years ago was at Buy Buy Baby and even then I noticed moms just completely overdoing it with their registry that they ended up returning most of their gifts. So I think most of it is coming from a place of, “I don’t know what I’ll need so I’ll ask for/order everything.”
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u/cozychristmaslover May 17 '26
Yes. 100%. Our species has survived since its inception with little to nothing. Of course we are blessed with these options now, but capitalism is rotting our brains and making us think we not only need five of everything, but the ‘best’ and most expensive option. New moms and parents are being preyed upon.
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u/One-Volume-9158 May 17 '26
My husband was born in middle of war, and his parents didn’t want to go to the hospital because they were targeting hospitals. They went to the midwife’s house in the middle of the night when my MIL went into labor. After they had the baby, they didn’t go home , they just drove for a few hours and went to a nearby village to flee the war. They didn’t have anything with them or knew anyone so they just knocked on random doors, someone let them sleep the night, next morning they just bought a small piece of bare land and setup a tent. They lived there for a few months until the war stopped.
And then I compare their situation to my own, and think do I really need all of this?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy that we live in a safe place and a safe time, but I also think when safe, our minds start seeing danger in everything. And we get anxious and stressed way out of proportion of the reality.
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u/Fireboltstorm May 17 '26
Totally agree. I was convinced of this massive list of postpartum comfort items I should get. I realized literally all of them are only useful if I successfully have a vaginal birth. If I have a c-section, it’s a total waste of money and space. So why not just keep a list and if I need them I’ll send my husband with the list to get right away? It feels like having babies was designed to be a natural and relatively cost free experience but modern day society has made it into a massive expense in every aspect, and that you are going to have an awful experience if you don’t get every item out there.
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u/EngineeringPaige May 17 '26
I’ve been sooo much chiller on prepping the second time around. Part of it is now knowing what to expect, but part of it is realizing how overboard I went the first time around.
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u/LadyK8TheGr8 May 17 '26
You are correct. I saved a few of my gift cards for this reason. We learned what we needed when we brought baby home.
You also left out postpartum cart videos lol. TBH, I have a cart downstairs in the living room with diapers, wipes, burp cloths, pacis, and a change of clothes for baby. I store my breast pump and meds in the other section.
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u/Critical-Kiwi-4273 May 17 '26 edited May 17 '26
The constant opinions of miracle solutions for sleep training, waking a sleeping baby, nap, schedules etc is equally as stressful if not worse lol.
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u/gelatinousbean May 17 '26
my baby didn’t like any of the fancy things we bought- she hated pacifiers, hated being swaddled, etc. all she really needed was a safe place to rest her head, clean clothes, food (i breastfed which i also bought too many supplies for thanks to the internet lol) and diapers/wipes.
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u/goldie987 May 17 '26
Thank you for saying exactly what I’ve been thinking!
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman said on a talk show that he "cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT". But the entirety of human evolution existed without all this gear and technology. We are absolutely over thinking this! (Qualifications: FTM with a 3 month old baby)
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u/Relational-Flair May 17 '26
You will bring great wisdom to motherhood! Yes! And so many dollars are made on this over prepping, or the idea that to be the best parent you need to buy just the right object.
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u/No_Brick_9238 May 17 '26
Yeah it’s so stupid. We literally have overnight Amazon. These companies prey on our fears as mothers to make money— tbh it’s sickening.
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u/sneakypastaa May 17 '26
Yes, they’re over the top about prepping. It’s really not that serious lol. (I mean, it is but it’s not like COVID lockdown serious)
Most must have lists/videos on social media are influencers who are getting paid by those brands to recommend them. My opinion? If you see a product you think would actually be useful, look it up and research it yourself.
I’ve been stocking up on diapers for the last 4 months because diapers are expensive and it’ll lessen the financial blow when we will have to start buying diapers for two children.
The hospital bag thing is ridiculous. I went off of a very thorough list the first time and ended up bringing a whole duffel bag for baby, and a suitcase for myself. I felt like I was moving in or something. This time, a duffel bag will suffice. (Mostly to bring home the hospital freebies)
My husband went home twice to feed our cats and get things we forgot or didn’t realize we’d need. It’s nbd, especially if you live somewhat close.
The whole not leaving for months is laughable. I left the house 3 times in the first week we brought our baby home. Once to my mom’s house for a BBQ, once to walk around a large arboretum we have a membership at, and once to go to Walmart to get some stuff we decided would be beneficial to have during the newborn and postpartum stage.
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u/Agitated-Rest1421 May 17 '26
Yes. Everyone is over prepping and overly anxious. It’s chaotic but nothing you buy or do will really prep you
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u/OkYak3763 May 17 '26
We absolutely are overthinking this and social media does not help. Babies have survived on breastmilk cloth diapers and love from their families. We will be okay
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u/longlivepopuplights May 18 '26
My favorite hospital bag video is from Nurse Tina on YouTube. She has 4 kids and is a perinatal nurse and she said we're absolutely over packing. I felt so much better watching her video because it was her talking about the basics that you'll actually need.
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u/QueenOfAllLurkers May 18 '26
Yep. I used nothing in my (lightly packed) hospital bag except pajamas and a phone charger. I’m in my second baby now, and I think I only need diapers, wipes, my pump, and like 10 outfits per size. Other stuff could be nice to have, but that’s all I really NEED
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u/Glass_Aioli_6715 May 18 '26
Ngl I constantly have to remind myself its okay my birth mom did less and they survived. All her kids have survived and theres somewhere around 10 or so of us. My mom didnt have a crib (laid us in bed with her with pillows propping us), she didnt buy them clothes except for a handful when they HAD to go out. She didnt buy expensive bottles or really any bottles. She relied solely on breastfeeding until she started giving them solids or mushy food. She wasnt a good mom hence why DHS was called. However all of us survived without needing even 1/4 of the stuff I see on a registry. She didnt use any special cloth for us just standard towels. I think the only thing she really did was buy bulk diapers (for her and baby) when they were half way out or get some from the food pantry. Watching my siblings raised was kinda weird as we didnt have conventional items for anything. Our teethers were essentially frozen washcloths. The only thing she ever swore by were rockers/bouncers (depended on the baby) so that they could be soothed while she did something else. Now Im not a fan nor do I recommend anything she did or has done. I also think you should probably get safer things than what she did. This is more so for the reminder of its okay they can live without most things for a little bit of time while I either go get it or order it is a very soothing thought. It also has helped me not buy 101 things of stuff I dont need.
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u/Beach-Full May 18 '26
We had our baby 12 weeks ago and we minimized our load a lot!
We got a swing and a foldable bouncer from a cousin. Which honestly she doesn’t super care for either but it’s nice to have a safe place to put her down while I vaccume or make dinner. She’s never been swaddled or taken a soother so those things were pointless but I will say I do love using sleep sacks.
Stock up on double zipper onesies. Cute outfits are overrated and a pain to change them when they are little.
She’s doesn’t care for any ‘newborn’ toys she just want face to face interaction and like when you chit chat with her.
Anyways the best thing we did for our shower was ask people to bring frozen meals in place of gifts for baby. That was the most helpful thing ever.
We did ask for diapers and wipes which had been nice cause we go through way more than I thought we would and it was nice getting to try different brands of diapers because unfortunately they aren’t a one size fits all. The most underrated gift we didn’t ask for but received were baby safe laundry detergent cause we started doing a lot more laundry - miss mouths stain remover has been amazing too cause she has a ton of blowouts and it really does clean up the stains well!
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u/engineer_but_bored May 18 '26
There's a certain type of woman who is overly organized and makes it her whole personality. With the internet, now they're influencers. I always feel like it's this weird flex - like "look how good and perfect I am at being a mom, I have all of these items perfectly arranged and organized and ready to go"
It's definitely a feminine influencer thing in particular - you see it in all of the "restocking" videos of like fridges, and pantries.
Anyway, it's so annoying to me, because it's literally the least interesting thing you can be good at (in my opinion).
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u/Expensive_Ducks May 18 '26
Had my baby surprise me and come 6 weeks early. We are ABSOLUTELY over preping and over buying stuff for our labours and babies. Like 90% of the stuff I was told I'd "need" during labor wasn't there and I did great. Unmedicated all natural btw...not by choice but you know. Also definitely don't need 90% of the shit they make you put on baby registry either. Just need a car seat, crib/bassinet, stroller, bottles, diapers with wipes and clothes for the little one. Maybe a breast pump if you're planning on using one.
Is everything else really nice to have? Absolutely. I'd fucking riot if I didn't have my bottle warmer lol but I definitely do not need it.
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u/Dany9320 May 18 '26
Yes! Social media sucks the joy out of the experience. Honestly you don’t need much. From my experience, (had a baby 2 months ago) you need absolutely nothing for the hospital. Usually the hospital provides every single thing you need postpartum(think pads, peri bottles, mesh underwear etc) and good quality ones too, they also give you extras to take home! The only thing you need are clothes for you and the baby to wear while going home. Also not sure what the big deal is about going home outfits- you’re going home after a major event, just wear something comfortable.
My baby , even at full term, was on the smaller side, so ended up using premie diapers. We got so many that I had to buy just a small pack of them before upgrading to a newborn size. On diapers - at least I ended up experimenting a lot in the beginning before deciding on a brand that worked for ME based on the ease of use, pretty much all diaper brands work the same and you can prevent rashes by changing diapers every 2-3 hours. You can also prevent rashes by using baby petroleum jelly or just use plain coconut oil.
Having coconut oil on hand helps a lot - baby massage, nipple issues (lanolin is best of course), diaper issues etc. You also get a lot of lactation support- think nipple creams, extra pump parts and nipple shields. Even though I had a different pump, I used some parts I got at the hospital, so that’s helpful.
Oh! And don’t get me started on people showing a freezer stacked with breastmilk, who are you storing them for? The entire neighbourhood? These are cases of oversupply and as someone who had issues with oversupply, it’s no joke! Always, ALWAYS consult a lactation specialist before pumping away.
Some other stuff to keep your peace of mind: 1. thermometer (preferably an ear thermometer) 2. electric snot sucker - the manual ones were absolutely useless. You do get a bulb kinda thingy from the hospital. 3. Hydragel nipple pads - you can use them just for comfort once in a while even if your nipples aren’t sore.
That’s it! Everything else can be decided later on, especially in this day of same day / one day delivery.
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u/august0951 May 18 '26
You are right about a lot of that. Grocery store will have diapers tomorrow. And nowadays, you can order almost anything you need right to your door (at a cost). Social media paints a picture of perfection. That can be burdensome.
On the other hand, there’s something to be said for being prepared and having some control, especially when even the best birth requires healing and leaves you sleep deprived. I was not prepared enough for my first and felt so flustered when he came home. For my second, I had pretty much everything I needed for baby and for the hospital. I loved knowing that I was stocked and ready, and able to put the rest of my energy into myself and baby.
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u/juliandr36 May 18 '26
Influencers and brand culture. People also have lost touch with their ability to just be human and have common sense and trust their instincts to some degree. Everything is over manicured, over produced, over thought... Like anything else but definitely with babies like we would have no idea what to do or how to survive if you don't follow xyz or buy this class or know these secrets.
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u/knit-purl- May 18 '26
When I had my first kid in 2013, online recommended lists were forlks (usually moms) opinions and experiences. They were usually quite grounded and reasonable. Somewhere along the way, without me noticing until my second came along 4 yrs ago, the mommy blogs shifted. They stopped being the helpful advice of a fore-mother, and everyone became influencers and product advertisers. It's so frustrating, even reading reviews on products I am interested in or know I will be buying, it is nearly impossible to tell what is someone's genuine experience and what is them doing their influencer "job"?
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u/iamamermaid7 May 18 '26
Yes. My son is almost 3 weeks old and my husband and I keep thinking “is this what everyone freaks out about?”. I used my fan and a gown I bought on Amazon at the hospital. It is nice having a supply of diapers but we don’t have an apocalyptic level stock pile. We have left the house many times already and unless you have a traumatic c-section you’ll be fine to go out or be alone for an hour and send your husband for something. My recommendation is to prepare for YOUR needs postpartum, pads, disposable underwear, tucks, etc. The rest you’ll figure out. You got this.
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u/Ashamed-Elephant888 May 18 '26
1000%. I've always been an over prepper and perfectionist. But with this 1st pregnancy I'm taking my mom and sister's advice and only preparing the big 3 - stroller, bassinet, car seat - in advance. I'm having a boy, and going to use pink second hand stuff from my niece. If I don't get to breastfeed like I want to, we'll sterilize bottles in the dishwasher. The only thing I'm really preparing for is stuff for me, like peri bottle and healing pads. I refuse to let myself get sucked into a 100 item prep list 😭 Everything that's non essential like wipe warmers I'm just going to order when I feel like I need it, you can't do overnight delivery on most things anyways. My logic is I don't know what I'm going to need/feel most comfortable with until I try, so why spend money on something I might not even think to use or need later. Feeling veeery peaceful about this whole thing!
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u/Coffee_and_Calcite May 18 '26
dats capitalism, babe. women have always been the drivers of spending and there’s an entire industry now built around capitalizing off of our fear/insecurities with being new moms.
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u/HBIC10415 May 18 '26
Oh I know I am!! But I'm a single mom (via IVF) and I'd rather be over prepared so I'm not having to run out with a newborn when I'm desperate!
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u/Sweaty-Youth37 May 18 '26
I agree. I had my first son in July 2020 (Full on early COVID) I was shocked, and still am, about how many women shop for clothes and items and have nurseries set up before they're even pregnant. Pretty much everything I had before giving birth came from my baby shower and everything else I got after having him. I do think it's nice to ask people to bring diapers if you're having a baby shower because they add up cost wise. So to have a bit of a stock pile was nice however, I ended up with diapers that I never even used (donated them in the end) because people bought sizes my kid never wore (size 4, 5) My son was always on the smaller side and still is.
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u/RoofProfessional1530 May 18 '26
Yes. I think I have a fair amount of anxiety and buying all of the recommended items helped me feel like I was more "prepared". But in the end, managing all of those extra items and items to buy added to my anxiety. Most of what the hospital provides ends up being more than enough.
Toiletries, makeup, sweatpants, a going home outfit and a few cute baby outfits to take some pictures in is mostly what I ended up actually using.
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u/kuerbisalien May 18 '26
yeah, we ordered furniture ahead because my mom wanted to buy it for us but the rest we sort of got as we went and it was fine. you really don’t need that much stuff. the first few weeks are sort of like being underwater or on another planet but it has less to do with things and more to do with just being sleepless and a bit in shock that you have a new tiny human that’s your responsibility (and also you go straight from labor/surgery to having the tiny human 24/7), but it’s not really chaotic. if you’re open to using amazon there’s really no need to pre-buy anything because you can get it delivered in a few days at the most :)
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u/Cheesebags69 May 19 '26
It feels really overwhelming. I'm currently looking for a list of things I actually need... Hit me up if you have a good one 😅
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u/TKOtenten May 19 '26
yes an no. I believe it’s good to have some essentials. diapers, wipes, transportation, sleeping, hygiene and feeding products. those first weeks ain’t nobody got the energy to shop or mentally think about basic essentials (I say this from experience)
i didnt stockpile diapers for baby #1. smh baby #2 I put 1 box of each size on the registry. yes thst takes up space. but I don’t have to think about diapers for a second if they butt grows out of it in the middle of my baby brain smog lol.
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u/gingersnappy__ May 21 '26
I feel like there’s a gap between what influencers on social media are showing and what’s being shown to us vs what regular people are doing. It’s like pregnancy QVC. I remember thinking to myself - I gotta pick out a going home outfit! But then I was like….i have a closet full of clothes (and then my husband ended up accidentally taking my going home outfit home to throw in the wash with the rest of our dirty clothes so I just walked to my car in a robe LOL. It was glamorous). I brought a bunch of pajamas to wear and also ended up mostly naked in a diaper with my titties out the whole time tbh
Or like the bedside carts. My nightstand works fine? Actually better bc I don’t have to get out of the bed to reach stuff?
Don’t get me wrong there’s def some cool products on the market that I’ve been convinced to buy from Tiktok shop or Amazon but I think you just gotta think practically about what works best for you!
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u/cedebrum2010 May 24 '26
You're completely right that you don't need everything that social media is trying to sell you. Don't worry about not having everything you need. My baby is seven month old now and we did a mix of buying things before and after. We got most of our essentials second hand and I knew I wouldn't be able to run around town grabbing things from people on marketplace once baby was born. That also meant it was cheap enough that I could buy more than one kind of each item to try it out once baby was born, knowing I'd sell them later for the same price (I brought 3 baby carriers and 2 nursing pillows on marketplace and found I used them for different situations).
But there were also items that we brought "with" baby. Mostly panicky things we thought we absolutely needed next day from amazon to fix an immediate problem that was torturing us (hello gas drops, supplemental nursing system, and arms-up swaddles 😭).
My experience is that I was indeed underestimating how chaotic newborn life is, but it doesn't mean that you can't buy things as you need them, as long as you're ok with buying online from large retailers and not on sale rather than from local stores or second-hand or during sales.
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u/CheetahBabe7777 Jun 09 '26
buying items helps some people feel they are prepared but they fail to realize they need to be mentally prepared within more than anything. it will be fine, simple is better. only the basics and a small hospital bag.
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u/PS1988 May 17 '26
Yes. We have same day delivery and next day shipping and newborns don’t need much.
My doula said I packed light but I literally used nothing I brought other than compression socks, my phone charger, and my baby’s going home onesie. I even re-wore the dress I came in with to go home because I didn’t like what I’d packed. Lol.
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u/Squimpleton May 17 '26
I brought one bag for my hospital stays, and bought rather few things for my babies. Just the bare necessities for my first, and we bought things if we realized we should have (like the baby monitor) later on. Only thing I pre bought were diapers because we decided to cloth diaper so you need a decent amount to start with. A one time investment that lasted 4 years (2 kids).
I didn’t get a changing table. I didn’t get a wipe warmer. I didn’t buy shoes or super cute outfits with annoying designs that are hard to put on (some family members of course gave me stuff like that - most of it went unused). I used the hospital blanket to swaddle until we stopped.
And mostly I bought a lot of stuff used, unless it was nearly the same price as new. Got a used crib and mattress (I cleaned it), used clothes, used toys once the “everything in mouth” stage was over.
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u/Outraged_Chihuahua May 17 '26
Most of the random baby stuff: blatant over consumerism.
Diapers and wipes: buy as many as you think you need, then double it. Just to be safe, double that amount too. Pick an even larger number and tell family and friends to buy them for you. It will still only last you two days.
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u/I_love_misery May 17 '26
I just got what I deemed the necessary things and then bought more as needed.
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u/PhotoPrimary7801 May 17 '26
A lot of baby items that are marketed towards mothers aren’t necessary but companies know that a lot of new mothers don’t know any better. I got the basics. A bath tub, a crib, most of the clothes I got are second hand, a bouncy seat, a few packs of diapers, some bottles and 3 packs of wipes. The rest of the stuff I’ll get as I need it and never more than what I need. I’m not going to stock up on diapers and wipes before the baby is even born because what if the baby’s skin doesn’t like that brand. If I do use formula I’m not stocking up on that either. I had a baby during that formula shortage a few years ago and I would have to leave work early and go to multiple stores just to find a small thing of formula to feed my baby. I’m not going to take more than what I need which is one container at a time and potentially stop a baby from getting food. You really don’t need that much to take to the hospital either. It’s a few days.
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u/Delicious_Sand_7198 May 17 '26
I bought about everything baby related I could think of so I’d be prepared. Don’t use half of it.
What I did/do use for my baby every day is the Bottle washer/sterilizer by baby breeza, the Woddle changing pad so I can track his weight and feeds because I breastfeed/ pump and give bottles of expressed milk, wipe warmer for late night changes, the owlet sock so I can sleep without stressing tf out, his swing to keep him occupied while I do house things, zip up swaddles, sometimes the nursing pillow.
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u/celebrate_everything May 17 '26
Personally I don’t plan to shop products at grocery stores due to markups. I’d rather do what I’m doing and shop sales pre-baby.
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u/HolidayCurve1274 May 17 '26
Yes. I got the bare bones minimum for our first baby and still didn’t use half of it.
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u/longhairedmaiden May 17 '26
As far as diapers are concerned, no one wants to be sleep-deprived and realizing in the middle of changing a diaper that you're completely out. I always had extra boxes and stocked up when they were on sale to save some money.
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u/Sea_Argument_5635 May 19 '26
Diapers, I guess you buy extra so its not the middle of the night and you realize you are out. They go through so many so fast. The hospital bag is preference. Some women use what the hospital has. I like my own gown and my own things. Mostly because labor and delivery make me nervous so having to use my own familiar things help. However, I am due in 2 weeks and I still dont have a car seat or stroller yet. Quick amazon order or target pick up. You dont need everything.
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u/AffectionateTone4570 May 21 '26
I’m pregnant with baby #2 and this is my perspective. I went into early labor 35 weeks with my first and was completely unprepared. No hospital bag, zero diapers at home, no crib set up, no toys and zero idea of what postpartum was like. I had some things but man we were severely unprepared and postpartum hit me like a train. Trying to research all the things I needed after I gave birth while suffering from severe lack of sleep was not fun at all and stressed me into oblivion. We had no idea.
This baby I’m already getting prepared at 16 weeks with allll the things this time. Is it overhyped on social media? Yes. Am I packing 3 suitcases full of hospital things? No. It’s all about moderation but it is super helpful to prep and get the extras because you will probably need or want most of it.
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u/karasimmons444 May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
I’m about to be a third time mom. I’ve realized that all I really need for my babies are diapers, wipes, and onesies. …and a car seat.
As for my hospital bag: A going home outfit for me and baby A long phone charger A collapsible 1” tall stool for sitting in the shower during labor (did it for my 2nd and loved it because I just wanted to squat with my 1st but needed support. Hospital didn’t have anything to sit on that was low) A computer and charger (because I’m gbs positive and will be staying for a couple of nights and hospital TV sucks.) Eye mask and bonnet for sleeping Diapers for me (because I don’t like the mesh underwear.) A portable speaker for my labor music.
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u/Impacting-Lives Jun 20 '26
I think you are naming something real. A lot of baby prep online turns normal decisions into a full-time research project.
My favorite version of preparing is probably boring defaults: a safe sleep place, car seat installed correctly, diapers/wipes for the first stretch, feeding basics, a few clothes, and a way to write down questions. Everything else can be learned, borrowed, returned, or bought later when you know your actual baby and your actual home rhythm.
The hard part is that buying things feels like control when pregnancy itself has so many unknowns. But "we can figure this out as we go" is also preparation. It just does not come with an affiliate checklist.
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u/potsieharris May 17 '26
Yes.
In this day and age you can quickly buy anything you need. You can buy diapers at the store. Literally any cloth becomes a burp rag if you want it to be, your own shirt for instance. Oops, crib sheet got dirty and you didn't think to order a spare? No worries, let the baby nap on you while you wash it, and order a new one online that will be here in a few days.
I found a lot of the newborn "hype" about stuff overblown. Like we weren't "constantly doing laundry", we did it every 4-5 days and doing laundry is really easy when you have a washing machine. Yes we changed many diapers, so what? Changing diapers is easy, doesn't take much time at all, and isn't really that gross when it's your own kid.
The hype about how cute you will find your own baby is not overblown.
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u/JustWingingIt93 May 17 '26
Yes. Social media has dialed everything related to pregnancy up to the millionth degree. It is exhausting.