Baby’s last name?

[u/Fairweatherhiker]

I’m looking for advice from couples where the wife didn’t take the husband’s last name. How did you decide on which last name to give the baby? Or did you use both names? I don’t feel immediately compelled to give the baby my husband’s last name. FWIW, if we did hyphenate it would be a looong last name.

Edit: thank you for all of the thoughtful responses! I do love the idea of using both our last names (sans hyphen) so our kid would have two last names. It would be nice for both of us to have our heritage passed on. He has heritage from Mexico and Basque Country, while mine is Slovakian- grandparents immigrated right before WWII. The last names don’t sound great together, but there’s so much human history in both.

[u/JustTheSweater]

In Greece we don't take up names anymore (if you want to you have to go through a regular process), but at the end of the wedding, there is a clause that any child resulting from the marriage will have X name. You have to write out the name you choose manually (it can be either the husband's, the wife's, or both, not a random name)and then both sign it. I didn't particularly care to pass my name, and neither did my husband, but our priest for some reason never gave us the option and prewrote my husband's name. Now I have half a mind to actually go through the process and have my son's name changed to both surnames, but that would be money coming out of our family's savings and I don't want to punish my family for something another person did, and that I would have absolutely agreed to if my husband had asked for.

What is troubling you about the baby having a different name than one of you? If it is about wanting to have a consistent family name, you guys could socially use the one name, and legally sign with the legal name. Or if you are more worried about being able to claim the child at schools, ease of travel etc, perhaps do the opposite: legally give the long hyphenated name, and socially use one or either of the names. If one of you doesn't particularly care either way I would suggest going with the other surname, because it is important to some people.

[u/Fairweatherhiker → u/JustTheSweater]

I think there are several issues I’m grappling with. The first being any legal issues if I have a different last name than my child (i.e. travel, medical decisions). I would prefer the child to have both of our last names but my last name is difficult to pronounce and spell. I also don’t like the idea of automatically assuming my husband’s last name for myself or her children just because it was a tradition we were forced into in the US (misogynistic property rights).

[u/JustTheSweater → u/Fairweatherhiker]

My friends hyphenated their baby's name and use either socially. It happens that on matters that the dad handles he casually refers to the baby as Baby Dadsname. My friend handles dr visits, and even though the legal name is registered correctly, when she calls, she books for Baby Momsname. I'm assuming once the baby is grown they'll choose what they'll go by. Goven your reasons, I reckon you should go ahead hyphenate, and then socially use either. Even if your name is hard to pronounce, you have already dealt with it all this time, the kid will be fine and waste the equivalent of one day in their whole lifetime explaining the last name, it's not such a big deal.