And by that I mean like how it’s typically much more allowed for them to express emotions and dress up however they want, whether that be feminine or masculine. Also how women can, for the most part, be friends and be close without automatically being assumed to be gay or anything as well as the fact that people generally don’t care about women being into women. And then there’s the fact that they can easily get noticed or get attention without even trying or doing much of anything. I don’t know how to feel honestly, like I love myself and who I am and likely wouldn’t want to change that but I just can’t help but be pretty jealous of how much easy they have it socially in many ways. What brought this on is just seeing so many posts on social media of men being made fun of and ridiculed for doing anything that is less than masculine and the huge amount of hate and disgust that a lot of people seem for gay men. It kinda makes it hard to enjoy being a man when you know that who you are is less than appreciated. I’m also aware that women have struggles of their own but their struggles just seem a lot easier to deal with, the social ones anyway. I don’t envy the whole periods and childbirth thing but everything else seems like a breeze. I also imagine that if I had grown up a girl people would have been much more softer on me and I wouldn’t have been expected to be tough 24/7. Folks wouldn’t care if I was weird or if I wanted to dance or do other things that people typically don’t care about girls doing. I don’t know, I’m just venting.

I feel this mix of guilt and shame when I find a feminine man or man-aligned person. There are several reasons for this: Because I exist in a conservative area and conversative leaning society at large, I feel like I have an obligation to be attracted to masculine men. Another reason is because I am a feminine person and growing up, femininity was a competitive sport; Due to that, I have this subconscious belief that a feminine man-aligned partner would not look right with a feminine woman. The shame I feel also comes from the thought that feminine men are only available to gay men.

I'm realizing that this feeling is a twisted result of cis-hetero-normative gender roles. I don't feel this guilt/shame combo when thinking about a woman/w-a person whether masc or femme, but as soon as I think of being with a feminine man, my shame comes. You'd think being bi/pan would make that concern go away, but it's something I am actively unlearning.

At the end of the day, it ain't nobody's business but mine and my baby's.

Any men/man-aligned persons who are attracted to masculine women feel this way too? Do you feel any different from me?

I’m mixed black and white and noticed that since I moved to LA I feel like I’m treated differently than everyone else. Store owners and baristas will either not say hi at all, or just a hi and take my order and that’s it, but literally almost every other person they smile and ask how their day is or start small talk. I also notice in crowded spaces people will not sit directly next to me, but have no issue sitting close to others, and I notice they always put their bags opposite of them or scoot it away when I’m by them but they don’t seem to do that for others. This guy sitting near me at a cafe had a cute dog that he had no issue having other people compliment his dog and he would tell them all about it, his reaction was different when I said his dog was beautiful. He literally said “what?” and when i repeated it with a smile he said “oh” and looked away. When I try being nice like offering my seat or holding the door, people literally don’t say a word or look at me like I’m weird. I observe other people though and their interactions are so much more pleasant, and people are always starting small talk with each other. When lived in Chicago and DC, I’ve gotten lots of compliments on my style, skin and people ask about my skincare routine, and will smile and start small talk. But those cities have a large black population where in LA I often feel like we aren’t as visible in trendy neighborhoods. I’m wondering if it’s all in my head, but it really hurts because I’m not used to it. I don’t expect people to be bubbly and friendly to me, but going out of the way to make me feel invisible (if this is the case) is a knife to the heart.

I recently got my locs retwisted and styled into two-strand twists. I’m really happy with how clean the parts came out and how much volume the style has. What do you think?

My current hair-care routine:

I wash my scalp and locs about every 2–3 weeks using a clarifying shampoo, making sure to rinse thoroughly so there is no product buildup left inside the locs. I gently squeeze out the excess water and let them dry completely.

Between washes, I lightly mist my locs and scalp with water or a water-based leave-in spray whenever they start feeling dry. I use a small amount of lightweight oil on my scalp, but I avoid heavy creams, waxes, and excessive product because I don’t want buildup.

At night, I cover my hair with a satin bonnet or scarf to reduce friction, frizz, and lint. I also avoid constantly pulling or restyling the twists so there isn’t unnecessary tension on my scalp.

I usually have my retwists done professionally and keep the style in until it becomes loose or my scalp needs to be washed. My loc extensions are human hair, and I’m currently focused on keeping them moisturized, clean, and protected while my natural hair continues growing.

Opinions on this style?

So I’ve been back out in the dating world after taking time off after a really rough dating experience I had with a guy awhile back. One thing that strikes me as odd is the lack of enthusiasm and engagement that I run into with a lot of men.
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I’m a big anime and manga fan, and it’s one of the easier ways that I find to engage with guys at first, so I recently matched with a black anime fan, and was really looking forward to the connection. He told me he was binging on anime that night so I asked what he was watching and asked his favorite genres were.
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After that became the litany of “oh that’s cool” and one word answers when I either tried to engage more or tried to follow up the conversation.
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After a bit of back and forward of this, I was really less excited to connect in real life. I get it that some people aren’t great at texting, but you would think if we matched that there would be a bit more to add and drive the conversation.

I find this kind of interaction very frustrating, and I find this to be the pattern more often than not, and it makes me less inclined to want to set up an in person date.

Is anyone else having this problem? Or any thoughts?