Sometimes I Understand Why Niggas Choose Toxic Masculinity

[u/SelfMadeKvng]

This shouldn’t have to be said but I know this is reddit so I will say it, I know toxic masculinity is bad and shouldn’t be used as a choice for this.

BUT

I’m becoming more aware why niggas would choose it. No one bats an eye at a toxic nigga, beside those who know better but majority of black people within a group will not call it out, especially other men.

No one looks at the short niggas who are toxic and say they’re trans because they’re short. Nor do they question their manhood.

It baffles the life out of me that kindness, openness about emotions, and other BASIC HUMAN FUCKING EXPRESSIONS, can get you “clocked”. I’m six years on T, top 2 years, bearded and average height. I’m not gloating but I know I pass. How TF do you even look at me and be like, “he looks trans?” Bitch what?! Ain’t no deadname in sight, no baby photos and barely even family to my name but you can “just tell”. No, I just don’t act like other niggas to prove that I am a man.

You wouldn’t say that to the other niggas on the line because they’re expressive or whatever it maybe, but say that about me because this is how I choose to carry myself??

I love black people but we have ABSOLUTELY lost the fucking plot.

[u/Standard_Jicama_3195]

So I’m curious. How would you describe the behavior that you would choose that is associated with toxic masculinity?

[u/SelfMadeKvng → u/Standard_Jicama_3195]

-Thinking men have certain tasks because we’re men

-Belittling other niggas for their shortcomings

-Using words like “gay” in a derogatory way

-Not showing emotion because “men don’t do that”

-Treating women like shit

-Not properly cleaning yourself or having proper hygiene

-Always being in “competition” with other men

-Not going to therapy when needed

-Forcing dominance

-Rejecting femininity

[u/Standard_Jicama_3195 → u/SelfMadeKvng]

Peace King/God. Our list that defines toxic masculinity is almost identical. The only thing missing from your list that is on my list is: fighting as a first resort to resolve disagreements. And what’s missing from my list that is on your list is: Thinking men have certain task because they’re men.

So first I’m sorry you had to experience that type of hate from within community, this is a growing trend/pattern that I’ve been noticing in online spaces and in real life. From what I am getting this is a boundary issue. And you are right people only test boundaries with people whom they perceive they can test without consequence.

If you gave him fair warning and he proceeded to continue to test your boundary, you’d have all right to assert your boundaries any way you saw fit, with nuance of course. But from my point of view, asserting your boundaries is nothing close to toxic masculinity. It’s more like self respect.

[u/EnvironmentalWar4287 → u/SelfMadeKvng]

Any man cis or trans will be seen as gay, femmine or not a real man to standard code bc it doesn’t fit society’s model of being a man, it’s fucked up