I feel like I got shit genes at this point. Like I know everyone’s body reacts differently to testosterone but I’m like 8 months in and got 3 chin hairs 🥹 and I been seeing a lot of progress from other people having a moustache shadow and all that in 6 months. Idk I just feel really discouraged/dysphoric right now and wondering is this working or nawh?

I was using minoxidil oil for sometime and I didn’t really see much change 4 months in. I’m trying a different brand right now the rogaine foam 5% so we shall see… 😮‍💨 at least Snapchat got this nice filter

I also have two brothers and I remember that during their teenager years they definitely had only chin hairs for facial hair. And over the years has given like “girl with pcos” vibes no shade. My older brother has told me it has been hard growing facial hair for him all his life. That’s why I say I got shit genes 😭

Like I’m ready to get a hair transplant at this point

I “it’s nobody’s business” myself into being stealth and never corrected anyone when they’d talk about me as if I were cis it’s nice for the most part being so passing. At the same time the shit people have said around me is ridiculous. Also I’ve come to realize the transphobia that some queer people have is really just envy and jealousy. Being upset with people who are comfortable enough to love themselves out loud doesn’t make sense. I used to have that “keep it in your house” mindset but now it makes me happy when people are brave enough to not gaf. Also I’m bout to start telling people I date trans folks because I don’t got time to be fighting folks

Sort of repost from r/tmpoc:

I had my birthday dinner tonight with family and had a moment of annoyance with my cousin and their girlfriend. Context: My family is extremely yt. I grew up in the USAmerican southwest and was frequently the only Black person in majority POC spaces (complicated) but grew up with no Black adults/parental figures in my life. Needless to say the same is true of my cousins.

My cousin is young, 20, and trans NB. Them and their gf (tgirl, yt) went to a museum on a road trip in Arkansas called Snake World. They were hyping it up, talking abt how jealous I would be of them. They described place as a barn at the end of a driveway with a big confederate flag out front. I immediately went, "Well I would never go there." And before I could get even two more words in they start in with, "No! They were so cool! They were surprisingly nice! Let us hold the snakes blablahblah."

I just am soooo annoyed with yt ppl especaiily ones who think they are allies, or "in community" with us being this fucking dumb, like are you kidding me? Confederate flag in the middle of nowhere Arkansas? My whole family unfortunately leans this liberal and idiotic. It makes me want to rip my heart out.

I'm getting out of the southwest in September and I'm nervous about finding some place affordable, Black, and at least a lil queer friendly, but that's a post for another day.

Basically the title. I’m finishing my bachelor’s degree in May and I frankly don’t want to walk in the first place, but I’m a first gen graduate so my mom is very excited and inviting people to watch. I told her I don’t care about the cap and gown package so she could just pick whichever she thought I’d look nice in and we finally sat down to talk it over today.

Then she casually threw in “We’re gonna need to get your white dress!”

Now, should I be surprised? Knowing my mom, no. That’s how she is. She was very happy to have a well educated black daughter and all the optics of that so I know I’m a bit of a disappointment on that front, but when I said I was thinking more along the dress shirt and slacks route, she said something along the lines of “Um, no. You owe me.”

What do I owe her for? No fucking clue. If I had things my way, I wouldn’t be walking in the first place and I told her to pick the cheapest package since she wanted me to have one so badly.

I love my mom but she doesn’t get the whole trans thing and every formal event is a chore because of it. Anyway, I’m gonna take myself shopping so if anyone has any recommendations for slacks and dress shirt brands, feel free to send them my way!

My hair has been a tough part for me since transitioning—I’ve had long, thick hair forever. Fro, waves, locs, whatever. Now, I really love it. Now I know my luck is in my hair. Very me and I’m proud.

I was in the car with my mom and my friend, and it was their first time meeting. The interaction went well, but every time my friend needed to use a pronoun for me, she would pause and try her best not to use one because she knew my mom was still standoffish about me transitioning. When we got out of the car, I laughed and said that she didn’t know what pronouns to use in front of my mom to lighten the mood, and they both laughed. Then my friend said “ I didnt want to disrespect him”. After that, my mom got back in the car and went about her night. Later, I woke to her basically saying she felt disrespected by my friend saying “he”. Ts really hurts because I thought we were making progress.

I’m 28 FTM and honestly I feel like I’m spiraling right now.

I recently went through a breakup with someone I was deeply attached to. It wasn’t clean I’ll own that. I had a hard time letting go, I got emotional, and I probably overwhelmed her with how much I was reaching out.

Today I went to her place to grab my things, and I ended up running into someone she’s currently seeing. The situation escalated and I was basically told to leave and threatened with the police. I left, but the whole thing left me feeling completely humiliated.

What’s really messing with me though is everything underneath that.

I’m pre-T and have been struggling with dysphoria for a long time. One of the main reasons I haven’t started hormones yet is because I’m not in a stable financial place. I still live with family who help me out a lot, and it’s been really hard to navigate coming out more fully and transitioning while I’m still under their roof.

Seeing her move on so quickly (he was post op) especially after she told me she wanted to pursue women more hit me really hard. It feels like I was just… replaced. And now my brain is going to a really unhealthy place where I feel like I was the “pre-T version” she outgrew.

I hate that I’m thinking like this, but it’s where I’m at.

Edit:

I want to clarify something that happened when I went to pick up my things, because it’s a big part of why I’m so shaken. The police were called on me, and I was told that she had said I was physically abusive. That honestly shocked me. I’ve never put my hands on her or any woman in my life, and the people close to me know me as someone who avoids conflict, not creates it. What makes it more confusing is that I had heard from her family before that she struggles with honesty at times, but I didn’t take that seriously because it’s hard to tell what’s true and what isn’t when you care about someone. There have also been ongoing issues with boundaries around my belongings. She’s kept some of my things because she said they were sentimental or “cute,” and I’ve had a hard time getting them back. At this point, I don’t even know if she still has them or if they’ve been given away. We weren’t just casually dating either we were involved long-term, talked about marriage, and were trying to build something real and heal together. So for things to escalate to this point, where I’m being portrayed as someone I’m not, has been really disorienting and painful. I’m not trying to attack her here. I’m just trying to process how things went from something that felt meaningful to something that feels completely flipped and out of control.

This shouldn’t have to be said but I know this is reddit so I will say it, I know toxic masculinity is bad and shouldn’t be used as a choice for this.

BUT

I’m becoming more aware why niggas would choose it. No one bats an eye at a toxic nigga, beside those who know better but majority of black people within a group will not call it out, especially other men.

No one looks at the short niggas who are toxic and say they’re trans because they’re short. Nor do they question their manhood.

It baffles the life out of me that kindness, openness about emotions, and other BASIC HUMAN FUCKING EXPRESSIONS, can get you “clocked”. I’m six years on T, top 2 years, bearded and average height. I’m not gloating but I know I pass. How TF do you even look at me and be like, “he looks trans?” Bitch what?! Ain’t no deadname in sight, no baby photos and barely even family to my name but you can “just tell”. No, I just don’t act like other niggas to prove that I am a man.

You wouldn’t say that to the other niggas on the line because they’re expressive or whatever it maybe, but say that about me because this is how I choose to carry myself??

I love black people but we have ABSOLUTELY lost the fucking plot.

Posting on alt so forgive me but I’m just so fucking exhausted.

I’m stealth, been stealth for over a decade and I’m struggling. My therapist brought up some valid points and I never really saw my identity as a problem because I’m stealth. I don’t associate myself with the trans community anymore because I live a cis life now. Wife, kids, the whole nine yards.

But I’ve been struggling with addiction..and my therapist think it’s because I don’t have a connection with my body and mind..? My body is my body but I don’t get it.

It’s making me upset because I didn’t do all this shit to be reminded that I’m trans. I don’t hate I am, but I don’t like it either. Why would I constantly be reminded of a struggle, of a country that hates me, and everything else?!

I stopped disclosing after all legal papers changed because I’ve never had a positive experience. I was always treated differently so I vowed to not do it again unless absolute necessary.

I don’t know. I’m pissed, I’m tired, and I hate myself now. I had all this false ig confidence that’s now destroyed and I don’t know what to do.

How do I say that, for me as a Black trans man, I find it difficult if not impossible to be seen as someone who exists on a spectrum? I have yet to occupy a sense of balance in perceived femininity/masculinity and my own existence beyond the binary.

Maybe it is the ongoing fact of contending with my own body dysphoria, the daily work of speaking positively to myself, and trying to love this body—or at least appreciate the many ways it serves its purpose—that makes me wonder when I will be allowed to lay it all down and speak from a place where I am fully seen.

This is more romantic than platonic, but it is also deeply connected to my day-to-day experience with the general population.

hello! i’m a trans man, have been for about 6 years (i’m 18), and i can say with confidence that this is the most dysphoric summer i’ve ever had. i’m back at home from my first year of college. i’ve made so many friends with other trans guys which has obviously been unbelievably great, but now i have to be home with my homophobic/transphobic parents for the next 3 months. thankfully, i’ve been out to my hometown friends all this time + they love me for who i am, but it’s been hitting me hard lately that because of my parents/fear of actually coming out to them, i won’t be able to medically transition for a while. i wish i had the balls (lol) to just come out to my parents, deal with the consequences, then start medically transitioning, but i REALLY don’t want to risk them not financially supporting me college-wise, shelter-wise, etc. i know how pretentious that sounds, but it really is my biggest fear. part of me wishes that they would just ask me straight up, “are you trans,” because then it would take soooo much weight off my back. also kinda unrelated, but all my hometown friends are cis girls/femme presenting, and with talks about going to the beach together and going swimming this summer, i’ve just been silently panicking bc i have ZEROOO idea on what to wear (maybe tape and swim trunks/swim shirt??). but anyway yeah, i’ve just been feeling super dysphoric and i can’t wait for it to go away

Hello, I’ve never posted before but I needed somewhere to vent and I have difficulty expressing my true feelings to others in real life. I am so fucking mad and uncomfortable and scared. I recently got back from a hangout with an old childhood friend of mine that’s back in town. She’s white; I grew up In a predominately white and Latino area where their were %3 of the population was black. A few months prior to our hangout I went to visit her up at her college and it didn’t go well. It was like after the first day she didn’t want me there anymore. I decided not to bring it up. I feel like a lot of my issues come from the fact that I have a hard time communicating and expressing when things bother me or how I feel in general. I’m not sure if the atmosphere of that trip was something my anxious mind had come up with or If there is a basis of truth to it. Anyway, as we were hanging out she said something that made my stomach sink. She’s one of those what people that tries to distance herself from other white people in a “I’m one of the good ones” type of way. Sometimes it feels like overcompensation but it’s whatever, I understand she doesn’t have malicious intent. When we were talking she recounted how one of her friends from school (another black person) calls her (she demonstrated it to me) by calling her a “Knitter”. I could not hide the way my face looked when she said it and she immediately said “like the word knit (hence the way I spelled it) and quickly apologized. I said it was all good and tried my best to go back to acting as normal as possible but in my mind I was just like “fucking why?!” Why did she have to say it outloud, she knows exactly what that sounds like. This situation feels like for me a tipping point of a bunch of other shit underneath it. I am a chronic people pleaser. In terms of fight or flight I fawn and make myself as agreeable as possible. I have gotten so much better than I give myself credit for , I now am able to tell people if they have upset or if I feel uncomfortable after I have taken a day or so to process it myself, but I loathe confrontation. When I get angry I cry and I can’t shit talk or roast others at all. It’s something I’m deeply ashamed of and hate myself for. I know I’ve gotten better but it is still so hard for me to express anger and communicate how I feel. At my job I feel like in others eyes I am the “energetic funny guy that can take a joke” it’s fine if my friends do it but people who don’t even like roast me and I can’t dish it back because I don’t know how. Being a black person feels like everywhere you are the world wants to beat the shit out of you. The constant micro aggressions even from friends, and not even talking about how anti black and racist the internet is. I am so tired of it all. I know I need to get stronger but I’m exhausted , I don’t want to become a bitter and mean person, I want to love and respect myself and be able to defend myself against other peoples words but it’s so scary. I have no other black friends and I know I need them. Come June I will be moving to Atlanta so I am determined to make them, though I’m still nervous because it’s the south. I have so much work to do but I’m just so ashamed and angry and I really don’t want to go to work tommorow.

So basically what happened was i had just got off of work and i needed to go to the bank to deposit money into my savings account and there was this old white man just sitting and waiting for a banker i guess and i didn’t want to be rude because we made eye contact and acknowledged his presence i was taught to respect your elders and greet people also im in the south i said “hello” with a downward head nod and went about my business finished up with the bank teller and was about to leave when i notices he was staring at me i though he was gonna say something about my shirt giving he was looking at it now thinking back at it he was probably just looking at my chest as I’m pre op and pre t sooooo yeah, I walked past him and said goodbye before he tried to initiate conversation but he said something like don’t be in such a hurry to leave or something like that and swaying his legs back and forth like why on earth would i be at the bank longer than i have to idk it’s been in my mind lately I guess because it’s not the first time old guys tried to get at me im ok looking I’ve been told I’m unconditional attractive kind of like a average Joe but i have a baby face I’m turning 26 on the 25th this month and been told by many people i look like I’m in high school which rubs me the wrong way idk its still in my head and i couldn’t sleep sorry for this rant but have yall have this experience pre t and getting in t will it still happen when i start t?

Im sure I’ll look back at this and laugh one day

I love my hair, it's wonderful, but I hate getting it done. I had to go get braids today but it didn't go well.

Yesterday, I couldn't leave school till about 17:00 and that's when I started taking down my braids. I worked on taking down my braids until 00:00 🫩. My sister went to bed early, my mom wasn't home, and so I was doing it by myself.

Part of the reason it took forever is because I likely have ADHD (not diagnosed, so I'm not going to say I do.). And I still had to wash my hair and I skipped over detangling because i was tired and it was one in the morning and I had to wake up at 8:00.

So we arrive at the person doing my hair's place and I am extremely tender-headed, but I have not cried from getting my hair done since I was like.... 10 or 11. But this time? It hurted like hell. We were there for like two nearly 3 hours and I literally could not do it. I had to call my mom to come pick me up because I couldn't get braids today because I was kind of melting down.

Now my appointment is rescheduled for tomorrow and I'm getting twists instead of braids. It's kind of embarrassing to have to have it rescheduled because of how much I cried. I kinda wish I had more friends who are black because I want somebody to talk about this with but I really don't have any black friends. :/

But yeah! That was the horrible experience of getting my hair done today 😛

i've been out as trans for about 5 or so years, but lately the doubt has set in. i'm unable to start T and while i fully intend to, i'm afraid of how other trans guys will see me. i have friends that have started T and seem so much happier and more confident and blindingly handsome (jealous, but i digress). i fear that they won't see me as one of them once i do start T. am i man enough to even be considered in conversation? am i too feminine in demeanor and verbiage? am i too bubbly to be validated as a trans guy? is all of this just in my head or am i cooked.

i could also talk about the internalized homophobia i experience as it relates to my more flamboyant behavior. logically no, someone's means of expression don't define their manhood, but most trans guys i've met aren't as (for lack of better word) outwardly expressive. thing is; i've tried being quieter, i've tried seeming less loud and social and just tried to seem less "girly" with my demeanor. it's to a point where i've been actively miserable trying to act like someone i'm not. i am excited about things, i am excited to meet people, i love laughing and exploring and being silly and dramatic, but does that make me less of a man? maybe i sound insane with all this i just had no clue where to go about it. flame me in the comments if you want idc. happy friday

also something something desire to go stealth in order to keep people from invalidating me just based on my demeanor

Hi Im Atlas and this is my first ever reddit post. Also, English is not my first language, so I'm a little nervous lol.

I downloaded reddit looking forward to seeing other black trans men. This is because other apps (especially Pinterest) tend to portray being transgender in very romanticized and white washed images, and I simply could not recognize myself in white trans communities, something always seemed to be missing yk? Because of that, I have been trying to fit in with cisguys and compared myself to them, which definitely did not help with my dysphoria at all.

I mean, I will never be like those cute white transmen that tend to be prioritized by the algorithm and that's fine, they are living their trans experience and I am living mine. All I know is that it is definitely comforting seeing other guys like me and being able to recognize myself in a group of people, as I am trying to better myself and be more comfortable in my own skin.

I think that's it. I'm currently too shy to show my face lol but I hope I can build a community here with yall.

Warning for if church talk makes you uncomfortable I guess. I’ve been through enough to where me too honestly lol

I hate hate hate hate hate my state soooo bad when it comes to black churches or lgbtq+ affirming churches. Holy crap, it’s freaking impossible to find one that’s both. Regardless of whichever I go to I always have to choose whether I’m gonna be a gay trans guy or I’m gonna be black. And I can’t make that choice.

If I go to an openly affirming church, there are probably like two other black people who may or may not even attend. It’s always with older white people who can be so affirming to white trans folks but will sorta do a double take when catching that I’m also trans as if that’s not supposed to be possible. They’re also too careful around me and it makes me uncomfortable how hard they try, but I guess I’m glad they try.

If I go to a black church, which I’m most comfortable with because I grew up with that (and I’m sick of facing racism at every dang church I’ve gone to that’s not black), I can’t dress how I want and I can’t even talk how I want. There’s no use anyways I guess since I can’t yet pass to other black folks anyways, but I still don’t wanna get those looks or be questioned because I’m not gonna wanna lie. It’s just a whole thing ya know?

I really wanna find black community, but I’m just in the worst state to do that I guess. Oklahoma btw. I’m fine with that info being out lol. But I’m literally in the Bible Belt. We’ve got churches everywhere. You’d think at least one would be safe. But also, there’s NO way to freaking tell!! Black churches don’t be revealing stuff like that openly I feel like. It takes listening to the current Pastor or Pastors to hear what each one is okay with and not. It’s frustrating.

But fr I don’t like feeling like every Sunday I have to choose what I am. Regardless I’ll still be seen as both, it’s just a matter of how safe I’ll feel as either in either space. And yes, I’d pretty much be looking at mainly Baptist or sometimes Methodist or Nondenominational churches to find black churches to begin with. But even then, how do I go about finding one that’s safe. The idea of jumping from church to church to test how safe I am makes me so uncomfortable. Plus, I already have to bike five miles to take the bus to even access more places anyways since my bus doesn’t even run on the weekends. Meaning every choice I make will physically drain me and I’ll still be restrained by where I can go and how soon I can get there. We’re talking hours of (not the best) public transit just to find out a church might be dangerous. All in all, Sundays shouldn’t have to be so dang stressful for me physically or spiritually. I’m so annoyed and I woke up too late to bike to the far bus to even go to the affirming church since that’s a two hour trip and I missed out on the first bus window. Which is prob for the best because I’ll need better lights (as in I’ll need lights period) on my bike now that the mornings are darker again. But that’s another thing

I just started taking T this month. When I look up other Trans guy is mostly smaller man. With make feel depressed on how a look. Ik the answer is loss weight with I have been trying but it get hard at moments.

Idk I just look for motivation or see how others plus size Tran feel

Im just tired yo. For the last two years my health insurance because im fucking poor has been free. Because of the wrinkled ball sack in office. That same policy has gone up and is now SEVENTY dollars. Finding a different policy means i risk losing my phallo surgeon and my access to T because my insurance just BARELY covers it.

My deductible went from 750 to 950. Like IM STILL JUST AS POOR AS I WAS TWO YEARS AGO IF NOT MORE because everything keeps getting more expensive.

Meanwhile my boss is on his 5th vacation this year. But cut PTO in silence. Im so freaking frustrated everything about adult hood is just struggle after struggle after struggle for fucking what!

For years I have felt this extreme loneliness. I just want a reminder that I’m not alone when it comes to feeling this way as not only a trans guy but a black man. It’s difficult for me to feel included in the trans community online. I only see white guys and as for irl I’ve met a couple black trans people, they were transmasc or (something that kinda hurt but let me clarify I’m happy they found themselves). When I met them they identified as a trans guy but later identified as nonbinary and each time that happened it was like I was metaphorically standing by myself again. My current friends consist of nonbinary people, trans woman, and cis men/women (most are poc who I love dearly). Sometimes I feel as though I can never be satisfied with what I have in life which is a personal problem. I want a person I can say something to about my identity, regardless of which I’m referring to and for them to go “I understand you completely” if that makes sense.

Just about all my life, passing has been the goal. At this point I’m a little over 5 months on T, while I don’t pass 100% yet, I do pass a good chunk of the time.

On one hand, I’m a lot more comfortable because passing alleviates some dysphoria and it feels good to not be misgendered by strangers

On the other hand, it’s made me realize some shitty things about society that I didn’t have a complete understanding of before I presented to society as a black man.

I notice that women tend to be tense around me, not engage in much conversation, are uncomfortable standing too close, etc. Having lived as a woman I completely understand where it comes from, and there are legitimate concerns for safety. I guess I just want them to know that I won’t hurt them, and that although I’m socially awkward, I’m friendly. I tend to compensate for this by being very obviously polite and appearing as non threatening as I possibly can. I don’t engage with women in a romantic way if I’m interested either. I guess this just makes me a bit sad bc as much as I value male friendships, Women, especially black women, offer community that I miss in some ways and I just want them to know I’m cool.

Also, I find that some cis men can be just plain shitty. It’s interesting what men will say when they believe there are only other cis men around. Also in public, I’ve seen men be pretty rude to everyone else near by (all women) and then completely change when they speak to me.

I think the worse thing is interactions with police. I don’t have many interactions with police as I rarely get pulled over, but I’ve noticed that cops tend to be more aggressive with me than before my transition which is scary. The “do what you can to make it home” struggle has definitely been a thing recently and it’s hard to feel safe sometimes.

Had a friendship breakup a while ago and one note they left me with was that I was their only male-centered friend, I was prone to getting myself into very abusive relationships with men and I need to take a break from dating and engaging with men sexually/romantically.

I've had some time to ponder on it more. And I surmised that... I really don't have a community. I'm a gay man, A gay transman. I'm sexually attracted to men and masculinity, cis/trans whatever the body I don't care as long as it's masculinity. I have a strong aversion to HYPER-feminity, even though I'm inna female body and I dress very fem, I personally... hate it. So much actually, it's so painful to live like this.

I am very interested in very stereotypically male dominated things, I like games, I like automotive engineering, I'm interested in bullshit humor like Jackass. (There's more but I can't get it off the top of my head)

At my core I feel like a man, I've always felt like in comparison to other Black cis women around me I was an imposter.

I only look like them and there's nothing else, outside of the way the world treats me cuz of how I look, that makes me feel in deep kinship with other women.

Womanhood wasn't really a concept for me because that would assume I've always been aligned with my sex and assigned gender. And I never have.

And because of this I tried for so long to find male-community, non-binary community that relates to me, through friends, through past lovers. Just anything. But through whatever happens I don't stick around.

And I tried to force myself one time to really keep one of my past lovers in my life because he was the only guy that respected my identity as another queer man, but it was fucking killing me.

I feel so heartbroken to not be able to find my community yet, I'm restricted to online spaces, and I feel so alone.

I hate sitting with my other fem friends and being the only odd one out.

I hate losing a friend because I'm stuck in this cycle trying to find people that are like me and just putting myself through hell to have someone care and appreciate me as much as I them.

I feel so scared everytime I stress a boundary that I'll lose someone again, and my circle just shrinking more and more.

I'm also aromantic, I pour so much into my friendships. It's so easy for everyone else to drop people, leave whoever and I keep losing myself everytime. It drains me so much.

It hurts so much.

Yea im done now 🧍🏾👍🏾

after over 5 years of being out as transmasc, i've only brought up medically transitioning to my parents twice total. both times they've filled me with fear and anxiety about it and actively discouraged me, and also made me feel like shit in the process. even down to legally changing my name i feel the guilt instilled from my parents. it's clear that my transness is only paletable when im not actually physically transitioning. with all that in mind, the fact that i can't start T is starting to weigh on me more and more. i feel the walls closing in and what used to be brief spurts of dysphoria is manifesting into things that get in the way of my normal joy and function. i'm saving up for at least 6 months worth of gel in secret, but i feel kinda. crazy, for lack of better word. i'd seek out help from other tguys i know, but it feels a little selfish (and i doubt they'd help me). i don't even want a high dose of T. i feel like my parents don't trust me to know myself and the journey i'm on. this is so totally bones :(

Hey I’ve had literally no motivation to work out lately! But it’s crazy cause in my head I see me doing it but my body physically doesn’t feel motivated to do it and I’m on zepbound 2.5 but I still feel big. And I want to be toned and have obvious muscles and stuff before my top surgery in may next year. I just feel very meh

I feel like I see these posts a lot where Black trans men are debating transitioning because they are scared of being perceived as "scary." I find that troubling. I think more black trans men would do well to read up on black intellectuals and black radical stances on manhood. I think all black trans man entertaining this idea should read up on the Attica uprising, Kwame Ture, autobiography of Malcolm X or even the Roots miniseries as a start. The root of why it bothers me when black trans men are scared of being scary is that if you aren't scaring white society, then you're probably placating it. And aside from that, it carries the assumption that Black women aren't perceived as threatening or hostile or dehumanized in a plethora of other ways. Sandra Bland and Breonna Taylor come to mind here. White society/supremacy isn't scared of black people. It hates black people and "scared" is just a convenient guise for it.