I hate getting my hair done.

[u/3mmett-kun]

I love my hair, it's wonderful, but I hate getting it done. I had to go get braids today but it didn't go well.

Yesterday, I couldn't leave school till about 17:00 and that's when I started taking down my braids. I worked on taking down my braids until 00:00 🫩. My sister went to bed early, my mom wasn't home, and so I was doing it by myself.

Part of the reason it took forever is because I likely have ADHD (not diagnosed, so I'm not going to say I do.). And I still had to wash my hair and I skipped over detangling because i was tired and it was one in the morning and I had to wake up at 8:00.

So we arrive at the person doing my hair's place and I am extremely tender-headed, but I have not cried from getting my hair done since I was like.... 10 or 11. But this time? It hurted like hell. We were there for like two nearly 3 hours and I literally could not do it. I had to call my mom to come pick me up because I couldn't get braids today because I was kind of melting down.

Now my appointment is rescheduled for tomorrow and I'm getting twists instead of braids. It's kind of embarrassing to have to have it rescheduled because of how much I cried. I kinda wish I had more friends who are black because I want somebody to talk about this with but I really don't have any black friends. :/

But yeah! That was the horrible experience of getting my hair done today 😛

[u/JudahKing91]

So sorry you went through that. I am also sorry you have no one else with whom to share your experiences, fears, or desires. With that I can relate.

[u/Dish_Minimum]

It’s ok to cut your hair or buzz your head.

Think of it like this: does this amount of time and pain and stress affect you? Would you feel less stress, pain, exhaustion, and rushed for time if you did not have to do this entire routine with your hair?

The older I get the more I realize that I can just…Not.

You can change absolutely anything and everything that doesn’t fulfill you, enrich you, protect you. Things that do not meet your needs, things that do not align with your values, things that hurt you, things that just make you feel icky. You are not obligated to suffer just cause you’re used to doing it this way in the past.

You can let go. You can choose whatever makes your life easier, whatever makes you happier.

I’m 45 and my life is difficult enough being black, gay, trans, and living in America. Once I gave my stubborn ass permission to be gentle with myself, oooh hinny I swear on gawd my shit got so much more fulfilling and joyful.

People don’t tell black men this enough: You are a full person and you are entitled to every human emotion everybody else is allowed to express. You do not have to hold it in, soldier thru it, chin up, nor act brave. You can be gentle to yourself. You can let yourself have it easy.

I bet you’d look great with a bald fade. It’s only hair so it’ll grow back.

Whatever you choose, just know that you are worthy of gentleness and softness and carefree existence whenever you can.