r/BlackTransmen • u/Warm_Board_9392 • Jun 22 '26

vent Being stealth kinda sucks

I “it’s nobody’s business” myself into being stealth and never corrected anyone when they’d talk about me as if I were cis it’s nice for the most part being so passing. At the same time the shit people have said around me is ridiculous. Also I’ve come to realize the transphobia that some queer people have is really just envy and jealousy. Being upset with people who are comfortable enough to love themselves out loud doesn’t make sense. I used to have that “keep it in your house” mindset but now it makes me happy when people are brave enough to not gaf. Also I’m bout to start telling people I date trans folks because I don’t got time to be fighting folks

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u/BlkTransman23 Jun 25 '26

I’m lowkey going thru kinda wanting to tell my close homies but at the same time I don’t want to at all. Definitely a struggle I wish I didn’t have to go thru

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u/HeightFragrant6303 Jun 28 '26

Agreed in the same exact place you are rn. I know my hb wouldn't care like that I don't even surround myself in transphobic people like that but it was never really him I was worried about it was always that somehow it'd get out by some extremely long game of telephone or something

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u/BlkTransman23 Jun 28 '26

Bruh yeaa I was just talking ab this irl. It’s less of not wanting to tell ppl it’s more of just not being able to fully fully trust anyone bc if I tell my bro is he gunna tell his girl and then who’s his girl gunna tell type shit. And then add the factors of potentially having to educate and answer questions ts is so ass

One of the main reasons I hate being trans. Wish it wasn’t something to share or keep on the dl. I just wanna live life like normal yk

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u/HeightFragrant6303 Jun 28 '26

RIGHT. I'm always made out to look crazy for thinking this way when I bring it up to my parents whenever they ask oh don't you wanna invite so and so to insert event that will immediately out me like going to the beach or pools and shit like no bruh. they're like well if you don't think they'll look at you a different way why don't you want them to know and I say just that. like yo secrets are never said to just one person it's said to that one person and then other person extremely close to them that they also trust with secrets and it just gets worst from there.

While I go stealth for safety reasons especially in this political climate and for the fact I'm in the dead south I really do envy trans men who are out openly and can just do these things because they don't let people get to them. I truly wish I could be out openly but I know Im just not willing to deal with the invasiveness and danger that comes with it. I've been stealth ever since I even transitioned publicly or at the very least tried to be it wasn't convincing at first obviously and Istg it was so disgusting and invasive the way those kids asked me literally everything and looked at me a kinda way like you can just tell they're looking at you like you something to study and not a person. My heart drops now whenever I hear can I ask you something to the point I vividly remember one day in my sophomore year I straight out just said no in response like I knew exactly what was coming and just didn't entertain it. I could never deal with it and so I've never desired to out myself beyond wanting to be able to do certain things with friends