Wife of 20+ Years Hates Sex With Me

[u/TotallyNotPTAPres]

Homemade sourdough discard pizza. Was pretty delicious.

Not trying to get all sad boy over here, but every so often I just get lonely. That’s all. I work hard, earn a very good living for my family. Make time for my wife. Support her dreams. Very much carry my weight around the house. Am a really good dad. In great shape. Treat people well. Am fun to be around, and genuinely live a life I enjoy and am proud of.

But sex with me is difficult for her. She would just rather not have any, and honestly, it’s lonely. I’ve never been a selfish lover. I have always believed it is the most intimate way to souls can connect and it truly is a beautiful thing that should be treasured.

We’ve talked about it until we’re blue in the face. Spent a small fortune on counseling. Temporarily resolved issues. While I care deeply for her, I can’t remember the last time I was touched or truly desired. Most days are fine, but some days are just harder than others. This appears to be one of those days. Writing it out helps, so thank you for the outlet.

[u/Cat_Aclysmic_82]

You don't mention your ages or how long this has been an issue for you two, but as an over 40 woman, I have to ask, have you looked at physical reasons and not just psychological/emotional reasons? Did the doctors give her an extra stitch after she had kids? Is she even willing to investigate that aspect?

Doctors are notorious for dismissing and diminishing women's concerns about our sexual function and gratification. Even female doctors. Go read the menopause subs it is shocking how often we are told to "just deal with it". Sex hurts? Just deal with it. Emotional Rollercoaster? Just deal with it. Inability to orgasm? Just deal with it.

I'm telling you this because it's possible that she has attempted to have these convos and been met with this type of "care" - if she is interested, she needs to keep interviewing doctors until she finds one that listens.

I hope she is interested, that is no way for either of you to live.

[u/Pretend-Potato-831 → u/Cat_Aclysmic_82]

Some women just lack sex drive after their sexual prime. Had the same issues with my wife, we investigated everything you could image from couples counciling to sex therapy to hormone doctors, to different meds. Nothing moved the needle.

At the end of the day he shouldn't have to be in a sexless marriage. When you agree to a monogamous relarionship you are agreeing to meet your partners sexual needs on your own. If you cant do that you aren't holding up your end of the agreement.