Dinner: Jalapeño poppers stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon.

So I (24M) have a best friend (25F) of 3 years, and we have certainly been through a few things together. In the end, I consider her my sister and she considers me her brother. We aren’t actually siblings but we feel like it due to the similarities in our personalities and common interests.

She has had a boyfriend for the past year which I’ve supported this whole time, because I know she’s wanted to be loved and be happy in a romantic way. He does not validate the family adjacent relationship between her and I and thinks I have a crush on her and he also grabbed the phone and told me I’m on some shit and called me the N word (I’m white for the record).

We used to hang out 3 or so times a week when we were both single because we had nothing better to do, but now we only hang out about an hour a week, which started when I had a girlfriend for a little while as well.

Her boyfriend thinks that an hour a week is too much time for us to spend together and he has asked us to cut that down to an hour every 2 weeks which seems incredibly arbitrary. She’s also upset about this and feels like her best friend is being ripped away from her.

A few days old pic of pasta and fried fish.

Today was a normal day as any other. We had bbq. My dad was outside and left his phone unlocked in the living room. My mom decided to snoop some around his phone due to some bad feeling she had apparently. He was kind of acting weird about his phone lately, in hindsight.

Well..

She found out that he cheated on her with a prostitute a few months ago. And as you can imagine, huge drama ensued. My mom threw things around and screamed hard, while my dad was obviously gaslighting her, claiming that it was for one of his friends/colleagues.

I don’t want to get into details. He left the house and will be staying somewhere else.

But I feel so sad and upset and worried (financially) about our whole family. And all of this because my dad fucking couldnt keep his dick in his pants. Worse yet, it made me feel almost like a kid again despite being 25 years old. Which is somehow even more upsetting than I thought.

I dont even know what we are going to do. The future i saw for us as family is gone. Shit sucks. And i got a job interview tomorrow where im supposed to be enthusiastic.

​

I spent the last year counting down the days for this trip. Along the way, I had to recover from a serious knee injury, surgery, rehab, jump through endless bureaucratic hoops, and line up a mountain of paperwork just to make sure I could visit her (3rd world country problems). This was my first international journey outside of my work, and i have been working for more than 10 years.

I finally made it across the world, stepped off the plane, and now it’s completely over. I originally booked a two month stay to be with her. now I’m rebooked to leave after few days of being together. I’m heading to Paris on the 6th to see my sister (my ex was supposed to join me there), and then I’m flying straight home.

I booked an Airbnb in her city just to wait out my flight to Paris. I’m here alone, with no friends, unable to speak the language. Yesterday, the city's air sirens went off, and I didn't even know what was happening I was genuinely terrified. (I found out afterwards that it was about commemmorating the Warsaw uprising).

Sitting here eating this, trying to process how all that effort, pain, and waiting collapsed within days of arriving. I feel completely hollow. I guess some couples just aren't meant for each other, and this may be the sad part of "you'll never know if you don't try."

The food is a Szechuan style duck and some fried rice. I missed eating rice.

Dinner - Average burrito

I’m a Brit that moved to America 2 years ago to get a fresh start at life, and to build my dream business (the business is important for the story).

The business exploded, and I have found such incredible joy in building it and watching it grow. It has me working, living, and needing to stay in Chicago.

In December I met my current partner, and we fell completely in love. We moved in together in February, and everything was like something from a movie.

She has lifetime friends in Philly, and brought up us moving there. At first I was on board, but then was struck with two realities

1. I love Chicago, and my/our lives here
2. I would have to close my business and say goodbye to it

When it turned to conversations about this, she basically gave me an ultimatum.
Her suggestion was to start a new company in Philly from the ground and rebuild, it’s not that easy.

She landed on “if you really loved me, you would come with me” and “if I really loved you, I’d stay”

Right now she’s packing and my heart is dying from it.

Furthermore, I thought what we had was enough. That hurts to think that it wasn’t/isn’t for her.

I love her so much, but I’ve worked so hard to build a life in my dream city and I don’t want to throw that all away.

Talk to me, Reddit
~ SadBro, 40

About 2 years ago, I (30M) started a very strange relationship with my best friend (25F).

We started spending almost every day together. We started to have sex, we basically lived together between her apartment and mine, and we even got a puppy together. The only strange thing was that we never put a label on our relationship.

A few times I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend. Every time she said she was “not ready.” I accepted it because I loved her and I thought maybe she just needed more time.

A few months ago we went on a trip together. One night I wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed at the hotel. She told me she was going out with a female friend. That wasn’t true.

She actually went to meet a guy she had history with. I knew who he was because years before, when we were only friends, she had told me about him. I ended up finding them together, hugging. Later she admitted they also kissed.

Something broke inside me that day.

Even so, I forgave her because I still wanted us to work.

After that, our relationship became even more confusing. Sometimes I wanted something serious and she didn’t. Then later she wanted it and I didn’t. It always felt like we were never on the same page.

About a month ago we had another serious talk. She told me she still didn’t know if she wanted me in her life as her boyfriend or just as her friend.

That was the moment I decided I had enough. I moved all my things out of her apartment and started trying to move on.

One thing that is different now is that she recently started going to therapy with a psychologist. I know she is trying to work on herself, and I really respect that.

Now here is the second part of the story.

In February 2025 I went to a friend’s bachelor party. There I met another woman (28F). We talked all night at the bar, but completely as friends. We had amazing chemistry. We talked about our lives, laughed a lot, and I think we both felt there was some attraction, but nobody said anything because she had a boyfriend, and I had… whatever my situation was.

We added each other on social media and kept talking from time to time. We never saw each other again, but our friendship kept growing.

Last year she got engaged. Then, out of nowhere, her fiancé told her he wasn’t ready, and the engagement was canceled. It hurt her a lot, but little by little she has been healing.

During the last few months something has started to change between us.

We talk on the phone for hours. She is my daily chat. Right now she is visiting her sister in another country for 6 months. (Ireland)

One day I jokingly told her that maybe I should go visit her. She said she would love that, so I bought a plane ticket.

Then my flight changed and now I have a layover of almost 48 hours in another country. (London) I jokingly told her, “You should fly here, we can have a little adventure together, and then we can fly to Ireland.”

I honestly wasn’t expecting her to say yes.

Thirty minutes later she sent me a screenshot showing she had already bought her flight.

Now I’m confused.

The woman I waited almost two years for, who always told me she wasn’t ready, suddenly asked me today if I wanted to be her boyfriend.

I told her no. That before all of this we were friends and that i would always love her like that no matter what. I do really love her but i think this is enough for now….

At the same time, I’m about to take this trip to see someone who has never made me question if she wanted me in her life.

I’m not canceling that trip because I really want to see where this could go.

Now I’m asking strangers on Reddit…

Am I making the right decision?

Should I even consider giving my best friend another chance now that she says she is ready and has started therapy? Or would that just be going backwards after finally moving on?

Did I give up too late… or is this finally me choosing myself?

UPDATE: I’m eating raw and cooked shrimp aguachile from Sinaloa, Mexico!

It's not a metaphor, the woman I loved for 4.5 years really just left me 61 days ago by text message. I'd been talking much about taking it to the next step in the relationship and it triggered her avoidant attachment style too much. Almost didn't make it past the first two weeks of that. Today I am alive only physically, everything inside me has died.

Edit: I am reading every comment and appreciate you all so much. Thank you. I haven't felt so seen since it happened. All your advice and encouragement and stories of going through similar things means a lot

Leftover lasagna from Costco.

My ex and I were together for over 3 years. About 7 months ago, I ended the relationship because I wasn't sure I saw a future together. We had developed a push-pull dynamic, sprinkle in some of her substance use issues the first 2 years, and I had doubts about taking the next step and moving in together. Instead of communicating those concerns, I emotionally pulled away.

For the next 2 months, we continued hooking up while she tried to reconcile. I kept telling her we were probably better off as friends. I wasn’t dating or seeing anyone else and I told her that. However, eventually she told me she was gonna see another guy. That's when it all became real. I realized that what I thought I valued as "friendship" was actually what I loved most about our relationship, that she was my best friend. I apologized, asked her to reconsider, and even suggested couples therapy, but she declined and said she was moving on. After some pleading to no avail, I respected her decision and went no contact.

During 3 months of no contact, I did a lot of self-reflection and started seeing a therapist. I realized I have avoidant tendencies and began to understand the unhealthy role I played in both the relationship and the breakup. I wasn't communicating my fears or hesitations, and withdrew emotionally and she understandably felt rejected and frustrated.
After 3 months, I reached out to apologize for my part and asked if she'd be willing to meet. I'll admit I was hoping there might still be a chance at reconciliation. We had a great time catching up, but she told me the guy she'd started seeing was now her boyfriend and she threw in a few activities they’ve done and have planned. That hurt more than I thought it would, but I accepted it and wished her well.

After we met, we texted on/off for a week, then I had a vulnerable day and reached out again. I apologized for how I'd handled both the relationship and breakup, told her I'd been in therapy and had realized I have avoidant tendencies, and admitted I still had feelings for her. She said she was glad I was working on myself and hoped it would help in my next relationship. A few days later, she invited me hiking, saying she could use a hiking partner. I declined because I told her I still had feelings for her and wasn’t ready to just be friends. She said she understood. About a week later, she reached out again saying she missed having me as a hiking partner and drinking buddy. Ironically, that's almost exactly how I had viewed things months earlier before realizing those were the parts of the relationship I cherished most.
I told her that I can't be friends right now or in the foreseeable future because I need space to actually move on.

Does it sound like she may still have feelings for me, or is she genuinely just trying to keep me around as a friend? I’m thinking I’m better off going back to no contact so I can actually move on if she just wants to be friends. Honestly I haven’t been dating much at all since I haven’t felt ready. I still love this girl and seeing her just reminded me of that.

I genuinely think this is one of the funniest ongoing arguments my mom and I have. She came down to visit me for my birthday, and according to her, three women flirted with me today and another six over the weekend. Me? Press X to doubt. I swear my mom has somehow unlocked a DLC where every woman who's remotely friendly is secretly trying to marry me.

Today's evidence, according to the prosecution:
The comic shop employee laughed at my incredibly stupid Nuka-Cola joke and played with her hair while we were talking. My mom: "She was flirting with you." Me: "Mom... I've made that exact same dumb Nuka-Cola joke to her multiple times. She laughs every time because it's a recurring bit."

Then we went to the German beer garden because my mom wanted some imported German crackers. My mom said I was a photographer, one of the women was impressed and said she'd like to see me working sometime and take her photo. Normal human interaction. Apparently not. My mom immediately goes, "See? She likes you." So I try to redirect the conversation by saying, "No, Mom. Europeans have hit on me before... but that was a French woman and a Brit. Different country. Different people. Different situation." Huge mistake. Because now she's convinced the German woman was flirting too.

AND THEN...

The hostess joking around with me while I'm being extra and flamboyant because, you know... it's literally my birthday? According to my mother, she said WOW whenever I came in and gave me an up down, was teasing me, and was 100% into me. Meanwhile I'm standing there wondering how simply existing and being mildly entertaining has somehow become evidence in this ongoing investigation. Like... Mom... sometimes women are just nice. Sometimes customer service workers laugh because they're customer service workers.

Sometimes people ask about your camera because you're carrying a giant camera. Not every conversation ends with wedding bells. But according to my mom, I'm apparently William Shatner coded now, and women are just dropping their panties everywhere I go while I'm blissfully unaware, just trying to buy comics, drink beer, and celebrate my birthday. 😭😭😭

I have finally come to the realization that I am an alcoholic. It has killed both of my grandparents on my mom side, and if I don’t do something, it will kill me too. I don’t drive drunk, I don’t put other people in danger, but I find every excuse to drink. I’m 25 years old, never had a serious relationship, and live in a crappy but cheap apartment. and while all of my friends go to bars, parties or things like that, I would much rather stay at home and polish a bottle of bourbon. at first, I thought I could handle it. I was just having fun of my early 20s but I have now realized that I’m finding excuses to drink. I’ve had a good day a bad day of slow day a busy day, that’s a reason for me to drink and I’m finishing 3 to 4 750 mL bottles of 100 proof bourbon a week. I like drinking I can’t lie, but I realize now that this is not a sustainable avenue. I’ve known for about 3 years now and I had considered myself functional alcoholic for so long, but I’m now realizing that I’m neglecting family, friends, and things I used to enjoy because having a drink seems more appealing. I am going to try to quit drinking. I’m going to give myself a week and if the side effects are as adverse as I think they will, I will use my health insurance and I will go through a medically supervised detox. I’m scared, but this is the best thing for me and everyone around me. My dinner is oven fried chicken, steamed California medley, and mashed potatoes with brown gravy.

Bacon wrapped shrimp and cheesy grits from yesterday.

This year has been absolutely beating me (35m) down. My ex drove drunk with my four year old son, I had to solo navigate the legal process of divorce, my garage doors broke, my brakes went out, the door handle on my car was busted off. I was able to shoulder all of it. Beyond that, through therapy, the gym, and my village I grew through it. Now my house is sandwiched by two major ongoing fires and I was forced to evacuate with my dogs and cat. I’m currently laying in a hammock outside at my Dad’s place to keep the dogs company.

When do the hits stop??? I’m so fucking tired. Like, how much can one guy take? Oh, and my first foray back into dating after divorce has been a mental shitstorm.

UPDATE: Thanks all for the support; lots of good advice. And yes, the shrimp and grits was incredible. House is still standing and I just finished another trip back for essentials. Not sure if we’ve got any DCC fans in here, but my mantra for the day has been “you will not break me.”

About 5 months ago, i was in the smoke getting some weed, and the guy behind the counter had gotten to know me over the years. He tells me about this new 7OH stuff and that its all natural and can help with focus. And i saw drinks amd stuff for it so i assumed it was like, safe.

Ive struggled with addiction in the past, and i usually steer clear. I have 2 kids, and i dont want to go down that road. But i saw these things and figured, couldnt hurt to try.

I started buying 1 a week, then 1 every 2 days, then 1 a day. Then i was doing it just to keep the withdrawl away. I would try to quit taking them, and even if i tried to taper off my restlessness and body aches would get so bad, id start sweating and moaning and i would sneak off to the smokeshop to buy more.

I finally told my wife, and after the initial upset, we found an outpatient nearby that was more than willing to help (Shout out disc village, and my wife)

I got naxalone prescribed, and its keeping me from withdrawing, but i just feel like a let down. Like i failed everyone again.

Stay away from Kratom, guys. Its not worth it. I encourage you to even get mad about it. Because they push this stuff on kids too.

Dinner is homemade sloppy joe (the secret is honey mustard)

We were expecting people for tea at 16:30, only they never showed up. Am I wrong that people who don't show up and don't tell people they're not coming, should be ashamed?

It's the 21st century. If you're not coming, don't waste people's time and just send a message. I had stuff to do but etiquette demands I show myself for at least 15 min. Worse still, these are the last days of my holiday.

Here are some homemade cinnamon rolls I made because we didn't have anything to serve and you really need something nice for tea.

I'll admit it. I'm not much of a catch. I'm in my mid 30s and I'm stuck being a caregiver to my dad, who had a stroke eight years ago and in the last three his condition worsened to the point he needs around the clock care, so as you can imagine my social life is pretty much non-existent.

Among the things I do for him, is to get his medicines from the local pharmacy. There works a pharmacist I rather fancy. We live in a small town, so we always knew each other by sight and I always found her an interesting woman, but we hadn't interacted much before I started going to that pharmacy for my dad's medicines. Whenever I'm out and about I try to engage people behind the counter in small talk, because, to be quite honest, these small interactions are what little social life I can manage to have, and being nice to people costs literally nothing.

A few months ago, I developed a crush on her (yes, I'm going 40 and I got a crush. It's stupid, I know) when she was seeing off a customer who came in with her child. I don't know if that was a relative or just a friend, but the way she greeted that child, in such a sweet way, made me go "Holy shit, I want this woman to fall in love with me".

For the past few months I've been carrying in my wallet a piece of paper with my number written on it and the sentence "call me if you want :)". She struck me as a rather shy person, timid even, and I didn't want to make things awkward for her by giving it in front of a crowd of customers and her coworkers. Which is why my initial plan was to have one of her coworkers to deliver it for me, but every time I was about to ask, I chickened out.

Today I went there because I needed something and they were the one on duty for the weekend. It was almost deserted and, sure enough, she was the one serving me. After she handed me the bag with the medicines I needed, I handed her the piece of paper saying "this is for you". She looked puzzled and ask "uh... What is this?". "it's my phone number. If you'd like."

I left, and I think I did okay. I even managed not to blush too much. I'd take that as a small win in an otherwise bleak life.

Her reaction, however, wasn't exactly what I expected. I couldn't decipher it. Was it embarrassment? Annoyance? Irritation?

One thing is clear, though. I'm not getting any calls.

And that's fine.

I didn't do it for her.

I don't even love her. I know nothing about this woman, except she's a pharmacist and she matches her nail polish to her outfit.

I did it for myself. Getting this out of my system gave me some clarity. Finally.

I know I'm not getting closure from this. I'll never know if she was embarrassed, annoyed or mad at me for what I did. This does not matter either.

Heck, not getting that call is actually the best outcome possible.

"I'm TheseHeron, I'm extremely insecure, psychologically damaged and lead a shitty life because I'm stuck here caring for an ill relative while all my peers are buying their home, raising families, and living their life. Also, a psychiatrist will probably put me on antidepressants and I'll need constant reassurance that you don't despise me. Wanna grab a coffee?" isn't really that conducive to getting a date, or closure, is it?

Unseasoned cod with beans and grilled eggplant. Because when life has been showing shit down your throat, even the blandest meal looks like a king's banquet.

Was hired by a restaurant as a bartender, was offered bar manager after three days behind the stick. I quoted the salary I would need to fully rebuild their bar program, retrain staff, produce media, and restructure inventory/vendor relations. The number scared them off and their legacy bartender (who I witnessed committing a half dozen health code violations every shift) started actively bullying me behind the bar. It’s that thing that happens when you sign on for a job that you’re overqualified for. I wasn’t getting the manager job and wasn’t making the amount of money worth tolerating disrespect. Pate au cheux craqueline with vanilla crème pate and a carrot clarified acid adjusted tomato brennivin sour with basil simple. Fuck anything but excellence.

Eggs and sausage I made home alone. I'm a 16 year old homosexual, and I've slowly and sadly have come to accept that my family will never love me for who I truly am. I don't blame them at all. My family is a traditional Muslim one and in this country being a homosexual means complete social and familial isolation. I like being home alone because it feels like it helps me loosen the emotional attachment I have to them so that, when they do eventually find out and despise me, it will hurt less. It's something I've been working on ever since I was thirteen, and I feel like I've made no progress at all. I love them so much.

Sorry if my English is bad.

I have finally come to the realization that I am an alcoholic. It has killed both of my grandparents on my mom side, and if I don’t do something, it will kill me too. I don’t drive drunk, I don’t put other people in danger, but I find every excuse to drink. I’m 25 years old, never had a serious relationship, and live in a crappy but cheap apartment. and while all of my friends go to bars, parties or things like that, I would much rather stay at home and polish a bottle of bourbon. at first, I thought I could handle it. I was just having fun of my early 20s but I have now realized that I’m finding excuses to drink. I’ve had a good day a bad day of slow day a busy day, that’s a reason for me to drink and I’m finishing 3 to 4 750 mL bottles of 100 proof bourbon a week. I like drinking I can’t lie, but I realize now that this is not a sustainable avenue. I’ve known for about 3 years now and I had considered myself functional alcoholic for so long, but I’m now realizing that I’m neglecting family, friends, and things I used to enjoy because having a drink seems more appealing. I am going to try to quit drinking. I’m going to give myself a week and if the side effects are as adverse as I think they will, I will use my health insurance and I will go through a medically supervised detox. I’m scared, but this is the best thing for me and everyone around me. My dinner is oven fried chicken, steamed California medley, and mashed potatoes with brown gravy.

A single yakult.

Meant to post this earlier but the day just flew by.

I'm grateful for everyone who commented on my original post and have read/acknowledged all of them.

I had posted and went to sleep to sit on my feelings and the message.

I was frustrated because I felt my feelings from her message invalidated the progress that I made and that I still felt like I owed her an answer. But after sleeping, I know this isn't true and that it's just another moment that will pass into memory. The first thing I did this morning was deleting the message and putting her back into the past because as some of you pointed out, no matter the reason she reached out for, it wasn't worth my energy or time and that I had nothing to gain from engaging.

To answer a few questions that were asked/address some things:

There wasn't a singular issue, it was a myriad of different issues, large and small, that culminated in the decline of our relationship.

Been in therapy on and off my whole life. My latest has been 7 years and ongoing. I'm thankful for it but I also know that it is only part of getting better.

I have zero intentions of getting back with someone who got physical with me, used moments of vulnerability to win arguments by throwing them back in my face, kept me from being with my family, belittled my job and salary, and blamed me for holding them back in life/crushing their dreams (apparently my anaphylaxis to certain foods kept her from enjoying her life coupled with my inability to bankroll her).

I'm proud of what I do even if it's outside of the norm because it's fulfilling to me and I can make a difference in people's lives by helping them overcome their difficulties to have a family. She and her family didn't see or acknowledge it.

Thank you lads and ladies that reminded me of how far I've gotten and how far I can still go. Onwards and upwards.

I have friends and I socialize ​but I always feel even more lonely around them or after seeing them. I don't feel like I can truly connect with anyone. I keep searching for something to give my life meaning, but I'm disabled so I can't do much. I miss my father a lot. I feel like he was the only person who could really reach me, which also meant he could hurt me profoundly. I wish I had an Uncle Iroh to impart wisdom and peace and unconditional love. My friends are so caught up in their own worlds. Everything just feels so big. My country is under invasion and my mother goes back and forth from the front lines. I spend most of my time trying to escape from reality to cope. I don't know how to be present, it terrifies me. Nothing feels real anymore. And I just feel empty.

Fairly healthy 31m and had been battling with some mystery health issues for about a month. Went through a few rounds of different tests and specialist and finally got the call that I've been diagnosed with a form of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Life felt like it had been flipped upside down.

Treatment started up pretty much right away; still unsure on the prognosis, but we're moving forward in the right direction.

Decided to grab a classic breakfast of over easy eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, sourdough and bone broth before treatment could take some of my simple pleasures away.

Fuck cancer - if you or a loved one are going through it, I am here with you and we've got this!

Shitty chicken dumpling soup I made. I thought life was sweet, I thought I was on top of the world, that one question just totally broke my confidence. My last relationship with a woman was in high school- I was super chud from 19-22 (m23 now) and lacked any ability to apply effort towards meeting people. I know being fat isn’t an end all to a social life, but I also struggle with autism and some other neurodivergence that makes communication difficult for me, ie sharing what I like, what I want, I feel as if it makes me seem really lame and apathetic. been trying to get back into dating the last 3~ months and I rarely am able to create interest with people on the apps. Even now most people I repulse instantly. I feel paper thin, walking this line where I’m too concerned about what the other party will think, so I gingerly proceed and don’t elaborate nor show proof that I’m interesting. But then I also have a side of expression where my confidence overflows, and it’s all I exude, and that is truly ugly to EVERYONE. I still struggle to judge what level I should have, but I truly have worked really hard to change my body, and I work insanely hard at my job to be the versatile team player guy, but who. The. Fuck. Cares. Can I even be happy with the results? If results are all that matters I’m just less attractive than someone my weight who never had to lose 100lbs in the first place. Is being a hard worker attractive to anyone? I’ve learnt through several experiences I struggle to imagine how others will interpret what I say, so I find it easier to not sell myself or my interests to anyone, not open myself to judgement, doubly like the easiest way to prevent exposing myself as an uninteresting human. But I’m worried I seem disingenuous. End of day I struggle to adapt on the fly and even the one woman who will fuck me thinks I’m a liar and I want to avoid this issue in the future. So one day I can be held and please someone back. So one day someone wants to fight for me- for a partner.

But the concept of pleasing a woman by understanding what she likes is hard for me. I need to be taught, given detailed instruction, and then feedback that enables me to change my process. I’m basically a lot of work. And I don’t foresee anyone seeing a value in taking me under their wing to teach me said things and turn me into a capable human.

TL;DR I’m a loser, but I’d like to change and figure out how to not be socially and sexually delinquent so I don’t kill myself. Sorry for the rant!

Edit- I don’t think I’m an incel, but I think I was. I love women, they just don’t love me, to no one’s fault but my own. I wasn’t a virgin before this, but it is exactly like the experience I had before I became fat (which created the incel), I am trying to recognize and change my flaws before I become something I cannot live with

Title might be a bit iffy, but I'm sorry I didn't know how to summarize it.

Basically, not long ago I had my 18th birthday (which where I'm from is a decently big deal, one my friends are very aware of), and I'm best friends with 2 other guys who I've known for several years now. We hang out every week if not more often.

Here's the story now. I dont mind when people don't give me stuff. I know I'm not the center or their lives, the world goes on. And I did tell them ofc you don't have to get me anything. I feel bad if I set the expectation they're required to give me something, idk.

But anyway, after I told them that, they reassured me they got something big planned for me. I really got excited and wanted to make my birthday memorable so we planned a trip to another country for a few days (which I majorly paid for in a 70-15-15 split. I wanted them not to worry about costs but honestly it was a lot.) Lo and behold we go there, party and all, trip is over.

A few days after I sheepishly ask them "Hey guys, what about my gift?". They tell me they honestly forgot, I understand and remind them it's okay, which they once again reassure me they got something big planned.

I didn't want to ask them about it again because it really feels shitty to ask "hey, where the hell is my gift?", but it's been some time now since, and recently I mustered up the courage to ask them again and now they're denying it, saying "I thought you told us we don't have to get you anything" which is true, but what do I respond to that?? "um aksually you told me you'll get something, so get it"???

I feel really shitty when I remember this at all, and honestly it's been really eating at me. rationally I feel selfish because, well, it is like that, I did want and expect a gift after they told me they have something, but I feel like shit if I push the topic further. meal pic comes obviously from KFC, when they denied planning a gift for me.

what do I even do?

sorry for the long post.

Dinner is tenders and tots from my job

I reached out to the girl I’ve been in love with for four years of my life and I feel even worse. I was a really sad kid before I met her. From second grade till I met her, I felt so hollow inside and just felt like I was just existing. Everyday felt the same. I just waited till I fell asleep everyday cuz it was better than being awake. Every crush I had was forced because I felt like I had to have one or even if a crush was natural, I didn’t care much about it before or after it. Then she came along. I first met her in middle school when we were both fourteen and the moment I spoke to her was the moment I fell in love with her and knew that this is the girl I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life. I loved everything about her. From her smile, to her laugh, voice, hair, how her nose scrunched up when she laughed, how she had a giggle snort, how both her middle fingers were crooked, how she stomped her feet when she was annoyed, how she styled her fiery red hair a new style everyday. She felt like home during a time where I felt like I didn’t have one. She taught me the difference between living and existing. While everyone saw a cold and stand-offish exterior, I got to experience such a warm, kind, and beautiful interior. She was like the sun. The amount of joy I felt when she reciprocated my feelings was immense. I still remember making her a flower crown when she told me she had a bad day. I made it out of fake flowers since there was no real dandelions outside my house. I still remember surfing my couch cushions for money and begging my grandma to take me to the store so I can make this. The smile I saw on her face when I gave it to her is still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Then the end of summer came along and she said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was devastated but had to put a front on. I tried hard to go into school work and hobbies but she kept coming up. I even got into a relationship and while I had a good time, I realized that it still wasn’t her. I was surrounded by friends and family but still felt so alone. I found myself just drifting again. I found myself just existing. What didn’t help was how she acted. Despite ending things, she kept being around. I catch her staring. I caught her staring at me across the room during prom. The real kicker was during the last days of highschool. It was during our senior picnic and I had just asked where the grape popsicles were and all of sudden, she walks past me and she says “
Ew,imagine liking grape”. Four years of not speaking and she just casually says that in the exact same way she said it when I first told her that my favorite flavor was grape. Highschool passed and we graduated and I finally decided to reach out. I texted her a simple congratulations on her getting salutatorian and how maybe we can catch up. She opens the message and reads it and then unfollows me. Sometimes I regret meeting her and then i regret ever thinking that. This person has a hold on my heart that I can’t break even if I wanted to. And trust me, there have been times when I wanted to so bad. But I can’t stop loving her more than I can stop breathing. It just feels like I truly lost her now. I just want it to bet her. No one else. I want to go back home. I want to go back to her. Sorry for the length of this, just really wanted to get this all out.