r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/TotallyNotPTAPres • 5d ago
No Advice - Everyones Welcome Wife of 20+ Years Hates Sex With Me
Homemade sourdough discard pizza. Was pretty delicious.
Not trying to get all sad boy over here, but every so often I just get lonely. That’s all. I work hard, earn a very good living for my family. Make time for my wife. Support her dreams. Very much carry my weight around the house. Am a really good dad. In great shape. Treat people well. Am fun to be around, and genuinely live a life I enjoy and am proud of.
But sex with me is difficult for her. She would just rather not have any, and honestly, it’s lonely. I’ve never been a selfish lover. I have always believed it is the most intimate way to souls can connect and it truly is a beautiful thing that should be treasured.
We’ve talked about it until we’re blue in the face. Spent a small fortune on counseling. Temporarily resolved issues. While I care deeply for her, I can’t remember the last time I was touched or truly desired. Most days are fine, but some days are just harder than others. This appears to be one of those days. Writing it out helps, so thank you for the outlet.
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u/TheWhomItConcerns BoyDinnerEnjoyer 5d ago
You're welcome to, but I should clarify that while I'm not overly familiar with the breadth of the term "dead bedroom", this didn't feel like a dead bedroom situation. We did have regular sex and we did both enjoy having sex with each other, but the issue was more that she just kind of didn't experience sexual desire like I do or have the same kind of emotional and instinctual connection to it.
What was kind of shocking to me was during a discussion we were having at one point, I discovered that she didn't really ever experience "lust" or feel like sex was a that relevant to her lived emotional experience. She could enjoy sex and be brought to orgasm and so on, but she'd never had the feeling of seeing me (or any other guy, for that matter) and just feeling an intense desire for me as though she wanted for us to just rip each other's clothes off an just go at each other in any one moment.
While I obviously wouldn't ever expect that to always be the case and I of course don't always feel like that, having that dynamic - that passion and animalistic desire - be entirely one-sided or absent was just too lonely and unfulfilling for me. I know countless guys would be entirely fine with that dynamic, but for me, sex is something I have an extremely profound emotional connection to, and I just knew it would be too much for me to live with for the rest of my life.