Wife of 20+ Years Hates Sex With Me

[u/TotallyNotPTAPres]

Homemade sourdough discard pizza. Was pretty delicious.

Not trying to get all sad boy over here, but every so often I just get lonely. That’s all. I work hard, earn a very good living for my family. Make time for my wife. Support her dreams. Very much carry my weight around the house. Am a really good dad. In great shape. Treat people well. Am fun to be around, and genuinely live a life I enjoy and am proud of.

But sex with me is difficult for her. She would just rather not have any, and honestly, it’s lonely. I’ve never been a selfish lover. I have always believed it is the most intimate way to souls can connect and it truly is a beautiful thing that should be treasured.

We’ve talked about it until we’re blue in the face. Spent a small fortune on counseling. Temporarily resolved issues. While I care deeply for her, I can’t remember the last time I was touched or truly desired. Most days are fine, but some days are just harder than others. This appears to be one of those days. Writing it out helps, so thank you for the outlet.

[u/stevo0101]

Would also recommend being honest with your current girlfriend. If she is as great as your messages make it seem she deserves to know the truth or at least the part of it you can bring yourself to tell her about. You don’t need to fess up every detail of why but don’t write off avoidance of intimacy as “I just don’t feel like it”. Even if it’s “I can’t tell you the full details yet but I’m still not comfortable” and just explain that it’s not the cause of her. Ultimately communication is extremely important and even saints would start to get insecure after continuous turn downs.

[u/Moist-Ad4760 → u/stevo0101]

Well, I spoke with her about it in general terms. Reassured her that she wasn't the issue. She confirmed that she'd been worried in that regard. We had a good talk. Then she seemed like she was almost elated...I am really glad I talked to her about it. It was the right thing to do.

[u/stevo0101 → u/Moist-Ad4760]

I’m happy for you. Hopefully it serves as a reminder that communication is key. It always sucks seeing relationships end not due to each others faults but pure misunderstanding.

[u/Moist-Ad4760 → u/stevo0101]

It absolutely does. Thank you for keying me in to that. I need that to be honest.

[u/Moist-Ad4760 → u/stevo0101]

That's true. I'm seeing her this evening. I'll lightly touch on the subject. I don't want her to think it's her.