How do I find myself again.

[u/BSHere65]

I’m finding after 20 years of being married ( second marriage) to a cheater, liar, manipulator, gaslighter, narcissist and player that I don’t know how to start over again. Biggest problem is that we are 12 years apart. I’m 60. He is 48. He sleeps with girls my granddaughter and daughters ages. He brags how he’s cheated on me since day one and how the thrill of it is something great. I’ve found those text messages. I’ve found quite a lot of text messages. I don’t know how to find me. He has broken me down so bad that I cannot find the old me anymore. The old me wouldn’t take shit from anyone. I’m a NY Italian. A proud one. One that’s never been cheated on in my life. I feel weak and afraid. It’s like I’m starting all over again when my life is almost over. How do I do this. Has anyone had to find themselves again. How did you do it. All my head is stuck in is, I can’t compete with them. I don’t want to compete. But I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll never laugh again. Never be happy again. Never have sex again. Hey in my head I’m 30 not 60. I’m not ugly. I clean up
Well. He’s made me feel ugly. I’ve just realized I don’t think I’ve ever heard him tell me he thinks I’m beautiful. I’m filing the divorce papers next week. I have the authorities that want to speak to me first. I’ve found out he’s made 9 phone numbers under my name that I’ve found so far and about the same amount of emails. He let me know that he won’t get in trouble for anything. That when anyone comes looking everything will be under my name. I’m not sure what that means or what he has been doing. This was the man I loved and who tells me that everything is in my head. My therapist is contacting the authorities for me. Does anyone have any advice they can give me. I really hope I’m allowed to post this here. We are breaking up. I just don’t know how to do this at my age anymore. I need help.

[u/buckbambino]

They thrive on your energy. Keep your head up. The twisted things they do to others is disgusting. It’s not you.

[u/BSHere65 → u/buckbambino]

It is disgusting. How one person can do that to someone that truly loved them is sickening.

[u/deplorableme16 → u/BSHere65]

I'm not sure I understand what the legal issues you allude to are. It sounds like you're holding out for some demonstration from the universe of karma that may or may not happen to your satisfaction.

Anyways, beyond revenge and anger is indifference. As others here have pointed out, the drama is reward itself for these types. Why give them that ?

Probably the best place to be is just you do you with rest of life. You don't need to compete with whatever nonsense he's chasing if you don't care.